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Ways in Reestablishing Trust On A Cheated Partner

Understand the nature of your partner’s cheating.

People cheat for many different reasons and it is not always about sex. Sometime people cheat because they are seeking an emotional connection, trying to deal with a loss or crisis, or seeking an escape

• Do not assume that your partner’s cheating was all about sex. Find out why he or she cheated before you move forward. Try telling your partner, "I need to know why you cheated and who it was. Please be honest with me and tell me what happened."
Request that your partner cut off all communication with the third party.

In order to reestablish trust, you need to be certain that the third party is out of the picture. That means asking your partner to break all ties with the person. This severing may be difficult if the third party is a coworker or someone else that your partner sees on a daily basis. It may even be necessary for your partner to seek a new job in order to make sure that there will be no further contact between the two
• If your partner is unwilling to cut off contact with the third party, it may be a sign that he or she is unwilling to stop cheating. In this case, you may not be able to repair the relationship.
• If the third party continues to pursue your partner despite being cut off, you and your partner may want to pursue a restraining order to keep this person away from you both.

Communicate with your partner when you are ready.

Learning that your partner has had an affair may cause you to experience a high level of emotional distress. In this case, you may need some time before you can talk to your partner about what happened. It is important to discuss the affair in order to move forward in your relationship, but don’t feel like you have to discuss the affair with your partner right away. Take your time and talk about it when you feel ready.
• If your partner pressures you to talk, say something like, “I appreciate that you want to talk, but I am just too hurt right now to talk about what happened. Please show your love for me by giving me space and time.
• Ask your partner to make his or her whereabouts known to you throughout the day.

In order to reestablish trust, your partner will need to understand that he or she has lost your trust. For this reason, you will need to know where your partner is at all times. This may seem unfair to your partner, but it is necessary if he or she is committed to regaining your trust.

Ask your partner to make his or her whereabouts known to you throughout the day.

In order to reestablish trust, your partner will need to understand that he or she has lost your trust. For this reason, you will need to know where your partner is at all times. This may seem unfair to your partner, but it is necessary if he or she is committed to regaining your trust.

Talk about your partner’s cheating, but set limits.

Schedule two 30 minute sessions each week to talk to your partner about his or her affair, rather than spreading the questions throughout the week. Don’t ask your partner to reveal things that will be too hurtful for you to hear, such as sexual details.

Forgive on your own terms.

Your partner may be extremely apologetic and desperate for you to say that you forgive him or her, but do not feel like you must forgive your partner right away. It is okay if you need more time to heal before you forgive your partner. To help your partner understand, let him or her know that you are still too hurt to forgive just yet and that you need more time.
• Say something like, “I appreciate your apologies and I want you to keep apologizing, but I am just not ready to forgive you yet

Seek help from a counselor.

Dealing with a cheating partner on your own is difficult. If it is too hard for you and your partner to work through this process on your own, seek the help of a licensed counselor who specializes in marital issues. A marriage counselor can help you to deal with your emotions and have more constructive conversations.
• Keep in mind that marriage counseling will not offer an instant solution. Reestablishing trust in your relationship will take time