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The Dead Life - Poems For Review - Nairaland

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The Dead Life by macalurs(m): 6:43pm On Oct 07, 2006
Dark humor begets bigotry
And the life of the exorcist scares a demon
Darkness and light are seperated by symmetry
As the moon exists not without the sun.

Sins attoned for leave sinners unpunished
I sin that I may die for my act
My sins are taken, the brooke's dry, I'm famished
Everyday I die, but bright is my mask.

As the living rever the dead
Like void is bliss and death is life
Sins of the living are to the damned, fed
So they might die in darkness or live like there was no light

Eternity is now, and death never ends
I live to die while I die to live
When God is love and mercy extends
Eternity is restarted and death is re-lived;

But when darkness returns and death is true knight,
The black will reign supreme like there was no White.
Re: The Dead Life by macalurs(m): 6:00pm On Oct 16, 2006
inspiration comes standard . . . read and tell me what you think. I'm open to constructive criticism.
Re: The Dead Life by Wale102: 10:10pm On Oct 17, 2006
I really like this plus i love anything with a dark theme
Re: The Dead Life by somegirl(f): 11:21am On Oct 20, 2006
macalurs_numbers_added_by_somegirl_minor_changes_by_spellchecker: The Dead Life

01 Dark humor begets bigotry
02 And the life of the exorcist scares a demon
03 Darkness and light are separated by symmetry
04 As the moon exists not without the sun.

05 Sins atoned for leave sinners unpunished
06 I sin that I may die for my act
07 My sins are taken, the brook’s dry, I'm famished
08 Everyday I die, but bright is my mask.

09 As the living revere the dead
10 Like void is bliss and death is life
11 Sins of the living are to the damned, fed
12 So they might die in darkness or live like there was no light

13 Eternity is now, and death never ends
14 I live to die while I die to live
15 When God is love and mercy extends
16 Eternity is restarted and death is re-lived;

17 But when darkness returns and death is true knight,
18 The black will reign supreme like there was no White.

Let me try to understand it: It is about religion, that religion has its fault.

One of them is the unchristian behaviour of exorcists (at least in the past, no idea how they work today) that would even “scare[--] a demon” (l. 2).

Another criticism that religion can only exist as long as there is evil in the world from which people seek rescue. Therefore, there is a “symmetry” (l. 3) between “darkness and light” (l. 3) which makes it impossible for them to exist without the other. Hence, in a world without evil, there was no need for religion and that is what the church is fearing.

Another one is indulgence, that you can sin as long as you can afford to pay the church for cleansing you afterwards. That’s why some “sinners [are left] unpunished” (l. 5). Some of them can afford it easily while others are left with out money and “famished” (l. 7). Hence, they suffer and might die but at least they got the “bright […] mask” (l. 8 ) of their religion to wear. Life in fact might be so horrible that they wished they’d already died and so that they “revere the dead (l. 9) who are already enjoying after-life in heaven. The church reminds the “living” (l. 11) of their sins all the time (“fed[s]” their sins to them, l. 11), making it impossible for the “living” to enjoy their life, hence they “live like there was no light” (l. 12).

But even death won’t bring them salvation and they will “die in darkness” (l. 12). Instead of waiting for the after-life, people should rather concentrate on their life now because “eternity is now” (l. 13, so it’s not the eternity in heaven promised to you by the church).

If God was really “love” and “mercy” (l. 15) in person, s/he would not let us suffer and change the concept of “eternity” and “death” (l. 16). However, if the “darkness” (l. 17) of fanatic religion (such as exorcism etc.) should return, there will be no hope/light (“white”, l. 18) left.

However, I have the feeling it is not only a criticism of religion but a contemplation about life itself. What will make life alive so that it will not be “dead life” (title)? What is the purpose of life?

Macalurs, any comments on my reading?

PS: I will see if I can get to the stylistic devices used later.
Re: The Dead Life by macalurs(m): 4:15pm On Oct 20, 2006
@somegirl,

I loved reading from you. Beautiful is the careful art of deciphering poetry. Yes it is also a contemplation on life itself. But thanks for your beautiful contribution. It is honestly appreciated.
Re: The Dead Life by gwatala(m): 6:47pm On Oct 20, 2006
First thought: Bad rhyming!

Not as if it matters much though, but, I like it well done if to be done at all.

Poor finnicky me.
Re: The Dead Life by somegirl(f): 7:43pm On Oct 20, 2006
What's so bad about the rhyming? I started to work on the stylistics and wanted to send it all in one go but now let me post what I got so far (accidentilly, I have started with the rhyming):

Rhyming Scheme:

01-04: A, B, A, C
05-08: D, E, D, F
09-12: G, H, G, I
13-16: J, K, J, L
17-18: I, I

B, C, E, F,H, (I), K and L do not rhyme with another line. But they connect to at least one other line through a similarity in sound:

02: /En/
04: /an/

06: /ækt/
08: /ask/

10: /ajf/
12: /ajt/

14: /if/
16: /lifd/

17: /ajt/
18: /ajt/

The connection made by the final sounds in 10, 11, 17 and 18 reflects also the thematic link between these four lines: They all speak of a doomed life dominated by darkness and devoid of light.
Re: The Dead Life by macalurs(m): 11:42pm On Oct 20, 2006
gwatala,
I write what is revealed to me. . . not that it rhyme . . . but that it make sense.

But I commend your nose.
Re: The Dead Life by Basic(m): 12:20pm On Oct 27, 2006
Great work,Macalurs. As a budding poet,you are one of my role models in this forum. Pls view my poems too and let me hear your comments;whether good or bad.
Re: The Dead Life by Basic(m): 12:21pm On Oct 27, 2006
Great work,Macalurs. As a budding poet,you are one of my role models in this forum. Pls view my poems too and let me hear your comments;whether good or bad.

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A Thousand Apologies! / Brokenhearted Poetry / crying voices

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