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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. (5797 Views)
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Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by phadat(m): 7:55pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
I guess she is doing it intentionally having spoken to her about it, she ought to give it a try even if she not the appreciative type her trying to say thanks once in a while will go a long way in showing the husband that she appreciates, so she is intentionally doing it, like some poster above suggested anytime she has an issue sit it out and don't help out maybe she will learn from there. |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Nobody: 8:01pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Sincerely there's nothing to justify your wife's inability to appreciate you. I think it's just pride of her not wanting to acknowledge ur kind gestures. Some people are like that,They will rather shrug than say thank you. Truth about this life is that nobody owes anybody anything, so it's important to always appreciate the good deeds of people in our lives. As much as it's the parents duty to pay their child/children school fees, it's d duty of a good child to thank the parent. That's curtesy, very important. 4 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Nobody: 8:03pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Creamish: I like this post ...however the ?bragging when she got the job was unnecessary....sounded like she was making a statement to her husband, with the, "I finished them during the interview" affair ...then denying the business proposal he had made to her earlier.... I know people who would even hype their spouses' efforts to make it seem that they did all the work....when in reality nothing much had been done...give them credit for plenty things, even when The poster's wife is clearly not in this category...which, by the way is a better category for me How would the appreciation come after that "it is all me" talk? I could be wrong though, I hope I am 2 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Creamish(f): 9:06pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
tellwisdom: In marriage, communication is key & can never be overdone. The moment it gets tiring for u, issues will build up so fast, depression will set in & d cracks gradually break up ur home. OP is in a lifetime commitment.. Not some bf gf house play .. 4 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Nobody: 9:26pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Op's wife is being analysed and dissected. I think you don't appreciate her that's why she finds it difficult to do same to you. Maybe you takes her for granted. If you've never quarrel I think this is a good ground to let it off your chest since being diplomatic isn't helping. It is either you face you face this problem my desensitization or hit it head on. Remember she loves you from the little you wrote, you just need revalidation and appreciation for your good deeds from her as your spouse. Nb, personally, I'd rather be sick than tell my husband or anybody " sorry"" thank you"" I love you" not that I don't feel it but it makes me sick....weird isn't it? |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by RiloKiley: 9:38pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Dyt:Thanks for this insight. I'd really like to interact more with ladies that feel this way and know what makes them tick. Its a relief for me to hear your not saying thank you is not from being proud or not appreciating because honestly I thought pride was playing a major factor on her part. Thanks again. |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Dyt(f): 9:43pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
RiloKiley: Its not pride Its freedom Yes she might have heard it severally But she does it unknowingly Not purposely Yes I sometimes frown when my man reminds me not even a thank you I am sorry baby Thanks I appreciate That's it Won't even rem next day even when I mean to But there are more ways na Good food Great jokes Wonderful sex You know na You sef can't say these things don't come in Oya go embrace beautiful madam jor Whisper to her how much you love and appreciate her In the process do something After she has reached her satisfaction Tell her again Its not too much God bless your home 3 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by onegig(m): 9:47pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
If there is anything i fear in marriage. It is this issue of over familiarization to the point that people tend to neglect their chosen spouse and take them for granted. If there is anything that pains one to the bone. It's an unappreciative person. Op. Just please sit her down and talk to her. Or just send what you typed exactly here to her in a mail or whatever and wait to see her response. Sometimes we are oblivious of our bad behaviors to others until we are told of such. Her reaction should be what would determine your next point of action. 5 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by RiloKiley: 9:49pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Prec1ous:Wow, very insightful post! Well, yes I was a very strong introvert as a teenager and my childhood was not much fun, more of a kind of military training, lol. When my mates were out playing in the sun I was being drilled and given tasks and responsibilites at a very early age. It was not until I left home and entered the university that I started mixing with the crowd. Thanks for your input. 3 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by thelish(f): 9:50pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
cococandy:You always save me d stress of typing. Thank u 2 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by RiloKiley: 9:50pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Creamish:Lol, okay o. |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by RiloKiley: 9:52pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Yomieluv:Ok, thanks. |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by thelish(f): 9:52pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
debetmx:And that is how it should be. no matter how little d assistance is, always say THANK U. 3 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by RiloKiley: 9:56pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
cococandy:I have been tempted to leave her to sort herself out several times. But the way I see it her success is my success, so also her failure. So even when I hold back it gets to the point i cant stand it anymore and i do something to help. Maybe i'm being too soft on her. |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by onegig(m): 9:58pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
FrancisTony:People like you should take a back seat when issues like these are being discussed. Lack of appreciation might appear a small issue but it is a big issue that can lead a marriage to other big problems. Even Almighty God commands us to appreciate his blessings by worshipping him let alone a human being. He is not happy,if he was he won't be here opening a thread. A simple thank you darling. I appreciate all your efforts won't kill her. Marriage is to be enjoyed not endured in pain and headache. 13 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by RiloKiley: 10:00pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
debetmx:Yes, I thought someone might say this. But its not that way at all. I dont want her to thank me for every little thing. However it won't be bad if she shows some appreciation once in a while. I do it, I dont see why she shouldn't. 3 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by cococandy(f): 10:01pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
RiloKiley:That's great and awesome. Your mindset I mean. But leaving her to sort herself out one a few occasions doesn't mean that's the way it has to be forever. Just see it as tough loving when you harden your heart to do that. It's only a means to an end which a happier marriage for both of you. If that doesn't work, then you can look for other means to tackle it. 4 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by RiloKiley: 10:01pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
flyca:Lol, this made me laugh! Thanks for understanding 2 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by cococandy(f): 10:02pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
thelish: |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by RiloKiley: 10:04pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Thanks to everyone for your response. I've really learned something new and talking about it I think helped ease the emotional pain I was feeling earlier today. My wife is not a bad woman but this part of her really gets to me sometimes. Thanks for making me view things differently.You guys are great! 7 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by GHoJes: 11:13pm On Oct 09, 2015 |
Have you heard of love language? yours is words of affirmation. Saying thank you is not a big deal but is for you because of who you are. For as long as your wife dont fill it, the void will always be there. When you meet another woman who is appreciative with words/words of affirmation you may find yourself helplessly comparing her to your wife, drawn to her. What you'v gotten so far is not enough, you need to get her to speak the language to you while you learn hers and speak it too. It is why you havent gotten used to that part of her after 8years and you might still not get used to it because that part of you will remain empty. As for your wife, she is quite taking you for granted knowing that you will still be your kind self no matter what. Her main problem is that she doesnt want your head to swell, but when she sees you want it badly, the pride in her wont make her open her mouth to say it plus she doesnt know how to say thank you hence she goes for other appreciative gestures like the food thing, her personality and upbringing also must have contributed to her being like that. If she get to know how much it means to you, she will adjust. Goggle love language, more importantly buy the book titled love language by Gary Chapman, its the magic wand you are looking for. 4 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by bellong: 12:08am On Oct 10, 2015 |
RiloKiley: You have to adopt the skill of an Eagle in training her eaglet to fly. Look away from helping till she gets to a point of confusion then step in. When it is done, let her know she needs to lear n the art of appreciation. She may put up a fight for allowing her get to that point before helping, don't bother she will ease off. No matter what, everybody must learn to say thank you, please and sorry. It doesn't matter whether he/she is your spouse, efforts must be appreciated. It encourages the other person to do more. Same way some husbands never at any time thank their wives for the good food they eat daily. Op, your wife is either doing it deliberately or she lacks that moral aptitude of appreciation. For those who opined that they are one and appreciation is not needed, why do you people thank God for things? 7 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by focus7: 5:42am On Oct 10, 2015 |
Daresh: |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Kimoni: 5:59am On Oct 10, 2015 |
bellong: I really pray the OP can pull this off. This is the tactful solution he needs |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Ewuro4: 6:22am On Oct 10, 2015 |
Bellong nailed it OP...I'd do the same. I too deliberately stopped extending some gestures TILL my spouse gets the message even AFTER few talks about it. This is no war, it's part of getting to know each other's likes & dislikes. It's called MARRIAGE. So no need feeling guilty. Appreciation makes one goes an extra mile. so yes , it can break ones self confidence & sanity especially when your flesh is the convict that is hell bent on propagating the hurt on you and knowingly so. |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Daresh(f): 6:44am On Oct 10, 2015 |
tellwisdom: Unfortunately there's no other solution than to talk and get her to see reason. You see you can only try to reason with an adult. What other solution can you think of? 2 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by bellong: 7:26am On Oct 10, 2015 |
Ewuro4: Yoruba will say if a kind gesture of yesterday is appreciated, you set up yourself to receive another. Whosoever don't know how to appreciate should learn to do it. If as adult you can't appreciate your spouse, how will you train your children the art of appreciation. 2 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by GodnGold: 7:54am On Oct 10, 2015 |
Bro,I hope you read this,eight years is a long time to be carrying scenes of "what she did to me" in your head. Nwanne,you gave urself the best advice in the last two lines of your write up. Put your mind in other things that make you happy and ignore the Mrs. As long as you don't do other things that will destroy the peace and love in your home. You will reap the reward...keep doing good to her but expect nothing.When you expect much from human beings...You loose focus. More grace is all you need.#myhumbleopinion |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by Nobody: 8:27am On Oct 10, 2015 |
Not a good place to be No one should feel underappreciated or undervalued in a marriage As you have had the chat, and still no change then just stop doing things for her and let her work her needs out by herself. Meanwhile this is a mistake that many people make. They treat outsiders better than their own spouses. Will she not appreciate her pastor and be buying him gifts if it was the pastor that prayed for her to get the job? Sone people dont understand that Your spouse is your number one person and even when there is no need to, let him/her know that they are the best and watch then be willing to even go the extra mile We all like to be appreciated, talk less of within a marriage & by loved ones. One of the first things we teach our children are the words Thank you. How difficult is it to say thank you anyway ? @op Marriage is also give and take. There is no perfect spouse. If she is showing you her love and makes you feel good in other ways, then please take that on board too . . in short look at the bigger picture. Im not excusing her behaviour but trying to soften the impact her lack of her thank yous have on you. She probably doesnt do it deliberatly, could be upbringing or some life experiences she has been through in the past. Many people have some kind of baggage that shapes the way they are. 4 Likes |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by bukatyne(f): 9:40am On Oct 10, 2015 |
cococandy: 100 likes 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: I Dont Know What To Do About My Wife's Behaviour. by dominique(f): 10:12am On Oct 10, 2015 |
She's feels it's your duty to do her favours that's why she does not owe you any form of appreciation. Some people are indifferent about being appreciated but since it bothers you please let her know of your displeasure. She needs to learn how to say the thank you even for the smallest gestures. If she can't, then you owe her no favours. If it's going to lead to quarrel then so be it, you need to stand firmly on your words on this. You can report her to her mum on this since she's close to her mum. But if her mum has a similar character or the type of parent that supports their children blindly, keep her out of it. I just hate it when one spouse takes advantage of the other |
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