andromida:


Does Ludo help ease frustration?

Whilst she is playing ludo, the kids are destroying the house and breaking their necks by climbing shelves and jumping off. He has no clue

kovak:
We have two kids - a girl (7) and a boy (5). Healthy and hyperactive kids!

My wife on the other hand happens to be temperamental and impatient with children. She's critical about everything the kids do. "What is wrong with you children?" she would usually scream. "You don't hear word"... The list of her rants is endless.

I don't like children living in an overtly restrictive and abusive environment, so I would often rise to correct my wife. Now, that becomes the beginning of another round of quarrel.

I know if she continues this way, the children may grow up to resent her. I don't want a dysfunctional family.

My question is this. How do I talk to my wife for her to have a change of heart?

Mature advice please.

What your wife needs is more support. I can relate. When you are trying to keep the house clean AND care for the kids and they keep on messing every where up. You are bound to get frustrated and angry. House need to help out with the house and kids more.

Lead by example. Shoe your wife how to correct without shouting. If she just let them mess up the house and d9 what they like i can bet you, you will come here to complain that your wife is lazy. Take more of an active part in the home.

kweenkong:
Op can you answer the following.
1) what is longest time u have spent alone with the kids.

2) do u agree that kids need structure and discipline or they should be allowed to be free after all they are kids

3) is she always like that?

Here goes...

1. I am a "family" type of guy. So I spend quality time with my wife and kids.
2. Kids definitely need discipline and structure. Such we provide for the kids. The issue here is about negative use of words and being rather too critical about a child's every move.
3. Yes. She's choleric. I love her for her tenacity and commitment. But I wish she could have better control over her temper with the kids.

fem29:


What your wife needs is more support. I can relate. When you are trying to keep the house clean AND care for the kids and they keep on messing every where up. You are bound to get frustrated and angry. House need to help out with the house and kids more.

Lead by example. Shoe your wife how to correct without shouting. If she just let them mess up the house and d9 what they like i can bet you, you will come here to complain that your wife is lazy. Take more of an active part in the home.

Thank you for your candid advice. I am involved in my home affairs. I think more involved than the average Nigerian man. But if digging deeper will enrich my home, then I'm willing to do even more.

Thank you.

bravitudenatura:
Op permit me to say this, you are the problem not your wife. It seems you don't set boundaries for your kids. Now when your kids do something wrong they should be corrected but if daddy always keeps quiet and mom does all the screaming scolding and ranting its not good. Love your kids and join forces with your wife to train them up in the right way.

Don't leave parenting to your wife alone! You both made the children. You mentioned your kids are hyperactive so assist her, scold them when they err. Daddy and mummy should have a common ground on raising kids. Make rules and both enforce it.

You're wrong you know.

I lead my family in practical terms. And I am firm with kids. But my emphasy is on negative words on kids.

kovak:


Thank you for your candid advice. I am involved in my home affairs. I think more involved than the average Nigerian man. But if digging deeper will enrich my home, then I'm willing to do even more.

Thank you.

You are very welcome .

You seem like a nice hubby. Please do dig deeper. It's for the best interests of your family. You will surely be rewarded with a lovely family unit

kovak:

You're wrong you know.
I lead my family in practical terms. And I am firm with kids. But my emphasy is on negative words on kids.

No oh negative words are not allowed or acceptable abeg.

I get you now, I advice that you stop cautioning her in the presence of the kids instead do some research on Google, then copy the main points either send her an email or sit with her and share it.
Just Google effects on negative words on Children, we accept correction faster when we read from authority that what we are currently doing is bad

kovak:


You're wrong you know.

I lead my family in practical terms. And I am firm with kids. But my emphasy is on negative words on kids.

Ok just try to talk to your wife

kovak:


Here goes...

1. I am a "family" type of guy. So I spend quality time with my wife and kids.
2. Kids definitely need discipline and structure. Such we provide for the kids. The issue here is about negative use of words and being rather too critical about a child's every move.
3. Yes. She's choleric. I love her for her tenacity and commitment. But I wish she could have better control over her temper with the kids.

Nice one. I don't think she is only choleric, she also has Melancholy in her. This explains the endless criticism, while the Choleric part explains the short temper. People like this make the most difficult parent to live with. I will not be surprised if your kids live home at an early age if she does not change. Disciplining kids is good, but she also has personality issues which she has to deal with too.

Eketem:
It seems you leave all the disciplining of the kids to her then undermine her when she is doing it.

This needs to be emphasized. You need to take a more proactive hand in raising those kids, hyperactivity is not an excuse for bad behaviour. If on the other hand they are not exhibiting bad behaviour engage them in more challenging activities that will put their strength to good use. You can also talk to your wife and ask her to leave the disciplining of the kids to you, if you handle them well then she'll see things from your POV.

Pidggin:


Nice one. I don't think she is only choleric, she also has Melancholy in her. This explains the endless criticism, while the Choleric part explains the short temper. People like this make the most difficult parent to live with. I will not be surprised if your kids live home at an early age if she does not change. Disciplining kids is good, but she also has personality issues which she has to deal with too.

You've got my point. So how do I deal with the situation so that everyone can have a happy home to live?

kovak:


You've got my point. So how do I deal with the situation so that everyone can have a happy home to live?

She has to tone down, this can be difficult because her ways are set already. Buy this book by Tim Layahe for her "Why you act the way he do" If you do not have it already, it will help.

kovak:


You've got my point. So how do I deal with the situation so that everyone can have a happy home to live?

Firstly, ask her if those. words. were words. she. grew. up. with. Remind. her how it felt to hear them and tell her "words. can maim. and if you are. not over that type of. language, don't pass it on to your kids". She may not see. it as. a big deal. but remind her of. it (no-one forgets those. words. said. to them).

Practically, get 4 jars with lids. Everyone gets a jar. Create a list of bad words (in my sister's home, STVPID, IDIOT etc are bad words). Anyone who uses a bad word, deposits N50 in the jar. And the end of the week, the person with the fewest amount of words gets all the money in the jars or collate all the money frpm the jars and donate it to the charity home near you or give it to a low-income family you know.

Onegai:


Firstly, ask her if those. words. were words. she. grew. up. with. Remind. her how it felt to hear them and tell her "words. can maim. and if you are. not over that type of. language, don't pass it on to your kids". She may not see. it as. a big deal. but remind her of. it (no-one forgets those. words. said. to them).

Practically, get 4 jars with lids. Everyone gets a jar. Create a list of bad words (in my sister's home, STVPID, IDIOT etc are bad words). Anyone who uses a bad word, deposits N50 in the jar. And the end of the week, the person with the fewest amount of words gets all the money in the jars or collate all the money frpm the jars and donate it to the charity home near you or give it to a low-income family you know.

Hehehe nice one. I'll save this as a way to teach my kids.

Demigods:
Eseh she ya wife hommz! U talk to her! That's why I love ma self ain't never been a puss ass licker mohafucking nigga, eat no bullshit from no woman.

Today is my birthday nl, show some love to soft DemiG, just view ma profile, hit the like button

So in your mind, what you have written makes sense, ba?

Ishilove:

So in your mind, what you have written makes sense, ba?

Looooolz, ah lau u mami

oglalasioux:

It's good you are concerned but such things happen only when the woman is not so sure of the paternity of the children. I'm not saying that your case is like that but women are dangerous things. She has a frustration she is unleashing on the children.

Slow poke

kovak:
We have two kids - a girl (7) and a boy (5). Healthy and hyperactive kids!

My wife on the other hand happens to be temperamental and impatient with children. She's critical about everything the kids do. "What is wrong with you children?" she would usually scream. "You don't hear word"... The list of her rants is endless.

I don't like children living in an overtly restrictive and abusive environment, so I would often rise to correct my wife. Now, that becomes the beginning of another round of quarrel.

I know if she continues this way, the children may grow up to resent her. I don't want a dysfunctional family.

My question is this. How do I talk to my wife for her to have a change of heart?

Mature advice please.

Have a parenting discussion with her. Explain your own parenting goals and get to know hers as well. Let her know how constant criticism can rob children of their self confidence. And blah blah it's a lot of things to say and I just got tired of typing...

Parenting is an important part to give your child the environment which is required for them. There should be emotional climate at home. I think you wife needs emotional support from you, as well as love and care so that she has that understanding to deal with children. But if situation is not controlled soon it can be worse and in that case you have to send your kids to a preschool or some childcare centre.

Both of you need help. firstly, the kids aren't yours alone. What are the kids not doing right? why do they keep doing it? is it that you aren't playing your part or what? both of you should join hands together and train the kids.Is really gonna be stale if u don't look for a way to make them behave well rather resorting to NL to know how to handle your abusive wife. Look for a way to make the kids behave and your wife will appreciate you for that.

Oga, your wife have every right to correct the kids where she feels they have erred. You shunning her is bad enough but shunning her in the presence of the kids is worse. I won't accept that myself and will certainly react too.

You can't blame her for being who she is, its her nature and you already said it yourself that she temperamental so what you should be doing to correct the situation before it gets out of hands is to talk to her in a very calm manner and explain to her that the kids may start resenting her or they will be detached from her emotionally if she continues this way.
Believe me, no woman wants to hear that........ No woman wants to experience the feeling of being hated by her own kids.

The manner in which you approach her over this issue will determine the outcome.
Good luck sir!



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parenting...not easy especially when you have hyperactive kids..sometimes the kind of smoke that comes out of my head ehm..more grace to evry parent here abeg.

kovak:
We have two kids - a girl (7) and a boy (5). Healthy and hyperactive kids!

My wife on the other hand happens to be temperamental and impatient with children. She's critical about everything the kids do. "What is wrong with you children?" she would usually scream. "You don't hear word"... The list of her rants is endless.

I don't like children living in an overtly restrictive and abusive environment, so I would often rise to correct my wife. Now, that becomes the beginning of another round of quarrel.

I know if she continues this way, the children may grow up to resent her. I don't want a dysfunctional family.

My question is this. How do I talk to my wife for her to have a change of heart?

Mature advice please.

Videotape her doing so n post online.
Or better still report her to child rights services.