[size=18pt]Widows and widowers want mates too[/size]
By Kemi Ashefon
Published: Sunday, 11 Jan 2009

SINCE John lost Eugenia, his late wife, life has been hell. ”That was five years ago and I was left with two kids,” he recounts. ”Initially, I thought nobody could fill the vacuum her death left and I made up my mind never to get married again.” But that was short-lived. ”I realised after my third year of widowhood that I took a foolish decision. Why? I was not only lonely; I was tired playing a dual role in the lives of the kids. I dressed them up for school (his kids are toddlers), got the maid to cook and clean the home and I also engaged in school runs.

”Though I was seeing a lady whom I was having an affair with, I had to take her outside the home for sexual activities because I didn‘t want to hurt my kids‘ emotions. By the time I decided to settle down for remarriage, my in-laws and neighbours started raising the alarm. I was disappointed in them all because they failed to realise that I was single and needed a mate too. So they were comfortable with my state – being alone always? So, I decided to get serious with a lady in my office. She was the secretary to my boss and we became very close.

”I bought things for her, supported her parents and siblings, helped with her car maintenance and so many other things. I was ready to marry her but my late wife‘s mother was against it. She poisoned my children‘s minds and they became hostile to Kunmi, my lover. It got to the extent that she started receiving phone calls and was informed that I was under a curse and that every woman I marry must die. This affected our affair and the girl took to her heels. I have dated other women, but by the time my neighbours talk to them, they will stop seeing me. I have decided to move out of that neighbourhood and start my life all over again. I can‘t live in widowhood forever.”

Maybe widows are worst hit. By the time Rufus died, one thing was clear to Perpetual, his widow - you bear your emotional burden alone. ”It was difficult to cope with the loss of a man I loved and married for 12 years,” she begins. ”At 37, I was a young widow and had three kids. Though I was getting support from his family members and friends, I needed more than money. I wanted someone I could share my heart with. It was horrible sleeping alone, tendering to the kids alone and I had nobody to support my emotional needs.

”I was living in the family house and there was no way a male friend could visit me. In fact, none of my in-laws thought of remarriage for me. To them, I have my kids to fend for and that should make me forget that I am a woman with blood flowing in my veins. Though my mother-in-law suggested one of my late husband‘s uncles, I rejected the idea. The man was old and I could become a widow again if I packed into his house.

”So for three years I struggled with my emotional needs until I met Fabian. He was a young man and still single. Surprisingly, he wanted to marry me and even adopt my kids, but we met a brick wall when his parents saw me. His mother wondered how her son would bring home a widow. What if I killed her son just as I killed my late husband? I cried and explained to them that my late husband died of cancer and I didn‘t have a hand in it. Fabian was adamant and told his parents that he loved me and would marry me. This went on for a year but gradually, he withdrew due to the pressure from his family and I am alone now. At 41, I am still pretty, my figure is stunning and I have had a few male friends but many run from marriage because of my widowhood. Even my in-laws had declared that immediately I remarry, I have to pack out of their house and they stop my allowance but kids‘ school fees would be paid. They have refused to see me as a single lady; to them, I am a widow. I still don‘t know why being a widow makes me different from other women.”

For Rachel, it was difficult to make the right choice after three years of widowhood. ”Every man, especially my late husband‘s friends, wanted to sleep with me,” she says. ”I was shocked when our pastor even made advances at me. But for the fact that I don‘t have kids, I would have remained single because Akin, my late husband, was everything I wanted in a man. I married immediately after graduation and I had the best of times. He was so kind, caring and never bothered that I did not have kids in our three-year-old marriage. He died in an air crash and I became a widow at 26.

”Now at 29, I have more than enough men wanting my hand in marriage than any single girl. How do I make a choice? Go for my late husband‘s friends or become a mistress to a pastor that prayed with me when I became a young widow? It could be disgusting seeing that people who you thought loved you would turn back and want your wife to sleep with them. I could imagine what Akin would think of them wherever he is. Not that I enjoy widowhood, no. I really want to get married and have kids, but my fear is this: what if the man dies like Akin again? There is this guy asking me out in my friend‘s office, but I am scared. When I told him my fear, he laughed it off and told me he was ready to die because of me.”

http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art20090111123593

Comments:


* Can someone tell me where to find widowers who want to meet widows for dating? I tried all the dating sites out there. No way.

Posted by: Jill , on Thursday, January 29, 2009

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* Rachel I say go for it. I am truly sorry about your husband but you are young. Now is the time. God bless you

Posted by: Emeka , on Sunday, January 11, 2009

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* Just like bro.muniru iam a xtian too.book of Timothy say for somebody to be regarded as a widow you must be 60yrs.In other sense anybody below age 60 should re-marry if they cannot hold their emotions.Is better to re marry than to burn.Thanks

Posted by: jide , on Sunday, January 11, 2009

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* sincerely,if the unfortunate happens, it shouldn't bring an end to life, let all the stakeholders put themselves into that position of widowee/widower and judge if they accommodate to mourn their lost partner for long.Kemi,tell this people to take a bold and genuine steps to continue their marrital life in their new love.may thy good LORD keep us and make fulfill our days.cheers! yomi adisa(abuja) 08056666130

Posted by: yomi adisa , on Sunday, January 11, 2009

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* May Allah help our society. Widow and widowers are human beings. Of every thinking, it is only Islam,because it is a religion from the Creator, that is positive about this emotional needs. It allows a woman just 4 months and ten days of waiting before she can re-marry. If she decides to stay single, no problem but there should be no adultery. A man is free to marry anytime. The idea of having more than one wife for those who are capable is also design to take care of widow too.Checkout on Islam

Posted by: Kolawole Muniru , on Sunday, January 11, 2009

May Allah help our society. Widow and widowers are human beings. Of every thinking, it is only Islam,because it is a religion from the Creator, that is positive about this emotional needs. It allows a woman just 4 months and ten days of waiting before she can re-marry. If she decides to stay single, no problem but there should be no adultery. A man is free to marry anytime. The idea of having more than one wife for those who are capable is also design to take care of widow too.Checkout on Islam

olabs and co where art thou? is this true?