RiloKiley:
Greetings to all members in the family section. I have an issue I'd like to share with you all and I would like your honest input.
I have been "happily" married for the past eight years now and in the course of this marriage we have been through thick and thin and I have come to accept a number of things. One of these things is that my wife dosent appreciate me. She's kind and loving and all that and I'm grateful to have her. However I've noticed over the years that she's not very appreciative of my person. Let me give some examples.
There was a time her mother fell very sick. Her brothers didnt have money to cater for her and kind of left her to her fate. As soon as she told me I got her admited and sent my personal doctor to look her up. In a few days she was feeling much better and discharged from hospital. My wife never one day offered so much as a thank you till date. Even when the mother later came to see us and was thanking me my wife for some reason got up and walked out of the room. Now I realise the appreciation from her won't add to my account or anything but I felt a little show of appreciation would have been nice. She didnt so much as refer to the matter again and neither did Iathough i was perplexed.
There was another time she lost her job at the bank where she worked. She was at home for almost a year while we both ran from pillar to post looking for another job to get her busy(my salary can cater for the home but she doesnt like being idle) and eventually I got an old contact who directed me to a government official who asked me to bring her cv which i did. For another three months I followed the matter up, calling the man incessantly(she refused to call, saying she wasnt friends with the man, I was, even though I felt she ought to call to familiarise herself with him) and the interview was something else with a lot of lobbying and such. Finally she got the job. When she got the text message to come and collect her letter she called her mom immediately and they were both screaming over the phone in jubilation. I had to ask what happened and she said she had gotten the job. she started saying things "Thank God she got the job, The interview was tough but she was tougher, she wrote intelligently, etc. I pursed my lips and said nothing. When we eventually collected the letter and went to see her mom she repeated the same thing, she did not for one moment mention my involvement in the matter. It really hurt but I felt it would be immature to complain so I kept my peace.
Now I wanted to open a buisness for her to add as a side source of income. I've been cajoling her that she has a lot of spare time on her hands from the government job and she's very good in buying and selling which she agreed but said she didnt want to start a buisness as it would be too tedious. I talked to her about it for almost a month but she refused so I gave it up. You can force a horse to the stream but you cannot force it to drink. Only for her to come last week very excited and tell me she wanted to start a boutique shop,I should give her money. I was wondering what caused the turn around and she said a colleague talked to her at work that it was a lucrative buisness. When I asked "but its the same thing I've been telling you now, why didnt you think of it when I told you...she said She doesnt remember me telling her. When i pressed further she admitted i mentioned it to her but "you didnt say it seriously enough and my colleage has more experience.". This is me who ran a boutique shop for my mother years ago of which she is aware. I mentioned it to her and she shrugged it off.
Right now I just feel ...I dont know.As if she doesnt want to acknowledge anything I do for her. And it hurts me because I'm someone that likes helping people. Someone has advised that I stop seeking appreciation from her and ignore, that I shouldnt rely on her for my happiness and whatnot but I honestly dont know how to go about it. How do I look for appreciation from someone other than my wife? Why is she behaving this way? I keep feeling one day we will have a huge argument and she's going to say things like I have never done anything for her. And it hurts. Maybe its not supposed to but it does. I have a strong belief in love and loving my spouse wholy and completely and part of that involves giving and I know showing appreciation or at least acknowledgement shoudnt be a big deal but it is for me and she knows it. What do I do? How do I find joy in other things and ignore her behavoiur?

Daresh:


Why don't you talk to her about it? Let her see that she is taking your help for granted and that you don't like it.

AVECDEO:
Guy i feel u,but look at the larger picture such as the effort u are making will impact your kids.

Or maybe she feels she is doing much more for you and on the same pedestal with you regarding been selfless to each other.

You should also pray about it,she might just be nursing a grudge against you.

You can't fitn't understand women...

FrancisTony:
Why are you getting tensed over a little thing that's not suppose to be?.
Atleast you are happily married, and your wife is kind and loving according to your OP...
She is simply abiding to the bible verse that says, "husband and wife are one in the same flesh".

I don't see a need for "thank you" since two has come together to become one and whatever you offer & vice-versa represents both, even though it doesn't hurt to say it sha.

Creamish:
U cannot allow urself wallow up in depression. Sit her down and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Spare no detail. Let her know exactly whatz going on in ur mind/heart. Shez not a mind reader so until u guys have this talk, she may never know shez hurting u badly.

Im glad U take care of her but i want to ask U honestly.. I know some people rily don't verbally appreciate ppl but they make some gestures of appreciation...something U might overlook or shrug off.. Have U ever noticed her doing anything for u which might be out of the ordinary?

RiloKiley:

Nope. She's not the romantic type if thats what you mean. she's very down to earth.
Okay dont laugh but yesterday when she noticed I wasn't happy she went and made a special dish for me, kept it hot till I was ready to eat. Its not her normal behaviour. Does that count?

cococandy:
Why not tell her how her attitude makes you feel?
At least tell her first.

And in future challenges, let her work it out herself no matter how tough. Just sit around and fight the urge to help her out.
Maybe she will be forced to ask and then you can say you won't do it bluntly because she won't appreciate it if you do.
That could open the floodgate for more outpouring. Don't shy away from it because you want to avoid a fight with her. No.

That 'fight' is long over due and you have to have it before you can amend things and move on.
No matter how 'one' you've become, spouses should always be appreciative of each other. Even for the smallest things. Taking one's partner for granted can lead to many other bigger issues.

cococandy:
Why not tell her how her attitude makes you feel?
At least tell her first.

And in future challenges, let her work it out herself no matter how tough. Just sit around and fight the urge to help her out.
Maybe she will be forced to ask and then you can say you won't do it bluntly because she won't appreciate it if you do.
That could open the floodgate for more outpouring. Don't shy away from it because you want to avoid a fight with her. No.

That 'fight' is long over due and you have to have it before you can amend things and move on.
No matter how 'one' you've become, spouses should always be appreciative of each other. Even for the smallest things. Taking one's partner for granted can lead to many other bigger issues.

Daresh:


Why don't you talk to her about it? Let her see that she is taking your help for granted and that you don't like it.

Una no dey get tired of this "Talk to her" lines?? Gosh

RiloKiley:

I have talked to her about it several times and have actually given up. It now looks like I am begging for thank yous and thats not the way it should be. I wouldnt have even bothered sharing this if not that she did this last one again.
Some part of me thinks she does it deliberately to "prevent my head from swelling" but i think she's overdoing it. I came from a family where appreciation is shown. I dont know if thats the way in other families.

tellwisdom:


Una no dey get tired of this "Talk to her" lines?? Gosh

Daresh:


Unfortunately marriage invloves a lot of talking. That's how you express yourselves and get to understand each other.

RiloKiley:

Nope. She's not the romantic type if thats what you mean. she's very down to earth.
Okay dont laugh but yesterday when she noticed I wasn't happy she went and made a special dish for me, kept it hot till I was ready to eat.

Its not her normal behaviour.

Does that count?

FrancisTony:
Why are you getting tensed over a little thing that's not suppose to be?.
At least you are happily married, and your wife is kind and loving according to your OP...
She is simply abiding to the bible verse that says, "husband and wife are one in the same flesh".

I don't see a need for "thank you" since two has come together to become one and whatever you offer & vice-versa represents both, even though it doesn't hurt to say it sha.