A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rev brother friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The brother told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The brother comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?" Man: "I committed adultery." Priest:"How many times?" Man: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." The brother tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
BROTHER: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Brother: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once."
Brother: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."
=======================================
He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money. ,

The Catholic Priest

A catholic priest was giving confession one day when members of his
congregation walked in and said, "Forgive father for I have sinned, I
cheated on my husband/wife this week and I have no one else to turn to."
The priest would reply, "You are forgiven my child, but try to keep from
repeating this sinful nature."

Sunday morning comes and he decides to direct his sermon to all of those
people who had committed adultery. The congregation was observant in the
priest's actions because he said if they couldn't do better than this he
would leave the church. The congregation liked the minister, so they came up
with a code word for every time they had committed adultery, they would go
into confession and say that they had "fallen" that week.

A couple of years later, that priest had died and was replaced. It came time
for the new priest to do confessions and he noticed that many of his members
were coming in, saying they had "fallen". The new priest was concerned about
his congregation and took it upon himself to go to the courthouse and talk
to the mayor.

The priest walks into the mayor's office and says, "Mr. Mayor, you have to
do something about your sidewalks and walkways in the community."

The mayor looking puzzled asks, "Sidewalks?"

The priest says, "Yeah. Many of your citizens have fallen this week!"

The mayor realizes what the priest is talking about and says, "There's no
need to be concerned father. Don't worry about it and go home."

The priest replied, "No need to worry about it, I think if anyone should be
worried it should be you; even your wife has fallen 3 times this week."
=============================================

Upon entering the confessional, a young women spilled the beans, admitting: "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me -- seven times."

The priest thought long and hard, then said, "Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass, then drink it."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will wipe the smile off your face
=====================

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

"How current is your copy?" he asks.

"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

"I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"

JOHN W BUSH sent us to iraq to fight the bad people.so i went out alone in middle of the night and met twelve heavy men inside a house .i asked them who they were and they told me that they are terrorists.i grabbed one of them and threw him out of the window.picked the second one threw him out again.then i got tired.i sat down to rest a little before i continue my work.then i saw myself here.

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"

"About three minutes ago."
=======================================

In heaven all the interesting people are missing.

I prefer the first one,
the last one is very funny
i think i've read the second one somewhere on the forum

69

A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do "69". "What the hell is that?" asks the guy. Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain,"I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine." Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get in to the position, she lets go a RIP-ROARING fart. "What was that for?" he asks. "Oooopppps! Sorry, lets try it again" she says. So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. "Wait, where are you going?" she asks. The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy !!!
================================================"
It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!
, sam milla

haha, i love the 69 one. lol

I couldn't stop laughing, the 69 is soooooooo funny

i am happy that you guys love my jokes.well ife should be all about laughs.
A church member went a native doctor to get some charms.he was sneaking around so that nobody will see him.when he got there ,he very suprised to see his pastor there, startled ,he asked the pastor,what are you doing here sir,the pastor beckoned him and said,,keep your voice low,the bishop is inside with the native doctor.

"If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy !!!

LOL!!!

The good olden days.

guy u are too much.
i cant stop laughing

nice 69