Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,194,007 members, 7,953,008 topics. Date: Thursday, 19 September 2024 at 09:07 AM

Why Men Womanize - Literature - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Why Men Womanize (1753 Views)

Why Men Marry Bitches / Book Summary - Why Men Love Bitches By Sherry Argov (2) (3) (4)

(1) (Reply) (Go Down)

Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 5:53pm On Aug 05, 2015
© 2015 Stephen Oweniwe. All Rights Reserved.


About the book:
Though much attention and diatribe is focused on the subject, no one seems to care about or they just choose to ignore the motives and reasons that make the men who womanize to do so.

Loaded with a suave of narration and hilarious captivating drama, the book is especially loaded with the motives that make men to womanize, process, gains and side effects associated with womanizing.

Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 5:54pm On Aug 05, 2015
Oscar

Somewhere in Brazil…

(It is early morning. Oscar is in bed smacking his groan rhythmically against the sheets. There’s a knock on the door. He quickly lie flat as if he is asleep. Next thing, the door hinge goes down while door opens. Maria pokes her head into the room, sighs and walk up to Oscar’s bed. She slaps him in the bum.)

Maria: Wake up… sleepy head…

(Oscar turns slowly half frowning with sleepy eyes.)

Oscar: Oh Mama… you’ve got a cockroach in your room again?

Maria: Not a cockroach… but a son who hates going to schools. Lectures will resume in your school in one hour time and you’re there sleeping like a hog. I’m off to work in soon and the guard will be locking up all the doors as usual so you better get up.

(Maria walks to the door and exit. Oscar does a **** you sign at her. Just then, Maria opens the door again. Oscar drops his hand. Maria pops her head through the door.)

Maria: Breakfast is waiting for you.

(As Maria closes the door behind her, Oscar jumps from his bed to the door and locks it. He turns around facing his bed, sighs and then walks to the bed and sit. He grumbles… then faces the camera.)

Oscar
Damn! Those people got no respect for my privacy. I was about to pour out the thing when she suddenly interrupted… Gosh, I hate this house.

Well… you may be wondering why I said those hateful words. Do you even know me? Let me tell you about myself. My name is Oscar De Lima… (Extends his hand to the camera lens as if to shake it) Oh well, I will be 26 in a few months time so contrary to the way my mom addressed me, I’m no high school pupil… far from it. I’m in my final year in the University… I am a big boy… and of course, the first kid of the house… (winks) I would have gotten admission into a school far from home and be free of all these rude folks but unfortunately or fortunately, as the first born and only son, my mom won’t let me go too far from home. The fortunate part is that… my younger sisters are both out there in far away schools so I am left here to enjoy all the home goodies alone. What’s the time? Holy ****… I better get my butt to the bathroom. Come on… come on…

(Oscar springs up and rushes to the bathroom while the camera follows him)

My dad is a secret civil service chief. He takes no bull poo from anybody… only my mom knows how to handle him. He made one sort of useless rule that the house should be empty by 10am every working day… His guard… that guy… I wish I can fire him. At 10am, he’ll lock the gates and refuse to open it until 3pm unless dad or mom calls him to open the gate. That *******… he’s gonna die there at the gate.

I know why you came here and I don’t have much time either so let me go straight to the point. I don’t even know what you mean by (sneers) ‘womanizer’… no womanizer in his right sense will admit he is one. Well, for me, I am only catching fun. There are lots of free pussies out there begging to be banged… don’t you watch music videos? You see how they twist and shake their asses… don’t worry. When I get to the campus, I’ll show you lots of them.

(He suddenly grabs his groin as if in pain) Gosh… the thing is paining me. I didn’t pour out when I was wanking earlier… my tummy feels like a fully loaded tanker. Let me explain to you… (he grabs a bucket and holds it up) the man’s balls is like a bucket… (He drops the bucket and kicks it under the tap) The tap is whatever produces sperm inside there. Now you see… all men have different rate at which they produce sperm.

(He turns on the tap a bit and water begins to drop into the bucket) Some men produce sperm in drops like this… it takes a long time for their balls to fill up so they hardly have any urges and you hardly see them around women… in fact, they hate women. Those guys can stay up to ten years without ****ing… hahahahahahahaha…

(He turns the tap and water begins to trickle out) The next line of guys produce sperm in trickles like this… maybe about few months, their balls get filled up and they have no other option than to find a lady to shag it out. Those guys… like my friend Rocco… they have lots of female friends but they hardly **** and they are very choosy about the kind of women they wanna ****. What’s the difference between a fatty and a slimy? For heaven’s sake, pussy is pussy. Imagine I let a lady walk away because she is too slim or too fat or too busty… (swears) those guys are very stupid.

(He turns the tap further and water begins to flow out) The next group of guys… which include me… we produce sperm in normal tap flow like this… in a couple of weeks, the balls get filled up and the begin to over flow… I mean, wet dreams. If you see a guy with a so called serious girlfriend and some other no-strings-attached- chicks on the side, yea, he falls into that category. You can imagine a guy humping his girlfriend and few minutes later, he picks a call from his sister asking him when he’ll come over… sister my foot!

(He turns opened the tap completely and water begins to rush out turbulently) The last group of guys are like this… the rate at which they produce sperm, only their mama knows what they gave them to eat when they were babies. Those guys have very big and insatiable phallus. If they don’t **** in about three days, they’ll begin to act a bull… the gentle ones do like a bull running on top of a moving train while the aggressive ones would do like those Italian bully bulls, knock out everything in sight until they have discharged their balls. Thank my stars am not one of them.

(The bucket is now full. He turns off the tap.) Now the next question is… what do we do with our balls full of sperm? I know most women feel it is a waste for men to jerk off. I don’t blame them for their ignorance. Let me ask you… how would a nursing woman feel if her breasts become filled to the brim with breast milk? When there’s no baby to suck the milk out, you know what they do? They’ll catwalk to the bathroom, lock the door, bring out the yummy boobs and squeeze the precious milk out into the sink. So the ladies have no moral ground to lampoon us guys who choose to pour out their sperm anyhow they feel like. I know some people will say breast milk and sperm aren’t the same… what’s the difference? They’re both white in color and meant to nurture babies… hahahahahaha…

So you can see, when the balls become full of sperm, it’s like a busty woman with breasts full of milk. Who wants to be walking around with heavy balls like this… (He lifts the bucket up to his groin and walks awkwardly with it) That’s crazy. Unlike a tap, our balls can’t just be turned off… they keep on producing sperm… (he turns on the tap) and you’ve gotta throw away the water, otherwise, just as the bucket is overflowing and messing everywhere with water, so does the accumulated sperm begin to cause inconveniences, discomfort, wet dreams, soaked sheets, excessive wanking, I mean masturbation and all that. So the only ways out is to get a mature girl, bang and pour the whole thing into her pussy… (he lifts up the bucket and empties the water into the bathtub). That’s all. Now let me self-service this thing off before my balls burst.

(He removes his boxer and proceeds to hang it beside the window while jerking off when he sees Cordellia walk out of the next house as if she’s going out) Whao… oh lala… I think I can make use of her pussy, don’t you think so?
Re: Why Men Womanize by kossyablaze(m): 5:57pm On Aug 05, 2015
Choi

3 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 5:58pm On Aug 05, 2015
mehn... nairaland don sensor plenty words here angry

ill Update later in the evening
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 7:51pm On Aug 05, 2015
(He rushes to the bedroom to get his phone and hurriedly dials a call. He peers out of his window. Cordellia checks her bag for her phone, looks toward Oscar’s window and picks the call.)

Hi baby… I can see you’re going off to lecture… we could move together… Go to a fast food for breakfast, somewhere cool to chill out and then go face the goddammd lecturers. Just give me five minutes and I’ll be out with the car… okay? Oh no… please wait… I just wanna dress up and… alright I’m coming out…

(He drops the phone and rushes to the bathroom for a super fast soap and shower bath. Indeed, in five minutes, he is fully dressed up and rushes out to his mom’s room. Maria is busy applying makeup)

Oscar: Oh mama… can I borrow your mini?

Maria: (Plain faced) No.

Oscar: Ah… I just got a call right now from school that we’re having a test now so I’ve gotta be fast or I’ll miss it.

Maria: If I haven’t woken you up, you’ll still be asleep by now.

Oscar: Okay… thanks mama… (he grabs a key and sees Maria’s purse. He grabs it too, opens it and retrieves some cash)

Maria: (Protesting) Oh no no… leave my bag.

(Maria gets up grabs Oscar. He forces her into an embrace, plants a kiss on her cheek and hurries to the garage. He wastes no time jumping into the mini and in a minute, he is at the gate. The Guard greets him but Oscar replies with a stone cold face. As the gate opens, Oscar races up to Cordellia who is already walking down the road. He stops to pick her.

They go to an eatery to eat. Oscar won’t stop scratching his groin. After eating, they head out to Rocco’s place. Rocco is about to lock up when Oscar screeches the mini to a halt and runs up him. Cordellia remained in the car.)

Oscar: Wazzup man… you off to school too?

Rocco: Yeah pal. I thought you’re in school already.

Oscar: Oh no… I’ve got some unfinished business… you know… A new fish in my net… (winks)

Rocco: Why don’t you go to a motel?

Oscar: Common man… You know I prefer your crib… How would you feel if you’re deep into it and suddenly, you hear a knock on the door with a porter calling out to tell you your time is over? That sucks.

Rocco: So you wanna eat your fish in my crib?

Oscar: Oh yea… something like that. But why are you fuming? This isn’t the first time…

Rocco: I haven’t got time for your sermon. My crib is no motel…

Oscar: Okay… I’m going to a motel… (retrieves his wallet and squeezes some cash into Rocco’s hand) Now can I have the key?

(Rocco shrugs, hands over the key to Oscar and walks away. At the pavement, he sees Cordellia in the Mini. Their eyes meet. Rocco shrugs again and hails a passing taxi)

Oscar
Those trickle sperm guys are always jealous whenever they see us flow sperm guys with babes. They think we’re eating up all the fishes in the world but that’s not true. There are more than enough fishes for everybody. You can have as many fishes as you want if you understand their language. But those jealous guys… they just keep on looking and gawking while fishes swim around them. .. dumb fools.

(Oscar returns to the Mini to open the door for Cordellia. He tries to hold her hand but she snubs him. Oscar is surprised at her sudden change in attitude. They both walk formally like robots to Rocco’s room. Cordellia lies on the bed and begins to watch a video on her phone while Oscar UnCloth. After taking off his shirt, jeans, and singlet, Oscar flies atop Cordellia. She looks at scornfully and continues to watch the movie. Oscar tries to take off her top but she resists him. He looks confused for a while and tries to collect the phone from her but won’t let it go either. He sighs and begins to kiss her nape. Cordellia didn’t respond. Oscar sighs, frowns and forces off her blouse. He tries to collect the phone again but Cordellia shoves him away.)

Oscar: What the heck is the problem? If you don’t wanna do again, you can just get up and walk out.

(Cordellia ignores him and continues to watch the movie. Oscar unhooks her jeans and pulls it off. As he tries to pull her pant, Cordellia struggles with him but Oscar pins her down with his chest and pulls it down. He laughs, takes off his boxer and wags his tool at her. Cordellia frowns and looks away and closes her legs.)

Oscar: Oh God… why are you behaving like this? I said if you don’t wanna do, you can go. It’s a free world.

(Cordellia ignores him. Oscar climbs over her again and yanks her legs apart. A little struggle ensures and then Oscar begins to thrust. Cordellia tries to ignore him and continue watching the movie though she is panting heavily. Oscar snatches the phone from her and tosses it away.)

********

(On the campus, Oscar parks the Mini and tries to kiss Cordellia but she pushes him off and exits the car. Oscar raises his leg to the steering, watch her walk away and bursts into laughter.)

Oscar
Hahahahahaha. What catch. At first, it all started jovially. She seemed to be into me. Then suddenly at Rocco’s she turned cold. I almost gave up… and that’s one thing about us womanizers or whatever you call it… we don’t give up. Actually, it was my first time with her. I have been barraging and disturbing her to let me into her dorado since she moved into the area but she refused. I guess am lucky today. If you’re still wondering why she turned cold, Rocco is her best friend’s friend and things like that so she wasn’t happy about coming up to his crib. Well, what’s my business? I’ve settled Rocco, I’ve pounded her pussy… game over!

I must confess, that girl was boring. I was humping and humping her and she just laid there like a log of wood as if she isn’t feeling a thing. It felt like I was banging a statue. I’m never gonna Bleep that girl again… she’s a complete waste of energy… except… except she offers me her pussy (winks). Who am I to refuse? I better get my ass to class before the lecture is over… where is my note? (He looks around the car. Then he remembers that he didn’t leave home with it) Holy shit I forgot the useless note. Well, I can borrow Rocco’s.

(Oscar hurries out of the car to the lecture hall but to his chagrin, he bumps into the Lecturer at the door. He scratches his head as the Lecturer gives him a quizzing look and walks. Oscar sighs and turns to the camera.)

As you can see, another attribute of womanizers is that … they miss out of the most important things. Yes… they… them… cos I’m not a womanizer. See ya guys later.
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 8:39pm On Aug 06, 2015
Singh

Somewhere in New Delhi…

Singh
Welcome to my office. Can I help you? Please have your seat. Hmmm… where do I start from? Okay. I am the P.R.O of the company. To be a public relations guy is very sweet. I have all manners of people, mostly women with different curvy ass shapes trooping in and out of my office. As they get up to go, and turn their back at me, I get to see a good number of different butt shapes daily.

Just like bankers come in contact with lots of cash every day, my job requires I bump into a lot of women too… or rather, they bump into me. Now I get a female visitor, next minute another visitor, next and next and next visitors are all women. Makes you wonder, where are the men? Why am do I get mostly only female visitors? I don’t know and I don’t care. I must however admit that a lot more women are surging into corporate environment. If care isn’t taken soon, they’ll take over everywhere and relegate the men to doing manual jobs for them. Bunch of assholes.

So here we go. The more ladies that flock into my office, the more I am tempted to touch. Is it possible for a man to receive over twenty female visitors daily and not do anything about them? Mehn… It’s very hard. When I started out, I maintained a plain face. I behaved like a Chitti in Sana’s women only home… until one day… I got this breathtaking visitor.

Reminiscence…

Oh my, she’s a goddess… very beautiful with perfect boobs. The way she spoke… I thought Rihana was singing. When she got up to leave and I saw her ass in a panty hose, before she got to the door, I flew out of my seat, jumped over this table and grabbed her waist from behind. Surprisingly, she didn’t shout. She just looked at me with ice cool eyes. I kissed her… kissed her… kissed her… pressed her boobs… smooched her bum… we bleeped right in this office.

I didn’t even lock the door. If someone had bumped when we were at it, my job would be out there in the trash can. But curiously, nobody came in. I took it as an omen that Krishna has blessed my job with lots of beautiful women as icing on the cake. So as time goes on, If I get a fancy female visitor, I would giggle and wink at her… you know those signs… If a lady returns my gestures, that’s good. If she doesn’t, I don’t bother her. Why should I? The percentage of those who reply is far greater than those who don’t… say 60-40. I’m more than okay with the sixty percent and most of them keep coming back for more and more… (There is a knock on the door. Singh adjusts himself) Yes… come in.

(A young lady with a large brown envelope enters the office and takes a seat. Singh looks at her flirtingly.)

Singh: You look gorgeous.

Shreya: Thank you… I’ve brought my credentials… (hands over the envelope to Singh)

Singh: Well… lemme see… Hmmm… high school… diploma… what certificate is this?

Shreya: Oh… that was from a course I did on telemarketing.

Singh: Really? Nice… (tucks the documents back into the envelope and put in in his drawer)

Shreya: I hope it is enough to get me the job.

Singh: Sure. But you’ll still have to go through the Human Resources. Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of that for you if you can meet the… conditions (winks).

Shreya: Of course I can meet it. I just need the job badly. When am I going to be interviewed?

Singh: There wouldn’t be any need for interview since I’ll be recommending you for the job. I’ll just poke the HR to fill you in.

Shreya: Thank you. So when can we meet to check out the conditions?

Singh: Maybe… weekend… Saturday evening…

Shreya: (Breathing heavily) Okay… I get it…

Singh: Is anything wrong?

Shreya: Nothing. I think I’ll be going now.

Singh: Alright, I will give you a call.

Shreya: Okay. (gets up)

Singh: If you don’t mind me saying it… please take good care of your jugs for me (winks)

Shreya: (Embarrassed) Okay… (draws her shirt to cover her exposed cleavage)

Singh: Okay… bye.

(Shreya exits. Singh stares at the door with his head cocked for a while, turns to the camera and burst into laughter)
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 8:40pm On Aug 06, 2015
Singh
Hahahahahahaha… I just got another one. I told you it’s sweet to be a public relations officer. That girl came here some time ago to make enquiries about the company’s products. Then she stylishly asked if we had any vacancy. I said… sure… yes… And I can help her get the job if she can meet my conditions. Guess what the condition is? (Wink) I’m very sure you know it. If she is very good at it, I will influence the HR to ring her into our distributor’s list. Otherwise, that’s the last day I’m going to see her.

(Soberly) Huh… Huh? What’s wrong? I’m not doing anything wrong here. This is a matter between two consenting adults. I told her what I want and she agreed so what’s wrong with that? If she’s good in bed, I’m gonna help her get the job and make her my unofficial girlfriend… I’m helping her out… you heard it yourself when she said she needs a job badly. I’m just trying to be a good Samaritan.

(As if in an argument) What’s the heck? I said it’s no big deal. She’s got a boyfriend who she gives her pussy to free of charge… so what is wrong with if I help her and get the job and eat her pussy? If you think I shouldn’t eat her pussy, then tell her to go meet her boyfriend for a job… (There is a knock on the door) Please come in…

Maya: Hi Mr. Singh…

Singh: Wow… Maya… you back in town?

Maya: Yes… I’ve sold out my stock so I’m back to get some more. How’re you doing Mr. Bad boy?

Singh: I’m fine Madam Kamasutra.

Maya: Hahahahaha… I missed you. Do you miss me?

Singh: I missed you very much. I’m so happy you’re back.

Maya: So why didn’t you call me?

Singh: You know the nature of my job… I’ve been really busy.

Maya: I’m very tired too. Maybe we should go and chill out.

Singh: Chill out where?

Maya: You know it’s already late so I won’t be going Hyperabad today.

Singh: Oh… What’s the time? Thirty minutes to closing time… so I’m free. Where’re you sleeping over?

Maya: Radison Blu.

Singh: Whoa… (begins to clear his desk) dammn… let’s go and have fun.

(They both exit the office. At the reception, Singh mumbles some inaudible words at the secretary and exits the company with Maya. At the car park, they get into Singh’s car and drive off.)

********

Radison Blu Hotel, New Delhi

(At the reception, Maya retrieves her key and they head to her room with Singh walking behind her like a subordinate. Once inside, Singh grabs her and they began a hot kissing session. Maya pushes him away and runs to the fridge to get wine while Singh peels off his clothes. He sits on the bed while Maya serves him. After rushing their drink, Maya flings the cup in the air, pulls off her gowns and leaps atop Singh…)

********

10:45PM

On His Way Home…

Singh
Damn… I really enjoyed that woman. In case you’re wondering who she is, she’s one of the company’s customers. The first time I tried my move on her, she was very hostile… threatened to report e to my boss. I had to beg her to hush. I don’t expect to see her again but the next time she came to buy stocks, she stopped at my office and was making all those come-and-get-me gestures. That’s how I nailed her. She is married with two kids. Well, that’s between her and her husband.

Oh my gosh… that woman’s got ringtone. While I’m at it, she’ll be moaning out sweet melodies…





Reminiscence…

(Singh and Maya in scissors position…)

Maya: Ha ha ha ha…
Hey hey hey hey…
Ho ho ho ho…


Singh
If you think it is only married men that cheat, you’re very wrong. I mostly deal with working class people. Most of the women I bang are married women. I wonder what’s wrong with their husbands. Take Maya for example, you have a beautiful, intelligent and sexy wife at home and you can’t service her as at when due… I don’t understand. Maybe her husband has got erectile problems. That’s good, at least, for me.

(Singh drives into the parking lot, locks the car and walks lazily to his flat. He uses his key to open the door but it’s still locked from inside. He knocks and leans on the door tiredly. The door turns open a bit. Singh opens it and wider, enter the house and locks the door. He turns to see his wife staring at him.)

Singh: Hi honey… I’m back.

Anjali: (Retorts) What’s the time? Haven’t I told you to stop late night crawling?

Singh: I know I promised to be home on time but I had a very hectic day at work today. (Hug and pecks her on the cheek) How’s baby doing?

Anjali: Who’s got that perfume?

Singh: Perfume? (sniffs his shirt) Perfume… there’s no perfume on my shirt…

Anjali: On your body.

Singh: Maybe it’s my body odor.

Anjali: Singh…

Singh: What? Oh… please don’t start another argument again. I’ll just take a shower and everything’s clear. Okay?

Anjali: Hmmm… Okay.

Singh: Hope you’ve got dinner set cos I’m very hungry.

Anjali: Just go bath.

(Singh goes straight to the bathroom, takes off his clothes and sniffs his arm.)

Singh
Holy smokey… Maya’s got not only ringtone, she’s got perfume too. Women! They’re always possessive. I better bath and go chop. After three rounds, I’m so famished. If not for the little strength left in me, I’ll have slept over at the hotel. (He opens the shower and begins to bath. As if he hears a strange sound, he turns off the shower and frowns arms akimbo)

You were saying something about fidelity? Fidelity my pale bottom! Can’t you see she’s heavily pregnant? Seven months pregnant. In the place I come from, it’s a taboo to have sex with pregnant women… hahahahahaha.

(Soberly) Honestly, I never meant to cheat on my wife. When she got pregnant, her hormones shot up and virtually everything I do irritates her. At the time, she said sex felt like I was poking a thousand pins into her. So I decided to use those women to service my rod. Though she’s okay with sex now but I’m not just comfortable banging her with her heavy tummy so we only do it once in a while. Once she’s delivered, I’ll try to stop and focus on my family… hmmm.

Talk is cheap. You know… infidelity is like hard drugs. They more you go into it; the harder it is to pull back. I’m being honest here. I’ll try my best to stop but if I don’t stop… it’s not my fault. Hmmm… whose fault is it? I don’t know. Once you start going out with women, you begin to find it hard to accept responsibility… excuses becomes the order of the day. But that doesn’t mean I’m an irresponsible person, am I? I better go eat before hunger whops me to death. See you later.

(Singh wraps on a towel and rushes to the dining table where he begins to hungrily eat his food.)
















Blackout

1 Like

Re: Why Men Womanize by xyzhill(m): 9:58pm On Aug 06, 2015
wonderfull peice!! Bravado!!!!!
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 8:27am On Aug 07, 2015
@ xyzhill

Thanks

will update in d evening
Re: Why Men Womanize by xyzhill(m): 10:10am On Aug 07, 2015
oweniwe:
@ xyzhill
Thanks
will update in d evening
owk bro
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 8:57pm On Aug 07, 2015
Beye

Somewhere in Lagos…

(In a dimly lit ‘Master Bedroom’, Beye is sandwiched between two women; one slim and the other chubby. They all seem to be asleep. The chubby woman raises a leg and wraps it around Beye’s legs. As the slim woman knew what happened, she places her leg over Beye and subtle pushes the chubby woman’s leg off. Undeterred, the chubby woman raises her leg higher and places it on Beye’s back. The slim woman looks up, picks the chubby woman’s leg and ‘flings’ it away. The chubby woman didn’t move for a while. Suddenly, she lets out a precise kick at the slim woman’s leg. The slim woman seems angry. He lets out a counter-kick but unfortunately, her toe nails digs into Beye’s calf. Beye groans in pain.)

Beye: What is wrong with you women? Do you want to kill me? Who kicked me?

(Both women pretend to be asleep. Beye hisses and sits up. He yawns tiredly.)

Beye
Troublesome women. Every time they fight over every trivial thing. How they expect me to stay in the house when they are always quarreling, I don’t know. Tomorrow, I won’t sleep here. In the morning, I will tell them I am… travelling.

Let me introduce myself. I am Chief Maxwell Beye… but I just prefer to be called Beye. I am a simple man. These two women… they are my wives. This one (points to the slim one) is the senior while this one is the junior (points to the chubby one). I know what you’re thinking… you’re wondering how I came about two wives abi? Let me tell you how I came about them.

I never imagined I would be a polygamist. When I was a kid, I believed in the one-man-one wife doctrine. I always dreamed that I would marry a beautiful princess, have three or four children, and raise my family under one loving umbrella. But life is not mathematics. You see, it wasn’t my fault… circumstances caused it. When I met Fola, (points to the slim) She was just a girlfriend. I had no intention of marrying her. You know how it is back then when you hope to see a lady for a few months and then move on with your life. But there was no condom at the time… so… she got pregnant. I had no choice than to bring her in because I can’t imagine my child growing up without me.

This one, Oge… (points to the chubby one) is my real wife… hush… (he checks if the women are awake) I didn’t say anything o. When I first saw Oge, I was so much in love. I decided… Bleep monogamy. How do you expect me to tie the rest of one woman I don’t really love? So I proposed marriage to Oge but she flatly rejected it because of Fola. As a sharp guy, you know what I did? I purposely abstained from sex for one month, eat a lorry load of banana, paw paw, water melon and other fruits… at the end of the month, I banged her. She got pregnant with twins straightaway… hahahahahahaha…

But it wasn’t that easy. I want all my children to grow up together under one roof. Fola threatened fire and brimstone should I bring Oge into the house. Oge too was adamant she wasn’t moving in because the house I was staying then was too small. So I went to borrow money, brought land and built this big house. Even after that, they still refused to live together. So you know what I did next…. Guess what I did… see you… I starved them of money. I told each of them categorically, if you don’t move into the house, no money for you. And you know women like money. That’s how I got them to move in. For the first two years, they fought so much… I nearly ran away. But as more children begin to come in, they relaxed and got used to each other. But that doesn’t mean they’ve stopped their quarrels.

So… over the years… the house became real big. I told you earlier I only wanted four children. Now I have nine… Fola has four while Oge has five. Well, wetin man go do? They were doing competition to see who would have more children for me. Well, they eventually got tired of having babies and stopped getting pregnant. I was so relieved.

But the damage has already been done. Fola turned into a badly maintained pickup with bones showing here and there while Oge ballooned into a zeppelin. How she managed to slim down to her current size is a miracle. Though they’re till hot in bed but I’m tired of them. Abi… after nine children, what am I still looking for inside their legs? So anytime I want to have fun, I just pick my phone and call one of those madams to arrange one thick and fresh girl for me. I don’t keep girlfriends again o,.. I have learnt my lesson. If you want to carry women, don’t get emotionally attached or keep a woman for too long, otherwise, before you say ukpabie… she’ll get pregnant and then you’ll end up with two, three or four wives and plenty children. To pay school fees is not beans o. I want to sleep now. See you tomorrow.

(As Beye lies down to sleep, the women fling their arms and legs all over him. Swears silently, picks his pillow and goes to sleep on the floor. Fola taps Oge on the shoulder.)

Fola: Why did you wake him?

(Oge ignores her, picks her pillow and goes to join Beye on the floor. Fola hisses, grabs her pillow and joins them. Beye get’s up leaving his pillow and heads back to the bed. The women struggle for his pillow and eventually, Oge wins. Back to the bed, the women put their heads on each side of Beye’s large chest and use their legs to ‘lock him down’. Beye heaves and sighs.)








Blackout
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 8:16pm On Aug 23, 2015
Now Available on Okada Books...

Please use the link below to get your copy... or simply search "Womanize"

https://www.okadabooks.com/book/about/10689

Cheers. smiley smiley smiley

Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 8:17pm On Aug 23, 2015
smiley smiley smiley
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 9:56am On Aug 27, 2015
smiley smiley smiley wink wink
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 11:54am On Feb 18, 2016
Your comments are welcome smiley
Re: Why Men Womanize by oweniwe(m): 11:33pm On Feb 20, 2016
smiley

(1) (Reply)

My Suicide Note (A Short Piece) / Bisi Ojediran Dedicates New Novel To Dr. Mo Ibrahim / Compatible (complete Story)

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 81
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.