There has been a thread going round on nairaland about how we should let our children "suffer" or go through life without their parents added help.

I am responding to this post because I have been on both ends of the spectrum.

Let me tell you firsthand that If possible , my children will not suffer what I went through.

1)The first issue was about summer Jobs, Claiming Nigeria parents don't let their kids work 'summer' jobs. This is a very broad generalization in the first sense. I schooled abroad and I personally don't know any Nigerian student who didn't work during the summer. We are known for over-working. I think the OP took an isolated event and over-generalized it. To be honest, Nigeria is one of the few countries where students dont work during the summer because of lack of Jobs.

2) I don't see what is wrong with your children flying first class. This is more of envy than anything. Dog's fly first class planes. I wan't my kids to enjoy their flight. What is wrong with this? To be honest, One of my life goals is to make sure that my children never enter danfo. I entered danfo a lot of times and I cannot recall any major life lessons i learnt. Its not wrong to enter danfo but its not necessary either. A car will be able to get them to their destination quicker (sometimes). A driver's licence and ability to drive is required for most Jobs everywhere in the world. Denying my kids that basic skill just because I didn't learn to drive until I was 30 does not help me or them. I want my kids to succeed and I will help.

3) Making calls on behalf of my kids for jobs is not encouraged but If my kids were having difficulty in finding a Job, I will talk to my contacts and See What I can do about it. If I let my kids go 2-3years while looking for a Job that's even a detriment for him because the unemployment gap on his resume keeps getting wider. This also goes for friends and family too, If I know a company/manager that is hiring, I would recommend friends who need jobs . Why not my own kids? I have friends who are hardworking and after getting that first Job , they gained experience and worked hard to the top.

4)I have not really heard of people telling their employers that their salary is less than the stipend their parents gave them. If someone makes such a comment, then they are at fault and will not be hired. Also both poor people and rich people are prone to drug and alcohol abuse. An individual who is an adult should know how to take care of their health.

Lastly, I will not send my kids to universities with outdated technologies or to universities where their script goes missing, or let them spend 10 years there just because I experienced it. To be honest, I did not like my experience in Nigerian universities and will not wish my enemies to pass through what I went through. It was depressing and humiliating.

While I was a student in a foreign University, I worked almost 40hours a week and took 6-7 engineering courses per semester, I burned out and almost failed out because of this. The truth is that a lot of students taking professional courses at the university either take fewer courses or shorter hours at work. The top students in my class did not do any part-time jobs and when it was time for internships they got great ones because while we were working 40 hours as cleaners, they focused on their books. Neither of us had any professional experiences but they picked them because they showed excellence in engineering course-work which was more relevant than a job. They did great internships and got great jobs.



I understand that we should not over-pamper our kids but what's wrong with giving them a helping hand?

cc : lalasticlala, ishilove??

I feel your pain

Raayah.... Infact, ur entire subscriotion for a year is on me

Cutehector:
Raayah.... Infact, ur entire subscriotion for a year is on me

Thanks baby

I don't know whether to support or not... But the bottom line is;

let your children be financially independent and already in the working class sector

Raayah I agree with you 103%. I would be dead before I allow my children to have the kind of start I had. Why should I allow them to go through same experience when I've done all that for them? I have children and I don't give them luxury but I give them as much comfort as I can afford.

@op, you havent really said anything different from the original post, the post wasnt against giving helping hands to the kids, he just passed some messages across for parents to know and understand why they need their kids to be independent, the parents arent going to be there for the kids for life, you need to teach them not spoon feed/dote over them all the time,....
i can say am a typical example of what the original op talked about, my parent carefully raised us to be independent, we imbibed savings culture very early, got my first account when i was 10 year old etc, they didnt make me suffer, they want me to be able to confront life challenges as it comes and so far so good, moi is doing great ofcourse with them prayers and grace of the almighty.

Just know you aint going to be there for the kids forever, they will at some point make their own decisions and will face the responsibilities

dont8:
Good points, I read the write-up of yesterday and I think both of you had a point depending on the angle you view it from and most especially the type of upbringing each individual had.


This is the point the other thread was trying to redress in the first place.

I created the original thread. You are on point

op, I totally agree with you!

We should always give a helping hand to our kids when need be and not over indulge them shikena.

I don't think the thread you refer to was actually against supporting or giving your wards head start. It only frowned at over pampering of children else they become spoilt brats.

So, same position whichever way you look at it.

Don't mind them na over jealousy dey worry them because they wish they had the luxurious life of a well cared kid


marasho to da fomomi


anybody that is not happy with that can kosi konga

OP, you are right.
The fact that a parent trekked 20 kilometers to go to school when he/she was young doesn't mean that his children should experience the same.
If you ask such a parent why he had to trek that distance to go to school, you will find out that his own parents could not afford transportation money.
But he can afford the money now so I don't see why he should allow his own kids to trek a similar distance.

Just like you rightly concluded, children should not be over pampered but that doesn't mean parents shouldn't try as much as they can to make their children's lives easier.

This post complements the response I gave the OP of that thread.
Children need all the help they can get.

I think striking the right balance is the key here.

You can't keep giving children everything they want, simply because you can afford it. By doing that, you are placing a limit on their creativity and problem solving abilities, and if care is not taken, such children will lack the motivation to live a disciplined life.

On the other hand, there are periods when a parent can step in, just to make life easier for his/her child. Sometimes, this gives the child an edge over his/her peers, especially in a highly competitive environment.

It's left to the parent to decide when to step in and when to withdraw, and allow the child tackle some life problems on his/her own.