So here is a list of some ordinary everyday issues and scenarios that just baffle me. Try as I might, I can’t seem to understand them. Nothing serious, just for laffs!

1. Okonjo-Iweala’s Gele: Okonjo Iweala’s stylist, if she has one, should be fired for gross incompetence. What?! Everytime Mama finance minister comes up on tv, my mind goes blank. I have wondered if she is just another Banky trying to hide something. How else shall we explain tying a headgear on the forehead? As if that is not enough, she ties it in that disconcerting style that reminds me of the days of going to the well to fetch water. If you know Okonjo in the most remote way (maybe you are a friend to the step sister of her generator repair man) please do the nation a big favour by getting a message across to her. And before anybody tells me its not my business, She is a public servant, ergo, she is accountable to the public. If her gele gives me constipation, then I have a right to protest!




2. Ladies shaving eyebrows and then drawing it with a pencil: I have asked the ladies closest to me this question and no one has come up with an answer that is coherent, let alone satisfactory. Let me just ask the ladies: if you want eyebrows, why do you go through the pain of shaving them off, spend money on an eye pencil and energy and time to draw it back. Sounds like some of our ladies are confused. It’s like cutting off your legs and replacing them with prosthetic legs, except that legs, unlike hair, do not grow back. Try it; you’ll see that it’s true. Ok, please don’t try to cut your legs!




3The Nepa Situation: Some people think there is a special demon assigned to the electricity situation in Nigeria. If they are right, then you have to agree that that demon comes highly recommended. I remember those days when as a child I would be praying quietly that Nepa would ‘bring light’ so that I could watch Tales by Moonlight and Papa Ajasco. Those were the days before China came to our rescue with those cute little ‘I-better-pass-my-neighbour’ generators that are responsible for many Nigerians having on bicep bigger than the other. Well, i am grown (I have a beard too ) but we are still battling with this monster called 'no light'. My folks say it’s been like that for so long. (Check out the photograph below. 1986? What?) Goodness, providing electricity shouldn’t be rocket science! Ghana, Kenya, Zimbabwe, even Rwanda export electricity. Nigeria has reportedly spent $20 billion on electricity since 1999. Goodness, goodness, Gracious God! Can somebody explain to me why the giant of Africa still struggle with 4,000 Megawatts?


4The bias against the left hand: I have always wondered why all the various peoples of the world unanimously favour the right hand over the left hand. Because I hate partiality and injustice, I won’t let it slide. I intend to start a world-wide protest in support of the left hand. The left hand is like that barren ugly wife in a polygamous home whom everyone ignores unless she is absolutely needed (for dirty work of course!). Pray tell, why should it be the exclusive responsibility of the left hand to wipe out butts while the right hand gets the more honourable role of shaking her royal majesty, the Queen of England and shovelling food into our mouths? It’s just plain unfair! There is is elderly man in my father’s family. I haven’t really been able to work out how we are related; all I know is that he is the ‘Olori-ebi’. If I ever tried to give him something with my left hand, he would slap me so hard that my mother would feel the pain. Needless to say, I hide in the wardrobe whenever he visits. And…by the way, I am right handed; I just believe in hand equality and I plan to start learning to write with my left hand. So, whose with me?



5. Some Nigerian Names: Now this is one sensitive issue. But, seriously, some Naija names are just ridiculous. Ok, If you happen to bear one of such names, please think of a word that is nicer than ‘ridiculous’ and replace, thank you. Patience Jonathan’s mother’s name is Fineface . A boy on my street bears the name Humble. There are names like Endwell, Thankgod, Richman, Bestpaul, Godspower, Nature. I just wonder: what were the parents thinking? How can you squeeze together an entire sentence, remove the punctuation and make it a nominal noun. Godspower? For the parents that named their kid Difference,well..i reserve my comment. By the way, the name Kingsley is NOT an English name. It doesn’t exist in English culture. Nigerians invented that somehow. I wish we had invented a flying vehicle instead.


6.Halloween in Nigeria: It’s not just Halloween, but every other unnecessary culture that Nigerians copy just because it’s from the west. You can laugh over every other issue I have raised but please I am serious about this. People who have never been to Seme (the border between Nigeria and the republic of Benin) celebrate Halloween these days. Heck, there are so much festivals and carnivals in Nigeria that you can’t possibly partake in them all. So what are you looking for? Our celebs like to tweet about celebrating Halloween (although a lot of them can’t even spell the word correctly. I won’t mention names). It’s absurd! I have nothing against Halloween. But make no mistake; celebrating a holiday/festival that you do not understand just because it western, doesn’t make you cool. Lying in the freezer does.



7 Add yours: Because I am a very kind and considerate person, I thought it would be selfish to keep all 7 to myself. So I will let everyone include their own number 7. What’s that one ordinary everyday thing that you can’t seem to understand? I can’t wait to read your response!

double post

Hmm

In as much as number one is no more in office, her way of tieing gele mehn, no be here. Thank God for some time now she will be out of public news, let her try to ...


Omo mehn.

stuff46:
In as much as number one is no more in office, her way of tieing gele mehn, no be here. Thank God for some time now she will be out of public news, let her try to ...


Omo mehn.

I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one that gets confused about okonjo's gele. I just find her face funny and the the gele doesn't help matters at all!

DarryOsh:


I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one that gets confused about okonjo's gele. I just find her face funny and the the gele doesn't help matters at all!

Asin erh

Just in case

I jst dey obzav