Singles make up a big percentage of any given
church, and pastors spend a lot of time teaching
about marriage and parenting. But how do you
actually find the right person to marry?
You won't hear much teaching about dating in
most churches. It's like we're afraid to touch the
subject—so people just feel their way in the dark
and figure out romance on their own.
Our awkwardness about this topic is one reason
single Christians make so many relationship
blunders—and why many marriages start out on
the wrong foot. I asked some of my single friends
and one of my daughters to help me compile this
list of most common dating mistakes. Here are
the Top 10:

1. Being desperate for a relationship.
Some
singles freak out when they hit age 25. They stop
trusting God and begin a nail-biting search for a
mate. My friend Nicole Doyley, author of The
Wait, says she knows women who are so frantic
about finding Prince Charming that they
immediately fall for any guy who asks them out.
"They should see the warning signs, but don't,"
Nicole says. "They start praying immediately if
this is 'the one' and they quickly become blind to
his faults."

2. Being too picky.
On the flip side, some singles
are waiting for the perfect human specimen to
sweep them off their feet. Picky guys want a girl
who could appear in the swimsuit edition of
Sports Illustrated . Or, some Christian women
expect to marry a spiritual giant who prays four
hours a day. Be realistic. Whoever you date will
have feet of clay and plenty of flaws to match
your own.

3. Not developing healthy friendships with the
opposite sex.
Oftentimes too much pressure is
placed on Christian singles to pair up, especially if
they are attending a Bible college with a
reputation for being a wedding factory. And in
that pressure cooker it's difficult for guys and
girls to enjoy nonromantic friendships. Relax and
make friends, and don't view every opposite-sex
friend as a potential marriage partner.

4. Letting other people control your relationship.
Church friends usually mean well, but some
people don't know how to stay out of other
people's business. They will engage in what I call
"prophetic meddling" by dropping hints,
manipulating you to go out with someone or
pushing you to marry someone you don't even
want to be with. And while the gift of prophecy is
valuable, you should never let personal prophecies
steer your decisions about marriage. Let God
personally guide you in this very personal area of
life.

5. Ignoring proper boundaries.
Some Christian
couples are extremely naïve about the power of a
romantic bond. They don't realize that feelings
can zoom from zero to 90 miles an hour in a few
seconds, and that one kiss can lead to intercourse
if you don't have your emergency brake on at all
times. If you are in a dating relationship, you
must know your boundaries, discuss them with
your partner and commit to staying pure. Don't
be stupid. Don't spiritualize your lust and
suggest, "Let's go to your apartment and pray."
Don't wait until clothes come off to determine
what is out of bounds.
advertisement.

6. Missionary dating.
Never start a romantic
relationship with a guy or girl who is not a
believer. Christians who do this usually justify it
with the old "I know I can change him/her" line.
But the opposite happens: The unbeliever
changes you—after he or she has broken your
heart, compromised your morals or damaged your
faith.

7. Lack of healthy confidence.
Some guys I know
are stuck in a state of spiritual limbo when it
comes to their dating life. They may admire a girl
from afar, but they just can't muster up the nerve
to break the ice and start a conversation.
Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a
good thing." If you are going to find a wife, you
don't just sit there until you are 40. Develop some
healthy aggression. And while it is true that some
women prefer to be pursued, remember that Ruth
proposed to Boaz in the Old Testament story.
Don't be so demure that your future husband
can't even notice you.

8. Expecting the person you are dating to "fix"
you.
God wants singles to have undistracted
devotion to Jesus (see 1 Cor. 7:35). Yet too often
we look to other people to bring the inner
fulfillment that only Christ gives. Many singles fall
into the trap of finding a boyfriend or girlfriend to
heal the wounds caused by childhood trauma,
their parents' divorce or their dads' addictions.
Seek healing from the Holy Spirit for those issues
before you commit to a serious relationship.

9. Spiritual stalking.
I've met guys in church who
drive by girls' houses regularly, monitor their
moves and troll their Facebook pages. That's
creepy. If you have to sneak around like a private
detective to get a date, you need a new strategy.
If a woman tells you she is not interested in going
out with you, honor her request and move on.
Don't develop an unhealthy obsession. And never,
never, never tell a girl: "God told me you will be
my wife." That's manipulative and could fall
under the category of sexual harassment.

10. Not discerning a spiritual predator.
One single
female friend of mine said she went out with a
man who did a financial seminar at her church.
Because the guy was invited to speak from a
pulpit she assumed he was a man of character,
but he tried to get her into bed with him on the
first date. It became quickly obvious he was an
imposter. Beware of wolves. You must walk in
the Spirit if you want to protect your purity and
save yourself for the right person

J.Lee Grady of Charismama.com

Thanchuu!

True, not just christains, this should apply to everyone

[b]What did you expect before, when a book is telling you that it is evil to even look at your fellow human (woman), let alone talking to them romantically about sex and relationships.

Sometimes i do wonder what's so pernicious about sex and relationships. Why not allow people especially youth to learn about all these things so that they will know how to manage unwanted pregnancy, STDs, and tacts in relationships than trying pretty hard to stopping them from dating while their sex hormones are busy conveying substances through the bloodstream, activating sexual behavioral impulses.

This happened to my uncle some 5 years back, there is this young pastor(also my niece) that know nothing about dating and relationships because of his upbringing and church. my uncle went to south Africa, left his young and beautiful wife at home with the plan of making it huge first b4 the wife and only kid could join him there.
In his cause of making money first in South Africa , the wife started attending the church of the young pastor of which i said he is also my niece, the pastor find the lady amazingly attractive sexually, then persuaded her and they started having sex, she later got pregnant on the process, the lady started disturbing my uncle that she want to get married to another man, not quite three months after conceding to that, the pregnancy became more apparent, then the pastor married her and they've gotten like 4 kids in 5 years period now.

At least if the pastor was well informed about dating and relationships, he wouldn't have made such mistakes. He would rather continue enjoying sex with the lady without going extra miles. [/b]

Yea Yea..

.

Applicable to a Babes in Christ though.......nd to indoctrinated pinchmark

I see.