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Nairaland Forum / Science/Technology / Phones / Dear Mtn By Bendapoet (331 Views)
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Dear Mtn By Bendapoet by SHOPPERS(m): 11:18am On Sep 10, 2015 |
Benjamin Adaniken
My own PIDGIN version by benDApoet.
Dear MTN,
MTN! MTN!! MTN!!! Make i tell una something,
open your ears and hear well. MBOK! I no go go
register my line. Una think say na everybody be
FOOL? Once beaten twice na FOOLISHNESS O.
The only reason WHY una dey behave like
slowpoke na because the consumer rights’
protection agencies don PARALYZE or dem don
DIE PATAPATA.
Before Before, UNA say make we go register our
SIM CARDS...we gree, we go, all of us RUSH go do
am, we provide all the necessary information so
tey una ask us our MAMA maiden name, we tell
una. SUDDENLY! Una just Wake up con tell us to
go and RE-REGISTER abi na RE-VERIFY una call am
without any EXPLANATION. So tey una con block
some people line dey even dry threaten US again.
ABEG make una no vex o (if you like vex) I wan ask
una one question, "shey una dey DRUNK wen una
dey register our numbers before before?" Abi
person thief una database? Abi one of una
workers wey una owe money put virus inside una
database? Abi una flash drive lost? Abi una
external drive enter water? WAIT FIRST! Abi shey
na because I dey give una too many CREDIT ba?
OKAY! I don get am....na for book una write our
data put then one BIG BENIN rat come chop the
book? I no wan know the REASON but this is ALUU
EME mbok! BEYOND RIDICULOUS (in chiwetala
Agwu's voice)
Na because say MTN na my first line and most of
my people, friends, families and clients dey use
the line na im make me still TANDA with the line...
una coverage sef try small that na why when NCC
say make we go register our sim, we jump up, run
go am. MBOK! Sun beat us, we endure. Rain show
us weeeen, we tanda there. Queue long with
plenty body odour and mouth odour, we endure
am. We no TRY?
As I throway face go back, I con see say una
MUMU no be here o, e don tey. Una tarrif na im
shoot rocket pass both for calling and browsing.
The one wey dey VEX me pass be say, una can
send spam text for AFRICA. so tey I dey feel like
say we dey date each other. I wake up, the first 30
texts na from MTN, I wan go sleep for night, una
go send another 30 MUMU texts again. WETIN!
Person go dey expect bank credit alert, na 32224
0r 56001 MTN mumu message go show.
Even Airtel, wey don change name tire like small
pikin dey change pampers no get this una kind
PHD FOR FOOLISHNESS...e be like say FUEL dey
una brain ba? Una no even dey reason say people
wey don do the first registration go still go waste
their time do another one ni? Una no get human
feelings at all? After one mumu voice go say,
"thank you FOR choosing MTN" Thank yourself!
Una say make we go register our sim again but
una go remember our numbers if una wan send
"text YES to 33324 to win one mumu missing
moto for kwara..." na first class thunder go strike
una.
Everywhere, people con line up like refugee wey
wan collect one plate of eba, old men and women
dey faint like say na PENSION money dem wan
collect...on top that one the mumu MTN agents go
dey shout, "we have closed for the day." As day
dey break people dey rush go queue.. I shake my
head for MTN. I just wish say NIGERIANS don
pursue una go back to where una come from with
all una mago-mago, yeye-yeye, theif-thief and
mumu-mumu behaviour, e for sweet me.
Infact, I wish say we fit sue una for all the ojoro
and 419 money wey una don make for this our
OBODO NAIJA. I TWALE for BABA GOD say all
other service providers no gree make una use our
head drink water... TUFIAKWA! God Forbid. As
dem talk say, "na plenty plenty akara dey inside
beans na so with moi moi and ekuru,any one I
like I choose."
So if una like make una block my sim... I go sing, "I
don port o, I don port go..." give una. Hand don
dey pain me sef... nonsense, american dustbin,
basket of rubbish, water no bucket. Una mess
AGBO fly gate...I dey Vex!
MTN....EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
benDApoet. |
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