Is this even a question If your friend cannot understand then too bad. You are not marrying him. The only people that need to be at that wedding is the bride and groom.

how long would you have to be away? where is the wedding taking place? where are you?

@Outstrip

He doesn't want to understand and he even promised to buy the wedding suit and tie. He is so adamant and i don't want him to feel i don't want to be part of his program. I even explained to him that how about what would happen if that day turns out to be the naming ceremony. He could not provide an answer.

@Biina

I am in Lagos and the wedding takes place in Benin and will leave on Friday and be back immediately after the wedding on Sat.

Lagos to Benin is a 45 minute flight. Hopefully you do not get stranded and your wife gives birth. Your friend s somehow making you feel guilty because he stood at your wedding. He is being childish and not being respectful. What f while you are in Benin standing for him your wife gives birth? Is this your first child?

So we are talking of a 24hr window. ?

Contrary to Outstrip's position, neither are you the one getting married, nor will you be delivering your baby yourself. In both cases, you will only be there to lend your support, and your presence is not crucial.

The choice is between you possibly missing the birth of your child, and you definitely missing your friend's wedding. Personally, I would take my chances, and honor my friend's request.

man be there for you wife she need you more than your friend .

are u supposed to be seeking advice on such issues?
TO WHOM TO YOU OWE LOYALTIES AND OBLIGATIONS NOW!
WHO ARE YOU NOW RESPONSIBLE TO, UR WIFE OR UR FRIEND?
ABEG GET SERIOUS.

dont think that guy is your friend cosif he really is then he would understand & even encourage that u be with your wife at her moment of need.

there's no question here poster

to hell with him

my brother, we are talking about your WIFE AND CHILD here.
Whats the matter with you? Pls stay with your wife. She needs you just the way
your friend needs his bride to be at his wedding. I bet you, your absence isnt gonna get the wedding postponed.
Be a man that you are.

.

chaircover:

All this should have been ironed out a long time ago.

Being a first child, generally speaking I doubt your wife's waters will break, start labour & have the baby all in less than 24 hours unless there is an emergency in which case its out of your hands anyway. Are you saying that the EDD falls on the wedding day? I personally dont know of anyone who had her baby on the exact EDD but I am sure that it does happen.

The only thing I can advise is for the groom to get a stand by best man in case you cant make it- I am sure he can ask one of the grooms men to standin in an emergency.

Personally I would say go but make sure and I repeat make sure she has access to a car, driver, plenty of money and at least 2 older responsible women who can take care of her if she does go into labour during your trip.

As God may have it you may even end up having the baby before the wedding so your friend will have to find someone else anyway. At least you tried.

I wish you all the best on the birth of your new baby.

I was beginning to wonder as to what the topic of discussion was, given the earlier posts that seem to be solely based on sentiments.

What does sentiments mean abeg. Please biina educate me on what it means. Sentiment to me is going to your best friends wedding to be his best man while your wife is about to give birth. Being there when your wife is going to give birth rather than going to a wedding is responsibility. Every man and woman is different. Maybe for you it is no big deal but the poster has said here that his wife says he should not go so it is important that he be there when the baby is born.
He does not have to be there to pull the baby out of the birth canal but she might need her husband for support so who in the world is the best man to give him to be at the wedding and risk missing the birth of his child. It might not be a big deal to the best man but it is a big deal to the wife and that is all that matters. He cannot disregard his wife's request which by the way is not unreasonable for a selfish request from a best friend.

Outstrip:

What does sentiments mean abeg. Please biina educate me on what it means. Sentiment to me is going to your best friends wedding to be his best man while your wife is about to give birth. Being there when your wife is going to give birth rather than going to a wedding is responsibility. Every man and woman is different. Maybe for you it is no big deal but the poster has said here that his wife says he should not go so it is important that he be there when the baby is born.
He does not have to be there to pull the baby out of the birth canal but she might need her husband for support so who in the world is the best man to give him  to be at the wedding and risk missing the birth of his child. It might not be a big deal to the best man but it is a big deal to the wife and that is all that matters. He cannot disregard his wife's request which by the way is not unreasonable for a selfish request from a best friend.

Sentiments is judgment based on feelings.

You sound sure that the baby would be born on the day of the wedding?
If it was a job assignment, would you ask him to quit as well?

A few posters made it seem like if his attendance to the wedding guaranteed him missing the birth of his child or that because his wife has wishes he should have no regards for his friend's. All that is being sentimental in my opinion.

His wife s due around the same time. Nobody on earth knows for sure exactly when they will deliver unless it's a scheduled C section and that is even if the baby does not come before then. I had my first child 1 week before his due date and I was not in labor for 24 hours. I only pushed for 1 hour and the baby was here. So you cannot say that the wife's wishes should be ignored for the best friends wishes to be a best man because she might be in labor for more than a day. If he had a job appointment I would not say that he should not go. I don't even know how you can equate a job that he must go to to traveling for pleasure.

His wife and family shld come first.Benin to Lagos is just 45 mins.He can catch the first flight on saturday morning and take the evening flight same day

Outstrip:

His wife s due around the same time. Nobody on earth knows for sure exactly when they will deliver unless it's a scheduled C section and that is even if the baby does not come before then. I had my first child 1 week before his due date and I was not in labor for 24 hours. I only pushed for 1 hour and the baby was here. So you cannot say that the wife's wishes should be ignored for the best friends wishes to be a best man because she might be in labor for more than a day. If he had a job appointment I would not say that he should not go. I don't even know how you can equate a job that he must go to to traveling for pleasure.

I am not saying he should ignore his wife's wishes just because his friend made a request, nor am I supporting him ignoring his friends wishes all because his wife has a conflicting desire. He should simply weigh the pros and cons of his choices and decide. I had earlier given my opinion in that I would try to eat my cake and have it, by going to the wedding.

What I do have an issue with is people trying to make him guilty for going to his friends wedding. For example

Gadols:

my brother, we are talking about your WIFE AND CHILD here.
Whats the matter with you? Pls stay with your wife. She needs you just the way
your friend needs his bride to be at his wedding. I bet you, your absence isnt gonna get the wedding postponed.
Be a man that you are.

Gadols was simply exaggerating things and blurring the facts. His going to his friend's wedding wouldn't make him any less a man. Nobody here knows what kind (if any) sacrifices he has required from his friend in the past, and thus it is not always right to just brush his friends wishes aside. Statement like "Whats the matter with you?" or "Be a man that you are.' are simply trying to make the guy feel guilty in order to back him in to the choice they prefer.

heartcry:

I need candid advice on what to do as i seem lost between my wife and my best friend. He was my best man at the time of my wedding and his wedding is just in about a month so he gave me the privilege to be his best man. The problem is my wife is heavy and her delivery date falls in between the wedding date. My friend insists that i remain his best man no matter what. My wife cries every night that i will leave her to bear the pain while i am away since we don't kn ow when the exact date would be. Don't know what to do. Candid advise pls!

Ur family comes first abeg

some women sef get wahala

the guy is living on friday to come back on saturday, let her chill abeg

the guy was there for them on their own wedding, so you ppl should be there for his, even if you are not going to be the best man,u need to be present

haba

Outstrip:

What does sentiments mean abeg. Please biina educate me on what it means. Sentiment to me is going to your best friends wedding to be his best man while your wife is about to give birth. Being there when your wife is going to give birth rather than going to a wedding is responsibility. Every man and woman is different. Maybe for you it is no big deal but the poster has said here that his wife says he should not go so it is important that he be there when the baby is born.
He does not have to be there to pull the baby out of the birth canal but she might need her husband for support so who in the world is the best man to give him  to be at the wedding and risk missing the birth of his child. It might not be a big deal to the best man but it is a big deal to the wife and that is all that matters. He cannot disregard his wife's request which by the way is not unreasonable for a selfish request from a best friend.

i whole heartedly agree with biina here, you are attaching too much sentiments into this

what if it is an official assignment, and the boss refuses to hear "sir my wife is due at that time" wat advice will you give to him?

Nobody is disputing the fact that your immediate family comes first , we all know that but sometimes it does not happen that way, there comes a time when the immediate family has to sacrifice for things to work out well


Some Women are emotional blackmailers, they will hold on to your emotions and turn it around for their own selfish gain

amebo no1.:

i whole heartedly agree with biina here, you are attaching too much sentiments into this

what if it is an official assignment, and the boss refuses to hear "sir my wife is due at that time" wat advice will you give to him?

Nobody is disputing the fact that your immediate family comes first , we all know that but sometimes it does not happen that way, there comes a time when the immediate family has to sacrifice for things to work out well


Some Women are emotional blackmailers, they will hold on to your emotions and turn it around for their own selfish gain

You can't compare an official assignment with a wedding ceremony. I'm sure the wife wouldn't tell him not to go if it relates to his work. She'll just make up her mind that her hubby might be absent on the day of her delivery. However, she knows the wedding will go on smoothly, with or without her hubby's presence, so why must he go when the wife need him around?

His friend could even possibly persuade him to stay for the Thanksgiving on Sunday, since he also attended theirs. Sacrifice indeed.

I don't know if you're a man or a woman, but i don't think you know the gravity of pain a woman goes through, right from conception to the delivery day. If you do, you wouldn't refer to a woman's request for her husband's presence during her labour and delivery as a selfish motive. Don't just talk out of ignorance.

Afribiz:

You can't compare an official assignment with a wedding ceremony. I'm sure the wife wouldn't tell her not to go if it relates to his work. She'll just make up her mind that her hubby might be absent on the day of her delivery. However, she knows the wedding will go on smoothly, with or without her hubby's presence, so why must he go when the wife need him around?

His friend could even possibly persuade him to stay for the Thanksgiving on Sunday, since he also attended theirs. Sacrifice indeed.

I don't know if you're a man or a woman, but i don't think you know the gravity of pain a woman goes through, right from conception to the delivery day. If you do, you wouldn't refer to a woman's request for her husband's presence during her labour and delivery as a selfish motive. Don't just talk out of ignorance.

yea right, tell me some more educate me

why is an official assignment different, why shouldnt she tell him to stay back home and damn the job

all you selfish, self centered women

his friend could even persuade him, nobody knows that for sure so thats what you are making up

yes the wedding will go on smoothly without a best man innit? the wedding will go on fine even when this said man made their own wedding a success

spare me all tthis jagbanjantis, enough of you kids on this forum,there is more to marriage that all this yocky docky drama, so you should be d one keeping quiet and not posting out of ignorance

Talking further with you will be a waste of my precious time, so, I'm done with you sir.

@ topic & Poster

I see no reason for this arguments front and back, whether the wife will deliver today or tommorrow shouldnt be the issue the most important thing is that the wife is the most critical stage of her pregnancy and being the first needs all the help she can get because she's vulnerable, wat if the husband goes for wedding and neighbours are not around when labour starts, what happens?

If the man isnt best man for that day doesnt mean the wedding wouldnt hold, an improvision can always be made and most importantly there are some men that go into labour room with their wives when they are about to give birth, not for anything but to give their moral and loving support, provinding strength to her when she is weak and unable to push. loyalty goes to his family first pls. If not for situations wat husband would not love to witness the birth of his first child?

amyliajane:

@ topic & Poster

I see no reason for this arguments front and back, whether the wife will deliver today or tommorrow shouldnt be the issue the most important thing is that the wife is the most critical stage of her pregnancy and being the first needs all the help she can get because she's vulnerable, wat if the husband goes for wedding and neighbours are not around when labour starts, what happens?

If the man isnt best man for that day doesnt mean the wedding wouldnt hold, an improvision can always be made and most importantly there are some men that go into labour room with their wives when they are about to give birth, not for anything but to give their moral and loving support, provinding strength to her when she is weak and unable to push. loyalty goes to his family first pls. If not for situations wat husband would not love to witness the birth of his first child?

sometimes i wonder what kind of people we are. loyalty, commitment and friendship dont matter much to us that is why we tolerate and cause untold hardship in our midst.

i am for please the wife 100% but what majority of you forget here is there is life after the birth of this child. the woman is  pretending the only person that matters is her husband being. knowing nigeria men as i do, others will say if she can do this to the best man today it willl be them tomorrow.  how does she intend to deal with that?  this guy probably knew this friend before her.

i personally dont have friends that will give me  this choice but i have been in a situation we cut off someone for being unreasonable.   friends are for all seasons  who need a fair weather friend? the few friends i had makes sure you dont call them before they show up and will do anything for me.

this lady is only starting out in marriage sooner or later she will discover she needs her husband friends more than they need her and the husband.  expersience will teach her that lesson.

amebo no1.:

i whole heartedly agree with biina here, you are attaching too much sentiments into this

what if it is an official assignment, and the boss refuses to hear "sir my wife is due at that time" wat advice will you give to him?

Nobody is disputing the fact that your immediate family comes first , we all know that but sometimes it does not happen that way, there comes a time when the immediate family has to sacrifice for things to work out well


Some Women are emotional blackmailers, they will hold on to your emotions and turn it around for their own selfish gain

amebo no1.:

i whole heartedly agree with biina here, you are attaching too much sentiments into this

what if it is an official assignment, and the boss refuses to hear "sir my wife is due at that time" wat advice will you give to him?

Nobody is disputing the fact that your immediate family comes first , we all know that but sometimes it does not happen that way, there comes a time when the immediate family has to sacrifice for things to work out well


Some Women are emotional blackmailers, they will hold on to your emotions and turn it around for their own selfish gain

you know what i think of you dont you? thank God you got our back covered.  you talk for the sensible minority on NL.  fair you dont do kleneex but you do talk right.

chaircover:

All this should have been ironed out a long time ago.

Being a first child, generally speaking I doubt your wife's waters will break, start labour & have the baby all in less than 24 hours unless there is an emergency in which case its out of your hands anyway. Are you saying that the EDD falls on the wedding day? I personally dont know of anyone who had her baby on the exact EDD but I am sure that it does happen.

The only thing I can advise is for the groom to get a stand by best man in case you cant make it- I am sure he can ask one of the grooms men to standin in an emergency.

Personally I would say go but make sure and I repeat make sure she has access to a car, driver, plenty of money and at least 2 older responsible women who can take care of her if she does go into labour during your trip.

As God may have it you may even end up having the baby before the wedding so your friend will have to find someone else anyway. At least you tried.

I wish you all the best on the birth of your new baby.

if we have a list of NL and naija for that matter women to watch out for you should make it.  houses dont get distroyed with common sence people like you inside.  you make a difference in this place. thanks

Proverbs 14 :1 (Contemporary English Version)

   A woman's family

   is held together

   by her wisdom,

   but it can be destroyed

   by her foolishness.

Proverbs 14 (Amplified Bible)

1 EVERY WISE woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.

@poster: common find ur way home!

Afribiz:

Talking further with you will be a waste of my precious time, so, I'm done with you sir.

exactly, u will be wasting ur time, u r still single(dont even bother saying otherwise, cos its very easy to know them single ones on here), wait until u get married, u will get wat i am talking about

I don't know why you think it has anything to do with being single or married. I am married and my husband will not do it. It's not that the wife said it was okay. He has said that his wife is as much on his neck to stay as much as the best man. She wants her husband there and you have advised a husband that even though his wife wants him there he should ignore her and go ahead with a friend that does not even have the grace to say "I understand that your wife is pregnant so if you do not show up I will not take it personally". If his wife says it was okay it would be one thing but you are telling a man who feels guilty about leaving his wife in the first place to go ahead and ignore his feeling of guilt and his wife's request to go to a friends wedding. The most outrageous one is even accusing the wife of emotional blackmail.
Which friends are you asking her to keep close. I am 100% sure that the best man is aware that his friends wife wants him by her side. If he knows this don't you think that the gentlemanly thing to do is to back off. I was very emotional when I was pregnant and I even remember having this terrifying fear of being alone for more than two weeks after my boys were born. I would cry for no reason, extra anxious and some times felt like I was honestly going to have a panic attack. It was just my knowledge that it was probably just postpartum blues that helped me pull through it. He is going to do what he is going to do. I do not think the woman should feel bad about saying need my husband. I do not want to be alone right now. The best man on the other hand is being immature. I wonder if he would leave his new wife if she was in the same situation.

Your friend is being selfish.Be at your wife side.

If you and your bestfriend are in same location, i dont really see too much of wahala here.
Advice the friend to get someone else on a standby, just in case.
however, you wife needs you most at that time.

.

Your friend's wedding is probably once in a life time opportunity whilst your wife's prospective delivery is probably one of many chances to come.
Weight the 2 probabilities and make the best decision