e Benefits of Staying a Virgin Until After Marriage

I'm a virgin, and waiting to share that special gift of human
sexuality with that one person I will commit the rest of my life to in
marriage (when and if A strong foundational supports of a marriage
is intended to be the exclusive physical/emotional bond of sexual
union. One of the most beautiful ways I think of saving myself for my
future wife is looking at it this way: I'm going to love her SOOOO
much that right now, as I go through life (even though I don't know
for sure who it is I may marry I am saving this GIFT.

And I want to give this GIFT only to her, a one of a kind, the most
precious person I will ever meet. And she DESERVES it. That gift I
will have hopefully kept to show her that she is something REALLY,
REALLY SPECIAL. And you know what, I know she will appreciate that
with her whole heart. In today's society it's a rare and unique person
who wishes to save that gift of sexual union for his/her lifetime
marriage partner. I would encourage anyone questioning, feeling the
peer pressure, the societal pressure, the boyfriend/girlfriend
pressure, to wait until you both enter that lifetime covenant with
each other. What could be more exciting, more special, more emotional
than sharing the

wonders of sex with your one true and dedicated love!?! Think about
it. Think about the future. Think about your future wife or husband.
Don't they deserve your absolute best? It's something that you will
remember forever, and what better way to experience it than in a
relationship lasting a lifetime.

'How does one prepare oneself to lose their virginity? And what can
you do to get over being *really* nervous about your first time?'

Two inter-related questions, dealing with 'losing it.' *Uggh*. What a
horrible term. 'Losing it.' Often popular culture today says 'Go for
it, lose your virginity, you're not a man until you do.' 'Make that
conquest.' That's what it is generally held up to be in today's
society. A conquest. A hurdle. *Uggh*. How many women here would like
to volunteer to be a simple obstacle? I know I'm simplifying things,
but anyone with such an attitude and wanting to/did take advantage of
some young lady, in the name of conquest, how utterly LAME can you
get

Anyway back to the subject. I look at virginity as a gift, to be
honorably saved for that one person you decide to spend your lifetime
with (i.e. marriage partner.) The greatest emotional/physical treasure
a person can GIVE. You don't take it. You don't lose it. You give it.
Isn't that what true love is about? So how does one prepare oneself?
By making that commitment. Realizing she is sooooooo special that she
deserves your ALL. That's your total love, dedication, commitment. Not
cheapened, but in a lifetime covenant. Under this context what's the
reason for being nervous? Should sharing sex with your husband or wife
make you nervous? (of course there's slight nervousness in all new
things, but in marriage there is that security of freedom in
commitment where a couple can share their unbridled love as it is the
ALL of relationships. Now of course we look at stuff that would
make anyone nervous in a premarital sexual encounter. You've heard it
all. Pregnancy, AIDS, STDs, broken relationships, guilt, hurt partners
etc...

*** qUoTeS ***

"It is a melancholy fact that [the STD was herpes in this article's
case (but HIV/AIDS or other STD would substitute)] has rekindled old
fears. But perhaps not so unhappily, it may be a prime mover in
helping to bring to a close an era of mindless promiscuity. The
monogamous now have one more reason to remain so. For all the distress
it has brought, the troublesome little bug may inadvertently be
ushering in a period in which sex is linked more firmly to commitment
and trust." (Time Magazine) #1

'My boyfriend and I have been going out for awhile, and there is more
pressure to have sex. He says it will strengthen our relationship and
draw us closer. I have my reservations. I'm not sure what to do'

Let's define what sex is not: sex is not love. Let's define what sex
is: sex is an expression of love.

What's the one thing that most people are looking for in a
relationship? Intimacy.

A recent survey of 300 women ages 18-60 found that women of all ages
want men with whom they can be close. 'They want intimacy, which is
more than just love and sex.' #2 'Most women interviewed enjoyed
hugging, kissing, cuddling, closeness and conversation as much as
intercourse. Overall, intimacy was more important than orgasm.' #3
According to a popular female teen magazine, most girls opt for
affection over sex. 'Nearly two-thirds feel strongly that affection is
much more important than sex in a relationship and another 29% agree
somewhat. In fact only 1.1% assert that sex is more important.' #4

Intimacy. Someone to talk to. To care for. To be close to. A person
who gives generously. A person who receives generously. It's the
assurance that you can turn to another; whenever, wherever, and for
whatever reason. But does sex create intimacy? No. Sexual activity can
inspire a 'sense' of intimacy during it's duration. But this 'sense'
fades quite quickly when there is no substance to back it up.

Intimacy develops with openness. Communication. Truly revealing your
innermost thoughts and desires to another. This means laying your
emotions on the line; becoming vulnerable. Increasing physical
involvement to gain intimacy just doesn't cut it. 'People who discover
this often fail to recognize what is happening, and instead of giving
up the futile search for intimacy in bed, they intensify it. Time
after time they achieve a type of

closeness, and then watch it quickly fade. If this cycle is not
broken, they will become numb to the idea of finding true intimacy.
They settle for the cheap substitute.' #5 The emotional and
psychological bond necessary for intimacy can only be found in the
sharing of time, thoughts, and emotions with one another. In a
completely open and transparent framework. This then sets up the
relationship for emotional expression through physical means.

We all want a successful relationship. Where does sex fit in? An
article in 'Psychology Today' noted that sex was 'far down the list of
reasons for a happy marriage.' #6 Less than 10% of the individuals
with successful marriages thought good sexual relationships were
important in keeping their marriage together. Research data revealed,
in this study of some 300 couples married more than fifteen years,
that sex is not the key to a happy, fulfilled marriage. #6

What is the key? The top two reasons given by both sexes as to why
their marriage kept going were the same: #6

1) My spouse is my best friend.

2) I like my spouse as a person.

Sex is intended to be an expression of intimacy and closeness that
already exists within a couple. It's a sharing of one's most precious
and wonderful physical gifts with the person with whom they have
previously experienced intimacy through words, actions, and
commitment. And this commitment is fulfilled in a monogamous marital
state. Words are just that, words. There is no solid guarantee.
Commitment must be realized through action. True love deserves true
commitment. The wondrous gift of sex deserves only the highest level
of commitment possible, marriage.

Guy(or girl): 'If you love me, then you'll have sex with me.'

Girl(or guy): (possible responses) #5

'If you love me, you'll respect my feelings and not push me into doing
something I'm not ready for.'

'Having sex doesn't prove you're in love. I have too much self-respect
to get sexually involved before it's right. I've decided to wait.'

'OK, prove how much you love me by understanding and respecting my
feelings.'

'Love or no love, any way you slice it, it can result in a baby and
that does matter.'

'I love you. But I'd feel better showing you in another way.'

'Can't sex be purely physical, without the emotional and psychological
after-effects, or 'baggage'?'

Resulting psychological impact can be assumed about a sexual encounter
because sex is a choice. And when a choice is involved, so is mind,
will and emotion. It's the nature of humanity. When we choose, we
always ask why, and weigh the consequences. And in a consensual act
such as sex there are two involved. Just by telling her/him you want
to have sex is a choice. You are already affecting another person's
mind, will and emotions. Now you may have an argument for sex between
animals, for theirs is strictly instinct. We choose WHY we have sex.
Whether to give to a person, or take from them. Whether to please
them, or please ourselves. Or somewhere in between. If you had no
choice in the matter, then it has no psychological content. But you
do. You and your partner feel pleasure, pain, love, hate, anxiety,
indifference etc. And 'baggage' always results. It can be good
feelings. It can be bad feelings. Because you REMEMBER what happened.
No longer is the physical there, but the memory remains to be dwelt
upon by your mind, will and emotions.

*** qUoTeS ***

"There is no possibility of having sexual intercourse without meshing
a part of your non-physical self. Sex is such a definite experience
that a part of each of you remains forever a part of the other. How
many times and how casually are you willing to invest a portion of
your total self and accept such an investment from another person,
with no assurance that the investment is for keeps?" #7

"True sexual freedom provides the option of saying no to these
consequences [of sexual relations.] It says, 'We are human beings with
procreative powers capable of mature love and rational choice. Our
free will provides us with self-control and self-respect.'" #8'What do
you mean by 'sex was meant to be given in marriage?' What is 'good and
proper' in a given situation? Are there any rules, any morals
regarding one's conduct in a relationship?

These phrases are based on a ideological framework. However, not
necessarily religious, or it may co-exist as a rational and logical
framework with moral principles. But doesn't there exist that which is
generally known as 'natural law?' Or a moral code by which human
beings follow? Of course a person of a particular belief system may
refer to the author of this moral code as God, or the goddess, or
whatever. So do you agree to the existence of at least a general
'moral' norm? One that describes what 'is meant to be?' Is racism
'meant to be' acceptable, or not acceptable? What prevents me from
making my own 'relative' moral code, and say that I can be and act
racist? By what basis are you telling me I am 'wrong.' Or why should I
not lie to you, or steal from you? If morality is always relative to
the individual, then I should be able to do these things without
guilt, shame, or remorse. So there exist 'good and proper' conducts;
there exist things 'meant to be.' And this directly applies to
relationships. Should not trust, honesty, and fidelity all be
fundamentals in a relationship? And when one of the aforementioned
qualities is betrayed, cannot we accuse the perpetrator of wrongdoing?
As for sex being 'meant to be given in marriage.' Marriage, by
definition, is an institution. So there are inherent characteristics
to this institution; what is allowed, what is desired, what is meant
to be etc. that emerge from the nature of the lifetime covenant. Love,
sharing, dedication, giving, monogamy, and fidelity are just a few
examples. A line between 'right and wrong' can be drawn based on these
http://www.123helpme.com/view.asp?id=149165
innate aspects.

I no read again

How wil she know that you are a virgin?