Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 2,755,097 members, 6,545,015 topics. Date: Tuesday, 19 October 2021 at 05:53 AM

Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) - TV/Movies - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / TV/Movies / Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) (5577 Views)

Renovations In Full Swing At Nnamdi Azikiwe Airport, Abuja (Photos) / DC Universe Vs Marvel : Superman Vs Vision (who Will Win) / Swing And A Miss: Captain America(civil War) (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (Reply) (Go Down)

Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 8:15am On Apr 22, 2016
DC executives
marvel is totally sh*tting on DC comics with their cinematic universe idea which they had in the oven for over 4 years so we shall compete with our own extensive universe(no kidding we are calling it the DC extensive universe) which is barely a minute old
DC president
Hmmmmm I see this is a st*pid brilliant idea and will never ever come around to bite us in the a*ss especially when tons of characters in our "extensive universe" have tv shows or at least have appeared in some and are played by like 8 differenet actors who look nothing alike, so what buns do we have in the oven?
DC executives
Well we have superman v batman series, the alternate universe series,the villain wars series justice league and the suicide squad cool
DC president
*snaps out of sleep* wow even hearing that alone makes me bored but lucky for you I wanna make a billion dollars so f*cking bad so you've got the green light our secret weapon to make our movies more superior will be a black comedy theme,snatch half of MCUs staff to throw marvel off their game, MONEY and RUSHED EDITING, marvel will not know what hit them grin
narrator
A movie called Batman V superman starts with a few seconds of violent clubbering between batman and superman(duh) before it backdates to how their feud began
zack snyder
grintongue psyche! I'm gonna kick off this movie with an origin story of how bruce waynes parents were murdered and how he became the batman
audience
Ugh! We've seen that a billion times already
zack snyder
grin no but you haven't seen it this way before
narrator
jeffrey morgan and lauren cohen are shot right in front of young bruce waynes eyes in slooooooooooooow mooooooooooooo then ben affleck is playing narrator but falls asleep and forgets about it, then we see young peter quill young bruce wayne after the death of his parents racing about the hospital cemetary then he is zapped into a space craftfalls into a hole filled with space pirates bats which turns him into the...........starlord Batman
[b]zack snyder

cool So........... What do y'all think?
audience
Zzzzzzzzzzzz!
zack snyder
angry Prick
narrator
next we see ben affleck in a tv commercial for jeep suvs
ben affleck
Wait what? No this isn't an ad for suvs this is the climax of man of steel from my perspective(calls an old dude who we don't know)
old dude we don't know
Hey ben so I was thinking can we like leave work early on account of metropolis being invaded by freaking aliens
ben affleck
Yea sure, this is a way better excuse than what you gave last time
old dude we don't know
Alright everyone rather waiting for firefighters or national guards to take us to safety, let's run around like crazy people and get crushed just because ben says it's ok, as for me I'll dramatically say a last prayer before I di......(Gets dubstepped to death)
audience
All outta f*cks to give dude I'm sorry
narrator
meanwhile ben is going all danger dash on us when his office building collapses and totally sprays dust everywhere except on ben affleck cos he's too sexy for that, he spots one of his workers
scoot mcnairy
Wait a minute how did I get here? Did I fall out of the building? Or did a wall just conveniently fall on my legs during a freaking skyscrapper collapse? Oh shit now I can't move my crushed legs which don't have blood on them for some reason Oh! Ben I bet henry did this to me because of that st*pid sex offenders list I told you I DIDN'T R*PE ROSAMUND PIKE back me up on that ben
ben affleck
Uh dude you know this is not gone girl right?
scoot mcnairy
Wait so you mean henry threw a wall on my legs for no reason? Oh f*ck I hate that dude I hate him so much
ben affleck
Oh shut up you whiny little sh*t or I ma call liam neeson on your a*ss again
scoot mcnairy
Right that movie did happen, damn I'm playing the same whiny geeky character again what's with hollywood giving me this sh*tty roles man my agent is so fired hey ben ben where you going?
narrator
ben saves a little girl from becoming picasso on cement art
ben affleck
Wohoo! I saved someone......... sad oh wait maybe I shoulda asked if she still has parents to know if the save is worth it
little girl
Or maybe you shoulda dressed up in your bat costume and bring along a batman rescue people mobile work more efficiently
ben affleck
Hmmmm food for thought
little girl
And maybe you should test to see if I'm some freakish alien or mutant cos I just survived a skyscrapper collapse
without a scratch or going deaf
ben affleck
Na that's comic book logic that doesn't count
little girl
And maybe you shoulda prepared for this invasion especially since a UFO was found somewhere in alaska for Godsake micheal shannon gave the world 24 hours before flipping out on us it's so weird you existed in this universe when this sh*t went down but you totally sat on your hands and shouldn't you be rescuing other people?
ben affleck
angry alright lil lady I think you need a hug.........yay! Front row seat to watch henry beat the snot outta micheal shannon gosh I knew I should have brought some pop corn
henry cavill
oh pardon me metropolis nothing to see here just pounding the snot outta gen micheal here(crashes into another building)
insurance companies
angry Hey c'mon dude not cool
donald trump
Wohooo! Y'all should attack buildings more often grin
david s goyer
So from here
-henry is arrested and imprisoned by the A.R.G.U.S
- the teraforming causes radiation which increases the metropolis attacks casualty rate one of whom is jason todd or terry mcginnis whose dear to bruce which sends bruce over the edge
- A.R.G.U.S studies on kryptonian technology inadvertently releases braniac who hacks their systems and finds a way to communicate with henry in prison
- braniac turns henry against earth to save his race
- ben affleck goes darker and does the unexpected by teaming up with lex to destroy henry
- at the climax it all falls apart henry is "killed" by a severly injured ben whose too weak to escape police enroute
- and A.R.G.U.S discovers bread crumbs leading to atlantis just before the screen goes black
zack snyder
Hmmm good idea definitely different from the others
david s goyer
Yea I guess I put a lot of thought into it
zack snyder
angry you did WHAT!!! How many times do I have to tell you the number one rule of hollywood
david s goyer
*sigh* be lazy and prosper
zack snyder
Exactly now do it all over again but this time hire the 5 year old kid that writes power ranger scripts to help you out moneys not a problem
david s goyer
Very well sir
narrator
so........the movie throws it's goodwill in the trash and forgets all about the 'henry owning up to the destruction of metropolis' story, it's been 18 months and somehwere in nairomi africa(man just say somalia) daily planet reporter amy adams is trying to the relevant in an overcrammed movie interviewing an african warlord for her news story called Africa and how Hollywood sh*ts on it
amy adams
Okay first question, why are there heavily armed mercenaries surrounding you?do you need such expertise to terrorize defenseless villagers?

african terrorist
Perhaps I should look into that but I'm way too excited grin Yay! I love superman comics and my favourite characters are lois lane and her clumsy intern/photographer jimmy olsen grin
micheal cassidy
Well this jimmy olsen happens to be a gritty CIA agent who sneaked in a tracking device in my camera grin yea fool proof plan
african terrorist
Wow really? YOU'VE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!!! (Shoots jimmy in the face)
callan mulvey
The moment we've all be waiting for after all these years of pretending to be friends with you guys has come now let's carelessly kill our customers in iron man 1 style
terrorists
What why?
callan mulvey
So we can terrorize the villagers
terrorists
Can't y'all just stroll over there and murder a f*ckton of people? We won't mind
callan mulvey
Well we also need to frame henry and make it look like he killed those people
To make him look bad so the world hates him and then lex luthor can kill him

terrorists
Why not just skip to killing henry I mean it's not like you need the worlds permission before you do that
callan mulvey
angry You know what? Shut up(murders everyone and leads a raid on a nearby village)
zack snyder
and to make sure the audience feel the carnage and sorrow, we shall show absolutely non of the raid so the audience are confused for half the movie sad
narrator
meanwhile, amy is in a hut with african terrorist whose keeping her alive for no reason
amy adams
So........ Do you still wanna continue the interview?
african terrorist
angry F*ck no b*tch
amy adams
cry Oh God you're gonna r*pe me aren't you? oh please don't r*pe me....... hmmm maybe it was a bad idea to send a pretty red head to interview a savage and unpredictable terrorist grin note to aljazeera's sexy arab journalists
african terrorist
undecided er I don't wanna r*pe you either since you're henry's girlfriend and I suppose he will be hitting that so I don't think I'm gonna like what I see down there I'm surprised you can still walk straight
amy adams
So what's going on?
african terrorist
I don't know I guess this what bad guys do right?Oh sh*t did I just say henry is your boyfriend?
henry cavill
(Crashes through roof) coolangry I don show
african terrorist
Hey how did you find me?
henry cavill
I heard amys cry over a thousand miles away
african terrorist
And you didn't hear me terrorize the villages in this country or shoot micheal cassidy in the freaking face? Real classy henry I guess the world is right to hate you
henry cavill
Come to think of it how does this my hearing thing work? Since i basically hear the whole world don't I get headaches or something? How do I even think straight?
amy adams
Hey ladies out there what do you do when you have an all powerful and yet violent boyfriend? You encourage him to be more violent so that one day he gets outta control and tosses you from a f*cking window watch and learn hey babe I want you to kill african terrorist while I watch *licks lips*
henry cavill
Oh sh*t I got a b*ner(takes african terrorist dude to another continent with his d*ck)
amy adams
Oh you bad bad boy *sizzles* oh wait my colleague just died have to look sad and shocked but NOT take a leave of absence from work.........ugh henry is such a jerk how do I get home now?
To be continued.........

2 Likes

Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Nobody: 8:38am On Apr 22, 2016
LOL. More please!!
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Eapps(f): 9:04am On Apr 22, 2016
bataderemi:
LOL. More please!!

((In charlie rose voice)) is it really surprising that a movie about two of the most popular heroes in the world directed by zack snyder could be the one of the most awful movies of 2016?

1 Like

Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by brothers(m): 9:56am On Apr 22, 2016
Ode I still dey wait for your own film o

1 Like

Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by armadeo(m): 7:34pm On Apr 22, 2016
Still haven't seen this movie. Am gonna wait for a clear HD download less than 1gb or dstv. No cinema for this movie as critics have murdered it.


All in all its not on my wish list.

Snape ? Hope that's where you got the moniker. Once again very good analysis and possible destruction of an epic movie

How I wish Zack would read this.
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by ElCount: 8:30pm On Apr 22, 2016
@Severee as much as this is funny, I have to admit its the truth that movie sucks with the wonder woman exception waiting to see what you have to say about Gal Gadot
Imagine superman gets the beating of his life from just about everyone and eventually dies even after visiting the sun.

1 Like

Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 11:05pm On Apr 23, 2016
@armadeo @elcount
My brodas na so we see am o DC don do am again,marvel will be laffing their heads off by now at least it's better than green lantern sha
As for wonder woman well her appearance seemed forced and she had little to no impact on the story, the only good thing about this movie is the cinematography and the scores everything else......... 0
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Johneyhaz: 12:50am On Apr 24, 2016
I have forgotten where i heard this..."its like batman vs superman, everybody hate it but they still saw it" grin

I saw the thriller of captain America (civil war) it looks cool..i dey expect
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by ElCount: 5:51pm On Apr 24, 2016
severee:
@armadeo @elcount
My brodas na so we see am o DC don do am again,marvel will be laffing their heads off by now at least it's better than green lantern sha
As for wonder woman well her appearance seemed forced and she had little to no impact on the story, the only good thing about this movie is the cinematography and the scores everything else......... 0
Am telling you Marvel will really love this, after all the hype about the movie. Like seriously Superman for example had no business dying in that movie, Wonder woman was already beating the crap outta doomsday and it was only a matter of time b4 she cuts his head off and kicks it back to krypton until superman decided to commit suicide for no reason. (The directors already tried killing him twice already first with Batman then with a Nuke but failed)
I really don't get that movie. For me wonder womans appearance was to advertise the wonder womans movie so now they hv our attention hope they won't screw it up

1 Like

Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 4:16am On Apr 26, 2016
narrator
next we see holly hunter a US senator on the balls bursting committee called "the henry cavill balls bursting committee" meet with jesse eisenberg whose playing...........
jesse eisenberg
cool Lex f*cking luthor babe, we are just trying to keep up with the DC tradition of picking the wrong people for the wrong parts you know.......... halleberry as catwoman,arnold swarchzenegger as mr freeze ,george clooney as batman hell they almost casted one of the wayan bros as robin and nicholas cage as superman one time pfffft! DC amirite? wink............I can sense your disappointment already but don't worry I shall not let you down *disney cartoon villain + pretensious shakespeare mode activated* thou art welcome to thy villain fortress of thy movie, gods falleth from heaven and demons falleth from thy skies as well
zack snyder
cool Yea people........ feel the depth and art of this movie
audience
Zzzzzzzzzz!
holly hunter
So you called me to your home this better be good
jesse eisenberg
I've have noticed that thou hateth thy henry cavill and feareth for thy safety of earth so through plot holes of thy hollywood I've foundeth that kryptonite be thy cavills weakness and can be used as a deterrent for he and thy meta human clan out there and all I need is ye permission to importeth thy kryptonite which hath magically appeared in india because..........plot holes
holly hunter
*long sigh*
angry
1. Shouldn't you be submitting your research to the government for oversight especially as it concerns national freaking security and
2. Couldn't you tell me all these over the phone?
jesse eisenberg
Hmmmm *flips through shakespeare novel* ahem! Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love............... And scene
audience
sad I'm sooooooo getting a refund
zack snyder
*clapping* cry oh God this is definitely what comic book movie fans have been asking for; cartoonish dudes with a bad wig that quotes shakespeare
narrator
next we are introduced to ben afflecks version of the batman
ben affleck
grin hi guys remember how christopher nolan was ashamed of batman comics and decided to change EVERYTHING about it, even his freaking name? Well we are defying bat traditions again simply out of laziness
- Apparently now I'm no longer squimish about guns anymore infact all my gadgets look like guns and my car shoots people
- I don't kill people but I skillfully outsource the killing of criminals to violent prisoners I call it the bat branding grin pretty cool huh?

- I still suck at being the worlds greatest detective
- and oh now I see visions apparently who would have thought?
so now that I've run that by you people let's do the usual batman scenes that we see in every batman movie,usual scene one;I scare the sh*t outta policemen and make them talk about me like they are talking about an urban legend or something(tricks a policeman into almost blowing his partners head off). angry damn it! That would have made my night
jeremy irons
Hey master ben so I borrowed a metal suit from tony stark and I'm mending it into a bat exo-skeleton you know...... just incase you battle a powerful alien at the end of this movie and I've also worked on your voice modulator so you don't sound awful like christian bales batman I don't get it what's all the hype with batmans voice? Can't her just speak normally?
ben affleck
sad isn't that the luscious job?
jeremy irons
Yep?
ben affleck
And I just looked up imdb and it says you are playing alfred whose is supposed to be fixing me some dinner, angry holy sh*t I'm as hungry as a motherf*cker right now.........anyway I visited a prostitute warehouse and questioned a dude who works for callan mulvey aka the kgbeast and he laughed his head off cause he didn't know KGBeast was in this movie till he looked it up on wikkipedia so I got pissed branded him out of annoyance
jeremy irons
undecided yea I guess in an overcrammed ambitious movie like this callan is just gonna be another unnamed thug just like dead shot in dark knight rises....... And come to think of it isn't he a gun for hire?
ben affleck
Yea? And he is sneaking a dirty bomb into gotham(nose sprouts like pinnochio)
jeremy iron
Well why don't you buy the dirty bomb from him and save yourself the trouble or notify CTU so they can interrogate his a*ss or beef up security at the docks or something problem solved
ben affleck
angry f*ck you man we need to stretch this mystery over 2hours and 30minutes okay? Now if you excuse me I have to totally turn this movie into a james bond flick
narrator
back in metropolis amy adams is taking a bath while thinking about the lives lost in nairomi(man just say somalia)
henry cavill
Hey why the frowny face my love?
amy adams
They said you killed those people in africa
henry cavill
Babe I don't give a f*ck about what happened in metropolis or nairomi(man just say somalia) I don't give a f*ck about the widows I've created or about the billions of dollars in property damage all I care about is shoving my man of steel up in your lois lane
amy adams
grin oh sex! yep that's definitely how to help someone who had a traumatic experience
zack snyder
Ok so we have to give amy adams something to do even though it leads to nothing in the movie.........oh I know why don't you go investigate the bullet in your diary that's definitely something the audience want to see
narrator
at the daily planet henry cavill an intern without university education has suddenly being bumped up to news column writer even though he sucks at his job and is hardly at the office
laurence fishburn
angry hey henry you are terrible at your job
henry cavill
Look at whose talking, you just allowed an unguarded amy adams (who almost died a few scenes ago) to go interrogate the US army about supplying weapons and ammunition to african terrorists
laurence fishburn
Well if you don't have a bunch of assassins hunting your a*ss or a gang of lawyers suing you for libel or whatever then you ain't doing it right, so what's your excuse why are you writing about ben whose in gotham?
henry cavill
Because he is dangerous?
laurence fishburn
Only to criminals
henry cavill
But he's trampling on the rights of the citizens
laurence fishburn
Well when you choose the life of crime, you actually lose your rights and privileges don't you agree?
henry cavill
And people are living in fear
laurence fishburn
grin Yea I suppose that's why they shine the bat signal in the sky besides no one lives in gotham as you've seen so far
henry cavill
Yea seriously, extras department what's the deal with empty gotham?
I hope this isn't because an epic fight is gonna take place there and they don't want audience b*tching about endagering peoples lives and sh*t
laurence fishburn
You know what's weird though? you're superman you can hear all the distress of the world and resolve them all at the same time within the fraction of a second without even breaking a sweat
Which kills two birds with a stone, 1 being that you get the front seat view to a ton of stories and 2 being that it may change the worlds opinion about you so why chase ben?
henry cavill
Er Super who now?
laurence fishburn
Wait I'm supposed to not know you are superman simply because of your geeky glasses and nothing else? for godsakes dude you are both the same height, same build,same hair and eye color and you both make out with amy adams
henry cavill
O_o I have no idea what you are talking about I'm just a small town boy from smallville and that's why I sound like a brit faking an american accent and nothing like the farm boy I claim to be(nose sprouts like pinnochio)
laurence fishburn
Anyway stop with the ben affleck stories from now on you cover sports that's why you shall attend a non sports function hosted by non sports person jesse eisenberg that surprise surprise has ben affleck in it grin see ya!

To be continued......

1 Like

Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Nobody: 6:29pm On Apr 26, 2016
LMAO!! Only d 1st line got me cracking up. U just know this. is. gonna. be. GOOD.
Take it away severee!!


Still haven't seen this one
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 6:39am On Apr 27, 2016
shockwave91:
LMAO!! Only d 1st line got me cracking up. U just know this. is. gonna. be. GOOD.
Take it away severee!!


Still haven't seen this one

You haven't seen it? Lucky you the movie is a nightmare

Imagine zack snyder that directed dawn of the dead and 300 and even watchmen david s goyer that wrote the dark knight and two of the most iconic superheroes in the world fighting each other, how they messed this up continues to be a mystery
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Nobody: 10:58am On Apr 27, 2016
severee:


You haven't seen it? Lucky you the movie is a nightmare

Imagine zack snyder that directed dawn of the dead and 300 and even watchmen david s goyer that wrote the dark knight and two of the most iconic superheroes in the world fighting each other, how exactly could they mess this up continues to be a mystery

Hahahaha! Imma still see it tho. Seems d movie made d same mistakes as age of ultron only dis time worse. Let's not gve D. Goyer 2 much praise now, dat guy is sh*t. His dark knight scpit only mame sense cus of d Nolan bros. & besides i tot it was "an oscar winner" who re-wrote dis movie.
*sigh* i was really looking 4ward to dis one embarassed
it seems all dis CBMs r bcoming garbage. Oh..... & i can't wait to see how u do..... *whispers* "martha"
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by forreelinc(m): 12:28pm On Apr 27, 2016
shockwave91:
i can't wait to see how u do..... *whispers* "martha"
Loooool save marthaaaaaa!
@op I wan c what you'll say abt batman's pangolo suit

Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 6:03pm On Apr 28, 2016
narrator
holly hunter visits jesse eisenberg again
jesse eisenberg
Why does thou giveth me thy f*ck me eyes does thou not knoweth that thou is being creepy especially as thou be old enough to be my mother?
holly hunter
Ew I'm not flirting with you I'm just trying to look sexy and empowered or isn't that how U.S female Politicians act? wink I'm looking your way sarah palin
jesse eisenberg
sad er ew! Have ye looked in a mirror lately?
holly hunter
shocked *gasp* angry why you little........ That's it I'm rejecting your import license now I shall make a gross analogy about piss and tea then I shall bid you farewell jerk!(Walks away)
holly's assistant
Ahem! I can give you access to the kryptonian spacecraft and micheal shannons body
jesse eisenberg
Er should all that not be in thy military possession in thy area 51 or something? I mean it's not something ye junior senators will haveth access to , for a movie which takes thy self seriously it is astonishly how highly unrealistic it is
holly's assistant
I will get you all you need and provide you with free workspace to f*ck around with the corpse of an alien who almost killed us all but on one condition
jesse eisenberg
Which is?
holly's assistant
Awkwardly feed me a candy and you've got yourself a deal
narrator
meanwhile lois meets with harry lennix from man of steel
harry lennix
grin Hello amy (who I owe my promotion to) what can I do for you besides be a total b*tch and waste your time?
amy adams
Is the american military supplying somalinairomi terrorists with arms?
harry lennix
grin hehehe no we are not but we believe cavill is their sponsor and supplies them with lex corp arms and ammunition cause we have feathers for brains you see......... Now go make yourself useful and jump off a building so cavill can save you and give the audience a little action scene
amy adams
Ok why don't you analyze this bullet for me it came from that raid in somalianairomi
harry lennix
Okay fine I shall investigate and get to the bottom of this case that no one gives a crap about
narrator
next we see scoot mcnairy who is now confined to a wheel chair and mad at a henry cavill statue
scoot mcnairy
Grrrr! I'm in a wheel chair and I hate henry and I want to get back at him so I shall............DEFACE A HENRY CAVILL'S STATUE MUAHAHAHAHA! Of course I'm a m*ron so I'll totally do it in the full glare of the laziest policemen in america
lazy policemen
Dude put down that spray can
scoot mcnairy
Hey calm down let me just spray 'false god' and the superman logo then I'll get down
lazy policemen
Ok hurry up you've got 60minutes
narrator
next we see ben affleck in an underground fight club spying on callan
ben affleck
Yep it's me famous billionaire and philantrophist ben affleck out here in this obviously illegal gambling joint making eye contact with a paranoid mercenary who just went on a mass murder spree that's certainly a good idea, hey callan!
calvin mulley
What?
ben affleck
So here's the thing I know you are a mercenary and you are doing jesse eisenbergs bidding so how about we go out back and I smash your hands with a hammer and you reveal to me what you're helping him with
calvin mulley
Well if we do that, it will make us an action scene short so just clone my phone by placing your phone on the table next to my phone even though you don't know my number or even if I brought a phone with me........ what makes you think it's my phone you are cloning and not the bartenders or someone else in the room? And how come cloning a phone takes seconds especially when there are a bunch of stuff on it?
ben affleck
Dude shut up I cloned your phone okay? Now go wait in the next action scene jeez!
narrator
then ben heads back to the bat cave
ben affleck
Hi lucious..... I mean alfred I mean who are you playing again?
jeremy irons
Er alfred? your burtler?
ben affleck
grin My point exactly. don't you ever get to do anything interesting in this movie apart from sit around the computer and yan ballz to me all day........oh by the way here's your coffee? Really? I'm bringing alfred coffee?
jeremy irons
So I totally saw a chat between jesse eisenberg and callan about a white portuguese it sounds like a thing or a place I'm guessing you could ask google
ben affleck
Oh it's definitely a dude cause I'm that much of a racist and a bad detective
jeremy irons
*rolling eyes* alright fine how about you go abduct jesse eisenberg and drug/interrogate him into telling you who the white portugese is spy on jesse eisenberg as it turns out he invited you to a 'spy on my house' dinner part so I shall begin booking your flight
ben affleck
Nah in this movie metropolis is just a few feet away from gotham I can even spit that far
DC nerds
angry what da f*ck
ben affleck
Oh yea james bond I mean ben affleck out

To be continued......

1 Like

Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by parrotibaba(m): 7:19pm On Apr 28, 2016
grin grin grin
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 6:08pm On Apr 30, 2016
narrator
next at the daily planet laurence fishburne is once again giving henry sh*t
laurence fishburne
SO............ I asked you to........... write about sports*flash and spectacle* and you do the batman *takes deep breath* story huh?

henry cavill
O_o dude chill out you just have about 11 lines in this movie I don't think anyone is here to watch an overweight black dude scream at superman
laurence fishburne
Oh yea? What if I do this(rips henry's article in two) this half is for my shoes and the other half is for my a*ss
henry cavill
grrrr you wouldn't dare I hate working here I quit afterall I can always take this to a blogger or something
*shakes head like a teenage kid scolded by his high school's team coach*
laurence fishburne
You know what's weird?
henry cavill
undecided you have absolutely diddly squat significance to this movie and perhaps this worthless five minutes could be invested in the characters that actually matter like say superman and batman?
laurence fishburne
cry wow dude innaprops..........
angry Anyway what I meant was you could always punch ben through a wall or something and end his "reign of terror" what do you need us for? Your motivation for fighting ben is even more senseless than ben's motivation to fight you
henry cavill
Jesus! angry why do you keep calling me superman?
laurence fishburne
Cause you make absolutely no effort to disguise your self properly, I'm surprised the police haven't done a line up for superman with you on it.
henry cavill
angry I'm telling you I'm not super..... oh hey so I've got to er take.... a.... sh*t I mean a call I mean take out the trash? Shoot I should come up with better excuses when dashing out for super hero biz........anyway BRB
laurence fishburne
Yea sure like no one will get suspiscious when they notice you aren't in the loo, note to superheroes when you wanna work do it after your regular job I'm looking your way flash and green arrow
narrator
so ben totally travels 3minutes interstate to metropolis and infiltrates jesses party as the philantrophic billionaire that was all over the papers for rescuing a ton of people during the famous man of steel climax, he does such an awesome job of being stealthy that he is spotted immediately he hops out of his car
henry cavill
Hmmm with all the hot glamourous and flashy socialites at this event I only chose to notice a crappily dressed brooding dude whose that?
waka pass
grin oh so you know about the batman but not ben affleck I see?
henry cavill
Well yea aint no crime
waka pass
And all your years in america living in gothams twin city I assume you've been living under a rock or something
henry cavill
angry
waka pass
And I suppose you don't read the papers since he was almost made time man of the year when he rescued some of his workers while you trashed all of metropolis
henry cavill
angry why does everyone keep calling me superman?
waka pass
Oh we ain't supposed to know? it ain't our fault they never specified if your identity was secret in this movie ok?
narrator
so ben walks into the hall where jesse does cartoon character impersonations........ And oh gal gadot is here looking as suspicious as f*ck
ben affleck
Ugh! This party sucks balls time to use the gps in my head to find jesses server room and cram a sh*t ton of data into a flash drive under 30seconds *humming james bond theme*
jeremy irons
Ahem! Wrong franchise ben you're batman remember?
henry cavill
Wait what? I totally used my super hearing to find out that ben is batman and is obviously up to something......I'll get to that as soon as jesse finishes his sketch comedy it's so hilarious grin
narrator
ben shows his awesome ninja-like stealthiness by GETTING CAUGHT BY TAO OKAMOTO
tao okamoto
Er ben entrepreneur/jesses business rival affleck, what are you doing in jesses camera-less server room with confidential information for lexcorp?
audience
Oh my sh*t I just checked imdb and tao okamoto is playing mercy graves, luthor's bad a*ss hench woman I bet we will be getting some japanese martial arts stunts no wonder they got a jap to play her *gets a fanboy b*ner*
ben affleck
grin hey lady I like your shoes
tao okamoto
*blushing*Awwwwn thank you, take as much time as you like and steal as much as you want(leaves the room)
ben affleck
cool Yep that works everytime
audience
*lose fanboy b*ners*
narrator
ben is blocked by henry on his way back to the hall
henry cavill
I totally know you are the batman so I wanna take you by the ear and drag you to a nearby police station then I'll proceed to write the exclusive of you being the batman and get a promotion probably hey ben let's talk about our citys superhero reps you know the way football fans argue whose team is better
ben affleck
Ok........... your hero sucks his suit is really ugly and makes him look totally gay
henry cavill
And your hero stuffs himself with all these gadgets just to battle street thugs
ben affleck
angry well your heros story in this movie was stolen from the superhero comedy flick hancock
henry cavill
angry *gasp* how dare you? Well your heros origin story of bats floating him out of a cave is totally aquaman sh*t
ben affleck
angry
henry cavill
angry
jesse eisenberg
Hey guys glad to see how you are getting along *snickering* bat sorry I mean ben meet super.......cavill I guess you two are getting to know....... each....... other wink if you know what I mean?
ben affleck
And what happened to your pretensious shakespeare theatrics?
jesse eisenberg
grin yea I got tired .........now I'm doing my character from rio oh by the way have you met gal god I mean gadot?
ben affleck
Oh that reminds me I've got to go take a leak in your server room jesse I'll brb
narrator
the movie gets more james bond as mystery girl gal gadot steals the flash drive she didn't see ben plant
ben affleck
Hey why are you stealing the info I stole from jesse?
gal gadot
Cause jesse has an embarassing selfie of me that I'm trying to destroy
ben affleck
O_o by stealing a copy from me?
gal gadot
Yea I don't really know that much about computers cause it's been encrypted and I couldn't open it
ben affleck
undecided lady it's 2016 I doubt there is hardly a computer illiterate out ther....... Oh I forgot zack snyder hates women, I wonder what you were gonna do if you didn't get my flash drive? Would you have stolen his whole house or something
gal gadot
Well in all fairness I'm 10X stronger than any human and I've lived for 5 milleniums
ben affleck
Rrrrrrrrrr! cool kiss So tell me do you bleed?
gal gadot
And that's how you hit on chicks? No wonder you're single and bitter
ben affleck
angry and that just cost you relevance to the plot now go wait for me at the movies finale I've got to rendevouz with callan in an action scene
narrator
then we see an interlude a scene where harry lennix sneaks to meet with amy adams
audience
Cool an irrelevant scene I guess I can hit the restroom now
harry lennix
sad really classy guys anyway so amy I just examined the bullets fragments and surprise surprise it's from lexcorp.........now take your bullet fragment back and f*ck yourself with it
amy adams
Wait aren't you going to at least produce this as evidence that perhaps henry didn't commit the mass murder?
harry lennix
Hell no, you know how hard it was for a black dude to be secretary ain't gonna ruin it by getting to bottom of this now if you excuse me I've got to go rehearse for my next scene which sees me sitting on my hands and being a totally incompetent secretary of defence, a quality that keeps you in the job bye
amy adams
Ugh!
narrator
next we are shown a montage of cavill saving a little girl from a fire in mexico and then looking all sexy about it while the mexicans worship him like a god?(Racist DC), then we see him working out with a NASA rocket, then we see him working out again by dragging a vessel across ice then we see him taking his sweet time to inspect his 'S' distress logo on a flood victims roof top all in sloooooooooooow mooooooooo
audience
Jesus! Hey zack you wanna lay off the pain and sorrow surrounding this movie damn! It's even more depressing than watchmen
suicide squad
sad Gulp!
henry cavill
Yea so I just saved a bunch of a*sses I bet the world loves me now
World
Reverse time back to pre man of steel and you've got yourself a deal
henry cavill
cry mommy
diane lane
Awww baby you aren't a bad guy
henry cavill
But they say I'm a jerk and I've no regard for property damage and I break the rules
diane lane
Those aren't true my love they are just hating on you cause you are fly cool(nose sprouts like pinnochio)
audience
Hey how come that fat dude from that ihop hasn't totally come out to tell the world supermans real identity?
zack snyder
Nah he won't do that he's a man of honor I mean it's part of the bully code
To be continued.......
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Nobody: 12:28am On May 01, 2016
severee:

narrator
next at the daily planet laurence fishburne is once again giving henry sh*t
laurence fishburne
SO............ I asked you to........... write about sports*flash and spectacle* and you do the batman *takes deep breath* story huh?

henry cavill
O_o dude chill out you just have about 11 lines in this movie I don't think anyone is here to watch an overweight black dude scream at superman
laurence fishburne
Oh yea? What if I do this(rips henry's article in two) this half is for my shoes and the other half is for my a*ss
henry cavill
grrrr you wouldn't dare I hate working here I quit afterall I can always take this to a blogger or something
*shakes head like a teenage kid scolded by his high school's team coach*
laurence fishburne
You know what's weird?
henry cavill
undecided you have absolutely diddly squat significance to this movie and perhaps this worthless five minutes could be invested in the characters that actually matter like say superman and batman?
laurence fishburne
cry wow dude innaprops..........
angry Anyway what I meant was you could always punch ben through a wall or something and end his "reign of terror" what do you need us for? Your motivation for fighting ben is even more senseless than ben's motivation to fight you
henry cavill
Jesus! angry why do you keep calling me superman?
laurence fishburne
Cause you make absolutely no effort to disguise your self properly, I'm surprised the police haven't done a line up for superman with you on it.
henry cavill
angry I'm telling you I'm not super..... oh hey so I've got to er take.... a.... sh*t I mean a call I mean take out the trash? Shoot I should come up with better excuses when dashing out for super hero biz........anyway BRB
laurence fishburne
Yea sure like no one will get suspiscious when they notice you aren't in the loo, note to superheroes when you wanna work do it after your regular job I'm looking your way flash and green arrow
narrator
so ben totally travels 3minutes interstate to metropolis and infiltrates jesses party as the philantrophic billionaire that was all over the papers for rescuing a ton of people during the famous man of steel climax, he does such an awesome job of being stealthy that he is spotted immediately he hops out of his car
henry cavill
Hmmm with all the hot glamourous and flashy socialites at this event I only chose to notice a crappily dressed brooding dude whose that?
waka pass
grin oh so you know about the batman but not ben affleck I see?
henry cavill
Well yea aint no crime
waka pass
And all your years in america living in gothams twin city I assume you've been living under a rock or something
henry cavill
angry
waka pass
And I suppose you don't read the papers since he was almost made time man of the year when he rescued some of his workers while you trashed all of metropolis
henry cavill
angry why does everyone keep calling me superman?
waka pass
Oh we ain't supposed to know? it ain't our fault they never specified if your identity was secret in this movie ok?
narrator
so ben walks into the hall where jesse does cartoon character impersonations........ And oh gal gadot is here looking as suspicious as f*ck
ben affleck
Ugh! This party sucks balls time to use the gps in my head to find jesses server room and cram a sh*t ton of data into a flash drive under 30seconds *humming james bond theme*
jeremy irons
Ahem! Wrong franchise ben you're batman remember?
henry cavill
Wait what? I totally used my super hearing to find out that ben is batman and is obviously up to something......I'll get to that as soon as jesse finishes his sketch comedy it's so hilarious grin
narrator
ben shows his awesome ninja-like stealthiness by GETTING CAUGHT BY TAO OKAMOTO
tao okamoto
Er ben entrepreneur/jesses business rival affleck, what are you doing in jesses camera-less server room with confidential information for lexcorp?
audience
Oh my sh*t I just checked imdb and tao okamoto is playing mercy graves, luthor's bad a*ss hench woman I bet we will be getting some japanese martial arts stunts no wonder they got a jap to play her *gets a fanboy b*ner*
ben affleck
grin hey lady I like your shoes
tao okamoto
*blushing*Awwwwn thank you, take as much time as you like and steal as much as you want(leaves the room)
ben affleck
cool Yep that works everytime
audience
*lose fanboy b*ners*
narrator
ben is blocked by henry on his way back to the hall
henry cavill
I totally know you are the batman so I wanna take you by the ear and drag you to a nearby police station then I'll proceed to write the exclusive of you being the batman and get a promotion probably hey ben let's talk about our citys superhero reps you know the way football fans argue whose team is better
ben affleck
Ok........... your hero sucks his suit is really ugly and makes him look totally gay
henry cavill
And your hero stuffs himself with all these gadgets just to battle street thugs
ben affleck
angry well your heros story in this movie was stolen from the superhero comedy flick hancock
henry cavill
angry *gasp* how dare you? Well your heros origin story of bats floating him out of a cave is totally aquaman sh*t
ben affleck
angry
henry cavill
angry
jesse eisenberg
Hey guys glad to see how you are getting along *snickering* bat sorry I mean ben meet super.......cavill I guess you two are getting to know....... each....... other wink if you know what I mean?
ben affleck
And what happened to your pretensious shakespeare theatrics?
jesse eisenberg
grin yea I got tired .........now I'm doing my character from rio oh by the way have you met gal god I mean gadot?
ben affleck
Oh that reminds me I've got to go take a leak in your server room jesse I'll brb
narrator
the movie gets more james bond as mystery girl gal gadot steals the flash drive she didn't see ben plant
ben affleck
Hey why are you stealing the info I stole from jesse?
gal gadot
Cause jesse has an embarassing selfie of me that I'm trying to destroy
ben affleck
O_o by stealing a copy from me?
gal gadot
Yea I don't really know that much about computers cause it's been encrypted and I couldn't open it
ben affleck
undecided lady it's 2016 I doubt there is hardly a computer illiterate out ther....... Oh I forgot zack snyder hates women, I wonder what you were gonna do if you didn't get my flash drive? Would you have stolen his whole house or something
gal gadot
Well in all fairness I'm 10X stronger than any human and I've lived for 5 milleniums
ben affleck
Rrrrrrrrrr! cool kiss So tell me do you bleed?
gal gadot
And that's how you hit on chicks? No wonder you're single and bitter
ben affleck
angry and that just cost you relevance to the plot now go wait for me at the movies finale I've got to rendevouz with callan in an action scene
narrator
then we see an interlude a scene where harry lennix sneaks to meet with amy adams
audience
Cool an irrelevant scene I guess I can hit the restroom now
harry lennix
sad really classy guys anyway so amy I just examined the bullets fragments and surprise surprise it's from lexcorp.........now take your bullet fragment back and f*ck yourself with it
amy adams
Wait aren't you going to at least produce this as evidence that perhaps henry didn't commit the mass murder?
harry lennix
Hell no, you know how hard it was for a black dude to be secretary ain't gonna ruin it by getting to bottom of this now if you excuse me I've got to go rehearse for my next scene which sees me sitting on my hands and being a totally incompetent secretary of defence, a quality that keeps you in the job bye
amy adams
Ugh!
narrator
next we are shown a montage of cavill saving a little girl from a fire in mexico and then looking all sexy about it while the mexicans worship him like a god?(Racist DC), then we see him working out with a NASA rocket, then we see him working out again by dragging a vessel across ice then we see him taking his sweet time to inspect his 'S' distress logo on a flood victims roof top all in sloooooooooooow mooooooooo
audience
Jesus! Hey zack you wanna lay off the pain and sorrow surrounding this movie damn! It's even more depressing than watchmen
suicide squad
sad Gulp!
henry cavill
Yea so I just saved a bunch of a*sses I bet the world loves me now
World
Reverse time back to pre man of steel and you've got yourself a deal
henry cavill
cry mommy
diane lane
Awww baby you aren't a bad guy
henry cavill
But they say I'm a jerk and I've no regard for property damage and I break the rules
diane lane
Those aren't true my love they are just hating on you cause you are fly cool(nose sprouts like pinnochio)
audience
Hey how come that fat dude from that ihop hasn't totally come out to tell the world supermans real identity?
zack snyder
Nah he won't do that he's a man of honor I mean it's part of the bully code
To be continued.......
hello bro where can I download the movie free... please help with link.
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Gebbson007(m): 1:41am On May 01, 2016
severee:
@armadeo @elcount
My brodas na so we see am o DC don do am again,marvel will be laffing their heads off by now at least it's better than green lantern sha
As for wonder woman well her appearance seemed forced and she had little to no impact on the story, the only good thing about this movie is the cinematography and the scores everything else......... 0
go watch deadpool u go shake head .
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Gebbson007(m): 1:44am On May 01, 2016
ion fink superman died Cux twrds d ending part I cld c sand on his casket going up sm sort f gravity.
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 5:30am On May 01, 2016
Tosinex:
hello bro where can I download the movie free... please help with link.

grin bros na wa for u o so you o dash them ya money small na, just kidding

I actually watched it on someones laptop so I don't rly know but I think if you google "batman v superman dawn of justice"(3gp or mp4) something should come up


@gebbson007 yea superman came back to life his heart beat made the dirt levitate or some sh*t, according to zack it's supposed to be a cliff hanger as if we beg am
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Gebbson007(m): 1:08pm On May 01, 2016
severee:


grin bros na wa for u o so you o dash them ya money small na, just kidding

I actually watched it on someones laptop so I don't rly know but I think if you google "batman v superman dawn of justice"(3gp or mp4) something should come up


@gebbson007 yea superman came back to life his heart beat made the dirt levitate or some sh*t, according to zack it's supposed to be a cliff hanger as if we beg am
I tot as much.if superman dies DC is finished
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Nobody: 1:37pm On May 01, 2016
severee:


grin bros na wa for u o so you o dash them ya money small na, just kidding

I actually watched it on someones laptop so I don't rly know but I think if you google "batman v superman dawn of justice"(3gp or mp4) something should come up


@gebbson007 yea superman came back to life his heart beat made the dirt levitate or some sh*t, according to zack it's supposed to be a cliff hanger as if we beg am
OK thanks.
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 8:28pm On May 03, 2016
narrator
next we see ben affleck trying to decrypt the file he stole from jesse then he starts tripping balls or having a thor-like vision but who knows? It's not like anyone bothers to explain anything in this movie
ben affleck
Um why am I wearing a trench coat in a Play station 3 desert?(A truck pulls in front of him)
weapons dealer
Hey dude wanna buy some black market guns?
ben affleck
Yea well on a normal basis I would have tossed a bat-grenade into this truck and totally broken your arm but it's a dream so it's ok to be a hypocrite
weapons dealer
tongue Psyche! We're undercover cavill-cops and we are here to kill the resistance you are leading
ben affleck
Hmmm I guess I'm a total *diot in my dreams too alright where's my lightsabre?
weapons dealer
What?
ben affleck
I mean This totally looks like a set from star wars and since this a dream I guess I can use their props disney will be totally cool with it I promise
weapons dealer
Just so you know this is the home of darkseid after his death and deposition by henry sad whose gone bad for some reason and now you are leading a rebellion and we are.......
ben affleck
Totally stealing from starwars and the MCU I mean jesus we are totally teaming up to fight darkseid? Why not just call it the DC copycat universe angry
And why are there gigantic insects everywhere? Did I just snap a guys neck? And overdose another guy on bullets? Jesus how did this movie get PG rat.....(Is knocked out by insect) oh wait the insects work for henry too? But I just saw them carrying away henrys foot soldiers like a buffet, well it's a dream I guess any crap goes
narrator
next ben is still stuck in his dream asdart-vader henry arrives but doesn't have a breathing mask and weird ultronish voice modulator
henry cavill
Just in case the audience are confused about me being good or bad I shall laser-eye f*ck some of my lieutenants for no reason, angry now ben she was my world?
ben affleck
Who your mom?
henry cavill
*shrugs* I dunno It's not in the script
Any way angry you took her away from me.
ben affleck
sad did I kill her?
henry cavill
angry what part of ITS NOT IN THE SCRIPT are you not getting right now? Sh*t(proceeds to give ben a super hand job)
ben affleck
grin hey dude cut that out that tickles
(wakes up) holy f*ck a 3D movie
ezra miller
No you m*ron I'm stealing the thor vision scene from avengers 2, now make sure you save her she is the key(disappears)
ben affleck
Jesus christ! Couldn't you write your message on a paper and show it to me or perhaps take a deep breath and explain what the sh*t is going on? See Now I'm just gonna ignore your message and give jeremy sh*t for dropping LSD in my coffee or something,oh wait jesse's files have been decrypted and there's a picture of a lady who fairly resembles gal and could easily pass for her grand mom so why did she pull that stunt at jesses party?
jeremy irons
What's up sir?
ben affleck
So I just found the white portuguese which is totally a vessel
jeremy irons
undecided no sh*t, anyway I just used my super powers of 'plot acceleration' to decipher that there's no dirty bomb on that ship
ben affleck
Like duh! Who would want to buy a dirty bomb in america when we've got like a tonne of them, callan is carrying a rock which is capable of weakening kryptonian cells, how I know this or how I know calvin is from a planet called krypton is not necessary so I'm gonna steal the rock and kill henry with it
jeremy irons
Because he trashed your building? I thought the terraforming did that?
ben affleck
angry Screw him he is a threat
jeremy irons
undecided just because they say so on tv? never took you to be a sucker for media propaganda
ben affleck
*rolling eyes* ok fine it's in the title man we are supposed to fight now if you excuse me, I've got a date with callan at the gotham docks and how I know when exactly he will be there is also not necessary
narrator
scoot mcnairy is bailed from jail by jesse eisenberg
scoot mcnairy
Hey jesse why did you bail me out of jail?
jesse eisenberg
grin yea I bailed you from prison cleaned you up and got you charles xaviers vintage wheelchair Just because it's tuesday I'm so up to nothing(nose sprouts like pinnochio)
narrator
callan and his goons who just happen to be russian because racism never gets old in hollywood are at the docks
callan mulvey
Yea we've totally bribed the guards of the docks and we've sealed the rock in lexcorp crates and loaded them into lexcorp trucks to avoid suspicion
audience
So why exactly are you armed to the teeth with assault rifles and rocket launchers?
callan mulvey
*shrugs* I guess it's something bad guys do I mean I never go to the bathroom without carrying an AK-47 with me
ben affleck
Yea I showed up in my bat suit to place a tracker on a lexcorp truck rather than just tailing them with a bat drone or something
audience
Oh that's smart perhaps you can find out where they drop the kryptonite and you stealthily snatch it from them
ben affleck
grin nah! screw it *typical batman action scene 2; the car chase* sad hey how exactly did I sneak my bat mobile into the docks with all the security around?
Anyway........ angry yea take that for sneaking kryptonite into gotham(brutally smashes car killing everyone in it), f*ck my morality code(shoots the f*ck out of an suv killing everyone in it) and this is just for sh*ts and giggles(smashes the ships and trashes the property of innocent people) grin yea I live for this sh*t.... shocked oh f*ck henry cavill is here I shall mow him with my awesome weaponized resilent epic bat mobile
narrator
henry crashes the car with his d*ck
callan mulvey
Thanks grin(escapes)
henry cavill
So I just saw a bunch of russian thugs shooting a sh*t ton of bullets and rockets at you and so I decided you should be stopped
ben affleck
What? That's bullsh*t man they were clearly attacking me first c'mon
henry cavill
*rolling eyes* Okay fine I'll let you off with a warning don't make me regret it
ben affleck
Hey wait! Whose gonna pay for the damage to my car? C'mon you wrecked it.......grrrrrr! I'm gonna find you and ki...... Oh sh*t wrong script I meant I'm gonna make you bleed

To be continued......
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by Tobyshegz(m): 12:54am On Jun 02, 2016
ElCount:
@Severee as much as this is funny, I have to admit its the truth that movie sucks with the wonder woman exception waiting to see what you have to say about Gal Gadot
Imagine superman gets the beating of his life from just about everyone and eventually dies even after visiting the sun.

The movie is actually loosely made according to the comic book, superman (vol 2). Superman fought with Doomsday and they both died, of which various cloned and superman look-alikes started to reign (example is super-boy). Dawn of justice is just one of those movies that just wanna try do more than they can— of which i think they tried except for that lex luthor part were i think he should have being a bald guy from the beginning).
N.S- Superman body was taken by project cadmus which was later stolen from him by "The last son of krypton*
According to wikipedia: In actuality, the Last Son of Krypton stole Superman's body and put it in a regeneration matrix in the Fortress of Solitude, drawing on his recovering energies to power himself, as bright light blinded him. It is revealed that the Last Son is, in actuality, the Eradicator, an ancient Kryptonian weapon, and the Cyborg is the deranged consciousness of Hank Henshaw , which used Superman's birthing matrix to create a physical duplicate of his body.
The regeneration matrix broke open, and the original Superman emerged, greatly depowered, but alive.
I guess you clear now.
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by forreelinc(m): 7:22pm On Jun 22, 2016
Tobyshegz:


The movie is actually loosely made according to the comic book, superman (vol 2). Superman fought with Doomsday and they both died, of which various cloned and superman look-alikes started to reign (example is super-boy). Dawn of justice is just one of those movies that just wanna try do more than they can— of which i think they tried except for that lex luthor part were i think he should have being a bald guy from the beginning).
N.S- Superman body was taken by project cadmus which was later stolen from him by "The last son of krypton*
According to wikipedia: In actuality, the Last Son of Krypton stole Superman's body and put it in a regeneration matrix in the Fortress of Solitude, drawing on his recovering energies to power himself, as bright light blinded him. It is revealed that the Last Son is, in actuality, the Eradicator, an ancient Kryptonian weapon, and the Cyborg is the deranged consciousness of Hank Henshaw , which used Superman's birthing matrix to create a physical duplicate of his body.
The regeneration matrix broke open, and the original Superman emerged, greatly depowered, but alive.
I guess you clear now.

angry me my own problem is why is wonda woman not sexy in this movie flat ass flat breast which kind film be dis? Them no see them mates civil war? Sexy gals yapa for there mtchew
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by severee(m): 10:33am On Jul 29, 2016
narrator
callan mulvey brings the kyptonite to jesse
jesse eisenberg
angry what da f*ck happened to my delivery truck? Were drag racing with it again? And where are your hommies? Are they on goons strike again?
callan mulvey
Well er
jesse eisenberg
Psyche! I don't care about all these or the trail your smuggling left behind that could lead the cops to me all I care about is my newly acquired kryptonite.......now shove it in this show glass so ben can come steal it later
callan mulvey
Wait you wanted ben to have it? Then why didn't you dump it at his door step or instruct us to toss it off the truck when he was killing our a*sses?
jesse eisenberg
grin dude it's been over an hour already in this confusing movie are you still asking questions?
callan mulvey
sad I guess not

narrator
so ben towsdrives his beyond
Repair damaged bat-mobile back to his batcave which is kind of hilarious

ben affleck
Grrrr! Henry wrecked my bat mobile oh I'm gonna show him I'm gonna make him bleed jeremy! Jeremy!! Get your old wrinkled a*ss out here angry
jeremy irons
What?
ben affleck
Why the f*ck were you radio-silenced when my batmobile was getting sh*tfaced?
jeremy irons
angry boy you don't talk to me like that! Now go fix me a cup of coffee 3 creams 4 sugars ASAP!
ben affleck
cry Yes sir
jeremy irons
And while you are at it,abandon the "hunt for henry" plot and go about your life normally
ben affleck
cry buh I wanna...........
jeremy irons
angry Boy you wanna get slapped into another planet?
ben affleck
cry no sir
narrator
meanwhile in metropolis it finally dawns on henry that he's a jerk and everyone is right to hate him
henry cavill
Amy I've finally realized that I'm a jerk and everyone is right to hate me
amy adams
Like duh you totally trashed two military drones and an american city which you've not apologized for by the way plus everyone is in the dark about who you are and what your mission on earth is I mean why did micheal shannon want you so badly? Were you a fugitive on krypton? Or a dual personality schizophrenic? Or a kryptonian spy who betrayed micheal to deceive us? Its no surprise they hate you if there's any surprise it's that they built a monument for you while hating you at the same time
zack snyder
Contradictions...... That's the snyder trademark
henry cavill
Trust me a b*tch slap isn't something you'll want from a guy like me
amy adams
Ok fine how about you organize a press conference like tony stark did at the end of ironman 1 you could explain your mission on earth and apologize for the mess you've made so far
henry cavill
That's a good idea but what I need is a dumb idea so let's go over it again
amy adams
Well you could track down the casualty from the metro attacks and help them get closure with the whole incident
henry cavill
Still a good idea angry
amy adams
Okay rebuild metropolis
henry cavill
Go dumb
amy adams
Reverse time
henry cavill
Dumber
amy adams
Hang up your cape and keep your promise to kevin costner
henry cavill
Dumber
amy adams
Don't know what to say man except you wanna go on one of em "grill your a*ss tribunals" which are totally biased and can make the world hate you even more
henry cavill
Hmmm I'll do that
amy adams
Yea...... wait what
henry cavill
Yea I mean what totally destroyed dr manhattan in watchmen will definitely work in my favour right? Thanks hun
narrator
somehow henry sends the word out that he'll seat with senator holly or senator holly has been holding empty hearings everyday since she reached out to henry or let's just say henry chose to appear at a hearing that holly coincidentally held for henry .....anyway holly bumps into jesse
jesse eisenberg
Hi holly
holly hunter
Quick arrest him
jesse eisenberg
Arrest me? Why?
holly hunter
Your somali nairomi friend just confessed that you staged the mass murder and paid her to blame henry for it
jesse eisenberg
Damn I must have really scrooged her over on the bribe for her to pick jail just to get back at me, anyway I gotta go get my prison shoes BRB
holly hunter
Ok
jesse eisenberg
Enjoy your hot seat
holly hunter
Huh?
jesse eisenberg
A hot seat for a really hot lady grin *snickering*
holly hunter
Wait you're not gonna blow up this hearing to cover your tracks are you?
jesse eisenberg
What? Me? HELL no
holly hunter
*scowls*
narrator
so henry appears before a hearing just in time for the hall to go BOOM!!
zack snyder
Nah this doesn't scream zack snyder let's combine two scenes , play a suspense score and build up to the hall exploding
larry fong
O_o you mean like dark knight when heath ledger went around whacking the participants of the money laudering case against eric roberts?
zack snyder
sad *sigh* yea
narrator
in the build up we see the somali nairomi lady get assassinated by callan mulvey she recognizes and could have totally avoidedconveniently luckily there are no cameras to catch the whole thing then we switch back to the court house
holly hunter
So henry this is how we approach things here on earth
henry cavill
undecided you do know I grew up on earth right? I mean you totally heard micheal shannon announce it and all
holly hunter
Ok ok now what we are going to do here is..........wait is that pee? Gross who put pee on my table how did they sneak this past security so easily that's so gross where's jesse?
narrator
everyone suddenly goes silent and appear to be in deep thought
scoot mcnairy
Hmmm my wheel chair is getting hot
tao okamoto
Hmmm I just noticed I haven't said sh*t in this movie
henry cavill[b]
Wait are we out of milk at home
[b]narrator

then zack being a genius pumps life into the theatre with a nuclear bomb explosion which takes out the whole town hall
audience
Wait all that came from a guys wheel chair? This explosion actually looks like a jumbo fighter jet dropped it
zack snyder
Well I bet everyone here was successfully shocked
audience
Yea shocked that a kick-a*ss character like mercy graves was totally wasted do you read comics at all?
zack snyder
angry d*ck nuts
henry cavill
Ugh! Not another explosion this better not have wrecked my suit......oh wait I'm fine, it was nice chatting with y'all
survivors
Helppppppp mmmme
henry cavill
Oh right I still do those(helps out survivors)
fire fighter
You are a hero man
henry cavill
Awww thanks dude
news
Who did this?
fire fighter
Henry did it
henry cavill
angry why I outta.......
To be continued.....
Re: Swing And A Miss: Batman V Superman(dawn Of Justice) by friendlyadvice: 5:15pm On Jul 29, 2016
Hehe obviously tonyspike and kryptonian1987 have not seen this or them for don pounce on you by now

(1) (2) (Reply)

Breaking Bad Discussion Thread / Where Can I Download Free Movies / Maltina Dance All - Official Thread

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2021 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 605
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.