₦airaland Forum

No, this isn't a new Channel Seven program. This thread is for sharing humorous things you come across, whether it be a joke, a strange event or something else entirely!



A Sydney man has been disqualified from driving until the year 3001!
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4730490/Sydney-driver-62-banned-driving-year-3001.html

source: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/168/make-lol

A love struck Lady took to her social media page to give an account of how her husband gained her love with his mobile phone. According to the lady, she met her husband at an outing and he asked for her number but she declined. He then gave her his phone and called her on his phone later that day.

Read her Story below.
Quote
“He pulled up and asked me for my number… I said ” No”. He said ok, He handed me HIS phone and drove off, I was in complete shock! He called me on his phone later that night ( I was searching all through it)

SOURCE:

http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/164/struck-narrates-husband-gained-mobile?page=1&scrollTo=170

Episode 2
On Saturday,after our usual morning 3-aside in my street via playing of football,I took my bath,dressed up and as I have already informed Loveth that I was coming that day,I called her on phone to tell her am on my way,that she should prepare for my arrival.She replied and accepted in the affirmative. I boarded a charter keke to her place cuz I didn’t want to step into the dirty waters of the roads and streets leading to her place. On the way their,I felt as though there was another presence with me. it was overwhelming,but I ignored it cuz the thought of Pretty has ultimately left my mind. When I arrived at her place,Dennis(her gay friend ),was there but he was about going, so it didn’t bother me. I was welcomed, we exchanged pleasantries and I sat down and relaxed while she brought what she kept for her visitor. I ate,drank and thanked her. * ******************************************* After about one hour with her on the bed chatting, she said she felt like sleeping. I knew that was a decoy. Why would she wanna sleep now? I told her that maybe I should start going cuz am a bad company,and she started laughing, and shouted “noooooo!” I was like what else na? She obliged me to come and lie with her and tell her certain things.I did. I did cuz Loveth has told me before that she is a lez,so I felt awkward as I was about to lay there with her,knowing fully well that nothing was going to happen. She asked me if I know one certain girl like that, and I replied in the negative. She was shocked and visibly irritated cuz she did a poor job of hiding her misdemeanor. ” why do you ask?” I asked her. “cuz she told me she is someone very special to you,and that I should not decieve you, if not she will not take it lightly with me!” Loveth replied. I backed off of my nearn
Continue: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/161/devil-episode-2

Episode 1
On that fateful day,I have just finished exams
and didn’t want to go home with any of my
close buddies as usual.I stayed in school till
around 5pm in the school library,reading the
left behind series as my usual way of
calming my nerves and soul after a
strenuous semester exams.
I came out through the normal school gate
facing one of the major roads in Aba(aba/
owerri road).As usual,the environs was
bubbling with people marketing their wares
and other sellable stuffs,vehicular movements
were ever present, and a brief view or gaze
at the left hand side of the main road
presents you with two banks with numerous
peeps lining up to withdraw their cash from
the available ATM there.
I walked on to the point where I was gonna
stay and cross to the other side of the road
and enter keke to a trekkable point before
entering my street to my house.And that was
when it happened,that was when I saw her!I have seen pretty girls in my life,heck,I have
dated pretty girls in my life and I am friends
with many more others,but none can
compare to what lay before me.
Is not that she is pretty that wows or
amazes me,but the distinctiveness And
uniqueness of the beauty,it was rare.I didn’t
help but notice this the minute I took a glance
at her,which made me take another serious
gaze again to certify my curiosity.
I wasn’t the only one stunned,but mine was
visible enough that I just had to take a little
walk nearer to appreciate the rare beauty
cuz I was sure I was never going to see her
again after that day.As I was a step near
her,it was as if she noticed and she took
some steps forward to cross to the other
side of the road.That was when I heard
people Shouting and screaming at the top of
their voices.Pretty wanted to cross the road
knowing fully well that there was an incoming
vehicle on heavy speed.I couldn’t believe my
eyes and didn’t even know when I rushed up
to her(being the closest to her) and
forcefully held her back from taking that final
step that could have ended her life,drawing
her back with such force,she was literally in
my arms.The accident was averted!
Peolpe laid abuses on her as I was still
holding her very close to myself,even the
vehicle came to a stop and as the agbero
driver came out from the vehicle, he rained
curse upon curse on the girl.They were all
saying the same thing,that if the girl wanted
to die,why make another take the fall?
I held the girl tightly,shielding her from people
As I made her follow me as I took some
steps back and walked on straight back to
the school gate,and made for the other road
leading to the park..People

CONTINUE:
http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/160/new-series-devil-episode-1

Praiz – Show me love. X3M vocalist, Praiz Adejo has had quite an interesting 2017 after the successful release of his previous singles; Folashade and Me& You featuring Ghanaian rapper Sarkodie.
Praiz is back on the playlist with a brand new single titled ‘ Show Me Love‘. This new tune is very catchy and groovy, it will no doubt remain on your playlist for a long time.
Download and share your thoughts below.


[url="http://cdn.tooxclusive.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Praiz-Show-Me-Love.mp3"]Praiz – Show Me Love [New Song][/url]

It appears it is wedding season in the music industry. Following the recently held marriage ceremony of Adesua and Banky W , it appears Wande Coal has followed their path to tie the knot with his heartthrob.
According to The Nation, popular singer, Wande Coal has tied the knot with a lady, said to be Chinemerem. It is reported that their traditional wedding ceremony was held on Saturday, November 18, 2017. According to the reports, the traditional ceremony was attended by only close friends and family members of the couple at the residence of the bride’s parents in Lagos.
A close family friend of the bride described the pair as ‘extremely suited pieces of a bigger puzzle.’ It is being said that their Church wedding is slated for 2018.

SOURCE: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/157/wande-reportedly-married-private-ceremony

Sincerely, a big fan and to answer this question is kinda hard for me
Both songs are certified hit bangers and they both activate our street side whenever they are been played.
Both songs can easily light up any boring Party when the DJ eventually slides them in…. Oya na!
They both have killer intros…
Penalty has “ Won ti gba penalty lo si throwing ” and then everybody will surely go crazy whenever that bumps out of the speakers.
This Year has “ Ma lo pa Generator shrine ” – This will surely become the newest slang in town once this song fully penetrates into every nook and cranny of the street.
Omo mehn, Small Doctor don cause something for street with this song ooooo
Ok na, tell us you own choice
Between Penalty & This Year ,Which Do You Like The Most?
Drop your comments.



Source: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/147/small-doctor-fans-penalty-which

Hi Guys,
Here is another interesting edition of our “ GUESS WHO ” game here on Naijaloaded.
The Guess Who is a Game/Contest where we ask Nigerians to identify whom they think the Celebrity is, using a small part of their face to recognize them.
Below is a defaced picture of one of Nigeria’s Artiste who won the 2012 Headies “Rookie Of The Year” Award and also blessed us with some good musics but today, we don’t know what happened, he moved from being a good musician to an Instagram talkative spitting rubbish just to get attention.
He just acquired a brand new
Mercedes Benz recently and he also weighed into the Shatta Wale and
Wizkid beef but he’s not supporting his Nigerian brother.



Source: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/146/guess-headies-rookie-irrelevant-today

This is the best technique that I've found.
Start slowly kissing and handling her as you work your way down to her pussy.
Once your head is between her legs. Softly kiss her inner thighs. As you kiss your way down one thigh stop when you reach her pussy and give it a soft kiss (just a peck not a french kiss) continue up her other thigh. Repeat several times.
Next you will do a technique I call the Suck and Swirl.
First lick her pussy from the bottom of her slit to the top. This will open her lips. Next after the lips are separated place your mouth around her clit (mouth will be medium wide open). Start to apply a suction to her clit. By suction I mean a constant suction not like you would when suck on a tit. Once you have applied suction start to slowly swirl your tongue around her clit. Don't just use the tip of your tongue use as much as you can. The first few seconds she will be real sensitive, when that subsides start swirling your tongue faster. She will cum pretty fast.
Depending


Source: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/143/best-easiest-eat-times

Nigerian women are not only very beautiful but wise. People often say Nigerian women love money, the question is, who doesn’t? Every woman wants a man that can take good care of her and Nigerian women are no exception.
For those of you, who may be looking for a strong reason to get hitch with a Nigerian woman. Check out the reasons.
1. Culinary prowess: Cooking from an early age is something most Nigerian moms teach their young daughters and like they say, pratcise makes perfect.
So you are sure to have your Nigerian wife thrill you everyday for the rest of your life with the most delicious meals. All you have to do for this is show them love.
2. Homely: An average Nigerian girl is groomed from birth to be everything a man would expect of a woman and a wife. She is taught what it takes to keep a home from a tender age.
Being submissive to her husband and treating him like a king is part of what she is made to learn from her mother. Marriage requires a lot to work and a Nigerian girl knows that and she’s ready for it.
3. Family-Oriented: This is an important thing to every Nigerian. A Nigerian knows what it takes to uphold values and what that means is that, your Nigerian wife before marrying you would have been taught to stick with you and make your marriage work as divorce is not part on the Nigerian culture.
Therefore, an average Nigerian woman would do all she can to make her marriage work – if she perhaps want out, she must have exhausted all means of fixing the marriage.
4. Hardworking: A Nigerian woman wouldn’t sit back and allow you do all the work. She has been groomed to contribute her own quota to the success of the family. They are taught to be self-reliant and useful.
5. Beautiful and smart: Whether they have formal education or not, an average Nigerian woman is smart. In fact the typical Nigerian situation has taught all its citizens to be the best they can be.
And to add to it, a Nigerian woman is beautiful. Genevive Nnaji, Omotola Jalade, Stella Damasus all give credence to this.


SOURCE: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/138/interesting-reasons-marry-typical-nigerian

Episode 1
Moaning, moaning, moaning, moaning, kissing, smooching, banging, me and Obinna having late night se*x
Me: Yes, yes, oh yes, Obinna, yes.
Obinna: I love you (moaning)
Banging me really hard, thrusting me so hot, at some point i began to scream
Tolu: Haaaaa! Obinna please cum. Cum, cum, cum please
Obinna kept on pounding me, kissing me, squeezing my boobs, sucking my Tips and kept banging me in scissors style
Obinna: I’m about to cum, sorry baby (moaning tone)
Both of us weating, Obinna became faster this time, thrusting me so deep down, doing it fast, he’s about to cum
Obinna: Ha yes, ooooh, oooh (Panting)
He finally cum.. Breathing heavily, sweating profusely
Obinna: Damn! Thats was crazy (breathing heavily)
Me: Oh my God, i love you Obinna
Obinna dipped his hand below and brought out the sperm filled condom and dropped it on the floor. Both breathing heavily till we slept off.
Following day, very early in the morning, both us still sleeping, i quickly woke up, picked my wristwatch and checked the time
Me: Oh my God, i have 10 am lectures today, i’m so weak (Yawning)
I tapped Obinna who was still sleeping and snoring..
Me: Obinna wake up (tapping him), wake up, wake up
Obinna gave a very disturbing snore.
Obinna: Oooooh God! What? (Yawning)
Me: Wake up joor, i’m leaving, i have 10 am lectures today.
Obinna: (Yawning) leaving? I thought you said you’re staying till tomorrow (yawning)
Me: No, ooo.
I rose up and sat on the mattress.
Obinna: Hahaha! Okay let us do one more round before you leave
He got up, tried to kiss me..
Me: Stop, what is wrong with you? Isn’t that enough? Hahahaa, we had 3 roumds of se*x now you want another again, abegi.
Obinna: i’ll be very fast
Touching my breast, he was already Hot and hard…
Me: Stop, haa, see give me what i asked from you, thats the reason why i even came here. Im running late.
Obinna: Na you sabi
He got up and went to his wardrobe, brought out some money and gave it to me. I counted the money….
Me: Obinna what’s this? (Held the money with anger)
Obinna: Tolu please help me to manage that, i’ll give you the balance when the month ends.
Me: What? Ending the month?
Obinna wearing his boxers..
Obinna: Tolu, not now biko
Me: You know this is unfair, i asked you for 18k, you’re giving me 8k. This is unfair oo and you were banging me all night, a whole three rounds, (hissing) haaaaa! God what kind of boyfriend is this?
Obinna: I’m sorry (moved close to me, trying to pet me)…. I’ve told you i’ll give you the balance ending of this month.
Me: Ending? Today is just 6th for crying out loud, i told you what i……. See, take your money
Threw the money at his face, got up and wore my clothes, picked my things.
Obinna: What is the meaning of this? I’ve apologised, what else do you want?
He got up came near me, trying to touch me…
Me: Don’t you touch me, i’m sick and tired of this….. Haaa! God, 3 rounds…
Obinna: Stop saying that Tolu, are you not my girlfriend?
Me: Haaa okay!
Wearing my ear rings, picked my bags… He tried to hug me, i pushed him away and walked out of his room
Obinna: Tolu, Tolu, Tolu…
I left his place in anger, i was so disappointed, so disappointed, after having long session of se*x with him…. I couldn’t go for lectures cos i wasn’t happy, i just had to go the hostel straight. I got to the hostel, my roommate had gone for lectures, i couldn’t do anything cos i was still tired. I just laid on the bed, my phone began to ring, it was Obinna calling, trying to apologize, i didn’t pick his calls, he kept on calling, i got so pissed and switched off my phone and slept off
Few hours later…..
Someone tapping me, “Tolulope, Tolu wake up, Tolu wake up”
Me: Obinna leave me alone, leave me alone (still sleeping)
Then a hot spank on my cheek.
Me: Yey! Who is that?
Bidemi: Are you alright? (
Me: What was that for? Why did you slap me now?
Bidemi: Cos you were saying rubbish, were ypou fight with Obinna in your dream? Hope you guys didn’t quarrel again this time
Watch out for episode 2


SOURCE: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/136/date-white-men-episode-1

Ese Johnson stopped in front of Adam’s office and took a deep breath. She straightened her skirt and smoothened her hair, she was not nervous but seeing Adam again made her heart beat slightly faster. Of course she had made no time for her heart, today she was a journalist. Maybe some other day she could afford to be an ex-girlfriend.
She was about to knock when the door swung open. A woman carrying some files in her hand stood in the doorway, the woman frowned when she saw her.
“Hello, can I help you?” The woman asked.
“Hi, my name is Ese Johnson and I’m here to see Detective Ademola.” The woman smiled, her name must have meant something to her.
“Is there a problem?”
“I…” She started.
“Who’s there?” Adam called from inside, cutting her off.
“You may go in.” The woman said, moving away from the door. “Your girlfriend is here to see you.” She called out to Adam and left the office.
Adam stood up behind his table as she walked in.
“I am your girlfriend? Is that what you’re telling everybody?” She asked with a smile.
“Don’t mind Tola Dosumu, she’s my lovely assistant. Married, unfortunately I might add.” He replied with a childish grin. “You are welcome to the CIB director’s office, please sit. And wow, you look stunning!”
“I’m back to stunning huh?” It was the word he had used to describe her the first day they met. Stay focused!
“Ese Johnson in my office, to what do I owe this surprise?”
“You know why I’m here, Detective.” She said sitting down. Despite her resolve to be distant and professional, she could not help herself, he still had her swooning.
“The murder? You too? Why is everyone so interested in this murder?”
“Detective…”
“Hey…hey, why do you keep calling me ‘Detective’? Just stop it, alright? We don’t date anymore doesn’t mean you have to become all official.”
“Detective…” Adam threw up his hands in exasperation. She smiled and continued. “…this is a big case. The city has not seen something as gruesome as this in years. Everybody is interested; the government, the cops, the people, the press…”
“The press? You mean you?” Adam asked with a chuckle.
“Yes, I am- TBC is interested in the case and that is why I am here.”
“Okay, what do you want?”
“We want exclusive interviews and reports from you and the CIB throughout the investigation.” She watched Adam for his reaction. He just looked at her, he knew how to keep his emotions to himself, it was one of his biggest problems as a boyfriend. Stay focused! “Well?”
“I’m sorry, can’t do that.” He replied pointedly, not breaking eye contact with her.
“Common Adam…Detective, this is going to be a symbiotic relationship, we’ll help you too.”
“You will help me?” He asked, a smug smile spreading over his face. “How would you do that?”
“Okay, what do you know about the girl- the victim, what do you know about her?”
“She was a prostitute and she…well, she was…” Of course, he did not know much about her.
“So you have nothing. Did you know, she was coming from a hotel, one she had frequented, three times a week for the past two weeks?”
“And you know this how?” he asked, arching his eyebrow.
“We have a crime desk, we investigate these things too but there are doors that a police badge can open that my press ID cannot.”
“Do you know who she met with at the hotel? Was it the same person throughout the two weeks?” Now, he was interested.
“Detective, I came here for something- something I’m yet to get and you want to fleece information from me?”
“You know you have to give me that info if you have it, it’s obstruction of justice if you don’t.”
“Wow, you want to play it like this Detective?” Adam could be a hard nut to crack, but she would get what she wanted one way or another. “Well, she met with the same person but we don’t know who that is yet.”
“Thank you for that info Ese. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you but I wouldn’t mind getting a little help from you now and again.” His smugness was annoying. “Why did you leave the NTA anyway? You had a cool job hanging around rich and powerful politicians.”
“Being hit on by filthy corrupt pot-bellied politicians constantly is not cool, I’d rather chase killers, rapists and other non-political scum of this world.” She said standing up.
“It’s not a world for the weak, be careful.” Adam replied without standing.
“The weak? Is that what you think of me, detective? Well, all the best with your investigation.” Ese said and moved towards the door.
“Hey Ese, I didn’t mean it like that.” He said, standing up and moving towards her. “I’m sure you’ll do great, okay?”
“Goodbye detective.” She said and walked out of the office closing the door behind her.
It had not being her idea to ask Adam or the CIB for exclusivity, she knew she could hold her own against other journalists but her boss and her douche bag partner thought she needed help. She had been put in her place by Adam but she was going to shock them all, maybe even get an award out of it all.
His mind could not leave the meeting he just had with Ese as he stood in front of St Andrews. She still had an effect on him, something he had tried not to show. The crime scene was less depressing than his time at the coroner’s or his foolish meeting with Ese, the church after all was supposed to be a place of joy. The body had been found on the stairs of the church, the pastor had met the surprise as he arrived to open the doors in the morning. The church certainly would not be having new comers any time soon. He walked around the building and came back to the stairs, Tola on his heels.
“This is not the crime scene, right?” It did not make sense, he had expected a lot of blood. You could not cut a body open without leaving a mess- except it had been cleaned up. “Dosumu, did this church folks clean up the place?”
“No, they were told to leave it plus the police have been guarding this place. It’s become a tourist attraction, I’m sure the pastor would prefer that they entered instead of gawking from a distance.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he would.” Adam stooped to examine the concrete stairs. There were a few drops of blood here and there, but there were no pools or splatter, things he expected. “This murder was not committed here, the body was merely dumped on this stairs.” It made the crime scene almost useless, except that it raised a question; why dump the body in front of a church?
“I know what you’re thinking, why the church, right?” Tola asked, he nodded and she continued. “Come check out the photos that were taken before the body was moved. The Pastor said he did not touch the body so the killer must have left it this way.”
He moved close to her as she opened the pictures on her I-pad.
“The body does not look like it was dumped in a hurry, it was done deliberately. See how he spreads her leg and rests her joined hands on her stomach? Ritual killing is what this looks like to me.” Tola said, pointing to the pictures.
“That’s interesting, maybe the killer is associated with this church, let’s go talk to that pastor.”
The parsonage was just behind the church, seeing the pastor would not be a problem. Tola led the way, she had more experience with Pastors than he had. The parsonage sat between the church and a large burial ground. Adam cringed at the thought of living with so many dead bodies behind your window.
The wooden stairs of the parsonage creaked loudly as they climbed. An old woman sat staring into space close to the door. They greeted her, she ignored them and continued staring like she was deaf and blind or just could not care less what they thought. Tola knocked on the door and a woman he assumed was the Pastor’s wife welcomed them in.
“Wait here, I’ll get my husband. Can I get you anything?”
“A glass of water please. Thanks ma’am.” The pastor’s wife would probably not be willing to give him a cold bottle of beer, so water would have to satisfy his parched throat.
Two minutes later, she returned with the glass of water and her husband. He was quite older than her, probably by ten years. Adam could not decide if the wrinkles on his face were due to his age or what he had seen that morning.
“Good afternoon Pastor.” Tola was already on her feet, Adam joined her. “We are very sorry to disturb you, especially after what you saw this morning.”
The pastor shook hands with both of them and sat down.
“You know, I’ve been the pastor here for over thirty years and every morning – except when I wasn’t in town, I would open the doors of the church. It was something that gave me great pleasure, you can imagine how horrible it was to find something like that on our doorsteps.”
“Yes, I can imagine sir. I’ve been told you left the body exactly the way you met it, is that correct?” Adam asked.
“Yes, I didn’t move the body, I couldn’t touch it. She was naked though, so I covered her with my jacket before I called the police. Do you think it was a ritual killing?”
That was what everybody was calling it, Adam could not decide. “Well sir, we don’t know at this point. Do you know the lady by any chance, was she a member of your church?”
“A member? No!” The old man looked offended. “I heard she was a prostitute, you usually don’t find them in churches.” He was definitely offended.
“We didn’t mean any disrespect to you or your church.” Tola stepped in. “We are still trying to figure out why the body was left here. It doesn’t look random, it feels like your church was chosen.”
“Our church was chosen as a dumping site for a killer? That should cheer me up.” The pastor stood up. “I wish you all the best with your investigation.”
The pastor had ended the interview, Adam was glad to be out of the pastor’s house. There were two sets of people he did not like dealing with; Pastors and judges. They always made him remember all the wrong he had ever done.
“We are done here, right Tola?” He could not wait to be home.
“We are done here but don’t you even think of going home.” She could read him better than she could read the alphabets. “We are talking to the hookers today. You realize the chief would want daily updates…well until this thing dies down and everybody forgets.”
“Can’t we do that tomorrow? You realize I’m still hung over, my head still aches and I could really use some sleep. You know what, I have an idea. How about we go home and we go interview them later tonight? That’s a good idea, huh?” Adam looked at her, eyes pleading.
“Ademola, you know I cannot come tonight. I’m married, remember?”
“Oh, that’s true, you are married. I had totally forgotten, when did you get married by the way…wait, how old are you?” He asked laughing.
“You know what Ademola, I don’t care what you do, you’re the boss, and it is your reputation on the line, not mine. Just take me back to the office and you can do whatever you want.”
“Thank you, my lady.”
“Wait, one more thing, don’t get drunk tonight.”
“That’s not a problem, I’m not touching alcohol till this case is over.”
The tequila felt good as it slid down his throat. He popped off his shoes, and relaxed on his sofa, glass in hand. He was a slave to alcohol and he hated himself for it, but most days the bottle was his only companion. He had made terrible decisions in the past, decisions that had led to the loss of a life, the loss of his totally cool job as personal aide to the governor and landed him the important job as director of the CIB. He hated the job, many would kill to have it but it represented a punishment to him. It was a promotion technically but it came as a result of making a mistake. He had considered resigning, but it would be admitting to himself and the world that he was a failure. Plus he could really use the money.
Adam stood up from the sofa and placed the cup on the table beside the bottle of tequila and moved away from it, what he needed was sleep, not a pity party.
He was about climbing back into the sofa when his phone rang, it was Kelvin Little.
“Kelvin Little!” It was not his real name. His name was Faruk but he did look a lot like Kelvin Hart, if he was bald and was even smaller in stature. Somebody had called him Kelvin Little and it had stuck.
“Adam, how far? We have not met in a long time, will you come to Caleb’s?” Faruk was one of the people he needed to stay clear of, he fed his alcohol addiction but he was a true friend.
“Faruk, I don’t think I wanna drink tonight. I’m tired plus I have to work later, you heard about the murder, right?”
“Everybody heard about the murder, just come, we won’t drink. I’m waiting.” And he ended the call.
Faruk had not even given him the chance to say no. It was probably a bad idea but hanging out with Faruk was one of the few pleasures he still enjoyed. He was an ex-soldier, which was difficult to believe because of his height, he had fallen on bad times since he was infamously let go for reasons he refused to discuss. He knew a lot and talked a lot, he did not make sense most of the time but when he talked, you had to listen.
Adam moved to room, threw on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and grabbed his car keys on his way out.
His mind went to the murder he was investigating as he eased his car unto the road. Ritual killings were not strange or far-fetched, but this particular one made the air on his neck stand. It was pure evil. And there was the case of the removed liver. Why would a killer remove the liver of his victim? Was he an evil man who fed on human livers or a ritualist who needed a human liver for his money rituals? Then there was the issue of dumping the body in front of a church.
He shook his head, he was not going to let the case get to him. It would blow over and they could all return to their normal lives.
He slowed the car to a stop as he eased into Caleb’s, it was an exclusive lounge and bar where he met with Faruk. Faruk was already waiting outside.
“I can’t believe these people won’t let me in after all these months of coming here with you.” He said as they shook hands.
“Remember, you need one of this.” Adam said, showing him his membership card. “It’s exclusive for a reason.”
“What are you trying to say man? I’m not good enough? Is it because I’m short? Look here, I have fought for this country, what’s greater than that?”
Adam laughed as he showed the guard his card and they were ushered in.
“What do you do here when you don’t drink, Faruk?” He asked as they settled into a corner where they could observe without being noticed.
“You look at rich people and the fortunate girls who will be getting their money tonight! If I was a girl, I could really do some damage.” He threw his head back, laughing hard at his own joke.
“You think I…hold on, I think I have a call.” He dug into his pockets and brought out his phone, he had a call, it was Tola. “Hello Madam”
“Ademola, how are…wait, are you in a club? Adam!”
“No, I’m not in a club. Well, you could say…forget it. Why did you call me?”
“Why did I call? You remember the case? You said you were going to speak to the victim’s co-workers tonight.”
“Yes I still plan to. The time is just…”He lifted his arm to look at his watch.”…oh my God, it’s almost seven. Don’t bother with the lecture, I’m going there now and thank God I have help.” He terminated the call before she could add any reprimands.
Faruk had always wanted to solve a big case. He had seen enough TV shows to know how, in his opinion, he was going to get his chance.
“Faruk, I’ve got something better than watching these fake people. How about we go do some investigation?”
“Are you talking about the ritual killing? Are you kidding me?” He asked, jumping up from the sofa. “Let’s go baby!”
“Who is your baby?” Adam asked chuckling.
The guard at the door eyed them as they stepped out of the lounge, it was strange to enter Caleb’s and not buy anything. They crossed the corridor into the car park and moved towards his car.
Faruk saw it first. The envelope was stuck under the wiper of his BMW.
“You see that Adam?”
“Yeah, I do.” He lifted the wiper, picked the envelope, tore it open and brought out the note inside. He held the note against the light shining from the Lounge’s exterior.
A word of advice Detective,
Leave this alone, stick to your booze.
You were a failure on your last job,
You will fail in this also.
You will not catch me, so don’t waste your time.
“What does it say?” Faruk asked.
Adam folded the note and put it in his pocket.
“Well, it says ‘screw me’”
TBC

The night was cold and windy, it was a good night to kill. He had watched her for two weeks and he knew she was coming, she always did. The road was straight and clear, he would see her long before she came close. He held his palms against his cheeks, holding his trembling lips with his thumbs. He was standing under a tree just after the bridge he was sure she was going to cross. He smiled, it was very cliché; the boogie man always came from behind a tree in the dark. No cars were passing, he did not expect any to, he could not afford any witnesses and he would have none.
A shadow crept into the horizon, his heart skipped a beat; she was coming. The cold was gone and he began to sweat. His lips still trembled and now his teeth were joining in the freak-out party. Calm down, she’s just a woman – a girl. He pulled his hood lower, he could not make any mistakes, it had to be that night, he had waited long enough.
She was getting closer. He shoved his hands into his pockets to keep them from falling off, he could not scare her away. She was getting closer. He inhaled deeply as the wind blew the scent of her cheap perfume on him. She was very close now, her heels clicked as she moved towards him.
She was four feet away when he stepped out from behind the tree.
“Hello babe.” He whispered trying his best to hide the tremor in his voice.
She jumped when she saw him. “Hey, why na? You scare me, wetin you want?”
“You know what I want, the question, do you have it?” He answered, moving closer to her. His heart was racing. It is happening!
“See you, do I have it?” She staggered backwards, he could smell the alcohol. It did not matter, she would do. “If you get the money, you fit get anything you want.”
He brought out a wad of cash and waved it, she stumbled forward to take it but he pulled back.
“Nope, not until your job is done. Let’s go.” He held her by the arm and led her to the bus he had packed not far away from his pick up point. She climbed into the bus and slumped into the seat. He closed the door behind her and locked it. He went round the vehicle and climbed into his seat.
It had taken many years, but the night had come; Diana would have her sacrifice.
The light stung his eyes as he opened them, Adam Ademola shielded his eyes with his right hand and pulled himself up from the sofa with his left. He rubbed his temples, they banged in a way he had never experienced before. He was used to waking up with headaches, but the pain he felt at the moment threatened to split his head. He reached for the television’s remote control, the sound coming from the television was going straight into his head. He put the television off and threw the remote on the table.
He stood up and knocked over an empty bottle as he staggered towards the refrigerator. There were a number of empty bottles around the sofa, the splintering head was not a surprise. He reached for the top of the refrigerator, grabbed a bottle of aspirin and popped three tablets into his mouth. He picked a bottle of water from the refrigerator and gulped the whole bottle.
He had promised himself he would not wake up like this anymore, but he had kept the promise for all of three days before he picked up the bottle neatly tucked away in his car. Idiot! He had no idea what time it was but it did not matter, he was going to bed.
His phone rang and he jumped, stumping his toe against the table. He cursed and snatched his phone from the table.
“What?” he screamed into the phone.
“Sir, you need to come to the office now!” Who is this fool?
“I don’t need to do anything. Who is this? Whoever you are, know that you have lost your job.”
“Sir, this is serious, you need to be here.”
“Look here, nothing serious happens in that office. Whatever it is, it will have to wait.” He ended the call.
He sat heavily on the chair making it squeak. He placed a finger on a vein that was threatening to pop on his neck, it was probably a foolish idea but he needed some scotch.
His phone rang again.
“Why are you disturbing me so early in the morning?” he said in a barely audible whisper.
“Adam Ademola, it is Eleven A.M.” What! “Are you hung-over again? Anyway, you need to be in the office. You have any doubt, well turn on your TV. Your girlfriend is on.”
He threw away the phone, picked the remote and switched on the television.
“This is the first murder of this kind that this city has seen.” She was still pretty even when she was reporting a murder. She was not his girlfriend, they had had a brief relationship but it had ended for years. “It looks like a ritual killing but the police are yet to comment on the murder. We will come back with an official police statement in a few minutes.” The reporter said and her pretty face gave way for a bank commercial.
He switched off the television and headed for the bathroom, he really needed to be in the office.
One hour later he drove into office of the Crime Investigation Bureau of the newly formed Kwara State Police Department. The guards saluted as he drove past the gate, he ignored them and pulled into the carport. Reporters had gathered and were waiting for him, they identified his car and were now rushing towards him. He had taken a couple more of aspirin pills before he left his house. His head still throbbed and he had difficulty looking at anything for more than five seconds before he felt dizzy. His sunglasses covered his sunken red eyes, he had to hide them, the journalists would have a field day if they knew he was hungover.
He stepped out of his car, supporting himself with the door of the car. Immediately microphones were shoved in his face.
“Mister Ademola…” a journalist started
“Detective please, Detective Ademola.” He corrected the reporter.
She smiled and continued. “Detective Ademola, do you think this is a ritual killing? Should the people of the city be worried about this?”
“I would normally not comment before full investigation has been conducted but I would like to say this, the fine people of this city have nothing to worry about. Whoever did this will be found very soon and he… or she will be brought to justice. We don’t care if it is a ritual killing, we will put an end to this soon. Thank you very much.”
He turned, picked his I-pad from the car and closed the door.
A ritual killing? He had not had a serious case of murder since he became head of the CIB. He would take his old job back with a huge ‘thank you’ but no one was offering it to him. His head still ached, he had planned to drop in, make his appearance for the sake of the press and pass the case to the nearest deputy. It did not look like he could walk so easily.
He entered into the office building feeling like a stranger. People were huddled in offices, the murder was making the CIB agents go bonkers. Adam smiled, at least they were going to work for their pay. He removed his sunglasses as he entered his office, followed immediately by his assistant. He had reassigned four assistants before he had found the perfect combination of angel and devil he wanted in Tola Dosumu
“Are you crazy Ademola? A murder like this happens and you decide to sleep in?” She put her balled fists on her waist like a mother scolding her ten year old.
“Dosumu, you do realize I’m your boss right? I can fire you anytime I want.” He answered. He set his I-pad on the table and sat on the edge of the table. “Who got killed? Why is everybody going crazy?”
“You know what Ademola? Maybe you should fire me, I can’t put up with this. You realize I am not your secretary, I am a cop who is unfortunate to be your assistant. You are the head of the CIB, yet you come to work anytime you want, usually drunk.”
“I’m not drunk.” He replied looking away from her. His head still pounded, the sooner he was done with the murder nonsense, the sooner he could return to his house and his sofa. And my bottle. “Okay, I had a few drinks yesterday, I’m sorry Mom. Can we move on now?”
“Yes, we can. That file…” she pointed to the blue file on his table. “is a summary of all we know about the murder. I’ll be in my…”
“Dosumu I said I’m sorry.” He jumped from the table and grabbed her hand. “Come on, why are you so angry this morning?” They had a weird relationship, he knew they did but he was content with it. She had saved his butt more than once, while he had done all that was humanly possible to drive her crazy. “You know it’ll take all day to read that file, just give me the main points.”
“Okay, I don’t know why I do it but I forgive you. First, you need to take something for the terrible headache I’m sure you have right now.” She said, walking towards his refrigerator. She opened it and brought out a bottle containing some kind of green liquid. She poured some into a small cup. “Drink this and let’s go meet the pathologist.”
He squeezed his face as he drank the liquid. He had no idea what it was but he knew Tola would not poison him. God knows he deserved it, but she would not hurt a fly.
“Alright, let’s go see the pathologist, hopefully he has something to tell us. You need to see the body also, some crime scene pictures too would help you understand what everyone is freaking out about.”
Okay, ten minutes at the pathologist’s then I’ll go home.
He had never been in the coroner’s office, it was new, one of the last additions to the CIB building. It was very unlikely that he would be visiting the office or the lab very often, he was the boss, he could read all their findings in a file – or have Tola read them to him.
He sneezed; the smell of fresh paint irritated him.
“Bless you sir.” The coroner said. He was a queer one, the coroner. He had learnt a few things about the man a few minutes after meeting him. He was young – too young, eager to please and knew his stuff.
“Thank you Doctor. How about we move to the lab? I prefer if you showed me instead of telling me all these stuff. I have a tendency to forget, something Dosumu is always eager to remind me.” The coroner smiled nervously, Tola just rolled her eyes and looked away. She definitely has respect issues.
“Alright sir.”
Five minutes later, Adam was standing in the lab waiting for the body to be rolled in. Tola had bailed, he was on his own she had told him. From what he had been told, he knew the body was cut up really bad.
“Here goes sir.” The coroner annouced as the body was rolled in. Adam stepped back and held his breath as the covering sheet was removed. He swallowed, even though the body had been cleaned, it looked worse than it did in print. The face had been untouched, the limbs had not been touched either but the torso had been cut. The cut started from the navel and ended in between the breasts. The flesh had been uncovered revealing the inner organs, according to the reports Tola had read to him as they moved to the lab, the liver was missing.
“Well, I have seen it now“ He stilled his stomach, he was a detective now, he had to get used to mutilated bodies. He looked at his watch. “What can you tell me about this? Sick bastard cut her alive?”
“That was my first thought but then when I opened her up, I caught the distinct smell of almonds.”
“Almonds? Wait, that’s cyanide right?” The course in criminology might not be wasted after all.
“Yes, very good sir, very good. The scent made me check for other signs of cyanide poisoning, it wasn’t difficult as the body was already open. Her blood – what was left of it was bright red and her organs had a reddish hue. So my guess is, the killer poisoned her first and the cut is postmortem.”
“Wow, the killer is really a sick bastard. Have you seen this kind of stuff before?”
“No, definitely not. I’m hoping this would be the last.” Adam nodded and looked at his watch again, the dead body had not helped his headache. “Will you be running this investigation by yourself sir?”
“That’s a good question, I don’t…” His phone rang cutting him off. It was State Chief of Police.“Hello sir.”
“Ademola, are you still at home? You cannot afford to maintain your old habits in times like this. You realize how important this case is, don’t you?”
“Sir, I am at the coroner’s office and I do realize how important this case is.” The old man was just as freaked as everybody. The press no doubt would be on his neck.
“Okay then, you must realize with the attention this is getting from the press, you are the lead investigator. We need to assure the public we have our best people on it. You, Ademola are our best people.” The old man sighed.”God help us.”
Adam looked at his phone, shook his head and slid it in his pocket.
“Looks like I’m lead detective on the case after all. I hope this is just a stupid careless killer who can be caught easily. I have no intention of seeing you again, no offense.”
“None taken.” The coroner answered and bowed his head, he looked hurt. Sorry, seeing dead bodies isn’t my idea of fun.
The sooner the case was closed, the better. If the criminology professors were to be believed, the crime scene was probably the next place to visit. But first he had to get Tola.
“What are you watching?” Adam asked leaning into Tola’s office through her open door.
“Come in if you want to know.” She answered without taking her eyes off the television.
Adam walked into the office, pulled a chair and sat next to her.”What is this?” He pointed at the television.
“Remember the accident involving the governor’s daughter? It happened about three months ago, well the press is digging it up again.”
Adam looked away from the television, his throat felt dry, he needed a drink.
“Are you okay?” Tola was looking at him with her penetrating look. He had seen the look more times than he could bother to count.
“Yes I am. The chief just called me, I’m lead detective on the case, that means we – you and I have a lot of work to do. Work that is not fixing my life, actual police work.”
“You think I’m trying to fix your life?” She chuckled. “That’s not even remotely true. I would love to, but it’s impossible. No mere mortal can fix your life.”
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. We’ll be going to the crime scene, there might still be some clue left, something spectators have not destroyed. But let’s go over what we know already.
“Okay, we know that the victim is a young woman, probably early or mid twenties. We don’t know who she is yet, but she doesn’t look like a rich girl, she hasn’t been reported missing too, that’s got to mean something”
“I like the sound of serious Adam. You’re right, she’s not a rich girl – well she might be but get this, she was a commercial sex worker.”
“A prostitute?” He groaned and held his head in between palms. “That’ll make this even more difficult. You know where she plies her trade?”
“Coca-Cola road, that’s where. You realize you are going to be speaking to a lot of hookers, right?” She laughed.
He did not find it amusing, he had to forget about going home, he would be talking to hookers instead. He could postpone that though, the crime scene would be less depressing.
“Where was the body found?” He asked as he walked out of the office.
“St Andrews Anglican Church”
“Say what?

0temAtum:
We actually don't value creativity. There are many creative children out there who are not getting sponsors.

how can I get this post to FP

https://www.gltrends.ng/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Screenshot_2377-tile.jpg

It’s just so embarrassing to see a full grown Gal still wearing this okirika rainbow colored P@ntie which is not even her size and she’s comfortable showing us her stuffs.. Wish I could just give them dirty and smelling slap

[url=https://mobile.facebook.com/video_redirect/?src=https%3A%2F%2Fz-p3-video-amt2-1.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fv%2Ft42.1790-2%2F23617272_1927258087535714_3020297044943175680_n.mp4%3Fefg%3DeyJybHIiOjUzOCwicmxhIjo1MTIsInZlbmNvZGVfdGFnIjoic3ZlX3NkIn0%253D%26_nc_eui2%3Dv1%253AAeF6pDp8EhENPhEUlZ3qS7e1Zx6fM13kpUCzL46a5kgHb7h4gSJS5YMtbgY9RlFFQ4pN9Eg59cxdE0LZnX4jHsO4B_RYEugowWCpoEXGpwlubj3qxnP5A4Wa-1lJGEbk9jU%26oh%3Dde83d316c1bbc2b34f7af10bfa8a0253%26oe%3D5A1148A7&source=misc&id=1925212404158912&refid=52&__tn__=FH-R] WATCH VIDEO [/url]


Source: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/113/nigerian-slay-queens-watch-video

https://streetsofnaija.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/bobrisky-rocks-his-gate-man-jacob-as-they-celebrate-their-trip-to-london-video.jpg


Bobrisky and his now famous gate man Jacob had an intense dance session today after all the slamming from social media users.
Bobrisky who has always praised Jacob for his loyalty, announced they will be travelling to London together in January.
To celebrate this good news, they both decided to dance with each other as Bobrisky was seen rocking his gate man in the video and Jacob filled with joy could not stop himself from smiling and staring at Bobrisky’s backside.

Checkout some brutal comments;
jenniferkoromaIs; this all you guys do. Dance
poshburyI; cover Jaccurbb’s ny**h with the blood.
debchina ; Maybe, they don dey f**k
a.r.t.i.n.u.k.e; This guy will be banging bobrisky o
mubatmodester; Oh poor Jacob
oluwa_bunmie; He is f**king him. ….. They have used Jacobs glory


cc: lalasticlala mynd44

source: http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/112/bobrisky-rocks-jacob-celebrate-london

Is religion the stumbling block as to why the Nigerian comic industry doesn't have super heroes?


Nigeria does not have a bustling comic book industry. It can be described as paper thin.
In the 80s, comic books from the Wale Adenuga production line Ikebe Super and
Papa Ajasco & Company were popular on the newsstands along with Nackson from Lolly Magazine . It should be stated that these comics had sexual themes blended in humour.
When Nackson folded up and Wale Adenuga focused his creative efforts on TV, the comic industry was non-existent in the 90s.
In 2002, a new comic book industry hit the Nigerian market. It was called Super Strikas and it told the story of a young football player Shegs Okoro who had breathtaking skills and amazing talent.
Super Strikas had an instant impact and its success buoyed a mini-resurgence in the industry with indie comic books sprouting even though virtually all of them were short-lived.
The thought of comic books readily brings to mind the images of superheroes but no so in the Nigerian context. And herein lies the problem of Nigerian comic books besides distribution. Content.
Who is the Nigerian superhero who uses his power for good and fights for justice?
Terror Muda , the swashbuckling Okada driver is not a superhero. Let's forget about Kaptain Afrika .
I have read a few Nigerian comics with superheroes who got their powers from science. The problem with this narrative is that Nigeria is not a technologically advanced country so creating a superhero who got his powers in a Nigerian laboratory isn't exactly believable.
Not all Nigerian comic superheroes get their powers from science. The mystic art is a common theme in many of the new comic books springing up in Nigeria. As real as this narrative herein lies the problem, the country we live in is very religious.
Many parents (especially those with Pentecostal leanings) would freak out if they see their kids reading a book about a boy with the powers of Amadioha or a young girl who is a reincarnation of
Yemoja . Many Nigerians who are religious wouldn't be caught dead reading such a comic.
Slave trade and colonialism interrupted the culture of African societies. Africans abandoned their religions for Christianity. As a result of this, the modern day Nigerian views certain aspects of his culture as fetish and diabolic.
A celebration of heritage is misconstrued as worshipping of ancient gods. Ironically, as Nigerians are most likely to shun comic books with a theme of African mysticism, they would most likely queue to watch Thor- a god of Norse mythology.
The differences between Thor and Sango are few. Thor has a hammer and Sango has an axe. The two gods control lightning and thunder. Why is Thor celebrated and Sango seen as fetish?
It has to do with the brainwashing of Nigerians during the colonial era. Our mythology is seen as evil but we view Lord of Rings and Harry Potter as pure entertainment while neglecting the fact that these movies are also rooted in their respective mythologies.
This skew has affected how far Nigerian comic book stories can go in creating an authentic Nigerian superhero.
This is definitely a problem for the Nigerian comic book industry which would require creative writing and out of the box thinking before Nigerians embrace a super hero who brings out fire from his mouth.

cc: lalasticlala mynd44



SOURCE : http://gisthuz.proboards.com/thread/108/battle-religious-beliefs-mythology

https://stargist.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Tiwa-Savage-6.jpg

Nigerian singer/diva Tiwa Savage is always a delight to us when we see her photos no wonder she has graced so many magazine covers. Here are some of Tiwa Savage’s sexy and cool magazine covers gisthuz has put together.
Enjoy!




1. https://stargist.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Tiwa-Savage-.jpeg


2. https://stargist.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Tiwa-Savage-9.jpg

3. https://stargist.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Tiwa-Savage91.jpg

4. https://stargist.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Tiwa-Savage-8.jpg

5. https://stargist.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Tiwa-Savage-.jpg

Episode 2
I spent the better part of the day contemplating on the choice I just made. My carnal mind was at war with my moral mind. I love adventures, but not so keen on crime. I have a natural phobia for crime; especially when it involves robbing innocent people. But millions of naira? What more could be adventurous? It was a long boring day. I had traveled down to Ph enroute home to attend a wedding and spend some time with my friends at the city. My friend was still at work: his holiday was just the 25th and 26th. I was lucky with 2 weeks break from work. Ph hasn't been all that fun since I arrived. I was already running short of cash from endless hanging out due to boredom. I could really make do with some money but I wasn't going to steal some. Since I got nothing much to do, I decided to probe more into the lady who owned the card. With such millions lodged into an account, she must be wealthy. I did a little background check and it was obvious she was active in the social media. Her facebook wall was updated regularly with recent events. I browsed her profile fully: she was the ceo of a beauty spa at Abuja: she lives in Abuja and had two salons at different areas in the town. I kept searching: from her recent updates, she was in ph for an event: a wedding ceremony. She was a mother of two; no info about her marriage history or her husband. Just some random pix of she and different men. She had two facebook pages, all devoted to beauty tips; make-ups, wears, trending fashion tips, pictures of she and a lot of celebrities, mostly from the movie industry. She also had some others I suspect to be politicians. She had pix of her trips out of the country: there was Dubai, London, Paris, Doha, South Africa and the Seychelles. Then there was a third facebook page which was for a closed user-group. Didn't know what the content were as I couldn't access it. I kept searching: She was on Instagram so I took the liberty of digging further. Her walls were filled with nice pix of her and her daughters. She had pix with celebrities. It was obvious she was the fun-loving type, rich and gorgeous. When I was bored of checking up on her, I decided to head to my friend's place. He wasn't back from work yet so I watched some movies with the laptop. By 6pm, she hadn't called yet. When it got to 7pm and I didn't get a call, I decided to give her a call. When she picked, it was obvious she was at a noisy place. "Who am I speaking with?" She inquired as she picked the call. "The guy with your atm card." I said confidently believing I would pique her interest. "Oh, you again!" She proclaimed like I was bordering her life. I swallowed hard and allowed her to continue. "I'm in a function and I can't speak right now, I will inform you of what to do." She said categorically and cut the call. I stared blankly at my phone for some minutes and could hardly make out sense in the situation. Just then, my friend returned from work and I told him all that happened. As usual, he didn't have any useful advise to give. "Just do what you feel is right." He answered casually. What I felt was right? Should have flung the damn card away! Some minutes later, a text message entered my phone: 'Drop the card with the receptionist at Hotel Presidential, tell them its for the occupant of Rm 19D.' How convenient! I thought to myself. Now I'm a courier guy delivering lost cards. What else won't I do for her! Maybe I should just flush the card down the toilet! "Did I tell you I had her password?" I asked my friend who was busy playing Winning Eleven with the laptop. "What do you want to do? Steal from a poor woman?" He asked. "She's not poor, she's rich and there were millions in her account!" I said to him. "Do what you want to do!" He said again. I thought about it again. It was more annoying than I anticipated. There was little more that I could do at the moment. There was no way I would be going to the Presidential Hotel to deliver an Atm card in absentia like I was a delivery boy. "Can you imagine these guys mandated that I come to work on the 26th?" My friend asked, looking up to me. Typical of him, he doesn't have any useful advise to give when you inform him of something but expects you to listen to his whining about work. "I can't wait to leave this company!" He lamented again. That has been his watchword since he got this job. He's been with the same company for over 3 years now, whining about how he hates his job but makes little or no effort to leave them. "Do what you want to do!" I replied him. "Fool!" He lamented and I smiled. The only time we have a meaningful conversation is when we talk about girls. Nothing takes his mind away from playing games in the laptop except the talk of girls and when you give him a listening ear to his whining about job: that and when he was very hungry. I picked my phone and replied the message. "Call me when you're ready to get your card."

Episode 1
I walked into the inner chambers of the ATM hall to make a withdrawal; low and behold, an ATM card was in the mouth of the machine. Was that the mouth? I guess not! The mouth should be where it vomits the cash. So I can call it the eye, or ear....or....okk, not that! you know what I mean shaa...a card was in the card-entrance of the machine. The machine was blinking and sounding a light warning note, like a notification for the card waiting for collection. It wasn't hard to decode what had happened. The last person to use the machine must have collected his cash and zoomed off without collecting his card. I looked left and right, the other two machines were occupied. No one seem to notice what was going on. There was no queue, the fourth machine opposite mine was still empty. I pushed the card back in slightly. For the next 9 seconds or so, my mind was wondering what will be next. The machine welcomed me...or welcomed the owner of the card with name displayed on the screen; prompting me for a password. Passwords! I calmly punched in the numbers... 1:2:3:4 and pressed enter key. Wrong Password! Well, what was I thinking! Which dunce in this information age will use such a weak password. Would have been surprised if it worked. "Do you need more time for your transaction?" The ATM machine was prompting me to proceed or get-the-fvck out of its presence. I pressed the no button and it ejected the card. The other two guys making withdrawal from the other machines left. The hall was empty, just me and 4 ATM machines. I decided to get adventurous. I looked at the ATM card in my hand. The name of the owner was written fully. I brought out my phone and searched facebook for the name. 2min later, I got the owners full profile and date of birth. This was gonna be fun! Born in 2nd february, 1979, there were only 2 possible password combinations and after that, no more! 2:2:7:9 1:9:7:9 For some unknown reason, I tried the second one first...it worked! I was staring at the control panel of the account...Balance, Withdrawal, Inquiry, Transfer, Statement.... I heard the footstep behind me and my heart nearly jumped out of my mouth. I turned around just in time to see a man walk into the hall. He looked at me with a cold eyes, like he was about to jump at me. I felt a hard notch down my throat, like a fist trying to suffocate me. The man was approaching me calmly like he knew I had no place to run to; like a cat backed on the walls! I prayed the earth would open and swallow me! I was almost having a heart-attack; or a stroke whichever one kills faster. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I swallowed hard and felt my throat ache like I hard burning coal in my throat. Then, all of a sudden, the man walked past me to the nearby ATM machine. He stared at me one last time like he knew I wasn't all right; then he faced his machine and started his transaction. "Do you need more time for your transaction?" The ATM was asking me once more. Then I got confused! What was I doing? Adventure at first, but now this was crime! Pure crime! There should be a boundary between adventures and crime: I think I just overstepped the boundary. I wondered what would have happened if that man was the original owner of the card?! Well, the name on the card and the facebook profile was that of a lady. Could still have been the owner! A lady will raise hell if she happened on someone trying to rob her. A guy might be understanding but a lady will sure raise hell. "Please take your card"! The machine was tired of my bullshit. It vomited the card and continued its light warning note for me to collect the card. I contemplated on leaving the card there: just the way it was when I met it. On a second thought, another person may stumble on it and wreck more havoc. I decided to hand it over to the bank security still on duty. One last thought occurred to me as I was walking towards the security post: I checked the owner's facebook profile again and her number was there. Well, if I was going to be a good samaritan, I better get some acknowledgment and a vote of thanks. I dialed the number and she picked on the second ring. 'Hello?' It was a rich voice with no accent. 'Hello...' I replied and informed her she had forgotten her card in the ATM machine at the bank premises. 'Really?' She asked nonchalantly. 'Yes ma' I replied. There was silence on the other line... 'Hello?' I wanted to make sure she heard me alright. 'Yes, I'm still here.' She said. She informed me she was on a car to an urgent function and can't turn around immediately. 'I will call you later in the evening for it.' She concluded. I walked back to the atm machine. I still needed to make some withdrawals. I inserted my card and completed my transaction. Then, out of inquisitiveness, I decided to check her account balance. It wasn't like she will be notified that someone checked her account balance: it was only during withdrawals that such notification is sent. I inserted the card, punched the numbers, selected balance inquiry and then... I needed to get closer to the machine to get a clearer picture: it was 8 digits in the savings account, another 8 digits in the current account. Cool, solid cash in millions! So many thoughts rushed through my mind. I had to remind myself the difference between crime and adventure and to stay on the other side of the line. Moreover, I had made the call with my phone line. "Do you need more time for your transaction?" Damn this ATM machine! I was sure it had some evil spirits inside it. Who knows if it actually caused that innocent woman to forget her card. 'Please take your card' 'Fool...' I cursed it before walking out of the bank

episode 3



it was Bimbo Alhaji: is this the person you’re waiting for that you didn’t want to follow me?? Anyway, no problem…. Bye…. I was relieved as I saw him jetting out of the gate, I didn’t even know what to do at that moment that I was just starring at her. Will you just stand there and be looking at me, bimbo said… I’m sorry, let’s go in…. I opened my door for her to enter then I follow suite… Bimbo: is this where your room sha? Cos I felt its too big for you…. Me: na my grandmas room, oya jor! What will you like to eat Bimbo: sorry o, I’m not taking anytin nitemi o!!! Me: u dey vex?? Okay sha, wait for me I dey come!!! Na so I dash outta d room to our shop to get bimbo drink…. Mum: you know u don collect card for morning, you still wan take drink now, where is the money Me: sheybi I never eat afternoon food…. Na my afternoon food money I dey take small small oo… Mum: no prob, take am I dey watch u As I took d drink for her freezer, I went back to the room only to meet the most surprising thing I believe it can make one go blind, Guess what? bimbo was Unclad…. Me: yeh! Mogbe oo!!! Wetin be dis? Bimbo: stop behaving like a kid jo, don’t you like what you see Me: of course, na my taste be this…. But Bimbo Before I could finished talking she don come near me and plant kiss for my lips… Believe me, that girl na usher(good kisser), her Bosom con dey rub my clad chest!!! its not up to 5seconds that I took off my cloth too… She then pushed me to bed lying on top of me, I didn’t know my forever in act jack bauer(D*ick) can stand with full force e take stand that day…. She then suddenly and surprisingly stand up to her feet pointing at my Joystick… Bimbo: ohh, its too big o… U go kill pesin for here o…. Me: I no go kill pesin, na murder I go murder pesin….. Come here jo, no be u wey turn me on That animal wey dey puma logo no fit jump with the way she jumped on me…. She swallowed my Joystick completely, I was at cloud 9 then, she sucked me ehn, that I forgot to type tindeck.com/dl/tjqvt for you…. She go spit on the Joystick, then lick am till it dries… Like a winch, I didn’t know how she sighted the milk I kept for my reading table!!! She CONTINUE READING

Episode 2


Queen: hello Me: iyawo (wife) broda fawaz, how far Queen: I’m good As I wan talk, na so I saw my door opened with Alhaji and his koboko for hand for my door starring at me. Me: (press the red button) Alhaji: do u know you’re a bastard?? Me: (silent) Alhaji: why don’t u wash the car I told u to wash Me: (open my mouth) Alhaji: and where is my shoe Me: I’m sorry pls.. Alhaji: it remain one time for you He left my room and I rushed out to the car, I wash am within 5 minutes then I went to where I kept the shoe and cleaned it though its still wet… After doing everything I was told to do, I went back to my room, carry my phone only to check maybe I have calls I’ve missed, as I press a button na so I saw the time was 1.15pm… Yeh, I shouted… ******** One thing about me is that I get hungry only when I see that the time is far spent… ******** I ran to the shop to ask for my food which my mum replied that I have no food to eat since I’ve collected a recharge card and I didn’t pay!!! I went back inside with frown for my face… As I was thinking of what to do, na so bimbo called again…. Bimbo: hello Me: what’s up ma Bimbo: don’t “ma” me Me: okay, no p.. Bimbo: hope u aint busy now Me: you know I’m jobless, I’m always free… Bimbo: can you text me your address? Me: I’m sorry o, what do u need it for Hope you know my papa na soldier?? Bimbo: Lolz, I’m coming over to your place ni o and I’m the only one coming…. Me: okay ma, I ll let you know when I’m free… Bimbo: thanks dear, expecting it. Me: okay, later sha!! (Cuts the phone) I decided to stroll out to see if I fit get something to chop for my street then my phone rang ‘graan graan graan’…. Alhaji again… Alhaji: come and open the gate for me Me: yes sir I went out to open the gate…. He jet out with his car then I went back to my room, I picked up my phone and text my address to bimbo…. Not up to 10mins, I heard knock on the gate… I quickly ran to open the gate for my visitor but I saw what scared me, guess what I saw Alhaji… Me: you forgot something Alhaji: yes! go and dress up, we’re going somewhere together…. Me: (suprised) but sir, I am going……. Alhaji: answer me now!!! Me: (sad) okay sir As I wan turn back to go dress up, na so I heard the gate sound saying “koo koo koo” who’s that? Alhaji shouted Emmm, its fawaz’s friend, a feminine voice replied…. I wanted to run inside to hide, na so papa called me back to open the gate… As I opened it, guess who I saw It was……. To Be Continued…

Episode 1


As I looked back that day to sound of my name called by a voice, I saw some ladies that I couldn’t identify cos the distance btw us was dead far. I replied by waving my hand at them while they did the same. I feel like moving towards them to know who they are but I was being sent on an errand by my father. Later, I shouted. I was feeling like ‘why is it that girls like my name’ as I was moving down to Amoo’s house which is not so far from our house. Let me not forget to introduce myself sha, my name is Fawaz, I’m an artiste popularly known as iTSF(The Soul of Flowz), I live at ibadan!!! ********************************
I was on my way back home the day after I delivered Alhaji’s (my dad) message to Amoo when I saw those ladies that called me the other time, to my surprise I didn’t know any of them. I greeted them and they were like ‘so, you don’t know us again?? Me: I don’t o Lady A: we were the one that took pix with you at elegant hotel!!! Me: I’m sorry, I still can’t remember u people o. B: you don’t need to, anyway my name is zinat C: keji A: they call me shally dee but my real name is shalewa… D: my own name is bimbo Me: you’ve all got a nice name and pls what can I do for you o Zinat: actually we saw how you performed at that show at elegant and we loved it, so we decided to invite you to a birthday! Me: and pls who is the person celebrating the birthday? Shalewa: I Me: wow!!! you know what? I’m busy right now, let me give you my phone number and pls give me a call!!! Bimbo gave me a phone of which I don’t know how to operate, I returned the phone to her by telling her to type it that I’m gonna call it for her 0 8 1 39 47 04 20…. I said, We’ll give you a call as soon as possible…. Bye bye, they said… So, as I was going home na so I dey remember those babes, lemme describe them to u *Zinat is short, dark with a very large bossom and nice backup… *Shalewa’s complexion was light, her bossom was not that plentiful, her height made sense, (in short she looked like fathia balogun) *Bimbo was chocolate, not that fat but huge (if u know wetin farmers do refer to as Bumper harvest, she’s the type) she’s tall, not that tall o, she carry back(massive type), she carry front(she really tried for the front), everything just gather for there and *Keji is light with full and massive chest that I’m sure any guy that suck am will suffocate, her behind is good one and have the same height as bimbo…. As I got home, na those babes matter I still dey carry for head as I fell into trouble… Alhaji: where is that Fawaz My bro: I donno where e dey o Na so I sneak out of the house cos I know that I’m in dead soup, then I summon the courage to go back inside.. As I open the gate, na so I saw something wey shock me….
.
Alhaji called me in the morning to clean his shoes and wash his car, as I wan lay hand on the shoe na so he called me back to quickly go to Amoo’s (alhaji’s friend) house to collect some money from the man… I didn’t know that I’ve spent up to 40 minutes in the place that I can use only 2mins, Due to those girls I met on my way and the foolish thought I was thinking for my room…
*********************
The thing that shocked me was that the shoe he said I should clean was soaked in water by my step mother’s son, I was like is this boy mad or crazy As I wan open door to Alhajiz sitting room, I saw alhaji at my back with a Koboko, I was like ‘why do I answer these girls now, see what they brought me into’ Go and kneel down in my room Alhaji said with a lion face… I’m sorry was what I said before I saw myself in an ocean of slap…. Alhaji: the way I will beat you today, you’ll never forget it Me: (weeping and rubbing my two hands together to plead for mercy) Alhaji: you said u no go listen to me abi, I will kill you today Na only cry I dey cry as I knelt down in his room, na so he lie down for bed…. For like an hour I was still on my kneel, na so I tap him for leg, to my surprise…. Alhaji don sleep!!! Which kind rubbish be this was what came to my mind, na so I dash out of his room….. I was really angry that I shouted at my mother when she called me… As I sidon for one corner in my room, I brought out my phones out of where I put them…. I saw some missed calls on my phones…. On the first phone 12 missed calls- Alhaji(when he sent me on errand) 8 missed calls -Queen(8minutes ago) On the second phone 2 missed calls -Alhaji(long ago) 1missed calls -Mum( an hour ago) 4 missed calls -An unknown glo number(22 mis ago) 2 missed calls -An unknown mtn num( 3 mins ago) I decided to go out to my mum shop to collect recharge card on credit, Me: abeg, gimme mtn 100 Mum: sheybi na me u dey shout at abi Me: pls, no mind me! Na dat your husband wey dey vex me Mum: (hissed and gave me the card) and where is the money Me: we go see later na I ran inside my room and as I carry my phone, I saw another 2 missed calls from that mtn unknown number… As I was loading the recharge cards, na so the num come call again Voice: its that iTSF Me: (silent) Voice: are you there?? Me: (cough) Voice: you aint serious Me: abeg who is this I’m speaking with Voice: who did u gave your num to this morning Me: you see that’s why people fail WAEC, what’s your name Voice: anyway sweetheart, I’m Zinat Me: I’m sorry pls, I donno u were d one. Zinat: apology accepted Me: let me call you back.. Zinat: okay (ends the call) Chai! Why am I this foolish That I said I will call her back… Questioning myself… As I load the recharge card I bought, na so the glo num call enta my phone Voice: its me bimbo that collected your num this morning Me: ah ah, okay… And pls why is your voice this sweet?? Bimbo: you don add comedy to your song abi Me: no mind me jor Bimbo: and why don’t you pick up your call the other time Me: I was playing with my dad in his room, that’s why ann I’m not with my phone!!! Bimbo: hmm hmmm, daddy’s pet Me: thanks o!!! You know what I will call you back now!!! Edited the num and saved Zinat with zinats and Bimbo with bimbos…. I then dialed my queen’s num, she didn’t even allow it to ring before picking it!!! Queen: hello Me: iyawo (wife) broda fawaz, how far Queen: I’m good As I wan talk, na so I saw my door opened with Alhaji and his koboko for hand for my door starring at me. To Be Continued

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Bolanle Olukanmi is one of the trail blazers on television and if you are an ardent viewer of TV programmes, then you will know she is one of the hosts of Moments on Ebony TV and she also hosted Project Fame too.
GISTHUZ
presents 10 things about the beautiful TV Girl.
1. Bolanle who was born on August 19 was raised in four different countries – Nigeria, Israel, Kenya and America.
2. She graduated from Loyola University Chicago, with Honours in a double degree of BA Communications and BA International Studies.
3. In May 2010, while still in school, she won the Loyola University Chicago Kale Williams Award for Exceptional Work in Promoting Human Rights and Social Justice.
4. She moved back to Nigeria to do her National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), and spent the year working for a non-profit organisation in Ekiti State.
5. During her NYSC service year, Bolanle and a fellow corps member started ‘Girls For The Future’ – a gender based empowerment workshop for secondary school students, aimed at teaching the girl child of their rights and providing mentorship for the students.
6. In 2013, she won the ‘Search for Mo’s Co-host’ competition out of all hopefuls across Africa. Bolanle began her presenting career with Moment with Mo, now called ‘Moments.’ She still co-hosts the show alongside Toke Makinwa and Michelle Dede on EbonyLife TV.

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PART 2

With an animalistic lust, I quickly took her over and over. Squeezing my hands around her waist now, I had replaced Chris and she knew that her true love for him could not match her physical desire for me. Relentlessly, I stroked her, again and again, as her hands struggled to find ways to ease her feelings. She clawed into me roughly, then ran her fingers past my shoulders and arms, unable to find a balance between the pleasure and pain of it all. Shortly, her body began indicating to me that she was about to orgasm and her movements intensified. Remembering that she had always had a major fear of being impregnated and the cleanliness of her orgasms, I decided to exact my mastery over her completely. As she neared her peak, she struggled to release from me as she always had, trying not to cum while I was still in her but I wouldn’t allow her. Finally, her body betrayed her and she erupted into a powerful, moaning climax as she continued to ride my long, satisfying shaft. She began weeping as we felt her hot womanly juices begin to trickle down her thighs and onto me, all the while whispering to me, “why? Why? How could you….you know how I feel about that.” Without reply, I turned my attention to my final satisfaction and Sarah quickly realized in a half terror of my intentions. After a very brief struggle to separate from me, she again submitted to me and allowed me to bring my self to a feverish orgasm of my own. Straightening her back and arms, she whipped her head up and looked directly at me for the first time as she received wave after wave of my thick seed. In waves of cum, I shot load after load directly inside her for the first time ever. I felt like a conqueror as I was confident of the fact that I had just made use of her body in a way that Chris never had. I lowered Sarah's bare feet onto the floor and left her there, lying by the wall covered with my sperm and sweat. As I left I told her I would return when I needed her again. Her only response was to raise her head and say, “I know. And I know I will let you.
The end
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PART ONE



Sarah and I had dated ourselves for over a year but had decided to separate after our relationship degraded to a point to where we both simply quit trying. She was now living with a new boyfriend and had asked me to come pick up some things I had left that she had gathered together during the last few months. “Chris (her new boyfriend) and I are getting tired of looking at this stuff” she had told me over the phone. She liked to throw his name out all over the place, I guess to show me she was “over” me. I was fine with that but even though I had never met Chris, I knew there was one area Sarah had not quite completely moved on with. On several occasions Sarah had secretly called me, pretending like she needed something, but the conversations always seemed to contain sexual innuendoes and remarks. If there was one area that Sarah and I did not need to improve on, it was in the bedroom. Her bedroom personality was exactly the same as her real self: quite, caring, and attentive. She tended to be very submissive and obedient to my wants and as I usually would act aggressively with her. She seemed to receive a sexual charge from being “taken” or instructed. We had never gone as far as to have sex since we broke up but it always seemed like it was a possibility. I thought about it as i made my way to her house to get my stuffs. I hadn’t been with anyone since Sarah and my urges were giving me a little extra courage that I normally didn’t display. When I walked in and saw her I was instantly aroused at the memory of her body as I saw her breasts pushing against the cut off top she was wearing. Obviously braless, the outline of her soft nipples protruded from the soft cotton shirt. She was busy putting things away and straightening up as she talked to me, all the while my eyes scanned her body and movements. She bent over in front of me several times as she gathered a group of magazines, each time affording me a glimpse of a small, firm breast and a large nipple that used to fit perfectly into my hands and mouth. On one occasion as she sat there on her knees, I handed her one of the magazines she was gathering and I brushed my hand against her bare knee and ran it up very high along her thigh. She said nothing but her attention was made to me as the next time she bent over, I noticed her once soft nipples were now firm and hard. As arousing as this was, I began hardening in earnest when she rose and walked by me. I saw a full view of her and thought briefly of how much I wanted to take her away from the man who now knew her body. I was jealous when I thought of how Chris’s hands would look rubbing her feet, her thighs, her shoulders. I imagined of all the times I had placed my hands and fingers around her waist and stomach and had gripped her tightly as I filled her with my cock. Now Chris was doing these things and I wanted her. When she returned I grabbed her and quickly hosted her up. She instinctively wrapped her legs around my waist and locked her feet into me at the base of my back. She never made the first protest. Not when I pushed her back into the wall, not when I ripped her flimsy shorts from her body, and not even when I unzipped my pants and released my very hard and throbbing cock. She looked at me once as if to say something but then simply half turned her head and lowered her chin onto my shoulder. As she bowed her head to my chest, I knew she was surrendering herself to our needs. She was accepting the fact that she was betraying her lover and, once again, was allowing me to Bleep her and please her body. She knew there was no love or emotional tie between us, just a need to be satisfied in a physical way. Yearning and conceding, she whimpered a muffled cry as I pushed my thick head into her, parting her wet, swollen lips. Without another thought, I roughly buried my entire length into her until I felt the familiar feel of he pelvic bones against me. With an animalistic lust, I quickly took her over and over.

https://i2.wp.com//wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Tiwa-Savage.png

Award winning singer, Tiwa Savage, has declared that year 2018 is going to be 'bloody' as she gears up to enter into the year in grand style.
The artiste who won her first Afrima award a few days ago as the Best Female (West Africa) revealed that 2018 is going to be a savage year as she isn’t planning on slowing down at all.
Tiwa added with an hashtag that even if she gets pregnant in 2018 (#EvenIfIGetPregnantAgain), it still won't deter what she has planned out for the new year.
Read her post below;
"My first #Afrima ... I don't take it for granted. Thank you to everyone that keep supporting me
First of many because believe me 2018 is going to be bloody #AintTakingNoPrisonersNoMore
#AintGonnaSlowDown
#EvenIfIGetPregnantAgain
#2018isGonnaBeSAVAGE
#KeepUp"
I guess fans won't be surprised if indeed she gets pregnant and still performs at shows. She did some of that when she was pregnant with her first child


SOURCE [img]https://i2.wp.com//wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Tiwa-Savage.png

Award winning singer, Tiwa Savage, has declared that year 2018 is going to be 'bloody' as she gears up to enter into the year in grand style.
The artiste who won her first Afrima award a few days ago as the Best Female (West Africa) revealed that 2018 is going to be a savage year as she isn’t planning on slowing down at all.
Tiwa added with an hashtag that even if she gets pregnant in 2018 (#EvenIfIGetPregnantAgain), it still won't deter what she has planned out for the new year.
Read her post below;
"My first #Afrima ... I don't take it for granted. Thank you to everyone that keep supporting me
First of many because believe me 2018 is going to be bloody #AintTakingNoPrisonersNoMore
#AintGonnaSlowDown
#EvenIfIGetPregnantAgain
#2018isGonnaBeSAVAGE
#KeepUp"
I guess fans won't be surprised if indeed she gets pregnant and still performs at shows. She did some of that when she was pregnant with her first child




Award winning singer, Tiwa Savage, has declared that year 2018 is going to be 'bloody' as she gears up to enter into the year in grand style.
The artiste who won her first Afrima award a few days ago as the Best Female (West Africa) revealed that 2018 is going to be a savage year as she isn’t planning on slowing down at all.
Tiwa added with an hashtag that even if she gets pregnant in 2018 (#EvenIfIGetPregnantAgain), it still won't deter what she has planned out for the new year.
Read her post below;
"My first #Afrima ... I don't take it for granted. Thank you to everyone that keep supporting me
First of many because believe me 2018 is going to be bloody #AintTakingNoPrisonersNoMore
#AintGonnaSlowDown
#EvenIfIGetPregnantAgain
#2018isGonnaBeSAVAGE
#KeepUp"
I guess fans won't be surprised if indeed she gets pregnant and still performs at shows. She did some of that when she was pregnant with her first child


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It was a bright Saturday morning….I woke up around 6am after a long day at work the previous day, as usual, I brushed, picked up my booth and jersey, called Sesan from the other flat……….”Guy, its time for field”………………. We walked down to a secondary school pitch close to our house (That’s where guys play soccer every weekend)……..There were not too much people for set that day so we ended a bit early like around after 10. I went home straight with sesan and two other guys from the field but instead of the guys to go to their house straight, they decided to chill a bit at my place. We were so tired. Four of us decided to sit outside my house and started gisting about different things, from politics to girls and football but football takes the other of the day…Our discussion was not without some chilled spirit and sprite mixture couple with some fried meat which my girlfriend prepared for me for the weekend. Suddenly, the someone opened our main gate, for my mind “oooohhhh, this people have come again”…..Sesan quickly said “Guy, abeg I dey go shower abeg”…………All the other guys started grumbling too…..i had no option than to wait as they started approaching us and I couldn’t stand up again as it will be so embarrassing to them………..”Awon oloshe wo leleyi gan”…………It was two guys and a lady that walked into my compound….the two guys carried hand bag which comes from their shoulder down the side of their thigh…..One of them was on suit fully kitted while th



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