I love party rice. There is something about the flavor that makes it tastes different, maybe they use a special kind of seasoning or is it the firewood? Or is it that after cooking the food, Angels from Heaven will come and bless the food. That thing dey make me no dey like to miss some party, because of the food. Party food tastes differently.

My friend Tosin was the one who thought me. Knowing fully well that Nigeria is a Country soaked in different kind of parties every weekend. He is always ready. Every Saturday, he dresses up and enters the street looking for where they are having a party. At least food sure for that day. He introduced me to it and I joined in the adventure. Na so I begin follow him ooo. Sometimes, we attend at least 3 parties per day. Na so we go chop oooo, sote sometimes we go begin purge. But we don’t mind.

Na so this beautiful Saturday afternoon we come enter street oo say we dey find party we go attend. We didn’t have any food at home and the only money left with us was N200 which was owned by me. Na so we begin find any nearby party wey close to our area. We never planned to go far. As we were looking for, we discovered there was no nearby party around. It seemed as if the devil didn’t want us to eat party food in that area. “Na were we go come chop now,” tosin asked. Because we were not ready to further than we had. The N200, I no wan spend the thing for transport to find were we go chop. Na so we talk say make we waka small till we found our self entirely almost the out sketch of the town just to find party food. We finally found one, party in an open field with canopies. Na so we enter there ooo dey thank Baba God for the provision.

Funny enough it was a burial ceremony of an old man, Pa Josi who was far older than my great grandfather, 120 years. And “Gone too soon” was written in his obituary. Looking at the Obituary poster, the man or woman that designed the graphics should be given 120 strokes of can. The head of Pa josi looked like coconut. The hair on his head looked like paw-paw seeds. Looking at the posture of Pa Josi on the poster, he looked like one of the old men one can find in Onitsha begging for arms. Looking at his Obituary, 6 wives, 23 children, 80 grandchildren and 187 great grandchildren. This one wan break Abraham record. It seems the gene of polygamy runs in their family that’s why his grandchildren are much. Before the lineage gets to 10 generation, it may exceed a country the way his generation is multiplying.

Well, we found a seat and sat. After a long wait, eba and groundnut soup was served to us. I have never eaten groundnut soup in my life. That was the first time I and tosin was seeing it. We were expecting rice and big meat. But on our table was a watery substance with groundnut seeds inside, with large mass of eba on our plates.

I have a sensitive stomach, in as much I eat, I don’t just eat everything. I dey chop food ooo, but this groundnut soup and eba pass me. I no fit chop am. I looked as the soup was flowing on the plate with the head of fish that looked like the head of agama lizard.

Looking at the head of fish sef, it looked as if it’s not dead. it even looked as if the eyes were wide open and was looking at me as I looked at it.

“Guy you better chop this thing now? If you no chop am, were you go see another food chop today!” tosin said. Considering were I trekked from, with my fine cloth, I can’t just leave the place.

We finally began eating the groundnut soup and eba. The man sitting close to our table was just gobbling his own food into his mouth. He was really enjoying it.

After eating the eba; I and tosin couldn’t even finish one plate of eba. While the man seating close to our table finished 2 plates of eba. As he was leaving, I noticed he went to a nearby car, opened it and entered. I told tosin to hurry up so we could join him. We may be going the same direction. Luckily, we approached him and he was going towards our direction. We begged him to carry us in which he agreed. na so we enter the car ooooh. Barely 10 minutes we entered his car, he said his tommy was rolling. Na so the man talk say shit dey worry him that he was experiencing running stomach. And I began to wonder, ‘why won’t his stomach roll like rolling dollar, after all the 3 plates of eba and groundnut soup. I believed he won’t just be having running stomach like tap water but running of ocean of groundnut soup. I began to imagine how he would look ontop of a toilet seat. The toilet seater go just break. Na only God know wetin he go shit out. That thing na poison, e fit kill microorganisms. E fit even destroy grasses and leaves

The man said he would be branching into his cousin’s own in the Army barrack which is not far from where we were. He was heading there to offload those things inside his stomach. Well, at the mention of barrack, I and tosin were scare. Infact I begin regret why I follow the car. I for don allow the man go je-jely on his own. How sure are we that he is really going to the barrack to poo. Or “may be the army send am make he bring human sacrifices,” I thought to myself. We braced up ourselves and didn’t say anything as he took us. We approached the Army barrack, I was so scared and worried but still kept my cool.

As we got to the traffic junction light. It gave a red signal light. “Chaiii, what kind of rubbish is this,” the man screamed. “Shey they want me to shit here,” he repeated again. But luckily, the green light showed up and he started the car to move. Suddenly, a police officer showed up in our front of our car. “Oga, pack for corner,” the police officer shouted in a harsh tone. I began wondering what we have done. Before I knew what was happening, the police officer was banging his right hand on the car bonnet. “Oya pack my friend,” he screamed. The man driving us didn’t bother to come down from the car. He whined down the car window and asked the officer what he had done. But police officer didn’t bother to listen, “I will shoot you ooo. Just get down,” was what he was saying. Me and tosin were sitting at the back of the car. Before we knew what was happening, police officer opened the front door, entered and sat down. He didn’t even care that he kept us in the middle of the road. The cars at our back were blowing their horns for us to move. The officer threatened to arrest the driver of our car. The driver simply told the police officer to step down from that he was going to poo. Police no gree. Na so my driver re-start him car come move, carry all of us they head to the Army barrack.

At that juncture, the car was on speed. The thing don hold the driver. He can’t just wait for much time to release it.

Police officer ------- Where you dey go ** the officer was asking the driver foolishly**

Driver ----- What kind of foolish question is that?

Police officer ----- You are very stupid. You talk to an officer of the Federal Republic like that? More offence and you will give explanations for this.

Driver ------- Explanation! You will be the one to do that when we get to the military barrack.

Police officer ------ Which barrack! You are taking me to a military barrack?

Driver --- My friend stop asking me stupid questions. You even have the right to question An Army officer. You are in hot soup and I will eat you raw.

By this time all these was happening, I didn’t know whether to start laughing at the police officer or to be sad at what was going on. The police officer truly don enter one chance that day. The driver was fearless as if he was a military man. To add salt to the officer’s injury. I and tosin lashed at him. “Oga police officer, we go take you do pepper soup for barrack today,” Tosin said. “All of una wey dey harass people, God don catch you today,” I said. I brought out my phone from my pocket and started making a fake call. I pretended to be calling a top military officer telling him to arrange some young army officers that would deal with the police officer. By that time, come see as police officer come start to dey beg us ooo.

Police officer --- Oga abeg make una no vex. Infact na your particulars na im I just wan ask from una, no be to arrest. Abeg have mercy.

Driver ---- Na lie ooo. I no gree

Police Officer ----- Oga abeg nah. Have mercy in the name of God. Abeg I no wan enter that barack

Driver --- No oo, I no gree. We dey enter barrack

On hearing this, I and tosin busted into laughter. And the car was in full speed. I and tosin have to beg the driver to let the police officer go. Finally, on getting to the main gate of the barrack, the driver stopped and the police officer came down. The speed in which he used in running out of the place. He ran as if he was been chased. Well he needed it. their harassment is too much on Nigerian citizens. As we drop the police officer, na so driver zoom off go shit for barrack.

http://www.hovabuzz.com/frontline/1002-funny-encounter-with-a-nigerian-policeman-after-the-party-last-saturday

i put this thread for this section, well i don't really know were to put it.
lalasticlala
seun
you can help put take it to the right section.

I love this hilarious story!! !

Here is another one... Join me Lighternote chimaamaechi17 onatisi suzzy16 SkinnyDude JayJustus Soyedele1 johnsonsegxy Iamoilprince bimbofela honeric01 Moana tosynbolade Phema zeenhle BALLERON otokx

tdayof

this guy writes really good stories tho... heheheh

JayJustus:
tdayof


this guy writes really good stories tho... heheheh

sir I heard my name.
PRESENT SIR!!


now let me read if it's interesting more octopus and tortoise to your food if not na 3days fasting

Present

party..police...you....all funny

www.haconjy..com