Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? - Family - Nairaland
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Nigerian Mum's Facial Expression As Her Son Kisses His Bride At The Altar (Photo / She Told Me A Very Dark Secret, Should I Still Marry Her? / My Wife Lives With Lover, But I Still Want Her Back’ (2) (3) (4)
| Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 6:00pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Its long a bit. Pls read patiently because ur contribution might save a family to be!!! We started off our relationship on a lighter note 11 months ago. We were members of same church. I stayed in the parsonage and saw her most times when she came around to visit our pastor. It took me 10 months and few days for me to be able to convince this sister that I wanted to be in a relationship with her. Finally she agreed. One of the things she placed on the table of this relationship is that there would be no s***x. I obliged. Though I have a strong craving for s***x but because I know it'll be difficult for me to stop if I start, I decided to accept d condition. According to her, she has not opened her legs to any man. She's 23 and I'm 29. because of my Background in a holiness preaching church. I flew from s**x because I knew I had accepted Jesus as my savior but I know the passion was there especially when I finished my NYSC. I ki***sed her most times when we meet (we lived in different LGEA after I approached her) but I made sure it never degenerated into s**x. (God forgive me) Now the problem I'm facing: I approached her on d grounds (in my heart) that I want to marry her (which I've told her). She's playful, loving and caring whenever we're together (I.e. When I go to visit her or she comes to visit me). BUT WE HAVE ALWAYS ARGUED ANY TIME WE'RE ON PHONE. 98% of our problem sterns from one thing: I DIDNT PICK HER CALL D FIRST TIME IT RANG. she always want me to be close to my Phone 24/7. One missed call will bring argument. She's the first lady I would raise my voice on because she'll always make me upset and angry. And when she's angry, she rejects my calls or ignore them. And if she talks when she's upset, she jam-talks. I KNOW I HAVE MY WEAKNESSES TOO but I'm scared I'll be enduring in marriage instead of enjoying my marriage. I broke up with her today on d grounds that I love her but I was sure that LOVE ALONE CANT SUSTAIN OUR MARRIAGE. I always made her to understand that if love alone would, there will be no divorce. She makes me feel inferior whenever she talks back at me rudely on phone. It came to a point that I was ashamed of myself for raising my voice on her while on phone (because I dislike someone raising voice on me). I never knew I could be angry to this point. I do have head ache any time I think of the way she's treating me. I KNOW SHE LOVES ME AND I STILL LOVE HER. But I'm having heart ache (literally) every time she makes me feel bad. My blood pumps faster and I feel my breath choking up. I also know I cause her pains when I talk hard to her because she knows I truly love and care for her Pls married men and women in Godly homes. What do I do? Do I go back and apologize to her and continue our relationship? Do I still stand my ground? What do I do  *** MODIFIED: Thanks for all the contributions so far. I finally called her on phone and apologized 2 her. She begged that she'll not treat me this way again. That I can do whatsoever I want when next she treats me bad. I felt for her because she talked like a woman that may kill herself if I don't stay with her. Now the question comes up: Won't she start living under pretense? I have a friend that's close to me and she has a very submissive character. I guess I've always compared this submissive lady's character with my woman's character and that's the reason I've spoken hard to her a times. Do I push this lady that is gentle and submissive away and see how to mend my relationship or I should pitch my tent where I'll have peace of mind? **modified 5 months later 5 months after this post. thanks for the contributions of all those who cared. I'm grateful |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Precious91(m): 6:12pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
You guys are not fighting on purpose or hard things and you broke up?She wants you that's why she wants you picking her call.Sit her and you guys talk like adults and settle issues.Breaking apart is not the solution,dude 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Tallesty1(m): 6:13pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Two things are involved here, Either the bae is madly in love with you or she's got skeletons in her coupon. But I think it is love, she's just insecure and obsessive. What I don't understand is why she would busy your call. I was once with her type, she dey even cry if I stay too long without calling. I tried my possible best to make her understand that some works do not allow me to make calls but she wouldn't listen so I broke up. She no busy my calls sha..... So what I want you to do is to go back to her, apologize to her then sit her down and talk to her the way she will understand. Good luck. 2 Likes |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by tellwisdom: 6:14pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
You are a foolish boi...Which your yeye heart dey pump?? Gerrara here mehn shii  1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Dyt(f): 6:14pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Deep sigh You both need grow up Give it time Think of the things that makes you both nag and get back together to see if you can work it out before marriage 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by NashvilleTN: 6:16pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
You are the one going to marry her and not me. So when you guys are fighting, I will not know. Truth is that I think you both should not talk about marriage yet. Seems there are personality clashes and you both haven't figured out how to relate with each other yet. Your spouse shouldn't make you very angry all the time. But you didn't tell us what you love about her. We only read what you dislike. Your call though! 3 Likes |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by angelTI(f): 6:16pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
I am sorry to say this... Mr. OP needs to grow up! |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by MMotimo: 6:17pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
What's her family background like and what is yours like? Traditional, non traditional? I have seen this more commonly with girls raised by Amazon, non-timid women, most Naija girls like that are raised like men and if you are the "submissive wife" type, get ready! No disrespect to Amazon mothers because I was raised by one myself and it can be good and bad. If the girl is anything like what I'm thinking (I may be completely off tangent), things will work themselves out, love always makes a way but the love has to come from both sides i.e the emotion has to be strong from both sides, not you alone. If she really doesn't love you, there may be no progress. Sorry I don't have the time right now to break everything down, just know that a girl like that can be your biggest ally but some days, she will seem like your biggest cross. 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 6:18pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Precious91: Thanks a lot. I'm grateful |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 6:20pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Tallesty1: She's truly in love with me of which I must confess. But anytime she treats me this way, physically I feel bad. I guess its because I've not been into a relationship like this. I'm d only one she's dating. What's ur advice pls |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 6:23pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
tellwisdom: U've given me a little relief now because I just laughed out loud. Gerrara hereeeeeee |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Tallesty1(m): 6:25pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Amakortee:Go back to her. Apologize to her to explain things to her in a nice way, I believe she will understand. A girl that truly loves you is worth fighting for, moreover you guys will not understand your differences if you don't quarrel. 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Precious91(m): 6:26pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Amakortee:though love is not enough,but ts one of the major ingredients of successful homes.Find time to take her out.Tell her what you don't like.Let her tell you what she doesn't like too.You guys should keep checking yourselves.See where you both can work on.Work on it and enjoy yourselves 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 6:51pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Tallesty1: U've given me a life line. I'll stick by ur advice. I guess I'm d one having d problem. I may have expected her to be too humble and because I'm not getting exactly what I expect, I'm getting upset. I'll try and pitch my tent low so I'll appreciate d beauty from her |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Nobody: 7:26pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Amakortee, I would advise you to move on with your life without this woman. Na so e dey start. One day when you guys are married, she will say something silly that will make you bash her head in. But if you're a masochist you may move with her. You said you're already having headaches abi, very soon you'll be leaving your office at 11@m just because you're scared of going home to a nag. My $0.02. Good luck PS: don't mind anyone that says you need to grow up. You are fully grown and know what you want: peace of mind. So, ask yourself if this woman is worth trading your peace of mind for. A word is enough for.... 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Acidosis(m): 7:33pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
May be you guys are not destined to be together  Stop fighting it. Since you claim you both believe in God, did you also remember to seek His (Holy Spirit) consent on this? Or do you think God is only interested in killing the witch in your village?Love is not enough my brother. All the best. |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by GHoJes: 7:59pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
That girl still need to grow up, infact you both need to. You dont know her yet let alone understand her person and i think its same for her. I see the time you both should have used in studying and knowing each other, you use in catching up on kisses, not that i blame you guys much because you seem not to know certain things should be in place before marriage. She is too clingy and possesive, it may develope into insecurities that may make her suspect your every move, it can also develope to obsession and make her do dangerous or harmful things if she dosent outgrow it. You too sound egoistic, what do you mean talk back to you? And you couldnt drive your point without raising your voice, it start gradually and then become habit. She maybe talking rudely but she is saying something listen. Work on your attitude of not wanting stress or problem, everyday is not christmas, deal with it not running. You never start, you don dey feel headache and HBP, OLD MAN! Talk to her on what you dont like and listen to her version of you and both should amend. Work on the things i pointed out. Get to know and understand each other beyound the kisses. If it doesnt work now it wont in marriage. 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by dahmie2013: 8:08pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Op, d lady in questn is still quite young&immature. So u have 2 bear with her little tantrums here & dere. I think u need a little patience, give it time dear. Show her u're d man here&more mature. 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 8:14pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Timbuktou: Thanks a lot. I just want peace in my home. I can't trade anything for peace in a Godly home. I remain grateful |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 8:20pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
GHoJes: |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Nobody: 10:13pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
my advice? date each other for at least one more year before taking the plunge. by then am sure you will have a fuller picture of who she is and if you can tolerate yourselves.  my advice? date each other for at least one more year before taking the plunge. by then am sure you will have a fuller picture of who she is and if you can tolerate yourselves.2 Likes |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by gidjah(m): 10:43pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
one person must be d driver o, if both of you are always on top, then it wont work.pls and pls one if you must be calm,its either you or her, search your self if you aint the calm type ,(and seeing she is not),then let the thing go.Even in the home thats the dig.If she keeps bringing out the beast in you,then let the thing go.You will have to look for your true Compliment bros. 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by gidjah(m): 10:47pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
one person must be d driver o, if both of you are always on top, then it wont work.pls and pls one if you must be calm,its either you or her, search your self if you aint the calm type ,(and seeing she is not),then let the thing go.Even in the home thats the dig.If she keeps bringing out the beast in you,then let the thing go.You will have to look for your true Compliment ,if both of you r too childlish ,then some maturity must come in but if its a question of temperament,then you guys must go ur ways 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Nobody: 11:56pm On Sep 24, 2015 |
Timbuktou: I liked your post..... @ OP.....getting physically sick?.... Dude....maybe you should have a rethink.....could be that you are getting signals to chill and reassess Even if you dont get married till 1925..... It is still okay...you would be 39 then You do not lower your most basic expectation in order to get married ...you compromise, yes....you let go of trivial and banal issues, yes.....but that most basic thing? No, no, no...it is very important to have this core intact....and it is good you know that what you want most of all is peace of mind.... Goodluck |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by yougosee: 12:14am On Sep 25, 2015 |
Let me tell you mine: When you send a chat on BBM, It shows D when delivered. And when you read it, the D turns to R. When the D refuses to change to R because he won't read it, I grow mad. I can't help it. He has explained times without number that he is usually busy & not ignoring on purpose. But I can't handle being ignored even though I understand that he is busy. We almost broke up. It took God's intervention. What has solved the problem for us, is that I had to delete him from my bbm. We commnicate by sms or calls. So, you guys need to sit and come up with a communicaion style that can work for both of you. Ask her what would work since calling arnt working. If you must reconcile with her, give her some weeks to think that you are gone for good. Let herr miss you! She needs to apologise to you! She doesn't respect you & she wouldn't change if you keep accepting her bad behaviour. You need to let her know that you won't appreciate rudeness from her. Love her like your Queen, but when she misbehaves, don't take it. Because they truth is, if you were the one misbehaving, she won't take it, in her own e.g ignoring your calls etc etc And if she gets rude at you on the phone again, don't allow her finish the statement she is on, tell her something like, "Sweetie, I have to go now. Love you. Bye" and hang the call When you guys get back together, let her know sternly that you won't sit by and take just any bullcrap from her. She has read too much Mills & Boon. Novels. When men take crap & it's called "romantic". NEVER HIT A WOMAN: you would make her worse at what she does best; nagging, disrespect, stubborn, rude etc 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by yougosee: 12:46am On Sep 25, 2015 |
dahmie2013: You are right. She is young and immature. But the truth is, she may not grow up anytime soon. The onus is on OP, to be the man! Amakortee have you read Shakespear's.......? Can't remember the name now; The man in the story had to tame the Shrew, his wife. She was rude, spoilt and worse than your fiancee..he had to show her who was the man without ever hitting her. At the end of the story, she became the most submissive wife on planet earth by the time he was through with her lol. |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by cococandy(f): 12:51am On Sep 25, 2015 |
since you say you're both in love, you don't necessarily have to break up. But postpone any wedding talks for now. There's some maturity issues here. Your spouse shouldn't be making you angry and giving you headaches all the time. Instead, you should enjoy their company and look forward to it. You guys can't get married like this. The stress will be much on y'all. 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Richy4(m): 2:13am On Sep 25, 2015 |
You guys are already acting like married couple. Because all you explained here are symptoms / characteristics of loving couple. The Symptoms include raised voices on phone, headache after screaming, ignoring/not picking phone for some time, Rejecting food etc. All you guys needed is to seal it with certificate and maybe sex. You don't need to be afraid now. Trust me there is no much difference between what you listed here and married couples. You drive each other crazy and still make it up. That is the beauty of it. So you think marriage is so easy, hmmmmm you got to think twice. 2 Likes |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by SAMBARRY: 4:07am On Sep 25, 2015 |
Ok. 2 Likes
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| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Roseey0(f): 5:46am On Sep 25, 2015 |
Let her miss you for some time joor. Then you can go back to reconcile. 1 Like |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 8:49am On Sep 25, 2015 |
Roseey0: Thanks Big sister |
| Re: Do I Still Take Her To D Altar Or Make A U-turn? by Amakortee: 11:39am On Sep 25, 2015 |
Thanks to all the contributions so far. I appreciate ur efforts |
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