Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,195,413 members, 7,958,220 topics. Date: Wednesday, 25 September 2024 at 10:57 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / TV/Movies / Swing And A Miss: American Sniper (1352 Views)
Renovations In Full Swing At Nnamdi Azikiwe Airport, Abuja (Photos) / Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) / Swing And A Miss: Avengers Age Of Ultron (2) (3) (4)
Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 8:28am On Mar 06, 2015 |
narrator[\b] [b]andrew lazaar and peter morgan are sharing a bong andrew lazaar high on reefer *cough* *cough* grrrrr! I want an oscar real baaaaaaaaad! peter morgan high on reefer So why don't you shoot a slave movie like everybody else I hear that's how people get oscars these days quentin tarantino The slave-trend quota in hollywood has been filled buddie go find another lazy concept to board andrew lazaar high on reefer What about a movie about the days of segregation? When white dudes were even bigger jerks to black people david oyelowo Ahem! Oga park well o! peter morgan high on reefer Uh man what can we shooot? andrew lazaar high on reefer Hey how about a movie based of the life of everyones favourite war hero chris kyle? peter morgan high on reefer Chris who now? andrew lazaar high on reefer Chris kyle you know? That dude that killed 255 people in iraq peter morgan high on reefer a serial killer in the most controversial and unjustified military occupation ever been portrayed as a hero? Hells yea let's make that andrew lazaar high on reefer Yea man let get spielberg to direct it, perhaps people might eat this bullsh*t up like they did for private ryan peter morgan high on reefer brilliant steven spielberg Oh you want me to do a war movie? Okay I'll just get my dinosaurs ready andrew lazaar high on reefer No no dinosaurs in iraq steven spielberg Okay then I'll get my shark ready andrew lazaar high on reefer No sharks in this one spielberg steven spielberg What about big belly aliens with enormous heads? andrew lazaar high on reefer No steven spielberg Okay then I bet I'll deceive everyone with an ensemble cast like I did in schindlers list andrew lazaar high on reefer Nope steven spielberg Then what the f*ck do I get to do in this movie? andrew lazaar high on reefer How about you do some real directing this time steven? steven spielberg Real directing? How do they spell that? Sorry doesn't exist in my vocabulary You know what? I'll pass chris nolan Hey I can do it andrew lazaar high on reefer Yea right! When we need a director to give the audience a headache and make an aspirin company a sh*t ton of dollars, we'll give you a call clint eastwood I'll do it, nothing like a super violent movie to give you a good b*ner andrew lazaar high on reefer Okay you are hired so now who do we get as lead actor bradley cooper I'll do it andrew lazaar high on reefer Anyone? bradley cooper Oh pick me pick me oh pick me andrew lazaar high on reefer Mathew McConaughey? mathew McConaughey Haven't recovered from chris nolan's latest headache interstellar andrew lazaar high on reefer Leonardo you up for it? leonardo dicaprio Do I get to curse every 1.5 seconds, drink a lot of booze and sniff a ton of crack and f*ck countless number of hookers while insulting the american currency in this movie? andrew lazaar high on reefer Are you kidding? chris kyle is a broke navy seal who used to be a ranch dude leonardo caprio In that case NO bradley cooper Ahem tobey maguire I'll do it bradley cooper (Waving a tyre iron) what you say? tobey maguire (Scurries off) bradley cooper So we were saying? andrew lazaar high on reefer Dude I'm not going to hire a dude that played a racoon in his last movie bradley cooper I'll pay you for it andrew lazaar high on reefer Why didn't you say so? Free labour no american can refuse that,You're hired! narrator Iraq, its Bradley Cooper's first mission and he is perched on a rooftop, scoping out the path of a US military convoy through his sniper rifle. Yea man my first assignment I'm so excited I get to kill people and not get prosecuted for it this is the life (He sees a man on a rooftop talking on a cell phone) what's this? a generic arab terrorist with permission to kill? My day just got better marine buddie Slow down brad he may just be some arab trey songz singing birthday sex to his girlfriend bradley cooper Yea just happens to be doing that on a rooftop while watching an american military convoy marine buddie Dude we totally blew up their communication towers its a surprise they can even make phone calls right now bradley cooper Well tough t*tty he is arab he is suspicious that's good enough for me..... where the f*ck did he go? damn it my first lost! marine buddie Wo! Check out the booty on that arab chick downstairs walking towards the convoy bradley cooper lekwa! 17,18,19............ oh sh*t she's totally a terrorist and has handed the grenade over to her kid command center If that kid is innocent killing him will hook you up to a lifetime supply of prison r*pe so be careful bradley cooper Oh my God the dilemna I either let my fellow american soldiers die or I kill an innocent kid..........okay you know what screw it I can't even sell suspense on this sh*t the kid is obviously holding a grenade time to burst a cap in his brain Ahem! Just to show everyone that I'm not some kind of sick f*ck who enjoys shooting people in the head,I shall now take you to some sort of disclaimer flashback. To be continued..... 1 Like
|
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 5:43pm On Mar 19, 2015 |
narrator The film cuts to a young bradley hunting with his father in the same tired old forest where hunger games and twilight were shot young bradley cooper *rolling eyes*Yea another cliched sniper background hunting with my douchebag dad story clint eastwood yea! Just like micheal bay f*cked up pearl habour, I just thought I make this movie miss its mark by turning it into a generic superhero/action movie infact I'm gonna rip the sh*t out of enemy at the gates which was a way better movie by the way narrator young bradley Shoots a deer young bradley Hell yea I just shot a f*cking deer in texas animal cruelty is how they know you are a man and accept you in the red neck tribe ben reed oh baby are you hurt? are you okay? young bradley O_o dad I'm standing right here I'm fine ben reed I'm not talking about you I'm talking about your gun why did you just drop it on the ground like that? You shall never have my love or approval now let's head to church for the next few scenes narrator so we see young brad and his family in church with his pocket bible in a failed attempt to make us "root for the bad guy" back at home young brad's born-again father tells a very weird story he ripped off of team america ben reed F*ck what they say in church there are three sets of people in this world the D*cks(america's dissidents), the p*ssies(america's a*ss kissers) and the a*ssholes(america) P*ssies don't like d*cks, because p*ssies get f*cked by d*cks. But d*cks also f*ck a*ssholes: a*ssholes that just want to sh*t on everything. P*ssies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can f*ck an a*sshole is a d*ck, with some balls. The problem with d*cks is: they f*ck too much or f*ck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a p*ssy to show them that. But sometimes, p*ssies can be so full of shit that they become a*ssholes themselves... because p*ssies are an inch and half away from a*ss holes. If you don't let d*cks f*ck a*ssholes, we're going to have our d*cks and p*ssies all covered in sh*t! young bradley and young Keir O'Donnell Ew gross dad Elise Robertson I ought to wash your mouth out with soap honey clint eastwood Plus he totally said the truth about america and the truth ain't pretty so let's re-edit with some bullsh*t line which is just a hardcore way to say with great power comes great responsibility ben reed Ugh! Not that bullsh*t spiderman sorry a*ss speech again c'mon the speech isn't even that bad a*ss okay fine *rolls eyes* There are sheep, wolves and sheepdogs in this world which one are you young bradley a sheep dog? ben reed What ever narrator next young bradley sees his little brother young Keir O'Donnell having his a*ss handed to him young bradley OMG a wolf? doomed bully No I'm just a small time bully I'm not a w...... young bradley WOOOOOLF!!!!(Opens a can of whoopa*ss and viciously beats the bully to sh*t) bradley cooper So spiderman got his inspiration from hunting down an uncle killer, batman got his from league of shadow ninjas and I'm getting mine from kicking a kids a*ss on a play ground? Is this a metaphor for what america does to the middle east and africa? ben reed haha violent loser tendencies that's my boy, just a few racial comments and my boy would become a full blooded texan yeehaw narrator brad grows up to be a violent no count loser( surprise surprise) who rides bulls for a living bradley cooper Oh I'm a typical pre-superhero low life who has no compass for his life, wonder how my life can get any worse (he goes home and finds a guy b*ning his chicks brains out) bradley cooper WOLF?! doomed adulterer no actually she didn't tell me she had a man so she's the wolf skank girlfriend Well you are a douche boyfriend that sex starves me and push me to any dude that buys me a beer so you are the wolf bradley cooper man f*ck this wolf business I need to knucklize someone tonight but I don't hit women( I only shoot'em in the brain) so unlucky dude that's gonna be you narrator bradley kicks the adulterer's a*ss around, then he does it again and kicks him out of his house of course with some knuckle sandwich to take home bradley cooper Oh no I've no idea what to do with my life tv advert Are you a no count loser? bradley cooper Yes tv advert Are you looking for an excuse to murder a f*ckton of people? bradley cooper Like yea tv advert Do you like to fight wars that make no sense? bradley cooper Oh my God I do tv advert then this is your lucky day join the american military today audience Oh my God did you just rip-off that katy perry video where she joined the army because her boyfriend cheated on her clint eastwood Good idea maybe I will rip off the boot-camp montage from the video and rip-off the richard gere/black dude stunt from officer and a gentle man while I'm at it narrator bradley visits a US navy office and talks with the recruiter bradley cooper Ahem so I hear y'all putting up a team of murderers mind if I join your flock? fawgeve ma "corny" country attitude I'm texan and proud you see Navy recruiter Here's a pamphlet for the US SEAL programme you'll be doing some endurance exercises and some swimming bradley cooper Well I aint doing no swimming, we don't do no swimming back in texas so I don't do no swimming I'm texan ya hear? navy recruiter Oh well US navy seals is not for everybody bradley cooper Well I'll be damned I aint everybody I'm a rooting tooting marks red neck cowboy and I'ma cap me some A-rab brains because I love ma country terrible much and that tears me up something fierce partner(spits in trash can) so I'ma do this here navy SEALs programme thank very much navy recruiter reverse psychology works everytime bradley cooper Howdy there! I'm here to join em navy SEAL programme Leonard Roberts The f*ck grandpa don't you think you are a little too late for that? bradley cooper Ha! I'm immune to your insults my douche dad ben reed prepared me for this sh*t ,I'm insult proof narrator then we see bradley getting ready to be the american sniper by lying on some luxury beach with a river washing over him ,carrying logs over a river,getting blasted with a f*cking hose and basically just being around a lot of rivers Leonard Roberts *barking* any of you thirsty bradley cooper Yes sir drill sergeant *barking* okay here you go grandpa(unleashes the whole of kanji dam on bradley's face) bradley cooper *barking* thank you sir may I have another For my alzeimers pills? Leonard Roberts (Over acting) oh my God we have been searching for the harda*ss recruit who is not scared of getting wet oh we don't see people like you around here much #Respect chris evans Seriously even my captain america training was more interesting generic drill sergeant Time for some marksmanship evaluation bradley cooper Yea I shot and killed a deer once like a billion years ago that makes me an expert at this Leonard Roberts Now rule number one keep one eye closed when using a long ranged rifle bradley cooper What about two eyes you might need the other eye to watch the hostile behind you, like a f*cking goat Leonard Roberts You dare challenge my teachings? I shall lose my sh*t over such a mundane issue now drop on the floor and gimme 50 bradley cooper (Proofs his badassery by Shooting an innocent snake) boo yuh! generic drill sergeant[\b] (Muttering) lil mr know it all(walks away) [b]bradley cooper Yee haw I just got into the navy SEAL and humiliated a black man now time to celebrate the way the red necks do it ;HEAD UNTO A BAR TO DRINK AND VOMIT AND PISS MYSELF because.......... Discipline can eat a d*ck narrator bradley heads into a pub where he meets Sienna Miller being a b*tch to every dude that approaches her Somehow this turns him on bradley cooper Howdy you ol cactus flower want me to buy you a drink? Sienna Miller Navy SEAL yuk! I hate them bradley cooper Why because they keep their army wives on their toes and subject them to early single motherhood/widowhood? Sienna Miller No because my sister dated one and he cheated on her bradley cooper Haha funny really what's your reason? Ugh! Really that's it? clint eastwood Ran into a wall there you can edit the script if you like Sienna Miller Anyway I hate navy SEALS and I don't wanna have anything to do with them so now let's do some shots so I can get st*pidly drunk and you can have your way with me bradley cooper well I was gonna roofy you up and date r*pe you, but this plan is a lot better,of course it has to be a cinnamon fire from 2006 even though this movie back dates to 2001 clint eastwood Yea just wanted to add a lil science fiction just to spice things up so time travelling is allowed narrator then sienna miller gets sh*tfaced which kills the vibe and bradley has to cope with every guys nightmare PLAYING DOCTOR OVER BLUE BALLS sienna miller Oh lawd you took care of me when I st*pidly got drunk how romantic definitely a love story I'm gonna tell my kids I wanna be your widow narrator anyway for the sake of progress she hurriedly drops her guard and f*cking marries bradley[/b] sienna miller oh wedding night so amazing bradley cooper[\b] Yea I'm having fun [b]audience we aint US marine well you are in luck america has launched a super meaningless war against iraq and bradley is required to go there to shoot some heads bradley cooper Time to progress with the story after this pointless flashback hoorah! bradley cooper (Back in the present) wow! Fun times she wrote so where was I? (Blows kid's brains out) narrator female suicide bomber picks up the grenade and chases after the military convoy bradley cooper Two-in-one? Sh*t must be my lucky day(blows her head off too) yawn! Time to head back to base To be continued..... 2 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 8:42am On Mar 30, 2015 |
narrator bradley heads back to the base fellow SEAL Congratulations you just killed a woman and a kid from a hidden safe distance like a f*cking coward how do you feel? bradley cooper I feel like killing more kids and women from a safe distance like a coward oh man the rush, that's got to be adrenaline right? Shooting and killing defenseless people from a safe distance fellow SEAL yea either that or a severe case of schizophrenia I mean you are supposed to have no regrets about killing them not relish it and ask for more bradley cooper Whatever man time to head unto the store to get me a sh*t load of diapers for my next montage narrator bradley continues to provide stalking services for marine units who are going door-to-door selling "Oppression and fear cookies" to innocent civilians in an evacuated city marine Hey innocent civilian we swore to protect, how about putting your life at risk by telling us the location of al Qaeda leader named Mido Hamada. innocent civilian Nope I think i'll pass marine Second question are you a terrorist? We are actually racial-profiling arab males of military age as a threat because that sh*t never gets old narrator meanwhile bradley cooper is taking piss and sh*ts on himself bradley cooper ah! Nothing feels better that pee touching my skin, (blows the brain of an iraqi whose only crime was "looking suspicious" 6 arab brains spilled so far , more than other serial killers combined which is deeply disturbing and should be looked into but hey, human right watch can eat a d*ck ,phew! it doesn't get better than this. narrator his wife calls bradley cooper Wow my wife is calling time to give up my position by answering my phone which is supposed to be for official purposes only? Anyway,(answers the phone)Oh right you are still in this movie sienna miller So how is iraq? bradley cooper Oh iraq is super, the roads are paved in kit kats and they give you lollipops just because it's wednesday sienna miller Are you sure? Cause I actually watch the news and that's not what they say bradley cooper Uh!(Changes subject) I heard you are pregnant who is the father? sienna miller You of course, you are a f*cking sharp shooter remember, what the f*ck is wrong with you? bradley cooper nothing just a foreshadowing of the Post traumatic disorder to come, its gonna be EPIC! sienna miller Perhaps I should start unleashing my b*tchiness by whining about building a baby crib which obviously all american men seem to like doing with their nagging pregnant wife and totally don't find an excuse to skip it bradley cooper What's that baby sorry can't hear you I have to leave my totally safe hiding place so you can hear horrifying death squeals and sh*t ton of gun fire narrator bradley joins the marines on the ground marines on ground holy sh*t what are you doing here? Who is watching our a*sses? bradley cooper Uh dude chill out its just a movie, you should be happy the dude from guardians of the galaxy is kicking it with you guys so how about waving guns at innocent civilians and asking questions? narrator[\b] [b]threaten an innocent family at gun point bradley cooper not only am I an excellent sniper, I'm also an expert interrogator now tell me where Mido Hamada is innocent civilian I will tell you where he is but I need 100 000 dollars in exchange bradley cooper a hundred what? What you wanna do with that kind of money? innocent civilian O_o are you kidding me I live in a blown to sh*t fortress don't you think I want a better life? bradley cooper alright I can get you your money, you can trust me I only come from the country that imposed a ruthless dictator on your country and then blew your country to sh*t just to get rid of him narrator bradleys truck is attacked by Sammy Sheik and at the same time alqaeda abducts the innocent civilian and his son bradley cooper *shrugs* oh well we tried to care Mido Hamada (Grabs the innocent civilian and his son) I used my super hearing to find out that you snitched to the americans I learnt this from miami vice this is how to kill snitches(drills and shoots them to death) lemme guess another failed attempt to make bradley look like the good guy right? F*cking hollywood(walks away) narrator[\b] [b]bradley returns home and tries to adjust to normal life sienna miller Dude did you just sh*t your pants bradley cooper Oh my bad I thought I was still in iraq sienna miller Why are you eye-humping that lady across the road bradley cooper Not eye humping just monitoring her to see if she is a terrorist and that stroller is made of a sh*t ton of C4 sienna miller Dude did you just scream TAKE COVER before c*mming during sex bradley cooper My bad I thought we were r*ping a defenseless iraqi woman sienna miller Are you watching a horror flick?! bradley cooper Its just a boot-leg video of how sammy sheiks kills people and records it so he can sell it on the streets sammy sheik Yea because I'm a sick motherf*cker or maybe I'm just killing american soldiers/invaders and I'm selling it on the streets to finance a good cause and give my people hope? anyway this plays out man it doesn't beat your shooting a woman and her child bradley cooper Whatever! To be continued... 2 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 9:18pm On Apr 01, 2015 |
sienna miller *Whine*b*tch*moan* dude you got to lemme in on your war trauma bradley cooper No I can't do this sienna miller Why? Because you don't wanna hurt me? bradley cooper No because this is a super cliched movie with super cliched melo-drama come on we see this in cop movies, war movies even super hero movies when will hollywood change this sh*t? clint eastwood hey if it ain't broke don't fix it narrator next we see bradley lying to an obsterician obsterician So how are you doing brad? bradley cooper I'm good you know what I mean?(Nose sprouts like pinnochio) obsterician Really? But your blood pressure is as high as a f*cking kite, you hardly sleep and you just flipped out on your wife about how everyone doesn't give a sh*t about the war in iraq bradley cooper I'm fine(more nose sprout) sienna miller Can I get into your head now? bradley cooper oh my Gosh! NO! Jeez why is everyone on my sh*t all the time? You wanna get into something how about going into labor sienna miller *rolling eyes* fine narrator sienna gives birth to a baby boy bradley cooper Seriously? A plastic baby? Come on are we that cheap that we can't at least make a CGI baby or just get a random kid from the street damn!(Scurries off to iraq) narrator bradley "coincidentally"bumps into his brother who is on his way home bradley cooper Hey bro what's up? Keir O'Donnell *scowls* children,sand, sandals,hijab bradley cooper Wow two crazy kids I bet our parents must be really proud of us Keir O'Donnell Man f*ck america chris kyle what you say?! Keir O'Donnell Er f*ck this country. I meant to say narrator so bradley coopers earlier convoy protector plot has been successfully abandoned and now he leads a team of stereotypical buddie-buddie soldiers mark I regret this war bradley cooper Well we are defending our families who are a million miles apart by making them fatherless hence going through a life of pain and bad decisions which will eventually kill them anyway mark Yea that's right*slaps his face* snap out of it let's go bully another innocent family hoorah! narrator they burst into another family home to once again threaten their lives into giving information about mido hamada bradley cooper where is mido hamada? where the f*ck is he? I heard he is in the building next door? NOT terrorist Uh if you actually know his location then what are you shaking me up for? bradley cooper Sorry about that man I'm just hungry NOT terrorist Wait a minute! You guys burst in here for a free meal? bradley cooper Yep our big-mac budget has been spent on another f*cking hellicarrier we don't need NOT terrorist Hey its a holiday why don't you join me and my family for dinner in our terrorist safe house surely that's a good idea bradley cooper An even better idea that you didn't poison our food or spike our drinks NOT terrorist loooool! You are so funny(taps son exposing his really gross elbows) bradley cooper (Thinking :Hmmmn super-gross elbows must mean he is a terrorist) ahem! Excuse me take the typical hollywood movie excuse"can I use your restroom" which is a code for can I search the f*ck out of your house NOT terrorist Ok just be sure not to check over the hidden compartment on the floor that says "don't look in this room" narrator bradley searches the house bradley cooper Yeah f*ck you amnesty global(finds gun compartment) jackpot narrator bradley approaches the host bradley cooper So mr. Host I just found a bunch of guns under your house. NOT terrorist That's not mine you guys planted it there bradley cooper Planting evidence? Nah! That's FBI sh*t we Navy SEALS just shoot suspicious looking people and barf on their corpse NOT terrorist Ugh dammit! You got me so I guess you are going to........... narrator force their host to get into the building under surveillance the best way the SEALS no how to AT GUNPOINT a dude opens the door to bradley's host Bradley cooper ding dong motherf*cker(blasts the door opener's head without finding out if he is a hostage, a friendly or a dude undercover/duress) NOT terrorist grrrr! You just shot my brother now I shall try to shoot soldiers I can't see because I have saw dust for brains(he does so and gets shot) mada hamido Yaaaaaawn!(Escapes) To be continued....... 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 10:53am On Apr 11, 2015 |
mido hamido Muahahahahahahaha bradley cooper we shall meet again(zooms off in his iraqi get away mobile) bradley cooper Damn it he has escaped again,i've failed again, democracy has been delayed,the iraqi people will no longer be liberated, i've looked at the enemy in the mirror and its me i've......(Looks at watch) oops tour is over have fun getting your heads blown by sammy sheik narrator back in america bradley and his son are chilling at an auto shop when a young marine dude shows up young marine Hey you saved my life i'm eternally grateful bradley cooper *scowls* young marine Hey kid your dad is a hero american bullies in iraq are safer thanks to him. bradley cooper What an irony cause i look like i'm few inches away from freaking out and murdering my family kandahar style young marine Don't worry my friend there's light at the end of the tunnel for behold the SPOILER: you shall cure your post traumatic stress by working in a VA clinic till then see ya narrator bradley is still trying to adjust to america's p*ssy lifestyle bradley cooper WTF where's my shot gun why did you scream so loud honey? And why am i n*ked? sienna miller Dude i just had an orgasm c'mon we were just having sex bradley cooper Oh my bad its just that loud sounds scare me sienna miller So you wanna tell me what happens in iraq? bradley cooper You wanna f*ck yourself with a cast iron? sienna miller *rolls eyes* you know what i don't understand is how soldiers still have post traumatic stress disorder till now? Its been over 40 years since vietnam they have created remote controlled airplanes but they can't create a drug or facility to prevent/cure post traumatic stress? bradley cooper would you just drop it? is that all you do in this movie? sienna miller Yea nag you about the war and give birth to plastic kids so lets skip to the nursery already narrator sienna miller gives birth to a girl and for some reason they allowed a Psychotic navy seal into the infant nursery because "them no like themselve" for yankee bradley cooper Oh my kid is crying i can see the nurse taking care of another kid but i shall lose my sh*t anyway and freak out on the nurse because TAKE ME TO A HOSPITAL ALREADY sienna miller you are cheating on me with iraq you are f*cking it and tearing it up while i stay at home and build memories alone with the kids bradley cooper I'm so not cheating on you(phone rings) er i got to go sienna miller Iraq again? bradley cooper Ira who?(Walks away to go f*ck iraq some more) narrator back in iraq Jake McDorman and bradley are having some team bonding time Jake McDorman I just bought a cheap a*ss ring to propose to my girlfriend bradley cooper Shut up Jake McDorman What?! bradley cooper Haven't you read the hollywood cliche book? Chapter 25verse 13-14 "you can survive any battle in a war till you start talking about your girlfriend back home" Jake McDorman Really? So if i say i'm gonna propose at the airbase? bradley cooper Dude shut up Jake McDorman What if i told you i've got a mortgage and we are gonna live happily ever after?[/b] bradley cooper Oh for f*ck sake(walks away) sammy sheik my terrorist senses just picked up a happy american there is nothing i hate more than a happy american(shoots Jake McDorman in the f*cking face) Jake McDorman Oh that's what you were talking about(collapses) To be continued..... |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by friendlyadvice: 1:27pm On Apr 11, 2015 |
Looool guy why don't you do for nollywood |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 10:02pm On May 06, 2015 |
Luke Grimes Grrrrr! Sheik shot my friend? Oh its on now i shall water board him with his beard i shall negotiate some bullets into his head i shall grind his bones to make my bread hey that kind of rhymed sammy sheik Yawn!(Kills luke by sneezing on him) bradley cooper Oh come one(scurries off to America like a b*tch) narrator bradley is still freaking his family the f*ck out bradley cooper freak out.... freak out.... Freak the freak out sienna miller Is it time to open up to me about the war? bradley cooper Hey look over there an iraqi rebel(jumps out of window) narrator bradley goes to visit his friend Jake McDorman who was shot in the face earlier bradley cooper Hey buddie how is it going? Jake McDorman did i tell you i got my girlfriend a ring from zale and we are going to live happily ever after in Bermuda? bradley cooper dude! Did you learn NOTHING from last time? Jake McDorman What? Its not like sammy is here to kill me anasthaesia i'll finish sammy's job for him sammy sheik thank you brother i owe you one narrator bradley is still being a d*ck to his family sienna miller you're cheating on me with iraq i know it bradley cooper No i'm not sienna miller Yes you are you f*ck with iraq at evey chance you get while i'm just here flying solo bradley cooper Honey i promise i'm not holy sh*t! I just realized iraq is a lot more attractive and exciting than you, she's got a bigger BASE she's got BOMBS and she allows me to f*ck her anytime and anyway gosh i love iraq sienna miller I hate it when men cheat its a common hatred in our family bradley cooper (eye humping Iraq) sienna miller fine go to iraq see if i care and just so u know u're coming back to an empty home when you return bradley cooper (Making bradley loves Iraq lockets) *snaps*sure thing honey i'll take out the trash narrator bradley and his team have recovered the original movie plotline as bradley is once more providing stalking services to the US marine, some dude charges with a grenade launcher and bradley shoots him in the head bradley cooper *rolling eyes* to think they should've learnt by now narrator a little kid picks up the weapon bradley cooper What's this? a child to kill? Man you don't get them like this anymore audience What's this comic relief? The grenade launcher is obviously too heavy for the kid to carry and you are still gonna shoot him anyway? bradley cooper He is arab he is guilty now shut up while i take another hit on a kid from a safe distance narrator arab kid drops the grenade launcher and bolts bradley cooper Oh barnacles you see what you did? made me miss that kill micheal buffer On the red corner with a countless kill of american soldiers from a thousand yards and an olympic gold in sharp shooting not to mention making brad his b*tch three times already give it up for sammy sheik the Iraqi sniper And On the blue corner having a total kill of 255 people including women and children,he is a lousy husband and a scary as f*ck father its bradley cooper the america sniper Llllllllllllllllllllet's get ready to rumbllllllllllllllllle narrator bradley and his team take their positions bradley cooper Mango orange what's your 10? Purple pineapple watch your 12'0'clock yeah i guess just saying a couple of rubbish makes my role as a navy seal believable narrator sammy sheik is in early lead as he pins down bradley with sniper gun fire bradley cooper oh come on gimme a break i just got here! narrator now the navy seals are getting on the offensive as they seem to have pinned down sammy sheik bradley cooper i'm gonna twist your sh*t up mr sammy sheik hoorah! narrator but sammy sheik give them maradona as he starts shooting from another angle sammy sheik peek-a-boo motherf*ckers! hey why do i suck all of a sudden? i mean i've been shooting since and i haven't hit a thing bradley cooper Uh i think i just spotted sam brad's unit From 2000 yards with a gang full of arabs downstairs you're kidding right? Please stand down our p*ssy wagon is on its way and we'll rather not wake up murdered at the end of this tour bradley cooper S-T-A-N-D-D-O-W-N spells take him out ok sammy sheik From 2000 yards? yeah right when you aren't some kind of james mcavoy from wanted bullet eat lead you Arab dead shot sammy sheik Ooooooooooooooouch! Really? For the love of God its a biographic movie how am i getting killed from over 2000yards? Can bullets even travel that far? clint eastwood you underestimate the power of hollywood's desperation to make a buck syndrome sammy sheik Erk!(Dies) bradley cooper Yes yes yes yeeeeeeees! *singing* we are the champions my friends and we will keep on fighting till the end oh sh*t i forgot about the insurgents down stairs, quick let's take cover under this sand storm that should protect us, wow this sure is the best time to call my wife sienna miller Hello? bradley cooper *singing* i'm coming home coming home tell the world that i'm coming home let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday(gets shot in the back and is abandoned by his b*tch made team) oh come one really?! This was supposed to be my moment narrator with a mortal bullet wound, dehydration and poor health conditions, bradley dies in iraq bradley cooper psyche! My p*ssy wagon actually did stop for me and the iraqi insurgents were nice enough to go blind on the whole thing To be continued...... |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by forreelinc(m): 10:09pm On May 06, 2015 |
friendlyadvice: U wan blow op head ni? Naija film wey go get up till part 10 op go just frustrate |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 10:14pm On May 06, 2015 |
friendlyadvice: yay! It's good to be back to on nairaland Them wan use work kill person no time to slouch back on the lazy boy and type my swing misses i don even forget say na american sniper i still dey do |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by Csami(m): 12:24am On May 07, 2015 |
Funny as usual 3 Likes |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 5:17am On May 07, 2015 |
Csami: Sup?! How life? |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by brothers(m): 5:35am On May 07, 2015 |
Csami: Why you dey whine the guy |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by kobosmart(m): 6:23am On May 07, 2015 |
I liked the movie though bradley cooper killed it |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 7:50am On May 07, 2015 |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by Csami(m): 8:51pm On May 07, 2015 |
severee: Life just dey, which movie be next? |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by Csami(m): 8:52pm On May 07, 2015 |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 12:14am On May 08, 2015 |
Csami: looking forward to the flow of blockbusters this year -avengers -dawn of justice -spectre -hitman -antman Na that time i go reload ammo cos i know say hollywood is ever ready to dissapoint |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by TosinAji: 12:19am On May 08, 2015 |
severee: Abeg guy go sleep this guy is so misleading i watched gone girl and it was super awesome and u just made it look like shit i even thought it was a comedy na wa o i no go dey answer u again sef |
Re: Swing And A Miss: American Sniper by severee(m): 7:09am On May 08, 2015 |
narrator the coopers hold a family barbecue because yea we should celebrate the return of a crazy person in the house rather than take him to a hospital sienna miller Hey bradley wanna join the party? bradley cooper No thanks my favourite tv show is on sienna miller dude the tv is off bradley cooper Shhh! I'm trying to watch, this show is a real knee slapper sienna miller seriously? we are stealing jokes from no other than patrick star blank tv gag from spongebob?man i guess clint eastwood thought of everything narrator bradley sights a dog playing with a kid in a d*ck way and loses his sh*t bradley cooper (Zooms in face) WOLF? doomed dog Hey take it easy brad i'm just a do...... bradley cooper WOOOOOOOOLF!!!!!!!! narrator bradley takes off his belt and prepares to r*pe the dog or something when sienna shows up and scream in horror because in hollywood movies that solves eeeeeeeeeverything dog F*ck how many "wolves" does he have to r*pe before you consider taking this nutcase to a hospital? narrator bradley FINALLY sees a doctor doctor Congratulations son you've have broken the record of mass murder you are now ahead of charles manson and hannibal lecter bradley cooper Yea i kinda have wikkipedia for that. you are a doctor so be a doctor doctor Well said so.......*smack* why have you been freaking out on your family? Come on talk to daddy bradley cooper I'm mad that i couldn't save more american lives that's right people if you were expecting a heart felt apology from america for blowing iraq to sh*t and killing a f*ckton of iraqis You can officially go f*ck yourself doctor I see well why don't you surround yourself with crippled soldiers and their sob stories perhaps when you are filled with so much depression and regret, you'll feel better in no time bradley cooper Really? Cool narrator bradley takes the soldiers on a field trip to a shooting range because they are totally pre-schoolers pathetic soldier Oh my sh*t i hit a target standing still wow i feel like a man just look at my huge b*ner narrator Brad has anticlimatically cured his post traumatic stress and he is now a good and boring father bradley cooper hey son you ready to go hunt and kill innocent animals? Yea animal cruelty is a family legacy you pass from generation to generation sienna miller i'm proud of you for getting yourself and making us a generic hollywood happy family bradley cooper Yea that's me hollywood flounders Hey some marine nut cases mom gave me a call to help her son do Come to think of it i don't know what i'm doing for this kid sienna miller WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH NO ONE VISITING A HOSPITAL IN THIS MOVIE? narrator bradley cooper meets with a dude who looks like he is tripping balls bradley cooper Goodbye honey my offscreen death awaits sienna miller What? bradley cooper I mean i won't be late i will be back soon to ride unto the sunset with you and live happily ever after O f*ck why did i say that i'm going to die for real aint i? audience hmm the exact way abraham licoln vampire slayer ended? Way to go clint clint eastwood narrator bradley is killed offscreen by a nut case isn't that an irony? Anyway americans mourn while its a f*cking party in iraq i guess the movie had a happy ending End 1 Like |
(1) (Reply)
The Best TV Dramas Of 2015. / Top Movies That Killed It In The 80s And 90s (Pics). / Latest Nollywood Movies - Sex Action
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 144 |