Saao:
we were in different town. I was in Abuja and she was in Lagos, she was pretending throughout. I saw the sign a week to the wedding i almost as quit but my eldest bros didn't let me

What was the sign you noticed that made you to have a rethink 1week to your wedding?

Why did your eldest brother stop you from discontinuing with the marriage?

Bro it's surprising cos usually it's the man who treats the woman bad if there is no child yet except if you are the one with fertility issues. I think you should give her the last warning. Make sure her parents are aware of the insults. If they support her, my brother abeg separate fast! If she repents and begs, take her back. If not, stay away from trouble.

Peace of mind is important in this life.

cococandy:
You're the problem. Not her.

Do you realise that Op is in pains before coming up with this?

Why not try to find out where the problem is before apportioning blames to whoever?

krall3:
it means there is something wrong with the wife. either physically or spiritually.

Yeah, the wife but the guy is fit right?
Guys always clean spiritually and physically.
Op, hope you're not shooting blanks.~~~~~~long distance courtship is now taking a toll in your marriage.

I think it is time to rediscover what caused the sparks in the first place and try to reignite it. Dont mind the blame game going on in your head on who is most at fault, check yourself too cause action and reaction are always equal and opposite ~~ Newton's law..

jnrbayano:


Do you realise that Op is in pains before coming up with this?

Why not try to find out where the problem before apportioning blames to whoever?

The problem is with him now. Is that not what I just did?

His wife is not 'that girl'
And their home doesn't belong to him alone. It is theirs.

If he drops that attitude, and stop seeing his wife as girl who lives in his personal house, he will see a change. There's no smoke without fire.

Problem solved.

But that's my personal opinion. You guys are free to give him different opinions too. We can't all type the same thing.

If the wife is here she would have gotten her own talking to. As he's the one here let him learn his own faults and correct them.

Except he intends to show the wife the thread, then it would not make sense to type long epistles addressing the wife.

Saao:
thanks a lot, I think that is what I will do, maybe I will rent a miniflat or selfcon somewhere. I'm telling u, she did not show 1 percent of what she is doing now before marriage.

What is she doing? Exactly.

And you say you don't love her anymore. Do you think it reflects in the way you act towards her thereby making her own bad attitude worse?

Chidoks:
less than 2 years ? and you call her this girl? lets start from the begining.
1: did you properly marry her as in did you at least pay bride price to her folks? if so don't you think it's derogatory to call her "this girl"
2: what's the real issue? is it lack of pregnancy? because two years is short to worry about that.have you sought medical help? what was the outcome? is she under any sort of stress even if it's self inflicted? what has she exactly done and what steps have you taken to make things alright?
3: are you telling us you have been good to her yet she keeps making your life miserable?

u didn't get it right. I did proper traditional and white wedding. The point is not about pregnancy maybe u need to read it again. The marriage is about 2 and half years. Medical help is also not the issue, we have doctor. Calling her a girl is not an issue, she is young and am young. I think u should focus on the issue, I appreciate ma

I appreciate all of u, I think I already got the msg. Thanks everyone, God bless you

cococandy:


The problem is with him now. Is that not what I just did?

His wife is not 'that girl'
And their home doesn't belong to him alone. It is theirs.

If he drops that attitude, and stop seeing his wife as girl who lives in his personal house, he will see a change. There's no smoke without fire.

Problem solved.

But that's my personal opinion. You guys are free to give him different opinions too. We can't all type the same thing.

If the wife is here she would have gotten her own talking to. As he's he one here let him learn his own faults and correct them.

Except he intends to show the wife the thread, then it would not make sense to type long epistles addressing the wife.

You mean he calls her "this girl" all of the time? I don't think so.

I see an angry and helpless man here who needs help.

I, sometimes use expletives when I'm angry too. Anger and morality are two parallel lines.

A judgement given based on just one-half of a story is almost always not correct. For one not to make that error, questions must be asked.

You asked none.

By the way, if I sense my opinion (whether good or not good) may trigger something sinister if I let it out (in any subject especially in marriage) I rather keep mute.

Saao:
how?

Just ignore some monika with F attached to it, dey won't give u any useful words except to defend dia kind...

To the problem @ hand...

Give ur lady some space so u guys will get to rediscover urselves independently n find dat tin dat attracted u guys in d 1st place....

Have u gone for any medical check up yet?? If yes gud for u, if no, I think u shud....

My guy if u commit ur mind to women issues eh, u will actually die faster, kill her bad behaviour with kindness, take it as an obligation dats wen u guys cross path during ur brief separation...

Make her miss u, pamper her with gifts, n always try the touch ur toe style when doing the thing wen u guys finally come back renewed..

To ur RENEWAL n BLazing Hot kinda LoVe... *cheers*

Something Sinister like what?

You see and angry man asking for help.
I also see one but who's letting his anger cloud his own faults.

You don't think the way he refers to her as distant fellow (even if he doesn't call her that one a daily basis) doesn't reflect on how he acts towards her thereby making the problem worse?

jnrbayano:


You mean he calls her "this girl" all of the time? I don't think so.

I see an angry and helpless man here who needs help.

I, sometimes use expletives when I'm angry too. Anger and morality are two parallel lines.

A judgement given based on just one-half of a story is almost always not correct. For one not to make that error, questions must be asked.

You asked none.

By the way, if I sense my opinion (whether good or not good) may trigger something sinister if I let it out (in any subject especially in marriage) I rather keep mute.

jnrbayano:


Do you realise that Op is in pains before coming up with this?

Why not try to find out where the problem is before apportioning blames to whoever?

I HATE! Dat particular trait in them...

.

SMH

What happened to giving your own advice and stop disturbing people about their opinions?

Nairaland never changes.

Onyeego if you have an opinion about OP's case, pls tell him.
If you have anything to tell me, quote me directly.

Don't be a sneaky pucci.

Obviously the OP wants posters who won't tell him where he's wrong.

Oga the home belongs to both of you. Treat her like a partner not a tenant in 'your house' and you will see improvement.

Or just go ahead and divorce her and have peace.

...Unfollows

cococandy:


The problem is with him now. Is that not what I just did?

His wife is not 'that girl'
And their home doesn't belong to him alone. It is theirs.

If he drops that attitude, and stop seeing his wife as girl who lives in his personal house, he will see a change. There's no smoke without fire.

Problem solved.

But that's my personal opinion. You guys are free to give him different opinions too. We can't all type the same thing.

If the wife is here she would have gotten her own talking to. As he's the one here let him learn his own faults and correct them.

Except he intends to show the wife the thread, then it would not make sense to type long epistles addressing the wife.

U av no moral ground to apportion blame to any of the party yet, cos u don't know everything yet... I mean, men don't know how to cry n whine like u guys, wen experiencing negative energy flowing we tend to use small words which are sometimes not the reflection of our true thoughts and intents... It simply means we are frustrated.....

cococandy:
Obviously the OP wants posters who won't tell him where he's wrong.

Oga the home belongs to both of you. Treat her like a partner not a tenant in 'your house' and you will see improvement.

Or just go ahead and divorce her and have peace.

...Unfollows

As if u actually live with them... Drop this sick attitude of urs already... One trait I dislike abt ur folks is dis poor sense of judgement, always sentiment, blurred and biased...

Saao:
I appreciate all of u, I think I already got the msg. Thanks everyone, God bless you

I gave an option for a private discussion, I waited for you, but you didn't even message me... All is well, but I got a message for you, I will be blunt here irrespective of how many people will rebuke my opinion.

1. You're a husband and a head, your woman is a wife and a preserver. Whatsoever occurs in your family should had stayed in your family, you came up to expose it all (in my opinion its gross miscalculation). You ought to know of some elders in your religious circle, community, work place or wherever whose marriages had spanned 3-4 decades. If you asked them, they keep their problems and try to solve them mutually, except its gone out of hand then they involve family elders and then religious elders- not online folks.
2. As a man, you have the power to decide the way you wish your home to be run, your wife only sees to it that your decision is brought to fulfillment.... Whether good or bad....you as the head think, your wife is the neck to support you and ensure your thoughts are realised.
3. Your calling your wife 'girl' is an utter disrespect to her. Take it from me.
4. If infertility or child bearing is an issue, I see no reason why you can't control and dictate things for her and on her behalf. Its mostly in laws from the mans side that bring up such issues, however, today, IVF, and child adoption and others have brought up solutions to such child birth issues. I see no reasons why you won't explore such. I personally would fail to believe a woman who's not yet with child will be hard and harsh and negative in actions especially when African settings would automatically place belief that she is at fault most prolly.....

Bro, like I said.... You are the Husband, you're the head of the family, and the leader, your woman is the wife, the neck and the preserver of the family.
Whatsoever decision you take, whatsoever actions she put up will come up against you because you are the custodian of the home. Better man up to your responsibility, mind you, divorce isn't a biblical solution (assuming you're a Christian)
Cheers!

cococandy:
SMH

What happened to giving your own advice and stop disturbing people about their opinions?

Nairaland never changes.

Onyeego if you have an opinion about OP's case, pls tell him.
If you have anything to tell me, quote me directly.

Don't be a sneaky pucci.

I av actually quoted u twice.. So??

cococandy:
Obviously the OP wants posters who won't tell him where he's wrong.

Oga the home belongs to both of you. Treat her like a partner not a tenant in 'your house' and you will see improvement.

Or just go ahead and divorce her and have peace.

...Unfollows

hmm If I treat her like a tenants, I won't say I will live the house for her, I paid for the house and furnished it. I only gave a brief msg here. I appreciate ur contribution anyway. Thank you

Saao:
hmm If I treat her like a tenants, I won't say I will live the house for her, I paid for the house and furnished it. I only gave a brief msg here. I appreciate ur contribution anyway. Thank you

Unfortunately, cococandy spoke the unbiased truth. Take it or leave it.
Cococandy, you've done your best, its left for the OP to consider his wife as himself or a stranger, a tenant or a co-owner, a girl or a wife. Its his marriage, his choice....
Cheers!

kingreign:

I gave an option for a private discussion, I waited for you, but you didn't even message me... All is well, but I got a message for you, I will be blunt here irrespective of how many people will rebuke my opinion.

1. You're a husband and a head, your woman is a wife and a preserver. Whatsoever occurs in your family should had stayed in your family, you came up to expose it all (in my opinion its gross miscalculation). You ought to know of some elders in your religious circle, community, work place or wherever whose marriages had spanned 3-4 decades. If you asked them, they keep their problems and try to solve them mutually, except its gone out of hand then they involve family elders and then religious elders- not online folks.
2. As a man, you have the power to decide the way you wish your home to be run, your wife only sees to it that your decision is brought to fulfillment.... Whether good or bad....you as the head think, your wife is the neck to support you and ensure your thoughts are realised.
3. Your calling your wife 'girl' is an utter disrespect to her. Take it from me.
4. If infertility or child bearing is an issue, I see no reason why you can't control and dictate things for her and on her behalf. Its mostly in laws from the mans side that bring up such issues, however, today, IVF, and child adoption and others have brought up solutions to such child birth issues. I see no reasons why you won't explore such. I personally would fail to believe a woman who's not yet with child will be hard and harsh and negative in actions especially when African settings would automatically place belief that she is at fault most prolly.....

Bro, like I said.... You are the Husband, you're the head of the family, and the leader, your woman is the wife, the neck and the preserver of the family.
Whatsoever decision you take, whatsoever actions she put up will come up against you because you are the custodian of the home. Better man up to your responsibility, mind you, divorce isn't a biblical solution (assuming you're a Christian)
Cheers!

And who says elders, wise pple and christians are extinct online, even the bible now av app on diff platforms, never u underestimate the power of the web n communication...

I swear I am not in support of divorce but can u point out where it was categorically stated in the bible wia God condemned divorce??

Stop blaming d op if he refered to his wife as a girl, d guy is stressed abi av u guys suddenly lost empathy in the generation??

If the environment wia serene I strongly believe this problem is only but a litu one, dey may nt go as far as adoption or ivf.... It may be the acidity of the vagina or d position dey take during sex...

I am talking biology here... Great problem are solved by simple solutions...

cococandy:

Something Sinister like what?

You see and angry man asking for help.
I also see one but who's letting his anger cloud his own faults.

You don't think the way he refers to her as distant fellow (even if he doesn't call her that one a daily basis) doesn't reflect on how he acts towards her thereby making the problem worse?

Anger and its furtherance is sinister. It leaves damages and regrets in its wake.

At least you agree with me he is angry. He arrived here needing a placebo in our advice.

Assuming you met me in real life in a tirade: raining vituperations on my girlfriend, calling her bi*ch repeatedly........what will be your first statement to me:

~Calm down or
~Why do you call your girlfriend bi*ch and other unprintable names?

Saao:
hmm If I treat her like a tenants, I won't say I will live the house for her, I paid for the house and furnished it. I only gave a brief msg here. I appreciate ur contribution anyway. Thank you

Is it a house or your home?

I'm coming back to address this post because I believe you may want a solution to your problem. Maybe.

"You paid for the house and furnished it."
You keep making references to her leaving 'your house'.

Do you honestly believe that mindset that you're the owner of the house doesn't reflect on how you treat her? It may seem like a little thing to you, but has deeper implications.
That's where you have your own fault. If you don't regard your partner as just the home owner like you are, you will be condescending towards her without even realizing it. If she has bad attitudes, your own will make it worse as both of you will feed off each other's negative attitude and things will just get worse.

Unfortunately You didn't state exactly what she's doing wrong so you left any discerning poster no choice on where to point out her faults to her (assuming you want to show her the thread.)

Any solution that doesn't focus on what each person is doing wrong and the parts they need to work on is not solution because it just placate the persons involved with cosmetic solutions like 'take it easy' 'separate for a while' 'talk to her'
And what happens after all that they come back again and each person continues with whatever they were doing wrong before?

How did that help? It didn't.

Your faults need to be pointed out to you (sorry if you see that as blaming) if you don't know what you're doing wrong, you can't change it.
Your wife needs to see her own faults and work on them too.
Since you didn't state what they were, and I don't know if you will show her this thread, how can she know what it is about her that she needs to change?

Since we can't see her and talk to her, one choice you have now is to make a list of the things you don't like that she's doing and ask her to make her own list. Both of you read it out to each other (be ready to accept blame for your own wrong doing. There's nothing wrong with blame) and work at it from there.

.

Saao best thing to do is to filter the advices uve gotten so far and use wisdom. Ure the one wearing the shoes, u know where they pinch.

Personally, I don't think it has gotten to a point where the 2 of u can't work it out. Nairaland won't help u much. U need to speak with ur wife. All these things ure typing here about how u Dont love her, and its a long distance marriage, u need to tell ur wife face to face. She may even feel worse than u do and u may even irritate her more than she irritates u, or she may feel remorse. But u won't find out if u do not communicate. Save ur marriage abeg.

kingreign:

Unfortunately, cococandy spoke the unbiased truth. Take it or leave it.
Cococandy, you've done your best, its left for the OP to consider his wife as himself or a stranger, a tenant or a co-owner, a girl or a wife. Its his marriage, his choice....
Cheers!

Thanks. At least you didn't see it as if I was trying to blame him unnecessarily or whatever. Like do I know him or have anything against him?

Everyone may have blame when things are going wrong in their relationship. Ability to accept it and work on it is a step towards solution.

I see.

I get your point.

jnrbayano:


Anger and its furtherance is sinister. It leaves damages and regrets in its wake.

At least you agree with me he is angry. He arrived here needing a placebo in our advice.

Assuming you met me in real life in a tirade: raining vituperations on my girlfriend, calling her bi*ch repeatedly........what will be your first statement to me:

~Calm down or
~Why do you call your girlfriend bi*ch and other unprintable names?

OnyeEgo1:


And who says elders, wise pple and christians are extinct online, even the bible now av app on diff platforms, never u underestimate the power of the web n communication...

Most matured happily married couples won't advocate for divorce or separation, its a form of abandoning his husband responsibility..

I swear I am not in support of divorce but can u point out where it was categorically stated in the bible wia God condemned divorce??

"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31-32

"Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" "What did Moses command you?" he replied. They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 7 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
Mark 10:2-12
"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."
1 Corinthians 7:39

"But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
1 Corinthians 7:11-13

Stop blaming d op if he refered to his wife as a girl, d guy is stressed abi av u guys suddenly lost empathy in the generation??

Would you rather listen to yourself and ask yourself where this trash came from?
So (no insult intended pls) how would you feel if your father comes on facebook, nairaland or lindaikejiblog to type all the misdeeds of your mother and call her a girl... How would you feel about it? Mehn, what da heck is wrong with younger generations, where did we get it all wrong?
The marriage is an institution that's NOT made by social media but by GOD. Its sacred and divine not earthly and shouldn't be trashed.

If the environment wia serene I strongly believe this problem is only but a litu one, dey may nt go as far as adoption or ivf.... It may be the acidity of the vagina or d position dey take during sex...

I am talking biology here... Great problem are solved by simple solutions...

Dude! U put it to you, you don't know anything about Biology. Do you know some years ago, one of the best gynaecologist in Nigeria was always being referred to on issue of barrenness and childless marriage, he would do his work, leave the rest for God, babies would come... Guess what?
He was heading a childless home... He never bothered... Till a few years later he got a child in his middle age.

Bro, go and sleep you know not what you're saying.

God bless all of u. Thanks a lot, I already got the msg

Saao:
thank you, I tried to connect with u. 2. Was the reason for this. The issue is not about what u mentioned at all. Lack of respect, negativity, ready to quarrel at any given time, and sometimes curses. U talk about fertility, we have doctor and I have doctors friends so is not the point and I understand God giveth children. Calling her girl is nothing wrong as she is young and I'm young. I didn't tell my family bcuz it cud hasten break up. Online medium is anonymous. Thanks for ur concern

Thank you for replying me on an anonymous forum.., you say the marriage is giving in to insults, quick quarrel tendencies, lack of respect, and negativity.

Now let's face it headlong....
Did you date/court her or you both met online, or it was a 'I meet you, I crush on you, let's marry' kinda marriage (pardon my language), or how? How long did you guys courted, were you close to each other and were you in constant communication with her, her friends, place of worship, colleagues and family members?

kingreign:

Most matured happily married couples won't advocate for divorce or separation, its a form of abandoning his husband responsibility..


"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31-32

"Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" "What did Moses command you?" he replied. They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 7 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
Mark 10:2-12
"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."
1 Corinthians 7:39

"But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
1 Corinthians 7:11-13


Would you rather listen to yourself and ask yourself where this trash came from?
So (no insult intended pls) how would you feel if your father comes on facebook, nairaland or lindaikejiblog to type all the misdeeds of your mother and call her a girl... How would you feel about it? Mehn, what da heck is wrong with younger generations, where did we get it all wrong?
The marriage is an institution that's NOT made by social media but by GOD. Its sacred and divine not earthly and shouldn't be trashed.


Dude! U put it to you, you don't know anything about Biology. Do you know some years ago, one of the best gynaecologist in Nigeria was always being referred to on issue of barrenness and childless marriage, he would do his work, leave the rest for God, babies would come... Guess what?
He was heading a childless home... He never bothered... Till a few years later he got a child in his middle age.

Bro, go and sleep you know not what you're saying.

Bro u are just beating round the bush, justifying urself n ur pointless, meaningless post insulting urself, posing as a "gud" christian contradicting urself...

Who gave scientist the knowledge??

My guy U are DRUNK, go and sleep else na hangover u dey invite....