Dirty jokes
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.” The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?” The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back u

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."

There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he’d try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold intimacy gadgets and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, the old man. “Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except …” said the old man, and then he stopped. “Except what?” asked the businessman. “Nothing, nothing,” said the old man. “C’mon, tell me! I need something!” protested the businessman. “Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is the ‘voodoo dick,’” the old man said. “So what’s up with this voodoo dick?” the businessman asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking Love Machine. The businessman laughed, and said, “Big fucking deal. It looks like every other Love Machine in this shop!” The old man said, “But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.” He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo dick, the door.” The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, “Voodoo dick, get back in your box!” The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. The businessman said, “I’ll take it!” The old man resisted and said it wasn’t for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special Love Machine and that to use it, all she had to do was say, “Voodoo dick, my pussy.” He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone. After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably Hot. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said “Voodoo dick, my pussy!” The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she’d had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the Love Machine. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn’t been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn’t stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, “Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!”

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Naughty boy draws a p*nis on a black board. Lady teacher rubs it off. Next day he draws a bigger one and writes: "REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!

Boy in the bath with his mum. Boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum ?" Mum replies, "That is my sponge." "Oh yes," says the boy, "The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it ."

A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away.

crazy

Series > A Simple Life On Paper (Episode 1) By Slickson on May 2, 2015 My life was basically in a boring routine. I had recently been employed into the federal civil service as an architect and for a young guy at twenty-six; I had lost all flare in my life. My steady job and occasional private gigs were all a means of saving funds towards my intended proposal to my girlfriend of two years. I had only three hundred thousand naira left for me to reach my two million naira savings goal when I got tagged on some pictures of my girlfriend’s wedding by her cousin on Facebook. I fell into a serious depression for months. My colleagues and bosses kept their distance at work and my friends avoided bringing up her name whenever I was around. It took two months for me to decide whether I should end my life or start living again. I decided to live. My daily routine revolved around work and home. I leave for work by seven in the morning and in most cases come back by six in the evening. I had no problem with those hours because I was always able to avoid the hold ups in the morning and make it to work before eight and I eat dinner out before I head home…still avoiding hold-ups. I live in a one bedroom apartment (that means it has a living room, dining area, kitchen, bedroom etc) in the outskirts of town. The apartment is part of a semidetached building and there are 7 of such buildings in the compound. I had initially paid only a year’s rent but since I got the job I was comfortable with I had decided to meet with the landlord and pay up for another five years. I was surprised that the man came and knocked on my door in person. He is one of the big wigs in his state that you will definitely see on national TV at least once a month so when I sent a text to one of the listed numbers on my lease, I thought I would get a call from a caretaker…not him. I ushered him in and he jovially explained how he had spent a year or two without coming to the estate so when his caretaker asked if he would like to issue a five-year lease; he decided to take the opportunity check up on the premises personally. He came in my apartment around six in the evening on Sunday. His driver came in with him and I offered them drinks. “Sorry I came in without warning, I was just in the neighbourhood for an event and decided to ask you some questions before I decide whether to give you the lease you are looking for or not” he started. For an elderly guy, I knew he was still sharp so I decided to be on the alert. He could have an ulterior motive. “Why do you want to commit to a lease this long?” he asked. I explained my situation to him as he nodded in understanding. He was concerned that people who took long leases often don’t know how to maintain the premises the lease. He ended his speech by asking if I could maintain the apartment in the same condition as I had met it. I was taken aback by the question. Not because I felt I could maintain it but because I had to renovate it before I moved in! I took my time to explain to him the steps I took to inform the caretaker in writing of my desire to renovate the apartment and also the pictures I had attached of areas I hoped to have fixed. I went into my room and brought out my copy of the received letter and presented both it and the approval letter I had gotten two days later. The pictures of the apartment were also on display from my laptop and the surprise that was on my face was transferred to his face. After he regained his composure, he agreed to allow me the lease.”As soon as you can make the payment, I will send the driver with the receipt”. A thought came over me. If I pay him directly, I would be able to avoid the agent/ caretaker commissions. “Sir, can I effect the transfer right now to your account?” I asked. That question led to me presenting a lecture on the efficacy of mobile banking and its numerous applications. He was skeptical until his phone rang and he saw a notification confirming the transaction. The driver was sent to the car to get the required documents and stamp. Thirty minutes later, my landlord left me with a new five-year lease and a smile on my face. That visit saved me a couple grand…who wouldn’t be happy? I went on with my life in the usual manner. I would often go visit my friends, but the fact that Peter and Gabriel were always in the midst of one new university girl or the other. I hate feeling like the third wheel (although some of the girls seem like they wouldn’t mind a three-way with me) so I make my visits brief. Mark was a gamer like me. So we could spend hours at his apartment playing Xbox. The only problem is…his girlfriend looks at me like I am cheating her of her time with her guy. WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 2

Series > A Simple Life On Paper (Episode 2) By Slickson on May 2, 2015 At work, my male peers seemed to be competing with me. They would always try to prove that they knew more than I did on any topic I ventured to discuss. Fortunately for me, I don’t discuss topics I don’t know much about. I reckon they did that because of Irene and Maryann…the only two babes in our office of eight. So I keep to myself and let the guys fight for the attention of the ladies. Of all the guys, the most macho and eager to mate is Gregory. He was a shameless flirt that used a long range of vulgarities as compliments and let his eyes wander down any little cleavage or rear that came his way. I get a really bad vibe from him and by the way the ladies started covering up at work…I probably was not the only one. I was called into the director’s office one day and he gave me a list of five people who I was going to be overseeing during their industrial training. The list included their institutions and contact details. I was to contact them all and tell them when to resume. I knew this was going to bring me some friction with Greg because that was his responsibility and he used it to cater to his carnal needs (and brag about it in the office when his supplier had gone back to school). I went back to my table and composed an SMS telling them to report to the office on the first Monday of the upcoming month and report to me by eight in the morning. I knew Greg let them come at will but I would rather they came around the same time I did so I would not have to assign chores on multiple occasions or get distracted from my work by a late arrivals. Maryann came over to my desk and took the paper with the list on it. She read through it and laughed. “So now you will be the one filling our ears with IT students related escapades,” she said out loud. I suspect she wanted Greg to know I had taken his feeding ground. If that was her aim, it worked. He sprung to his feet and came to my desk. Playfully took the list from her and scanned through it. “All these schools are boring,” he said with a hiss. “You won’t get any fun from this batch,” he said as he walked back to his seat. Maryann looked up from her laptop and looked at Greg with scorn. “Do you think Michael is as primitive as you?” Her question was laced with so much contempt that Greg did the smartest thing he had ever done since I knew him; he kept his trap shut! In the ten days to their arrival, all my correspondences with Greg were not just short but laced with contempt. I did not really care, but the other guys in the office were trying to reconcile us. They had basically no luck. Three out of the five students that I was expecting arrived promptly. I instantly felt a wave of pity for the two ladies (Bunmi and Uzomaka) because they were both very attractive and had alluring outfits on. Greg will definitely hunt them down till they leave. My introduction was brief and straight to the point. Told them I was going to be responsible for all the permissions they require and work allocation they are to receive. I also stated that other officers in the office are allowed to allocate work to them in the event that I am not around to give it to them personally. As I expected, the only amongst them had a question to ask. Unfortunately for him, he asked an obviously stupid question. The “rep” he was trying to build with the ladies suffered a blow. His name was Abdulrasaq. His shiny shoes, super pressed clothes and stomach-high shirt-tuck were a testament as to how serious he was about his training. Was I impressed? No, I wasn’t. WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 3

MY SEX ADVENTURE EPISODE 1
I Arrived at Bibiani Village on Tuesday morning, the day I was writing my first paper “economics” with my school bag full with shirts, trousers and other stuffs. It was a very stressful journey of about 4hours. On my way I saw one lovely lady. She’s short, fair with killer hips. Her boobs were like Nicki Ninaj’s own. I approached her and asked her if she knew the school I was writing the exam. She looked at me and asked, ‘are you also writing WAEC WASSCE’. I said yes. Then she said she was also writing economics today. I was happy and asked her if the place was far from where we were. She said no and that we could even trek. On our way, I asked of her name and she said Sarah. She asked of mine. I said Emgrin. For seconds my eyes keep staring at her huge ass. She noticed and smiled. We chatted about our secondary school lives for like 20mins then we arrived at the school. She introduced me to her friends… mennnnh, see fine bebxxx. They all had instant crush on me. I noticed dat. Then Examiners rang the bell and we entered the exam hall. My seat number was 094. I located it and sat down, bowed my head down. Then remembered I had not fixed for Accommodation. I became worried. Suddenly a dark slim girl wearing short skirt with married woman Big Boobs came to me and said hi am Bose, Your seat Mate. I replied and said. Am Emgrin. She sat down.
Bose: where are you from?
Me: Accra
Bose: Cool. You must be rich
Me: I smiled and said in my mind *if you turn bundle of 1000ghc note i will pick you*
Bose: Am from Goaso. Sha you look worried y?
Me: I have Not Secured accommodation yet that’s y.
Bose: *laughs* is that Why you are worried? Well you can stay with me before you will get your own accommodation if you can Padlock Your Trouser, You know what I mean
Me: *laughs* thanks Maa. You are very funny
Bose: you welcome dear. Exam started I cleared everything and Bose was using styles to steal my answers. lol Goaso girls. I said in my mind after 3hours we submitted and went out the hall. Sarah saw me and walked to me.
Me: How was the paper?
Sarah: fine, where are you going to sleep?
Me: my seat mate have offered me to stay with her before i get my own accommodation
Sarah: Her? Is she a female?
Me: yes suddenly her face changed. I can feel she was sad. She brought out waakye and soobolo she bought for me. I collected it and said thanks. She asked for my number and I gave it to her. She promised to call me later and left. Bose arrived with her *Garara* Busybody. She tapped me and said let’s go. She stopped an Okada, told him where we were going and climbed. Then she asked me to join her. I climbed and sat down. She halfly sat on My Dick with her Medium size ass. Suddenly My Dick Started Getting Hard. She noticed AND laughed. She said “OTeele” Meaning you Not Even Strong –
Episode 2 continues soon

MY SEX ADVENTURE

Episode 2

I tried to control my erected dick but it was not answering me. Bose just keep laughing. I was so disappointed in myself. We reached her house and she told the okadaman to stop. I wanted to pay but she insisted and paid. We went into her room and I dropped my bag. She cooked indomie and we ate together. No doubt, Bose is a Good Cook. She went out and fetched two buckets of water. She removed the purple top she was wearing, on facing me and gently removed her short skirt remaining only pant and bra. Charlie!! See shape menh. My dick nearly removed from its socket but I sat on the bed and used my two legs to cover it. My dick was nearly raising my leg up, she tied on her rapper.

Bose: hope you did not see anything

Me: No maa “in my mind” do I look like a blind man to you, b4 I leave this house, I must bang this girl *for my mind ooo*

Bose: Better *laughs* let me go and bath

Me: ok, some minutes later Sarah called and said is this Emgrin, how am doing we talked and she said we should chat on WhatsApp. Then she cut the call. Bose entered.

Bose: your water is ready anytime you want to bath

Me: thanks I will bath now. You are very kind. Then I opened my bag, brought out my towel. I removed my shirt and trouser

Bose: Menh see 6pac and big tool. Guys like you can Banged a lady to death

Me: lol Ladies like you can make Guys Erect till Death

Bose: that why u want to tire your trouser when we are on Okada

Me: it’s your fault na.

Bose: just go and bath ashawo guy.

Me: ok maa.

I went into their small bathroom thinking on how I will bang Bose. I finished bathing, went into the room. I saw Bose sitting on the bed tying only towel around. I rubbed my cream and am about wearing my cloth when she said.

Bose: Pls can you help me rub cream on my back

Me: no p “for my mind” the hour has come. Lol for my mind ooo.

She brought out Caro white cream. She laid on the bed and handed the cream over to me. I rubbed it gently on her back thinking of how to activate her mood to bang her. In fact my mind was full of filth. I rubbed the cream gently. Then I summoned courage then brought my finger down to her ass. She keep quiet and pretended as if she did not notice. Then I moved my hands to her big boobs and she did not talk. Wow the don set b dat ooo. I said in my mind. I turned her, kissed her lips, put my tongue on her boobs. She moaned. I sucked it for like 8 minutes. My dick had raised to a horizontal level, almost at 90degrees to my body- like they add yeast to unbaked bread almost tearing my boxer. I turned her pussy, sucked it. She screamed and moaned like a baby. I played with her pussy for 10mins. Her clitoris was hardened and became dark as I fondled it. Then she poured her juice on my face. I fact she squirted on my face. I brought out my hardened dick to bang her. She said stop! Stop!! Stop!! I was like; are you crazy? In my mind. I begged her that she should allow me to do it, even one round. She said no. I wanted to force her then I remembered she was a Kumasi girl. they can be crazy at times. Bose stood up, wore her cloth. I looked her with a sad face like person who had lost. She didn’t even care and went out. My dick was up and erected for like 3hours. I pitied myself almost crying. I just sat down and nursed my erected dick –

EPISODE 3 COME SHORTLY

WATCHOUT

MY SEX ADVENTURE

Episode 4

I shouted chai i don die. she left me and said she would me back d next day. I cried for hours thinking about how arrogance have killed me. Later, I remembered my friend Kelvin. His family are related to all this babalawo stuffs. I called him
Me: bro how far. I dey hot soup ooo
Kelvin: *laughs* egusi or okro soup?
Me: menh this is not time for joke. I slept with a girl here and she told me any man who sleeps with her, his dick won’t work on any lady.
Kelvin: Okokan?
Me: yes that’s what she called it.
Kelvin: laughs *okobo* (okobo means your dick cannot perform
Me: pls help me Na
Kelvin: have you tested it on another lady?
Me: nope, not yet
Kelvin: ok try it and give me a call
*laufssss*
…….. I cut the call, frustrated, thinking who I will test my penis on. Then I picked my phone and
checked the Time. It was 5pm. then I surfed the net to download blue film to see whether my dick will
raise, I remembered Bose. I sharply quitted opera and called Bose.
Bose: hi how are u dear?
Me: *fake my voice* am fine ooo
Bose: so when will I cum to greet you
Me: can you come and spend a night with me now
Bose: ok no problem explain the place for me. I will come by 9pm
Me: I explained to her, then she promised to come. I stayed staring on the ceiling for about 2hours. Then somebody knocked.
It was Sarah. She brought food. We ate, then she asked…
Sarah: what’s wrong with you?
Me: I lied and said nothing. I just have headache
Sarah: sorry let me allow you to rest. I will come tomorrow
Me: ok dear… She packed the plates we used in eating, planted a kiss on me and left…. Around 9:15pm Bose called me and said I should come and pick her outside my compound. I came out, she brought two ideal milks out her bag and we drunk. I touched her on the laps, kissed her. Then climbed on her my dick raised a little, I was so happy. She sucked my dick. I ejaculated in her mouth. I removed her cloth, smooch her boobs, sucked it. I removed her red j-string and was about inserting my dick into her. Then something funny happened. I can never forget in my life. My hardened dick fell.
chai, I don die. I said for my mind. I kissed her again. The dick raised. Then when I was about inserting, it fell again. Then she notice and carried my hard dick tried putting it in her vagina. Then it fell. She shouted Jesus!!!!! Okobo. She pushed me, wore her clothes and ran home. I cried and called Kelvin…
Me: bro my dick raised when am romancing but wen I wan bang e go just off “crying”
Kelvin: laughs. The girl you contracted it from, her source of the “okokan charm” is strong
Me: what will I do now
Kelvin: you have only 3 options
Me: which is?
Kelvin: 1st= you will sleep with a mad woman before three days
2nd= you will carry “Ayegbami sacrifices” on Friday morning 9am. you will put the sacrifices object which will cost ghc500 inside black pot then wrap it inside black leather for people not to see it and round market with it from 9am-12am (Ayegbami means evil spirit help me)
3rd= you will marry the girl you contracted it from … I will advise you to go for 2
Me: chia I have math on Friday, I love pussy but can’t sex a mad woman and can’t marry that babalawo pickin either.
Kelvin: you have to choose 1 before Friday which one are you choosing?

Episode 5 may follow shortly

MY SEX ADVENTURE

Episode 5

KELVIN: Emgrin, I will advice you to carry the”Ayegbami sacrifices”
Me: Bro I have math on Friday
KELVIN: you can bribe the school invigilators to write it for you
Me: ok send me the sacrifices items via text
KELVIN: ok…. He cut the call. After 20min this what he texted me …. Black pot, 6 snake heads, Bitter leaf, dead chameleon, dead scorpion, Akara, 12 bat head. After reading this I was a little relief. the next morning on Thursday, I went to my exam Centre to write agric. I did not concentrate, my mind was on my living dead Dick. After the paper, I saw Bose with some of her stupid friends looking at me and laughing. I guessed she told them about my living dead dick. I went to see a school invigilator. I told him that I got an urgent call from home and that he should help me write my math paper. We agreed and I removed ghc350 out of ghc700.0 I brought and paid. My cash remain ghc250 because had spent ghc100 earlier. On my way home I saw Bose and her friends coming so I quickly followed another rout to avoid any embarrassments. I got home, went out to buy a mineral and buns but I could not eat it. I was so worried. I asked a guy where their market was. He said I should stop okada and ask him to take me to “oja Alabgboja”. I went there and asked a woman all the sacrificial items. She packed them for me inside a Leather and said my bill was ghc 250. Hmmm I became very angry. I told her just this small items ghc250 and she asked me if I could go to the forest and kill 6 snakes. If I don’t want to buy, I should get out. Menh my eye turned red. I begged her and she agreed to collect ghc230. The remaining change with me was just ghc20. I trekked home angry and sad. I called my dad and told him they robbed me and am very broke. He said I should borrow money and come home on Sunday to collect some money. I reached my room, entered and locked the door. Sarah came knocking and knocked. I did not answer because I was dickless… It was Friday morning. I called KELVIN
Me: bro how far morning
KELVIN: Emgrin okobo good morning
Me: how am I going to fix the sacrifice?
He explained. I fixed it, then I took it to the market around 9am. I went round the market times without number. This is an experience I will never forget in my life. It was 12pm. I broke the pot and something I didn’t understand went out of my body. I went home tired. I called KELVIN. He said I was freed. Menh I was so happy. I quickly called Sarah and said I would love to see her. She came. I kiss her, smooch her boobs. I unleashed her cloth then sucked her boobs. My dick grew hard. I removed her panties. Menh I faithfully inserted my hard penis in Sarah’s vagina. It entered smoothly. She screamed. I was so happy my tool was back. I banged her and she screamed like a baby and like a virgin. I am sure am the second to sex her. She cried but I refused to hear. I did not even care. I bleeped Sarah 8 rounds to be sure my dick is back. She begged me to stop and that she couldn’t breathe anymore. I did not listen. After ejaculating on the 8th round. I inserted my dick in her vagina and it was so hot. I pitied her and stopped. She slept off then woke up around 8pm and ran home. I was happy that am now a Man. my penis was back. Then I remembered I had not eaten since morning. I went out with my last card ghc20. Bought ice kenkey ghc2, bread ghc1, Lacasera ghc1. I did not even care it was my last card, my dick is back that what matter most.… I went to my room then I started biting into my bread and sucking my kenkey. I was about to take the second bite then someone knocked at my door around 11pm.. Who is that? I said. I heard olaogun sad voice “it’s me”… “In my mind what is this witch looking for. You want come seize my dick again?” When I opened the door, I was shocked I saw olaogun with an elderly man tying white wrapper which am sure it as her dad and he asked, OLAOGUN NA THE BOY BE THIS? Chai end of beginning of problems –

In an examination, Akpors was asked to complete the following sentences:
1) WAEC : He who fights and run away?
AKPORS : E don surrender be dat, na fear catch am.
2) WAEC : A rolling stone?
AKPORS: No fit just dey roll, na person push am.
3) WAEC : He who lives in a glass house?
AKPORS : Na rich politician e go be.
4) WAEC : A stitch in time?
AKPORS : Dey prevent further tear tear.
5) WAEC : Birds of the same feathers
AKPORS : Na de same mama born dem.
6) WAEC : One gud turn?
AKPORS : Na correct power steering fit do am.
7) WAEC : A bird in hand?
AKPORS : Wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque? Dem plenty for chicken republic
WAEC : Half a loaf is better than?
AKPORS : Garri soaking without sugar.
9) WAEC : A journey of a thousand miles?
AKPORS : Na de person wahala be dat na, why e no enter car or aeroplane jeje?
10) WAEC : He who laugh last?
AKPORS: Get brain problem, make dem examine am because na beginning of madness.
11) WAEC : A patient dog?
AKPORS : Na hunger go kill am.
12) WAEC : All work and no play?
AKPORS : Na bank job be dat bros.
13) WAEC : Once beaten?
AKPORS : Na revenge go follow be dat.

Following.

















Garlicrey, please continue with a simple life on paper

Marriage jokes
Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home. When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said. "As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!" Then he hung up and walked out of the room. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter. Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."

Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want." The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret." The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10." The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15." The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

Dirty jokes
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.” She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.” He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”, Harry reply. She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE... She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down." He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs. She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck."

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor askes her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other." "The bastard called again"

Guy: Wanna suck my dick? Girl: No. Guy: Probably for the best. I mean, it has a label-Warning! Choking Hazard! Girl: Isn't that the warning put on tiny objects?

H - "Hello?" W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" H - "Yes." W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" H - "What's the price?" W - "Only $1,500.00." H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..." W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." H-"What price did he quote you?" W - "Only $60,000..." H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..." H - "What?" W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property." H - "How much are they asking?" W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..." H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" H - "Bye...I love u too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body. Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asks, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes." "What? He had two assholes?!" exclaims the mortician. "Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, "How am I supposed to know? We're 200 miles inland!" and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks, "Sweetheart, who was that?" "I don't know,some dumb bitch asking if the coast is clear."