I used to believe that most men had such an immature understanding of the true nature of a marital bond, given the way the media portrays men as whorish and with tunnel vision for making money and little room for much else. Of course, as I grew up and became more exposed to my male peers, I realised how superficial such an opinion was. The interview below was taken by a black American journalist perfectly tells the gains he has made in life brought on by the benefit of being married, which I find beautiful. I also hope that any guy out there reading this who needs to grow emotionally and change their view on marriage is touched in the spirit. I'd like to know your thoughts.

"What the hell was I thinking? I was 31, single, making good money and living in Atlanta, a city that's been described as "happy hunting" for a single guy. I was living the life my grandfather told me to live when I was a small child: "Why get married and try to make one woman happy ... when you can stay single and make them all happy?" Granddad would have been proud.

Lately, though, I've been trying to make one woman happy. One woman. Since 2010, I've woken up to, eaten my meals with, vacationed with, had sex with, done everything with the same one woman.

As my four-year anniversary approached, I started ruminating about my relationship and wondering how we'd made it this far. Of course, four years of marriage isn't a long time, yet some don't even make it to this point, including many of my close friends. And, I'll admit to my own moments of self-doubt about how I'd handle commitment right after the glorious height of my singledom. We hadn’t had any catastrophic issues come up in our marriage, but we had dealt with living in separate cities, career changes, the birth of our daughter, relocation, as well as some other marital challenges that are par for the course.

Thing is, not only is my marriage still intact, it's actually working pretty well, and that made me uncomfortable. You see, I didn't fully understand why my marriage was flourishing, and I feared that if I didn't understand what we were doing right, how would we know what to keep doing?

Well, I think I've figured it out, and my eureka moment came just this week as I was putting together a business email. I asked my wife to review it, and she thought the tone of the email was too aggressive, confrontational and negative. She was right. Her input stopped me from making the mistake of hitting send. That innocuous example is emblematic of our entire relationship. In all I do, I have a partner looking out for me, advising me, keeping me on track and stopping me from making a mistake, no matter how great or small.

Also, I'm still the same guy at my core, but look at what has changed in my life since I got married: My family and I are closer, my individual net worth has gone up every year since we met, I've learned a second language, I'm healthier, I use the n-word less, I listen to Sunday church service more, I'm a better friend, I'm more forgiving than I used to be, I'm more involved in charitable work.

In every way, I'm better off because I'm married. So, for me, a successful marriage has revolved around this principle: I like who I am with her.

My pastor always reminds me: You should get around people who make you say to yourself, "I gotta do better." I married the person who makes me say that to myself everyday. I want her to be proud of me. Her presence is constant motivation. I don't always succeed, but I'm always at least trying to do the right thing or improve, and in doing so, I've become a better son, friend, journalist, citizen and husband.

I, like many other men, thought that I wanted to reach a certain level of success before marriage. You know, make the right amount of money, get the right job, the right car, the right crib, etc., and perhaps "sow the royal oats." Now, I firmly believe the success we seek can come a lot quicker with a partner helping along the way. Believe me, my ego is as big as anyone's, but recognizing my own deficiencies, admitting to myself that I need help and accepting that help have all been critical to our success. We're only on year No. 4, but I shudder to think of the kind of man I might be if I wasn't married these past four years.

To put it another way, she upgraded me. It's not just a matter of "switching my neckties to purple labels," but Beyoncé may have been exactly right that "your dynasty ain't complete without a chief like" Marilee.

http://theybf.com/2015/03/02/news-anchor-tj-holmes-celebrates-his-5th-wedding-anniversary-reveals-why-he-got-married

Very interesting. Front page plsssss...

sooo sweeet

Bre:
I used to believe that most men had such an immature understanding of the true nature of a marital bond, given the way the media portrays men as whorish and with tunnel vision for making money and little room for much else. Of course, as I grew up and became more exposed to my male peers, I realised how superficial such an opinion was. The interview below was taken by a black American journalist perfectly tells the gains he has made in life brought on by the benefit of being married, which I find beautiful. I also hope that any guy out there reading this who needs to grow emotionally and change their view on marriage is touched in the spirit. I'd like to know your thoughts.



http://theybf.com/2015/03/02/news-anchor-tj-holmes-celebrates-his-5th-wedding-anniversary-reveals-why-he-got-married

Awww the guy in this write up is so luckyy ,this is the kind of woman i pray for every day.. You can rarely find such around...

Wow, **motivated**I shall marry next year by God Grace

Woah,I love this..

This is a motivator to move me doing it right this year..

Marital life,here I come.

Such women described in the article are angels on Earth.


Unfortunately,they are rare and difficult to find.

Most women these days are terrible pain in the neck!

Danhumprey:
Such women described in the article are angels on Earth.


Unfortunately,they are rare and difficult to find.

Most women these days are terrible pain in the neck!

Please my dear, stop thinking like that. You will continue to attract such if that's the energy you put out into the universe. Reflect on the words written by this man and begin to walk and live in such a manner, trust me, you will start attracting a whole other batch of women and you'll find yourself spoilt for choice.

Mods, I do believe more men can benefit from this by placing it on front page, abi

CircleOfWilis:
Wow, **motivated**I shall marry next year by God Grace

Yomieluv:
Woah,I love this..
This is a motivator to move me doing it right this year..
Marital life,here I come.

I commend you guys, you like better tins *hi five*

Marriage is really enjoyable with the right partner, you will see yourself growing/getting better in all ramifications..

Danhumprey:
Such women described in the article are angels on Earth.


Unfortunately,they are rare and difficult to find.

Most women these days are terrible pain in the neck!

How do you expect to find a 'good' woman with this mindset??

Besides, as described above marriage is partnership, the woman alone doesn't have to be good, you have to be good tooo!!!

MarvellousGod:
How do you expect to find a 'good' woman with this mindset??

Besides, as described above marriage is partnership, the woman alone doesn't have to be good, you have to be good tooo!!!

Please help me tell him

You attract what you are. People cannot expect to find a great woman without first trying to be a great man for that woman. That's one of the main themes to this article.

Instead of writing articles telling men about the need for emotional growth why not write articles telling people like ou who are not grown up and are unexposed to boot?

You see, the problem was with you all along

You based on your beliefs on what you read and not what you experienced

Bre:
I used to believe that most men had such an immature understanding of the true nature of a marital bond, given the way the media portrays men as whorish and with tunnel vision for making money and little room for much else. Of course, as I grew up and became more exposed to my male peers, I realised how superficial such an opinion was. The interview below was taken by a black American journalist perfectly tells the gains he has made in life brought on by the benefit of being married, which I find beautiful. I also hope that any guy out there reading this who needs to grow emotionally and change their view on marriage is touched in the spirit. I'd like to know your thoughts.



http://theybf.com/2015/03/02/news-anchor-tj-holmes-celebrates-his-5th-wedding-anniversary-reveals-why-he-got-married

Marriage...........so sweet when you're a right person with the right person.




Conduct the same interview for the wife and she would have sweeter things to say about her husband..........so, it's not only about the wife, it's about the two of them.......you know, like attracts like.....like wife, like husband.

pickabeau1:
Instead of writing articles telling men about the need for emotional growth why not write articles telling people like ou who are not grown up and are unexposed to boot?

You see, the problem was with you all along

You based on your beliefs on what you read and not what you experienced

You see, I was woman enough to state my own shortcomings and how I outgrew them to now have a more positive outlook on men and marriage. I said all that to now show that this article further solidifies my belief in a happy matrimonial home and also how that stems from a good man.

For you to only read my comment and not just pick out the negative, but fixate on it and also try to underhandedly insult me shows that you are not ready. I've made up my mind on how positively I now want to view the world, which I believe is the correct way, but you seem really bitter about that. Suit yourself

Great piece. Really heart-warming and encouraging. There was another one yesterday about the 80 year-odd marriage.

The Family section could do with at least one of these a day.

Great stuff!


TV^MIC

Such a lovely piece.

"What the hell was I thinking? I was 31, single, making good money and living in Atlanta, a city that's been described as "happy hunting" for a single guy. I was living the life my grandfather told me to live when I was a small child: "Why get married and try to make one woman happy ... when you can stay single and make them all happy?" Granddad would have been proud.

Four fathers are not always right.

Lately, though, I've been trying to make one woman happy. One woman. Since 2010, I've woken up to, eaten my meals with, vacationed with, had sex with, done everything with the same one woman.

He is trying to make ONE woman happy.

Well, I think I've figured it out, and my eureka moment came just this week as I was putting together a business email. I asked my wife to review it, and she thought the tone of the email was too aggressive, confrontational and negative. She was right. Her input stopped me from making the mistake of hitting send. That innocuous example is emblematic of our entire relationship. In all I do, I have a partner looking out for me, advising me, keeping me on track and stopping me from making a mistake, no matter how great or small.

He listens to his wife. He sees his wife as a partner.

Also, I'm still the same guy at my core, but look at what has changed in my life since I got married: My family and I are closer, my individual net worth has gone up every year since we met, I've learned a second language, I'm healthier, I use the n-word less, I listen to Sunday church service more, I'm a better friend, I'm more forgiving than I used to be, I'm more involved in charitable work.
In every way, I'm better off because I'm married. So, for me, a successful marriage has revolved around this principle: I like who I am with her

.

He is more forgiving.

My pastor always reminds me: You should get around people who make you say to yourself, "I gotta do better." I married the person who makes me say that to myself everyday. I want her to be proud of me. Her presence is constant motivation. I don't always succeed, but I'm always at least trying to do the right thing or improve, and in doing so, I've become a better son, friend, journalist, citizen and husband.

He tries to do things she would be proud of.

I, like many other men, thought that I wanted to reach a certain level of success before marriage. You know, make the right amount of money, get the right job, the right car, the right crib, etc., and perhaps "sow the royal oats." Now, I firmly believe the success we seek can come a lot quicker with a partner helping along the way. Believe me, my ego is as big as anyone's, but recognizing my own deficiencies, admitting to myself that I need help and accepting that help have all been critical to our success. We're only on year No. 4, but I shudder to think of the kind of man I might be if I wasn't married these past four years.

He recognises his own deficiencies.

To put it another way, she upgraded me. It's not just a matter of "switching my neckties to purple labels," but Beyoncé may have been exactly right that "your dynasty ain't complete without a chief like" Marilee.

He recognises her worth.

Bre:


You see, I was woman enough to state my own shortcomings and how I outgrew them to now have a more positive outlook on men and marriage. I said all that to now show that this article further solidifies my belief in a happy matrimonial home and also how that stems from a good man.

Once again.. it flies over your head
You grew up as you professed
Is the message not about growing up and seeing the strong male characters which have always been round about you

For you to only read my comment and not just pick out the negative, but fixate on it and also try to underhandedly insult me shows that you are not ready. I've made up my mind on how positively I now want to view the world, which I believe is the correct way, but you seem really bitter about that. Suit yourself

Boohoo... now its me who is bitter
I only highlighted your own words

I see you have really grown up
Females here are never ready for frank feedback

The men around you did not change
You did

Go figure

pickabeau1:


Once again..

Stay blessed x

The first step to growth is realizing the areas where we were stunted to start with and humility to admit that we are learning everyday.

Kudos to you.

Bre:


You see, I was woman enough to state my own shortcomings and how I outgrew them to now have a more positive outlook on men and marriage. I said all that to now show that this article further solidifies my belief in a happy matrimonial home and also how that stems from a good man.

For you to only read my comment and not just pick out the negative, but fixate on it and also try to underhandedly insult me shows that you are not ready. I've made up my mind on how positively I now want to view the world, which I believe is the correct way, but you seem really bitter about that. Suit yourself

Bre:

Stay blessed x

hmm

This thread is feministic hypergamous bvllshit. He made the right choice of spouse and that's it. Playing the field over the years gave him the skill to pick the right kind of woman. He would readily be praising his grandpa's wisdom had he chosen wrong and was living on credit.

OP is using terms like grow emotionally, mature, immature. Nonsense. Sorry Bre, we aint buying. We can choose to marry or not and that would be a choice made with perfect emotional maturity. And really, why make a woman happy when any man would rather make himself happy?!