Cool

(yawns) all i read there is 'sound, round, found, ground, bound, pound'. Dark, mark, yansh. Oga rhyme i hail thee o. Na u be Tuface wey sing 'for instance'.

I pray after may 29 Buhari will give the OP a job. No busy man will sit down and indolently scribble such twaddle and call it palmy, sorry i mean poem.

#Nobody ever made real good money writing poems.

Nice piece Laykorn..

Very impressive Laykon. Am impressed and filled with awe. I wish I could write half as good. You have a new disciple in me.
@literaryMathy, the first thing that strucked me about your monikar was the similarities in name. I answered something close to that in sch. I was almost speechless with your critique of the poem. You sure know your onions. I would love to learn more from you. Thanks

lordtosan:
(yawns) all i read there is 'sound, round, found, ground, bound, pound'. Dark, mark, yansh. Oga rhyme i hail thee o. Na u be Tuface wey sing 'for instance'.

I pray after may 29 Buhari will give the OP a job. No busy man will sit down and indolently scribble such twaddle and call it palmy, sorry i mean poem.

#Nobody ever made real good money writing poems.

I'm sure you think all that you've written up there makes sense ba? You can help by getting a job for Wole Soyinka too; the man will buy you and all your properties along. You joke!

TheSonOfMark:

I bet the dead would 'sell' to you at a discount.

Buzz off!

cool poem

laykorn:


I'm sure you think all that you've written up there makes sense ba? You can help by getting a job for Wole Soyinka too; the man will buy you and all your properties along. You joke!

you clearly lack a glib grasp of what nonesense means. If there is anything that falls within the ambit of nonesense, it certainly would be that crass clumsy cluster of crap you put up there called poem.
How much is wole soyinka worth? If the white-afro grandpa had so affluently amassed wealth from poetry how come he is not among the richest men in his own village let alone in the country? The old man is skint boy! Apart from wole soyinka can you, without throwing tantrum, cite another nigerian poet who became a silver-tail from writing poetry? A modern poet? Please do!
My boy go out there, make money and you will buy a library of poetry. No one ever became wealthy writing flimsy lines called poetry. Who even buys poetry in recent times? Be honest when last did you buy a modern poet's work?

lordtosan:
you clearly lack a glib grasp of what nonesense means. If there is anything that falls within the ambit of nonesense, it certainly would be that crass clumsy cluster of crap you put up there called poem.
How much is wole soyinka worth? If the white-afro grandpa had so affluently amassed wealth from poetry how come he is not among the richest men in his own village let alone in the country? The old man is skint boy! Apart from wole soyinka can you, without throwing tantrum, cite another nigerian poet who became a silver-tail from writing poetry? A modern poet? Please do!
My boy go out there, make money and you will buy a library of poetry. No one ever became wealthy writing flimsy lines called poetry. Who even buys poetry in recent times? Be honest when last did you buy a modern poet's work?

I can't read this; it's too long.

laykorn:


I can't read this; it's too long.

Why did you even waste your time quoting the narrow minded twerp? Learn to ignore fools bro.

All what he wrote shows he thinks with his anus.

laykorn:


I can't read this; it's too long.

lol. You just gave credence to the rumour that poet are indolent folks.

Wow, lovely piece...esp. the philosophical context. Thumbs up!
Writing including poems used to be one of my hobbies then until hustling game starts..
Nice one @Laykorn and @Literarymathy

beyondwalls:
Wow, lovely piece...esp. the philosophical context. Thumbs up!
Writing including poems used to be one of my hobbies then until hustling game starts..
Nice one @Laykorn and @Literarymathy

Hehe. Thanks

You shouldn't have let the hustle take away what you used to love though.

laykorn:


Hehe. Thanks

You shouldn't have let the hustle take away what you used to love though.

Easy for you to say...

literarymathy:
Your piece is rhythmically well paced and well invested in rhymes. Your use of the couplet is commendable because it makes the piece musical without distorting your themes. The simplicity of your diction is endearing because it adds to its rhythmic beauty. This poem is a masterpiece for recitation /performance. The form of the poem, being a lyric, is well balanced with its private, metaphysical, existential, absurdist and overtly philosophical contents. It is a poem of contraries like those of William Blake. It is also a poem of assertion like those of Walt Whitman. The poem is stylistically similar to those of Edgar Alan Poe and Paul Lawrence Dunbar. I love your use of vivid imagery and your deployment of literary devices to realise the aesthetic aspects of your poem.

Thanks.

Far from being perfect, however, the poem is an archetypal one.

In all sincerity, I agree that the poem is archetypal; almost a re-modelling of the things we've always heard. I noticed too myself after I completed it, and I could have made it more unique, but I felt that wasn't just enough reason to modify the poem.

It is a celebration of the fact that Nigerians are not totally lost in the world of creativity. Subsequently, I suggest that you should spend less verses probing around issues but addressing them with philosophical precision. The Poem is also overtly private and care should be taken to include the reader as part of the general effect. This can be done subtly. Take a look at Robert Frosts' Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening and The Road not Taken and adapt aesthetic cues from there.

I need to thank you specially for this second important observation. Initially, I didn't know I'd be sharing this; I thought it would be on the list of poems I write for myself, because the poem, partly, sucked it's milk of inspiration from some personal experiences. I hope that explains the 'personal' effect in it.

I'd once, in a rush, read Frost's A Way Not Taken, and now, that you mentioned
it again, I know I just need to go back to it and try to notice things more.

By the way, don't you think your so-called fact about Nigerians and creativity is a bit stereotypical and could be false too?

I've finished speaking as a critic! As a poet now, I believe this work is marvelous! It's a precedent for what a lyric should be. My poems are stylised much like yours and that's why I'm fascinated with it. I love the way you address existence in the Poem. I've learnt a thing or two from you. Keep it up and one day, you shall be compulsorily studied in any poetic engagement.

Thanks for the kind words. Undoubtedly, you're the best critic I've met on this Nairaland so far. This, too, is also the most polished critique I've seen on this forum, I must stay.

I'll also advise that you should avoid posting your "full" poem on NL because of plagiarism. It is better to post an "extract" or at worst, make sure it's published on another blog or website before pasting it here.

Yes, sir, I've once thought of this too, but I decided it wasn't the best solution. How do my poems get critiqued if I don't post in full? How do I become a better poet if I don't get critiqued? Those were the questions that rose to attack me when I almost decided I wouldn't post my poems in full anymore.

I know it's pretty dangerous and that's why I always remember to run a Google check on the poems I have on Nairaland from time to time. I find that a couple of Nigerian and foreign blogs and websites have posted some, but all with acknowledgements. I always find it written this way, '------- by laykorn'; that's why I write my mail address at the end of my poems these days. Who knows? Someone might want to get in touch. I'm even already contemplating adding my Bank Account Number these days. Person must not dull in this country na.

But seriously, I have some works I'd never risk posting here. Chai! Suffer wey person suffer on top them, eh. This reminds me of the story of one of the older poets on this forum who posted a long story in poetry of different styles; an epic work that took months to complete, only to find it on one Tanzanian, abi na Congolese blog. He pulled down the blog, but the only God knows what the criminal blogger could have made from his sweat.

Thanks for all the time, sir. Would you be chanced to do a critique of some of my other works too, sir?

*I remind myself of Oliver Twist

joseph1832:
Easy for you to say...

Why do you think so?

laykorn:

Why do you think so?

Is that a rhetorical question?.

Just when I had hopes of being a poet, Laykorn comes and dashes my hopes- I honestly doubt that I can write something as beautiful as this

a
very
nice
piece.
very
inspiring.

AllNaijaBlogger:



Just when I had hopes of being a poet, Laykorn comes and dashes my hopes- I honestly doubt that I can write something as beautiful as this

Don't get angry; put your pen to the paper and do the magic! It's healthier that way.

Seriously AJB, do you have a message for Buhari in verse?

laykorn:


Don't get angry; put your pen to the paper and do the magic! It's healthier that way.

Seriously AJB, do you have a message for Buhari in verse?

I have a message for Buhari in verse. It didnt come out as nice as i thought it would sha

AllNaijaBlogger:



I have a message for Buhari in verse. It didnt come out as nice as i thought it would sha

It didn't come out nice to you; not your audience, sir. Can we do a co-write? I have something I'm scripting here too.

laykorn:



It didn't come out nice to you; not your audience, sir. Can we do a co-write? I have something I'm scripting here too.

I'm down. How do we go about the co-write?

AllNaijaBlogger:



I'm down. How do we go about the co-write?

You're going to post, sir.

I'm not done with mine yet, and since you're done, I'm requesting for a copy of your piece so I'll know the perfect way to structure mine. We don't want people noticing there are two writers until they are told, sir.

laykorn:


You're going to post, sir.

I'm not done with mine yet, and since you're done, I'm requesting for a copy of your piece so I'll know the perfect way to structure mine. We don't want people noticing there are two writers until they are told, sir.

So I email you?

I'm ready to send in 10 mins. not on my laptop. I can email it to you in 10 mins- ur email pls

AllNaijaBlogger:



So I email you?

I'm ready to send in 10 mins. not on my laptop. I can email it to you in 10 mins- ur email pls

soburadedokun@yahoo.com

laykorn:


soburadedokun@yahoo.com

Sent the mail!

AllNaijaBlogger:


Sent the mail!

When do you want us to post, sir? Today or tomorrow?

laykorn:


When do you want us to post, sir? Today or tomorrow?

Whenever you are ready.

AllNaijaBlogger:



Whenever you are ready.

I'm currently wrapping things up at work; I'll have a clear-enough-mind-to-write-good-poetry in an hour or two.