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A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by Stillfire: 1:45pm On Sep 22, 2015
Both husband and wife are to manage the home-front, unless the wife is not contributing anything financially. Then she can take sole control of home.
In this day an age a man should be equipped with such 'homely' skills as well.
It is very attractive and depicts him as a quintessential gentleman. wink

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Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by gidjah(m): 2:28pm On Sep 22, 2015
I am more organised than swt heart,but she can cook ,so whenever i return to meet a fairly ruff home, i just tell her,'honey,this thing shouldnt be here, that on should be there,..bla bla bla and she adjust.she is improving though, this gives me slight BP ATIMES
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by MMotimo: 2:40pm On Sep 22, 2015
@ Topic

The lesser evil is a woman who can't cook, I say this after almost 20 years of marriage.

When I was growing up, my Mom would mandate you to be in the kitchen while she was cooking so we could learn. Most of the time, I stayed with her because I had no choice but the only thing I could really cook well by the time I got married in my 20s was stew. Till today, I still cannot cook plain white rice right without the aid of a rice cooker. My husband grew up with househelps who did the cooking and could not cook at all when we got married but we were alright because neither of us ever took the whole cooking thing as holy grail and we both had jobs so going to eateries when necessary was not a big deal. In the early part of our marriage before we left Lagos, I simply raided my Mom's freezer on weekends, we "visited" my maiden home or we ate out.

From the beginning, a tidy home has always been higher priority for us, so has financial management. My husband excels in the former because he is one of those people whose brains cannot cannot function if the environment is untidy (we are never dirty) and I'm better with the latter because of what I learnt watching that same Mom (ironic that was not her emphasis). I improved on cooking after marriage and today, I cook the Naija dishes I like (I admit to our simple tastes) better than most people I know. As far as I am concerned, only my Mom cooks most of those dishes better than me. I finally learnt to cook well after marriage when she would visit our home. I did it in a coded manner, inviting her to cook "that your efo riro" egusi, fried rice, etc while I made secret notes to try later. Even with my greatly improved cooking skills, there are still days when we and our kids have cereal and milk for dinner or we buy takeout or we have bread and stew, or food without meat if we've run out. We like food but there are no rules as long as hunger can be satisfied.

Ability to cook is overrated, keeping a clean house and financial management beat that skill any day IMO. The other home management stuff were my strengths from day 1 because those were the skills I imbibed quickly without being forced. I spent many Saturday mornings trudging Iddo, Balogun, Idumota, Gorodom, Jankara, etc with my Mom in search of bulk bargains and I can still find my way around those areas. Till today, I am still a good bargain shopper - that skill alone has saved our marriage tons of money we have diverted to other things.

In the end, it depends on the spouses and whom they are attracted to. My outlook would not have worked with a different kind of man and vice versa. By the way, cleaning is a good way to keep fit as you grow older and you refuse to workout - that is what my husband tells me when I complain about the kids not doing enough chores around the house. His lack of rotundness would appear to confirm that.

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Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by Jamean(f): 8:55pm On Sep 22, 2015
naijacutee:
Unless the man is crippled, I don't see why these qualities should be looked for in women alone. Marriage is a partnership where 2 people come together to raise a family, and as such both should work out how best they can do this with the fear of God. If they have an arrangement where the man brings the money and the woman takes care of the home, fine - that works for them. But in a situation where both parents work, it is a terrible example to set for children that the woman is expected to carry the duties of the home on her head - especially where they have sons. The next generation will not be as generous as we are and any boy who is raised to not have basic survival skills - cooking, cleaning, managing a home will have a tough time, and might not have a sustained marriage because women who do not work are getting more difficult and less desirable to find. We need to get our priorities right.

Additionally, if both parents work, cleaning and cooking services exist so this is no longer a basic requirement for marriage. People should focus on being great parents and raising the next generation with all that they need to make a difference in this world, rather than focusing on outsourceable tasks such as cooking and cleaning.

the wife is an Architect and does minimal consultant engagements from time to time.
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by Jamean(f): 9:00pm On Sep 22, 2015
Kimoni:


Exactly what I asked myself when I saw this thread. Home management is an all-encompassing word that includes cooking. So how are the two comparable undecided

in a case where you don't get an exclusive package, which of the 2 is sacrosanct
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by Jamean(f): 9:09pm On Sep 22, 2015
MMotimo:
@ Topic

The lesser evil is a woman who can't cook, I say this after almost 20 years of marriage.

When I was growing up, my Mom would mandate you to be in the kitchen while she was cooking so we could learn. Most of the time, I stayed with her because I had no choice but the only thing I could really cook well by the time I got married in my 20s was stew. Till today, I still cannot cook plain white rice right without the aid of a rice cooker. My husband grew up with househelps who did the cooking and could not cook at all when we got married but we were alright because neither of us ever took the whole cooking thing as holy grail and we both had jobs so going to eateries when necessary was not a big deal. In the early part of our marriage before we left Lagos, I simply raided my Mom's freezer on weekends, we "visited" my maiden home or we ate out.

From the beginning, a tidy home has always been higher priority for us, so has financial management. My husband excels in the former because he is one of those people whose brains cannot cannot function if the environment is untidy (we are never dirty) and I'm better with the latter because of what I learnt watching that same Mom (ironic that was not her emphasis). I improved on cooking after marriage and today, I cook the Naija dishes I like (I admit to our simple tastes) better than most people I know. As far as I am concerned, only my Mom cooks most of those dishes better than me. I finally learnt to cook well after marriage when she would visit our home. I did it in a coded manner, inviting her to cook "that your efo riro" egusi, fried rice, etc while I made secret notes to try later. Even with my greatly improved cooking skills, there are still days when we and our kids have cereal and milk for dinner or we buy takeout or we have bread and stew, or food without meat if we've run out. We like food but there are no rules as long as hunger can be satisfied.

Ability to cook is overrated, keeping a clean house and financial management beat that skill any day IMO. The other home management stuff were my strengths from day 1 because those were the skills I imbibed quickly without being forced. I spent many Saturday mornings trudging Iddo, Balogun, Idumota, Gorodom, Jankara, etc with my Mom in search of bulk bargains and I can still find my way around those areas. Till today, I am still a good bargain shopper - that skill alone has saved our marriage tons of money we have diverted to other things.

In the end, it depends on the spouses and whom they are attracted to. My outlook would not have worked with a different kind of man and vice versa. By the way, cleaning is a good way to keep fit as you grow older and you refuse to workout - that is what my husband tells me when I complain about the kids not doing enough chores around the house. His lack of rotundness would appear to confirm that.



this is just fantastically real.

people are not just being honest, house upkeep beats cooking now and later.

Just like the way were brought up, it was instilled in us to lay our beds, arrange our clothes and keep the house tidy. my parents believes cooking can come anytime but for an adult to learn to be arranged is almost impossible.

I have friends so I know what I am talking about
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by Nobody: 10:58am On Jun 09, 2016
Before I had my first baby, I was almost OCD clean. I always wanted everytin to be orderly,even while heavily pregnant. After my first child, I realized everytin doesn't hv to be perfect all the time cos my baby needed me MOST of d time. Besides that motherhood kind of adds to a laidback attitude.

That being said, I am not defending d lady but I want u to wait till u are married n also hv two kids before u judge or.before using urself as benchmark. I am telling u guys right nw, don't be so stern,help out if u can n.don't complain while at it.

Now, i like this comment. God bless you!
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by davidif: 8:46am On Dec 13, 2016
naijacutee:
Additionally, if both parents work, cleaning and cooking services exist so this is no longer a basic requirement for marriage. People should focus on being great parents and raising the next generation with all that they need to make a difference in this world, rather than focusing on outsourceable tasks such as cooking and cleaning.

What?!?!?! Cooking and cleaning outsourceable tasks? How old are you again? Please tell me you also have a family and children cos this statement is so naive it's not even funny. You must be assuming that house helps are readily available and are affordable to a lot of people and they simply are not.

Secondly, the cooking and cleaning services you talk about are highly expensive and are financially imprudent for most families.
Being a great parent requires one to be financially prudent; being able to live within ones means and being able to provide for your family and not spending money on things that can be done at home.

Lastly, you assume that parenting and home management (including cooking) are mutually exclusive and separate from each another when they are not. They are all part of parenting. Parental responsibilities require you to be able to actually manage YOUR HOME!
Its being able to provide a safe, clean and conducive environment for your family. That's called being a great parent.
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by davidif: 8:48am On Dec 13, 2016
Kimoni:


Exactly what I asked myself when I saw this thread. Home management is an all-encompassing word that includes cooking. So how are the two comparable undecided

Gbam!
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by davidif: 8:54am On Dec 13, 2016
MMotimo:
@ Topic

From the beginning, a tidy home has always been higher priority for us, so has financial management. My husband excels in the former because he is one of those people whose brains cannot cannot function if the environment is untidy (we are never dirty) and I'm better with the latter because of what I learnt watching that same Mom (ironic that was not her emphasis). I improved on cooking after marriage and today, I cook the Naija dishes I like (I admit to our simple tastes) better than most people I know. As far as I am concerned, only my Mom cooks most of those dishes better than me. I finally learnt to cook well after marriage when she would visit our home. I did it in a coded manner, inviting her to cook "that your efo riro" egusi, fried rice, etc while I made secret notes to try later. Even with my greatly improved cooking skills, there are still days when we and our kids have cereal and milk for dinner or we buy takeout or we have bread and stew, or food without meat if we've run out. We like food but there are no rules as long as hunger can be satisfied.


Yay!!!!!!!!! shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked shocked
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by Anfieldboss: 5:17pm On Jun 06, 2017
A wife who can't cook. It's easier to learn how to cook than hygiene.
Re: A Lesser Evil: A Wife Who Can't Cook Or A Wife Who Can't Manage The Home by davidif: 11:08am On Aug 10, 2017
Jamean:
So.....


This thread is borne out of my recent conversations with a senior friend who has been married for about 5years.
I have known him to be a very responsible family man and for the record he has been faithful to his wife.

I wish to digress a little.
Marriage is a handful; you understudy your partner continuously and you learn to live with them and allow love cover a lot of their inadequacies. Most times we make do with the basic preferred qualities with plans to groom the rest in the course of been married.

Also, we usually do not get a complete package in our partners. We get what God probably knows is most befitting for us. Now, we still do have our specks and high points of the qualities we need our partners to possess.

Oftentimes, these fundamental qualities make us stay through the tough moments of marriage. For this discussion, I will like to concentrate on what men consider to be the high points of their desired partner. Ranging from:

1. Character
2. Good looks
3. Ability to cook
4. Home management skills
5. Hardworking & means of livelihood
6. Bedroom ministry
7.........  to name a few

Now, from my observations most men in this part of the world tend towards no. 3 more than the rest. For this thread I will like us to concentrate on 3 & 4 benchmarking them against each other.

Before now I have had discussions with friends as to which of those qualities is key if you must choose one over the other. My two closest female friends are very scattered and disorganized, not for their attitude I won't have been close to them. One of them can cook for Africa but just check out the kitchen.... eeew!

For me I love domestic chores and a great deal of orderliness till the point I  was named Miss Prim & Proper. I cook because I am a woman and it is expedient. But over and again I love domestic chores.

In my opinion, HOME MANAGEMENT is the peak. Home management in this context includes cleaning the house regularly, orderly arrangement of items, efficient procurement of home supplies and the likes.

My reasons for choosing home management are:

- Not every one who visits your home will eat, so a woman may get away with poor cooking.

- How organized and neat your home is will be immediately noticeable by a guest.

- I believe that learning to cook is far much easier at adulthood than to learning to keep the home.

Now, back to my senior friend. He complained bitterly about how unkempt his house is even when his wife doesn't do  8-5 job though she has MSc. They have just 2children and he always did his best to make the house clean but they turn it scattered again. She doesn't know how to buy things for the house or even herself. He buys up to underwear for her. Although she cooks well.

He had spoken with her a lot of times concerning it but no improvements. Bear in mind that he is the only child and his mum leaves with them.

He said it was his last straw and made a video of the whole house to show their pastor for counseling. If no improvements then he will stop eating food from the dirty kitchen and be estranged from the house.

In this same scenario, I want to believe that if it happened that the wife had A1 in home management but poor culinary skills, a training with a catering institute for less than a year will savage the situation and she may end up being excellent at it. Meanwhile, I don't think there's a school where a woman would be thought how to clean ceiling fan or dust a foot mat.

In summary, to everyone who reads this especially guys and judging from what is obtainable in our society.... which do you consider as a lesser evil; A wife who can't cook very well or a wife who can't keep the home ??
These days the way to a man's heart is not only his stomach.

Let's discuss... gracias   smiley

See question, that's like asking me to chose between been robbed or being kidnapped?

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