dated a lady for over a year. From the beginning, we defined the relationship as marriage-bound. I was glad to know she was a virgin, and we never had sex. Recently, we began to have problems. An old casual friend of hers appeared and what began as a casual friendship blossomed into romance. Eventually, he proposed marriage to her. It was at that point I got to know about it. She told me she was confused.

Although she told him she was in a relationship, he won't let go. She said she was under pressure. One thing led to the other and he deflowered her.

According to her, she tried resisting him, and even informing him of our sex-free relationship. I love her, and I know she loved me until things fell apart. From the way things stand, whether we would have a future together rests with me. She is in her mid twenties and has just graduated. I am in my early thirties and working. If not for what has happened, we would have begun the marriage process with at least knowing members of our families. I love her and yet the pain of the experience is equally strong. I feel cheated and used. I shared this with my aunt, and she bluntly told me, 'She is not your wife!' Please advise me.

your aunt is damn right. she is not your wife take it or leave it

for how long have you guys been courting ?


in short, the whole issue is so irritating, please forget her and forge ahead with your life
the earlier the better now. if u marry her now you will end up regretting it later .

I do feel for you.

Glad it happened before u walked the aisle cos it will be a different story by then


If she says she is confused, u can as well give her some time to settle herself. I know the way some guys can actually pressure you. After the space and u don't see true signs of repentance, take heart and move forward.

I'm wondering if this should be moved to the romance section

she is not your wife at all. What the heck?

She is not your wife.

Your wife is your body and would never let anyone else defile it like this. She would have kept your body safe and in tact just for you.

Let me explain:

My husband is my body and I am his body. I could never let another man come in and take what is his, if I do then it never was his to start with and I feel the same about him. I would never disrespect him in any way because doing so i am disrespecting myself.

You can not start a marriage off of distrust and blown trust. Everytime you have sex with her you will remember that all your time and effort to groom her and get her ready for marriage and not have sex with her was wasted on some other guy.

After dating you for over a year and heading towards marriage if she is still confused then un-confuse her and leave her. Allow her and the guy that deflowered her live happily ever after and find a woman that is truly your body. A woman that would never dream being in a compromising position with another man.

I can not defend her, we as women know when men like us too much and we as woman know just how far to take things. She should have never been alone with him for this to happen at all.

@poster,
Was she forced to do it? What took her to the guy's bedroom?

Things like this are better solve with care.

"Although she told him she was in a relationship, he won't let go. She said she was under pressure. One thing led to the other and he deflowered her."
dat girl is a bitch! beta dont love up wit a wrong lady cus dat might jeopardize ur marriage life. be warned!

Why would you let another man beat you to it when you had all the time in the world.
Please wake up and move on.
Dont make this mistake again

Am sad for u, but u have to go on in life,
i do belive tat she is not ur wife. Most Ladies act foolishly these days, how can she say she was confused?
U guys dated for a year, that should be enugh reason to put the other guy who appeared from nowhere at his proper place.
except she never loved u. and to think that most of us are still looking for that guy who wud have a sexless relationship with us till we get married.
Well i know she is not ur wife, God will reward u with a woman made 4 u and u alone, unsoiled. so dont listen to guys who said u shudnt repeat such mistake again.
all the best.

eeya! i feel for you but you have to move on, she is not your wife, i'm sure you will get over her. Thank God you're a man.

This is one of the funnies things i have ever laughed about this year. hmmm, so, you think every man out there is a fool abi? you think her being a virgin is by choice, don't you know it is because she hasnt had the opportunity, thats why she kept her pussie un splitted? Now you came on the scene and instead of splitting the darn thing opened for her, you told her you wont have sex with her - she will say in her mind, this mugun is not for me, let me search further. Now, another bros shows up on the scene, this time, a perfect player, he knows what he wants, how to get it, and how to make her recive it, so, under your very flat nose, he begins to fok your girlfriend, the same one you have vowed not to touch until you get married, hmm, how flat that nose of yours can be that you couldnt smell the sex from afar?

Look, I don't pity you, i am glad the lady found what she wanted, sex, sex and more sex before marriage, look at you, you now need to come to us for advice when the only advice you would have sought from us is how to dis virgin her, look, my man, you are a shame on manhood.

Better bury your head in your arms and visualise the very day she got poked for the very first time, imagine it and imagine how sweet it would have been if it was you - and boy, wont you be happy?

Bros,you no need advice.The situation of things speaks for itself.To have been disappointed in such manner so disrespectful,what you need is just to jog on.You can't force love to come your way.Trace your steps back to your mistakes and correct them.
My 2 shillings.

@poster
she isnt ur wife so move on with life

Leave that girl, she does not deserve you. If you continue with her, or even marry her, then expect the worst.

akunta:

Am sad for u, but u have to go on in life,
i do belive tat she is not ur wife. Most Ladies act foolishly these days, how can she say she was confused?
U guys dated for a year, that should be enugh reason to put the other guy who appeared from nowhere at his proper place.
except she never loved u. and to think that most of us are still looking for that guy who wud have a sexless relationship with us till we get married.
Well i know she is not ur wife, God will reward u with a woman made 4 u and u alone, unsoiled. so dont listen to guys who said u shudnt repeat such mistake again.
all the best.

bless you. well said

get the full story.
was she forced?
where it happened?
what she is confused about?
but look very well before u leap

@ sweetmum.
Are you for real? I'm sure the poster would have mentioned it if there was anything sort of forced used during the period before and during the act.Can you be forced to spend time with someone other than being kidnapped?

bronx_dog:

This is one of the funnies things i have ever laughed about this year. hmmm, so, you think every man out there is a fool abi? you think her being a virgin is by choice, don't you know it is because she hasnt had the opportunity, thats why she kept her pussie un splitted? Now you came on the scene and instead of splitting the darn thing opened for her, you told her you wont have sex with her - she will say in her mind, this mugun is not for me, let me search further. Now, another bros shows up on the scene, this time, a perfect player, he knows what he wants, how to get it, and how to make her recive it, so, under your very flat nose, he begins to fok your girlfriend, the same one you have vowed not to touch until you get married, hmm, how flat that nose of yours can be that you couldnt smell the sex from afar?

Look, I don't pity you, i am glad the lady found what she wanted, sex, sex and more sex before marriage, look at you, you now need to come to us for advice when the only advice you would have sought from us is how to dis virgin her, look, my man, you are a shame on manhood.

Better bury your head in your arms and visualise the very day she got poked for the very first time, imagine it and imagine how sweet it would have been if it was you - and boy, wont you be happy?

i think i gat dat-beta

@ poster,
yo men! u r a gadamnt slaker male-bitch we v on the mudafokin platform/forum. se ya in pussys hell

I cant help but laff.you suffri wash hand crack kernels for fowl 
Thank God it happened b4 the marriage,shes not just your wife,let her go.If she can after all these years and still open her mouth to say she loves guy and shes confused then shes not for you.From your story shes not even showing remorse so 
let her go pls !

First of all you said you were having problems. Did you guys break up fpr a while? This man proposed to her abi and she had sex with him. What I do not understand is where you say she told him she was in a relationship. If you guys were having problems she might have thought that it would not work out and when the opportunity came she took it. She is in her mid twenties and you know some nigerian females will die before they enter their thirties unmarried. I feel your hurt even from your words. I definitely will never tell you that she is not your wife. She might be just the one for you. The only thing I can say is that if you feel that you will always be bitter about her giving her virginity to another man then maybe you need to leave her alone. You will only make her misreable and you in turn will be misreable. I just believe that all is not lost. You guys were having issues she found someone else who proposed very quickly and she had sex with him. That is how I interpreted what you wrote.