I need fellow nairalanders advice I have just been admitted for my masters should I go for it or get married the twist here Is that my fiancé said he wouldn't wait for me. Am 25 years.

Why can't you do a masters degree whilst keeping the relationship?

Will you be separated by distance?

What are his issues exactly?

Where were you admitted?

Are you employed?

@ell77
yes distance separate us

Could he come with you?

sweetpeas:

I need fellow nairalanders advice I have just been admitted for my masters should I go for it or get married  the twist here Is that my fiancé said he wouldn't wait for me. Am 25 years. 

Then its either 2 things

1 he is not in love with you
or

2 hhe does not trust you to return back to him

I had the same issues and i just made her see the benefits that all

If he says she wont wait.make he dey go(no b by force). This is ur future Girl

Sky-walker:


Then its either 2 things

1 he is not in love with you
or

2 hhe does not trust you to return back to him

I had the same issues and i just made her see the benefits that all

If he says she wont wait.make he dey go(no b by force). This is ur future Girl

I agree to some extent, but she has not given enough information as to why her fiance objects. why can't he go with her? Is there a reason he does not value her doing the MSc now? How long is the MSc?

Please could, you also help me by voting on my post:
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-260618.0.html

@skywalker
thank u skywalker,

@ell77
he doesnt see the value, he is giving me an option though, he will set me off on a cosmetics company which i like, but then i still feel inside of me that that is not what i want

OK if you are not interested in something, it is likely to end up a failure, so the cosmetics outfit may not work (I am assuming he does not ordinarily dictate your future, and is simply worried about how this will affect your relationship). Since he obviously is happy for you to work and it is just distance that worries him you have to approach this delicately. Even though I am an educational consultant, I can understand why someone would choose to keep a job over MSc if it was a good one.

But marriage is all about compromise.

We used to live in a world where one person could look after a family of five. But nowadays even a family of three may struggle with both parents employed.

It will be easier for you to do your MSc now whilst you have less responsibilities i.e. no kids. Also the younger you are the easier it is getting back into academic life.

Furthering your studies is not only good for you, it is good for your children and your husband.

God forbid if anything were to happen to your husband or his job how would the two of you cope.

You are supposed to work as a team, and even if you choose to remain unemployed after doing the MSc and become a housewife, doing the MSc might help you in times of trouble to apply for jobs, or even set up your own business depending on the course.

Long distance relationships are hard.

Marriage is hard.

Add the two together and you have 'mission ALMOST impossible'.

So I can understand his reservations.

But some people still do it. So if you can convince him of the benefits and show him how strong your relationship is I think you should do the MSc and still get married.

Every holiday you can see each other, if you are in Nigeria for your MSc, maybe even every weekend.

It is not easy to find someone worth spending the rest of your life with, so I would not want you to sacrifice that.

He may just be afraid and need your reassurance.

Try to speak about it calmly and thoughtfully.

A good idea is to ask him exactly what is concerns are and listen without arguing or objecting.

Understanding and communication are the two great cornerstones of any relationship and need to be nurtured for your relationship to go anywhere in the first place.

I hope this helps, let me know what you decide ok?

.

its like a law. . .

if either of you leaves the other for the uk/us without getting married, your engagement is dead. you will meet guys with far more prospects/opportunities etal over there, and the same would happen if he travelled over there.

i guess that may be partly what this is about.

sweetpeas:

@ell77
yes distance separate us

Are you sure you are even qualified to do MSC? Nigerian Masters na for effizzy.Again marriages are a trap for men and women in Nigeria.Men marry to control the women and the women marry to siphon off men's resources + so many children that will suffer twice in their lives.

@ferdii
if am not qualified for an msc will i be asking,
pls ferdii, no player hating on this thread if u dont have something reasonable to say get off this thread.
thank u

lol. Some interesting responses.

I know a woman who married and her husband paid for her to come and study in UK, and then she came back to Nigeria - there are no problems. It really boils down to trust.

He has every right to voice his opinion, he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with you. If he is adamant that it is one or the other you guys need to look at your relationship very carefully.

I have just thought about it from a man's perspective. If I was working in Nigeria and my husband said lets get married, but as soon as we marry I am traveling abroad to study for 2 years, I would probably say "no way" (but that is just me). Perhaps, I would question how serious he was about me in the first place, and why he had never done his MSc all this time.

I am just trying to put myself in his shoes, as up until now I was only putting myself in your shoes. Why not do a shorter course, or ask him if he will be able to travel with you? Is his job really that great. Two years is a long time to postpone a wedding and if you want to find another partner abroad - the grass is not always greener. If you had not done an undergrad I would say he was selfish (personal opinion all women should have the chance to do undergrad), but what course do you want to study and how is the course going to help your plans?

Think wisely. Love is precious.

Okay. Just that your tense caught my attention.A lot of Nigerians have poor English command.May be you are one of them and still have your undergrad. But with this tune, are we not going to see another widow? No bite his manliness oh!

you may have to consider these:
a.

you may have to consider these:

a.his age
b. pressures on him to marry
c.which 'degree' can wait - MRS or MSC
d.above all, discuss issues with him. This will clear any gray areas
good luck

@ferdii
Please get off the thread. Since u too smart in been abusive and stupid
@ell77
Thank u.

Professor ferdii, calling kettle black u can't spell and u write in pigin, how stupid and foolish can u be?

another thing to consider is that if u dont go u jst might end up blaming him later in life for u not following up on your dreams and that is enough to kill any marriage!

@ Sweetpea: I think u r going to kill this feller. You are not a compassionate woman to be a wife.If I knew him I would advise him to shun you with ur yeye MSC!

@ferdii
And u r God to dictate.? Don't be stupid ferdii.
Take your stupidity and ignorance to another thread.

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