House,

Please help as am in a dilemma.

There is this guy I love so much and we have been friends since 2001. both of us want so much to be together. I mean we love ourselves so much but the problem is am born again but he is not.

Truth is I have tried to overlook that side hoping I will still keep my faith even after marriage but when I prayed about it, I got a no answer from sure. (Dont ask me how but He told me no.) Infact, I told my mum to pray about it since she is more like the prophetess in our house. Again the answer was no.

I didnt have any choice here because i dont want a future that God is not part of so I told him it wasnt gona work. Till date, he is still finding it difficult and keeps calling me and asking for us to get back. Well I know for sure I cant say otherwise because I heard clear from God.

Recently a friend of mine proposed marriage to me. I didnt pray because I dont like him to the point of marriage and so I told him off but he persisted that some pple asked me if I prayed about it. Well I didnt want to pray but I asked my mum who prayed and was told I should go ahead with the new guy.

Please somebody should tell me how am supposed to marry a guy I dont feel anything for. How am supposed to live with him. This guy is not my type @ all, I dont even know much about his christain faith eventhough he attends a good bible Church. Am really dieing inside me, it hurts so much in the heart.

Please someone should tell me what to do. Am not even in a good frame of mind to pray about this as am already angry within me.

Should I ignore this guy and keep with my life or marry him and hate myself for it.

Throw away all the so called prophetic revelations urging u to marry the new guy.

For you to marry somebody,u have to know the person,be friends with the person,like the person and also progress into making the decision to love the person.
But,to make that final decision about marrying the person,u have the bible to consult to give u the pointers on what is expected by God from a person in terms of his/her life and character and relationship with God(these points are even the things that should help or guide u into taking that decision to love the person).
These are the things u need to apply in making the final decision.

Don't depend on dreams,visions or prophecies to make this decision.
Your heart working in perfect harmony with God's provisions in the bible is all you need.

confetti:

Recently a friend of mine proposed marriage to me.  I asked my mum who prayed and was told I should go ahead with the new guy.
how am supposed to marry a guy I dont feel anything for. How am supposed to live with him. This guy is not my type @ all, Should I ignore this guy and

D only advise I have,take ur time.Dont be in a hurry to accept the proposal.
Ask d guy for more time,he should understand things of the heart need no rush.

Which one is easier, winding up in a frustrating marriage (and prob'ly resorting to divorce) or waiting a bit longer?

Sorry for your dilemma. If the second guy causes you heart ache then trust me it is not from God, read jeremiah 29:11-13 and isaiah 54:10 you see that God wants us to have peace. If deep down you don't feel peace trust me it is not from the lord. Pray to him and ask him about it for he is not deaf to hear.

I understand you, especially now that you've heard from God. Throw away your seeming dislike for this guy, and talk to God about it. Try and get to know him. Maybe the way you feel about him might change.

Don't accept a marriage proposal simply because someone 'heard from God'. You are going to live with this person, so UNLESS you are in love with the new guy, DO NOT get into a marriage relationship else you will regret it.

Like AKO said - wait and see if things develop between you. If there is no attraction, do not marry him.

Regarding the first guy. Even with all the 'love' he is professing, why has he never considered becoming a Christian? When you say he is not born again, does that mean he is just an 'unbeliever' or is he a Muslim? If he is insistent on remaining an unbeliever, then your love for him must die - he is essentially competing with the love of Jesus in your life.

That is the painful truth of the matter - he cannot claim to love you but not love your God.

All being said, I think you should take time away and recover. You are obviously still very in love with the unbeliever. In that situation, even if Brad Pitt came to propose, you would still say no because your heart is still with another man. Pray to God and become whole again, then you will be free to love once more without the baggage of the past.

the first is "seeing" is ok but the second "seeing" no no.

@ Confetti

You don't have a problem, only that you are a problem to your self.

I don't know how you weigh love, because from your analysis on your hater, you said he is not your type. Please what is ur type of man and how do you truly measure your type of man - physical, spiritual, emotional, and financial.

What is true love?
If you want a born-again man, are you a born-again?
If you want a handsome man, are you beautiful?
If you want a well-to-do man, are you well-to-do or your family well-to-do?
If you want a graduate, are you a graduate?

Ponder on these questions and find out what makes you hate the guy.
Also, try to find out why the one you said you love never loved you.

Again, why searching for the Mr. Right instead of allowing the Mr. Right to find you. You're going against the biblical principle "Whoever findeth a man wise findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour in the sight of God".

If you're still young, WAIT. But if age is telling on you ---
And if you don't or won't believe in someone's prayer/prophecy why ask them to pray and seek for you.

@confetti
You mean you have been dating an unbeliever for eight years birds of the same feather flock together. have you been shagging him since you want so much to be together with him or are you playing virgin mary? if you have been shagging him i suggest you go ahead and marry him instead of jumpimg from man to man whilst looking for mr right as you have already given your body to him. Also what is your definition of born again because most evangelicals that use that term don't even know what it truly means (they just assume they do). If the guy is a christian that believes in christ( not necessarily a professed "born again" i suggest you go ahead and marry him becos he is also a believer. You would be amazed how many genuine christians are out their that don't answer to the term "born again". Don't let indoctrination rob you of your true love

First of all, define what your purpose in life is (which definitely isn't marriage) and then ensure that you are about fulfilling that purpose.

Every other thing you need in order to better fulfil that purpose including a husband will fall into place for you as long as your heart is set on Jesus. Do not be carnally minded but be filled with the Spirit for if you are, the choice of a life partner for you wouldn't become a nairaland issue for disscussion.

You dont need to roam around looking for who will marry you. First be seperated unto God, fill your heart with Love for Jesus and his work. As long as you are in tune with the Spirit, you will know who is who and who you should Spend your life with for
He never lies. His peace will guide your heart and mind always.

1 Luv.

Take a lesson from here

The part I don't get is why you need other people to tell you whom to marry, why you leave such an incredibly important decision to other people's 'visions'. If you have no feelings for the new guy, forget him. Love is the basis of marriage.There is nothing mystical about Christian marriage; christians fall in love exactly the way non-Christians do, only they might be attracted by different things. If you really love God you can bet He won't let you wind up with the wrong person, unless you don't listen to your spirit. Even though it has been telling you the man you have such strong feelings for isn't for you, you went on to date him. You broke it off, but are now looking for an excuse to go back to him.
Since your 'vision-seeing' friends aren't telling you what you want to hear, you're doing what you do best;posting on a forum so other people can tell you what to do. Can't you make your own decisions? You seem to know the right thing to do but can't seem to follow through. You're looking for people to tell you what to do so if it goes wrong, you can have someone else to blame apart from yourself.

It'll be very hard, but you need distance from your old flame while you sort yourself out. Talk to God about your feelings and let Him alone tell you what to do. STOP seeking other people's opinions on whom to marry, for crying out loud. You can listen to what God has to say on the matter. If he says yes to your love- Yayyyy! If he says no, then it's no.Of course, you can always disregard what He says and go ahead and marry your flame anyway. You must have had qualms in your spirit about dating him when you first met and you went ahead and dated him anyway. It's your choice.

Hi Room,

I quite appreciate all advises here. Would like to say that it has helped me take decision about this whole thing.

@ Mad_Max, Truth is sometimes u get confused about issues u feel like knowing other pples opinion, all the same thanks for your candid words.

@donnie, Thanks for your kind words. I think thats the most important thing in life - PURPOSE. I ve actually tried to define it and the new guy doesnt fit in. lov u too.

@ Jagoon, I said we have been friends not lovers. The issue of marriage came up now that he wants to settle down and truth is he is the kind of person i did love to marry if only he were born again but he is not. All the same, thanks for your candid words.

Fact is I have taken a decision on this. I told the new guy off so I dont keep anybody in suspense.

Many thanks to all.

Dear confetti,

Mariage is too important that you should not ignore God's word. Most of the advise you'll get here are probably those of unbelievers, or not biblical. You see, the bible has said we should not be unequally yoked with an umbeliever, and also, that if ye be willing and obedient, you will eat the good of the land. If you will expect God to be in the marriage with you, it will be good if you carried him along from the beginning, and once his word says no, and God said no when you prayed about it, that should settle the first guy, even if he were to get born again today, God has said no, so it means no.
God sees the future, and he lives in eternity, so he knows what he has said, so please, take your mind off the guy that is not born again.
On the new guy, it would have been more comforting if you had said you prayed before telling him off, you should seek the face of God on every born again brother who proposes marriage to you, and don't habbour dislike or hatred towards anybody. The nature of God is love, and he loved us all even when we were allienated from him, so pray to God to get that dislike out of your mind, and then talk to God about it. Issues come up in marriage, and it is definately great if you have a spirit filled spouse whom you know was God's will for you in the first place.

Note that the most important thing in deciding who to marry is SALVATION, AND LOVE OF GOD AND GOD'S WORD IN THE LIFE OF A MAN. It helps keeps peace in the marriage when both partners have the spirit of God.

Lastly, YOU ARE FORTUNATE TO HAVE A GODLY MOTHER, PLEASE DON'T THROW OUT HER ADVISE, WORK WITH HER, GOD CAN USE HER TO GUIDE YOU, DONT FORGET SHE HAS MORE EXPERIENCE ON THIS ISSUE. BUT PRIMARILY, LET GOD LEAD YOU, AND LET HIS WORD GUIDE AND GUARD YOUR HEART. You may email me on hephzibahll@yahoo.com, we can discuss closely, as this forum is too public to discuss more detailedly.

confetti:

Hi Room,

I quite appreciate all advises here. Would like to say that it has helped me take decision about this whole thing.

@ Mad_Max, Truth is sometimes u get confused about issues u feel like knowing other pples opinion, all the same thanks for your candid words.

@donnie, Thanks for your kind words. I think thats the most important thing in life - PURPOSE. I ve actually tried to define it and the new guy doesnt fit in. lov u too.

@ Jagoon, I said we have been friends not lovers. The issue of marriage came up now that he wants to settle down and truth is he is the kind of person i did love to marry if only he were born again but he is not. All the same, thanks for your candid words.

Fact is I have taken a decision on this. I told the new guy off so I dont keep anybody in suspense
Many thanks to all.

Good for you,sweetie. One understands your confusion- having feelings for someone for eight years is really serious- but deep down you're not confused at all. Just, please don't let other people make these important decisions for you. Advice is fine, but the decisions must be yours.

@confetti,
You amaze me,you said this guy is your kind of guy and at same time you are saying he's not born again but you are one,so what makes him your kind of guy then?

like begets likes,so i will be wondering what you are doing with him ever since.

Whoever findeth a womam wise findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour in the sight of God.
The man is to find, NOTHING MYSTICAL!
So also for a woman accepting the man should be as she finds a place for him in her heart.
If your heart doesn't find a room for the guy, forget him, NOTHING MYSTICAL!
God doesn't give us what we want!

MOST IMPORTANTLY, BASE YOUR JUSTIFICATION ON BIBLICAL STANDARDS!
IT IS WELL!

Whoever findeth a womam wise findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour in the sight of God.
The man is to find, NOTHING MYSTICAL!
So also for a woman accepting the man should be as she finds a place for him in her heart.
If your heart doesn't find a room for the guy, forget him, NOTHING MYSTICAL!
God doesn't give us what DON'T we want!

MOST IMPORTANTLY, BASE YOUR JUSTIFICATION ON BIBLICAL STANDARDS!
IT IS WELL!

WITH DUE RESPECT TO YOU THE POSTER. I FEEL YOU NEED TO RE-EXAMINE YOURSELF AS A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN YOU CLAIMED TO BE. JUDGING FROM YOUR POST, IT IS EVIDENT THAT YOU EITHER DONT UNDERSTAND OR DIAMETRICALLY MISCONSTRUE THE CONCEPT OF BEING BORN AGAIN. OR ARE YOU THE TYPE OF 'I DONT CARE BORN AGAIN'. WITHE DUE RESPECT PLEASE REEXAMINE YOUR BORN-AGAIN LIFE.
GOOD LUCK AS YOU ALLOW THE SPIRIT OF GOD WORK THE WORK OF PERFECTION IN YOU.

and mostly NOT EVERYONE IS MEANT TO BE MARRIED.

I don't understand why people Ignore their INSTICTS. INSTICT is there for a reason. you told yourself that you do not wish to marry these two gentlemen that is your life. Stick to IT! or you will have yourself to blame.