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14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:02am On Oct 19, 2015
Now, it’s no secret that the Lagos traffic situation has gotten worse. I’m not naming any names or pointing any fingers (*co…Ambode…ughs*); but it’s really bad. We’ve all been spending an inordinate amount of time in traffic.

But we at Zikoko(well thanks to whoever invented copy and paste grin) are here to make your lives easier, so we researched ways to allow you successfully avoid Lagos Traffic:

Lalasticlala and awon goons, oya Sit back relax and grab a bottle of Orij...ehm...ehm ... I mean Lipton tea grin na early Monday momoi...

'Sauce' of ingredients grin http://zikoko.com/list/avoid-lagos-traffic

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:09am On Oct 19, 2015
1. Leave Lagos

This is the surest way to beat the traffic.

Go! Move to Ogun State or Ibadan or anywhere else and don’t look back. Sure, there will still be traffic on your way out of Lagos, but look on the bright side, It’s the last time. grin

99 Likes 3 Shares

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:13am On Oct 19, 2015
2. Don't go out

If you won’t leave Lagos, then the next best thing is to stay permanently in your house. Because the truth is, there really isn’t anything important out there. Well nothing that you won’t spend 7 hours getting to.

Stay. At. Home. cheesy

32 Likes 1 Share

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:22am On Oct 19, 2015
3. Drive only between 12am and 4am

You know why this is important. This way you’re the only one on the road – well, you and everyone else reading this post. You will rule the highways in the middle of the night. But be aware, your reign comes to an end once the clock strikes 4. Because Lagos will wake up. cheesy

49 Likes 1 Share

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:25am On Oct 19, 2015

4. If you have to go somewhere, leave your house the day before

This is for those that usually have 8am appointments/meetings.

The traffic is not of God and if you do not want to be late, leave at 8pm.

That way, whatever Lagos throws away, you laugh in its face because the joke is on it. Your appointment is for tomorrow. grin

51 Likes 5 Shares

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:30am On Oct 19, 2015
5. Walk everywhere

But first buy shoes like these.. grin

35 Likes 1 Share

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:31am On Oct 19, 2015
6. Sleep in the office

This is a win-win situation. You avoid the traffic and you also get in line for the ‘Best Employee Award’ – or that promotion grin.

You know, since you ‘practically’ [your boss doesn’t know it’s literally] live in the office. Just wake up and slide into your seat. cheesy

63 Likes 2 Shares

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:35am On Oct 19, 2015
7. Or in your car



Stop looking like that. Sleeping in your car is a thing. It’s better than sleeping in the office. This way you can drive your car to a safe spot [ short distances please], sleep and drive back to the office with other employees. Don’t forget to brush your teeth in the office bathroom. grin

37 Likes 2 Shares

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by paul288yahoo(m): 10:36am On Oct 19, 2015
chai.... extreme measures cheesy

3 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:39am On Oct 19, 2015
8. Quit your job

Who needs a job?... grin

Just kidding, go to number 9...

20 Likes 1 Share

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:44am On Oct 19, 2015
9. Marry into wealth

This is the only way to validate your quitting your job.

If you’re unemployed and not married into wealth, I don’t know. Is poverty better than traffic? cry lipsrsealed

But with some little quid around, you can buy an helicopter to use to move around... Especially if you work in that Apapa axis. If na Oshodi market, well.. ehn you go park the chopper for garage grin

24 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:48am On Oct 19, 2015

10. Or Get a Job next to your house

It doesn’t matter what. You’re not in traffic with all those white-collar mainland-to-island suckers. This is the life. cool grin

23 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:51am On Oct 19, 2015

11. Become a witch


This is purely for the air travel benefits, nothing more. grin

79 Likes 5 Shares

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:53am On Oct 19, 2015
12. Fast and Pray for Governor Ambode


Fast. Pray. Light Candles. Say the Fatiha. Offer up Benediction. Dance. Do prayer of the faithful. Give sacrifices. Pray that he stops saving all our money. He should use it to fix our traffic situation.

If this doesn’t work very fast, we are in trouble. We can’t do this everyday. What is happening?! There was traffic before but it was not this bad.

57 Likes 5 Shares

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by ibullem(m): 10:57am On Oct 19, 2015
13. Run against him in the next elections and win

This really only works if you win. That way, you can cause the traffic, not face it. cheesy


14. That one is on you gguys...
Oya bring your own suggestions







56 Likes 5 Shares

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by agarawu23(m): 11:10am On Oct 19, 2015
Lol


U can't escape Lagos traffic o because man must wack

7 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by Firefire(m): 11:22am On Oct 19, 2015
grin shocked cheesy

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by Firefire(m): 11:29am On Oct 19, 2015
ibullem:
14. ...

Seun, Lalasticlala,


Bcc: TonyeBarcanista, Obinoscopy, Mannylex, Ikenna351, OAM4J, Afam4eva, ZeezaRapture SeverusSnape, Tallesty1, LadyF, NgeneUkwenu, Freiburger, r231, Truckpusher, Omenka, Mogidi, Firefire, PassingShot, Beremx, Mizmycoli, Dearpreye, ishilove, Obiagelli, IYANGBALI, INTROVERT, Temitemi1, tosyne2much, egift, Spaxon, ECOTERRORS, Mynd44, Sile12, Cutehector, agarawu23, Moneybag100, walexy1, undergoals, mitnick,

oya come add wuna own


I would adopt this No. 12 grin grin cheesy cheesy

ibullem:
12. Fast and Pray for Governor Ambode


Fast. Pray. Light Candles. Say the Fatiha. Offer up Benediction. Dance. Do prayer of the faithful. Give sacrifices. Pray that he stops saving all our money. He should use it to fix our traffic situation.

If this doesn’t work very fast, we are in trouble. We can’t do this everyday. What is happening?! There was traffic before but it was not this bad.

2 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by temitemi1(m): 12:14pm On Oct 19, 2015
NO 11 grin grin grin

2 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by damton(m): 12:46pm On Oct 19, 2015
once you get home from work, just bath and eat then start leaving your house for work the next day

42 Likes 1 Share

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by CR77(f): 12:46pm On Oct 19, 2015
tongue A wailing theory

4 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by Richie0974: 12:47pm On Oct 19, 2015
Ok
Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by sagewonders(m): 12:47pm On Oct 19, 2015
lolzzzzzz
Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by kayo80(m): 12:47pm On Oct 19, 2015
Work from home, don't go out. That's the only way you can avoid it...that's how I avoid it.

9 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by Nobody: 12:48pm On Oct 19, 2015
Ok
Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by Nobody: 12:48pm On Oct 19, 2015
I'm on front page on a Monday morning shocked, Lord please I need a job sad angry

9 Likes

Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by yemstok(m): 12:49pm On Oct 19, 2015
I don't even know why I book space sef?
Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by Adatob(m): 12:49pm On Oct 19, 2015
lol
Re: 14 Hilarious Tips On How To Avoid Lagos Traffic by Nobody: 12:49pm On Oct 19, 2015
undecided

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