Hello Nairalanders, I have been a guest for quite a while now, had to join the family because I’m in a dilemma, can’t and don’t wanna share it with anyone I know and I am sure whatever I get here will be just as good.
My story: I am a 25 year-old lady residing in the south-south of Nigeria. I met Mr. A in 2013, he was a very wonderful guy, he came onto me really strongly and wanted us to have a proper relationship and possibly get married but I wasn’t warming up to him as at that time because I had a relationship I was trying to maintain so all his pleas fell on deaf ears although we still kept in touch till early 2014 when I finally decided to give him a try after my other relationship failed. I did and I never regretted doing so, he had become super rich (I swear I didn’t know how rich till I got really closer and I am not a gold-digger, I hustle too), things went well till he told me he got himself a girlfriend while I was stalling and their relationship was 2-3 months older than ours although she was in another city and there’ll be no interference. We got along very well and life was great until the lady in question got pregnant for him few months later and she said she was gonna keep it, she wanted marriage and she had announced the pregnancy to his mom already; although he kept saying he didn’t want her and he still loved me but come on! I just knew it was time for me to go, I cried and prayed, wished for the clock to roll back to when I first met him but that wasn’t to be, so I tried my best to push him to the back of my mind.
Fast-forward to 2015, we met again earlier this month, lots of stories but bottom line is: due to some issues that I wouldn’t want to share, things didn’t work out again between them, baby was lost (I’ve got no way of ascertaining if there was actually a baby) and he’s currently going through some personal issues; the attraction is still very much alive, I think I’m even as desperate about ‘us’ as he was in 2013 (not obviously though just that my imaginations have been running wild) but when I asked him recently what he wants from me now, he just said he wants us to be friends for the meantime, I’ve died a thousand deaths since he said it because I just couldn’t wait to love him again and share his current issues with him but now I just feel I’ve been told off. Now there’s a really serious Mr. B in the picture, I am not really into him at all but of all the guys around me he has been the most persistent and he even wants to make it official as soon as I give the word; I like him but I love him not. I was considering him prior to when Mr. A came around again because I am yearning for my own family already and I’m telling myself I could grow into love with him (he has put up with plenty drama from me though and he’s still Mr. Nice Guy).
My Dilemma: Do I wait for Mr. A to come around and want ‘us’ again or push the feelings away and try my best to accept Mr. B??
Kindly help a sister out, I need really matured advice please as they will help me in decision-making. Thanks family

FTC at last.

Since Mr. A said you should be friends for now, please remain his friend and let go of any feelings of rushing back into his arms again

Why would he say you should remain friends for now? Dnt you think he is up to something?

He has decided not to share is issues with you which means he doesnt need your help for now.

I will advise you as a sister to try and see what Mr. B intentions are.

I believe in a bird in hand........ Because what of if Mr. A didnt eventually show up?

You can inform your mum about it and ask her to help you pray about it.

I wont advise you to pray because you have an idol already in your heart. I mean your mind is already with Mr. A. So if you do the prayer yourself if is Mr A that will always appear to you

All the best

my advice is you better not dull and end up in the same situation you found yourself in when the so called mr b would have moved onto someone ready only for you to be willing to be no 2 and still end up losing to no 1

I think you should not make the same mistake you made with Mr. A. That is, if you keep rejecting Mr B, he might give up and find another lady...then when you finally say yes, he will tell you that he has moved on.

Back to Mr. A, he told you that you guys should be just friends. It means his feelings for you are not strong. He's just keeping you as he waits for someone else.

If you ask me I will tell you to cut off all association with Mr A . . . It will hurt, yes. But its for the best.

Kai that man is not good for your self esteem. He not only cheated on you while you guys were together, he turned you into a side chick. And you willingly went ahead with it for God know why!!

Forget all his 'sob-story' but that man does not love you.

Yea, he enjoys your company, he wants you in his life but he has no love for you.

Pkease let him go!!!

Do not agree to any 'just friends' relationship as sex will not be ruled out from such. Please concentrate on Mr B and stop looking at the past.

He's an ex, let him remain there!

U luv Mr. A like ur life depends so much on it, unfortunately A is still aving some issues dat r limiting him frm making dat decision, Mr. B on d oda hand is available nd ready 2 start a home wt u n u r yearning 4 a family too. Wudnt it b beta u go on wt Mr. B since it's not certain Mr. A will com ard nd soon? Drez nothn like bn married 2 som1 u luv nd adore bt whn life isn't directly giving u dat shudnt 1 make desirable d available b4 u lose on both sides? Well, I dunno tho.

Do u still tink Mr A is still into u, considerin the issues he has been through cos I know people change as experiences metamorphosises them...And ur feelings are still strong for him... Pls if ur gonna hook up with him make sure he is ready to go the whole nine yards cos he may exploit the fact that ur still crazy about him.And the money he has also answeret all things for him soo u may jst be another collectors item.
Meanwhile, Mr B is comin to u strong and ur not soo into him waooh! What a love triangle! Its natural sha.He has been tru all ur drama,grow wit him if u can at least he is makin an effort but ur the one been reluctant.Most importantly choose the one with the fear and love for God...

Why are you so in love with someone that made you a side chick?? He was only using you to pass time...

Besides, he's even a cheat for going into a relationship with you when he had someone, and then you agreed too ...

Just let Mr. A go please. ..

Don't know why some people are saying Mr A is a cheat. The guy told you expressly that he got another girlfriend while you were stalling and you still stayed. For me, that is the surprising aspect of this whole story. At that point you had basically condoned the relationship. You were content dating a man who was dating another lady to ur knowledge and you still wrote that everything went on well and life was great. So how is Mr A a cheat?

In any case I think you should let Mr A know, whether subtly or otherwise that there is another man in the picture seriously asking for ur hand. If he is still interested in you he will certainly make it plain to you. If he doesn't care then u have ur answer already. You move on with Mr B.

You lost whatever value you had when you agreed to being Mr A's side chick. After all your shakara he came close and saw you were cheaper than he imagined. He even has conscience not to play you without your consent. The more you hope on him, the more you will disgust him. His money can afford more than the cheap wife material you are offering him. Redeem your image by giving mr B a chance... But nawa beside you o, you wan die on top man wey no love you.

OP, am just going to be critical not judging.
" he had become super rich (I swear I didn’t know how rich till I got really closer ....) "

This statment summarised everything, thats y u gave blind eye when he tld you abt a prior chick and u just decided to slug it out. Now he is cold and U still cant see or feel it.

Pls leave the bobo, let it slide, am not saying you shoud rush mr. B, but be wise baby, U are young and I guess, pretty. be wise...

Now you know what it feels like to be in da friendzone aye?.... well it's your call if you wan deal with mista A or start on a clean slate with Mr nice guy

luna9092:
Hello Nairalanders, I have been a guest for quite a while now, had to join the family because I’m in a dilemma, can’t and don’t wanna share it with anyone I know and I am sure whatever I get here will be just as good.
My story: I am a 25 year-old lady residing in the south-south of Nigeria. I met Mr. A in 2013, he was a very wonderful guy, he came onto me really strongly and wanted us to have a proper relationship and possibly get married but I wasn’t warming up to him as at that time because I had a relationship I was trying to maintain so all his pleas fell on deaf ears although we still kept in touch till early 2014 when I finally decided to give him a try after my other relationship failed. I did and I never regretted doing so, he had become super rich (I swear I didn’t know how rich till I got really closer and I am not a gold-digger, I hustle too), things went well till he told me he got himself a girlfriend while I was stalling and their relationship was 2-3 months older than ours although she was in another city and there’ll be no interference. We got along very well and life was great until the lady in question got pregnant for him few months later and she said she was gonna keep it, she wanted marriage and she had announced the pregnancy to his mom already; although he kept saying he didn’t want her and he still loved me but come on! I just knew it was time for me to go, I cried and prayed, wished for the clock to roll back to when I first met him but that wasn’t to be, so I tried my best to push him to the back of my mind.
Fast-forward to 2015, we met again earlier this month, lots of stories but bottom line is: due to some issues that I wouldn’t want to share, things didn’t work out again between them, baby was lost (I’ve got no way of ascertaining if there was actually a baby) and he’s currently going through some personal issues; the attraction is still very much alive, I think I’m even as desperate about ‘us’ as he was in 2013 (not obviously though just that my imaginations have been running wild) but when I asked him recently what he wants from me now, he just said he wants us to be friends for the meantime, I’ve died a thousand deaths since he said it because I just couldn’t wait to love him again and share his current issues with him but now I just feel I’ve been told off. Now there’s a really serious Mr. B in the picture, I am not really into him at all but of all the guys around me he has been the most persistent and he even wants to make it official as soon as I give the word; I like him but I love him not. I was considering him prior to when Mr. A came around again because I am yearning for my own family already and I’m telling myself I could grow into love with him (he has put up with plenty drama from me though and he’s still Mr. Nice Guy).
My Dilemma: Do I wait for Mr. A to come around and want ‘us’ again or push the feelings away and try my best to accept Mr. B??
Kindly help a sister out, I need really matured advice please as they will help me in decision-making. Thanks family

So the same way you feel about Mr B now is the same way you felt about Mr A before.... So why don't you give him a chance like you gave Mr A Cause he isn't as rich?

Na your time ke!
Make you siddon dia dey minus, add and divide.
5 years from now, you go still dey NL Religion Section to beg ya "God" for spouse!

Make mouth like "I love him not"!

Mtcheeeeeeew!!!!

Completely forget about Mr A, he seems to be seeing someone else.
Focus on Mr B

KanwuliaJara:
Na your time ke!
Make you siddon dia dey minus, add and divide.
5 years from now, you go still dey NL Religion Section to beg ya "God" for spouse!

Make mouth like "I love him not"!

Mtcheeeeeeew!!!!

Looool!! I don die..no mind the yeye girl..she doesn't know that time is money..

So money was the major factor that sealed d deal
You stayed with him even though he had a second gf that u knew of...

I pity Mr B n hope he is richer than Mr A

I fully appreciate all your comments, I also accept the criticisms in good faith. I agree that I made the first mistake when I still remained in the relationship then even when he told me about the other lady, I should have called it quits immediately after he told me but I felt I could win him over completely and I was succeeding till the pregnancy issue came up. So for now, I have decided to let him go (painful but possible), and focus on Mr. B.
thanks everyone

luna9092:
I fully appreciate all your comments, I also accept the criticisms in good faith. I agree that I made the first mistake when I still remained in the relationship then even when he told me about the other lady, I should have called it quits immediately after he told me but I felt I could win him over completely and I was succeeding till the pregnancy issue came up. So for now, I have decided to let him go (painful but possible), and focus on Mr. B.
thanks everyone

A pregnancy you are not even sure existed

How do you know the other lady didn't find out about you and gave him an ultimatum, and he used the 'pregmamcy' to chase you away.

Do you even know how desperate and clingy you sound? You stayed cos you thought you could win him over!!!

Have you tried to look at yourself through his eyes? He must see you as flaky and inconsistent with no respect for yourself. Why else will he not want to comit to you, even now

Take it from me, it never ends well.

Men NEVER marry their side chicks. Except you do something drastic like getting pregnant for him.

Please preserve your self dignity and cut this man from your life completely. Then, and oly then will he develop some sort of respect for you.

Even if you decide you eventually want him, and he shows same commitment, don't just let him in. Let him prove he deserves you. Don't sell yourself cheap in the name of love. Make it clear that you can never tolerate his past actions a second time and if he as much as sneezes the wrong way, be ready to dump him!

IMO the guy is just not worth all that.

Stick with Mr B . . . The nice guys are always the best husbands!

skentelelady:
Since Mr. A said you should be friends for now, please remain his friend and let go of any feelings of rushing back into his arms again

Why would he say you should remain friends for now? Dnt you think he is up to something?

He has decided not to share is issues with you which means he doesnt need your help for now.

I will advise you as a sister to try and see what Mr. B intentions are.

I believe in a bird in hand........ Because what of if Mr. A didnt eventually show up?

You can inform your mum about it and ask her to help you pray about it.

I wont advise you to pray because you have an idol already in your heart. I mean your mind is already with Mr. A. So if you do the prayer yourself if is Mr A that will always appear to you

All the best

I endorse this post hook, line n sinker.

Wedon:
If you ask me I will tell you to cut off all association with Mr A . . . It will hurt, yes. But its for the best.

Kai that man is not good for your self esteem. He not only cheated on you while you guys were together, he turned you into a side chick. And you willingly went ahead with it for God know why!!

Forget all his 'sob-story' but that man does not love you.

Yea, he enjoys your company, he wants you in his life but he has no love for you.

Pkease let him go!!!

Do not agree to any 'just friends' relationship as sex will not be ruled out from such. Please concentrate on Mr B and stop looking at the past.

He's an ex, let him remain there!

He did not cheat on her technically. He came for her but she was in relationship and stalled him. What do you expect him to do?

Young lady, you are not supposed to be as confused as you are at this stage of your life.

So this is how some ladies make the mistake of their lives.

If I may ask, what do you really want?

Move on

All of this dilemma will be solved if young men and women women would just seek the Lord directly before been too emotionally attached to the opposite sex. # shakes head#

The answer lies within yourself. Listen carefully.

I read d part where u emphasis hw rich mr A is n hw after making dt discovery ur feelings for him went over d roof smh naija girls n rich dudes, move on girl he has left ur sorry ass behind already

If u dnt learn to make emotion free decides soonest, u may repeat same cycle with d second dude or beta still pay Mr B a visit he may b rich too n u will b in love wit him instantly too smh

I read d part where u emphasis hw rich mr A is n hw after making dt discovery ur feelings for went over d roof smh naija girls n rich dudes, move on girl he has left ur sorry ass behind already

If u dnt learn to make emotion free decides soonest, u may repeat same cycle with d second dude or beta still pay Mr B a visit he may b rich too n u will b in love wit him instantly too smh

luna9092:



My story: I am a 25 year-old lady residing in the south-south of Nigeria. I met Mr. A in 2013, he was a very wonderful guy, he came onto me really strongly and wanted us to have a proper relationship and possibly get married but I wasn’t warming up to him as at that time because I had a relationship I was trying to maintain so all his pleas fell on deaf ears although we still kept in touch till early 2014 when I finally decided to give him a try after my other relationship failed. I did and I never regretted doing so,

luna: he had become super rich (I swear I didn’t know how rich till I got really closer and I am not a gold-digger, I hustle too),

Not a gold-digger, but his money came in handy.

luna: things went well till he told me he got himself a girlfriend while I was stalling and their relationship was 2-3 months older than ours although she was in another city and there’ll be no interference.

Sharp guy+calculating babe=fake relationship. But, we remember he's super rich. So, like Jesus Christ, you chose to endure the pain of the cross for the promise of glory. . Nice hustle, if you ask me.

luna: We got along very well and life was great until the lady in question got pregnant for him few months later and she said she was gonna keep it, she wanted marriage and she had announced the pregnancy to his mom already;

She probably found out about you and did all she could to secure her super rich boyfriend. You, the usurper, she wasn't going to allow. And from the sound of the part in bold, you didn't know his family, at least, not like she did. Luna=side chick. Not so sharp of/from you.

luna: although he kept saying he didn’t want her and he still loved me but come on! I just knew it was time for me to go, I cried and prayed, wished for the clock to roll back to when I first met him but that wasn’t to be, so I tried my best to push him to the back of my mind.

So, having seen the future, you'd have gone back to break the other 2013 relationship? Hmm. Women, women, women. So, predictable. Moving on......

luna: Fast-forward to 2015, we met again earlier this month, lots of stories but bottom line is: due to some issues that I wouldn’t want to share, things didn’t work out again between them, baby was lost (I’ve got no way of ascertaining if there was actually a baby) and he’s currently going through some personal issues; the attraction is still very much alive, I think I’m even as desperate about ‘us’ as he was in 2013 (not obviously though just that my imaginations have been running wild) but when I asked him recently what he wants from me now, he just said he wants us to be friends for the meantime, I’ve died a thousand deaths since he said it because I just couldn’t wait to love him again and share his current issues with him but now I just feel I’ve been told off.

What woman wouldn't be desperate for a wonderful super rich boyfriend, seriously?
I feel your pain.

luna: Now there’s a really serious Mr. B in the picture, I am not really into him at all but of all the guys around me he has been the most persistent and he even wants to make it official as soon as I give the word; I like him but I love him not.

He's obviously neither wonderful nor super rich. We all have to make the best of our situation in life, dear. Pray that he becomes wonderful and super rich too or wonderfully super rich. Do you still pray? The God that did it for Mr. A can do it for Mr. B.

luna: I was considering him prior to when Mr. A came around again

I don't blame you jare. What can one do in the face of wonderful super richness, but hurt those who love them and are willing to sacrifice for them while chasing fantasy and selfishness?! Hmm.

luna: because I am yearning for my own family already and I’m telling myself I could grow into love with him (he has put up with plenty drama from me though and he’s still Mr. Nice Guy).
My Dilemma: Do I wait for Mr. A to come around and want ‘us’ again or push the feelings away and try my best to accept Mr. B??

Mr. B is unfortunate to have entered one chance in your yansh. I would like to know him, if only to reveal the extent to which he's entrapped in an abyss of misery and deceit. Good luck o, luna abi na lunatic. May the super rich locate you always. Iseeee!!!

adeaks:
Don't know why some people are saying Mr A is a cheat. The guy told you expressly that he got another girlfriend while you were stalling and you still stayed. For me, that is the surprising aspect of this whole story. At that point you had basically condoned the relationship. You were content dating a man who was dating another lady to ur knowledge and you still wrote that everything went on well and life was great. So how is Mr A a cheat?

In any case I think you should let Mr A know, whether subtly or otherwise that there is another man in the picture seriously asking for ur hand. If he is still interested in you he will certainly make it plain to you. If he doesn't care then u have ur answer already. You move on with Mr B.

Mr. A can be classified as a cheat because he had a girl he was in a relationship with but still went on to date the Op..

There's a tendency of him still cheating in the future. .. Anyway if he and Op come back together and he cheats on her, I will say na Karma cos op also knew he had someone but agreed to be the side chic...


Op, just let Mr. A go....

luna9092:
Hello Nairalanders, I have been a guest for quite a while now, had to join the family because I’m in a dilemma, can’t and don’t wanna share it with anyone I know and I am sure whatever I get here will be just as good.
My story: I am a 25 year-old lady residing in the south-south of Nigeria. I met Mr. A in 2013, he was a very wonderful guy, he came onto me really strongly and wanted us to have a proper relationship and possibly get married but I wasn’t warming up to him as at that time because I had a relationship I was trying to maintain so all his pleas fell on deaf ears although we still kept in touch till early 2014 when I finally decided to give him a try after my other relationship failed. I did and I never regretted doing so, he had become super rich (I swear I didn’t know how rich till I got really closer and I am not a gold-digger, I hustle too), things went well till he told me he got himself a girlfriend while I was stalling and their relationship was 2-3 months older than ours although she was in another city and there’ll be no interference. We got along very well and life was great until the lady in question got pregnant for him few months later and she said she was gonna keep it, she wanted marriage and she had announced the pregnancy to his mom already; although he kept saying he didn’t want her and he still loved me but come on! I just knew it was time for me to go, I cried and prayed, wished for the clock to roll back to when I first met him but that wasn’t to be, so I tried my best to push him to the back of my mind.
Fast-forward to 2015, we met again earlier this month, lots of stories but bottom line is: due to some issues that I wouldn’t want to share, things didn’t work out again between them, baby was lost (I’ve got no way of ascertaining if there was actually a baby) and he’s currently going through some personal issues; the attraction is still very much alive, I think I’m even as desperate about ‘us’ as he was in 2013 (not obviously though just that my imaginations have been running wild) but when I asked him recently what he wants from me now, he just said he wants us to be friends for the meantime, I’ve died a thousand deaths since he said it because I just couldn’t wait to love him again and share his current issues with him but now I just feel I’ve been told off. Now there’s a really serious Mr. B in the picture, I am not really into him at all but of all the guys around me he has been the most persistent and he even wants to make it official as soon as I give the word; I like him but I love him not. I was considering him prior to when Mr. A came around again because I am yearning for my own family already and I’m telling myself I could grow into love with him (he has put up with plenty drama from me though and he’s still Mr. Nice Guy).
My Dilemma: Do I wait for Mr. A to come around and want ‘us’ again or push the feelings away and try my best to accept Mr. B??
Kindly help a sister out, I need really matured advice please as they will help me in decision-making. Thanks family

I completely understand where you're coming from but first of all, would you mind explaining the bolded? You've already come this far dear...