So I was tired of the terrible MTN network at my place and I had in fact unsubscribed from my data bundle. I was just waiting for the something to be exhausted so that I can swap to another bundle or another network entirely. The plan I was on offered me 1.5GB during the day and 3GB at night, valid for a month (6am-9pm-6am). I thought it was a good plan at first only for me to realize that it did not favour me. Before I knew it, I had already exhausted my day bundle. I realized that I used the internet more during the day than at night. Hmm…..who would have thought? Does this mean I browse when I’m at work? Well, I was also tired of waiting till 9pm before I’m able to download my favourite series Empire, How to Get Away with Murder, The Walking Dead, Jane the Virgin, etc. And honestly speaking, the night is meant for sleeping and not browsing.
To cut the long story short, that was how I realized that I’d been receiving this message from Airtel (find pics attached). I use a dual sim phone so my Airtel sim is just there for decoration. I call it ‘the forgotten one’. I generally ignore every message I get from it, I don’t bother opening them. It is so bad that even when I don’t have a kobo to call with my MTN line, I totally forget that I still have small change on my Airtel line. See life. Anyway, you know what they say about the devil tempting you with what you desire? I felt the message was too good to be true, especially coming from Airtel. Ah…..they have done me strong thing in the past no be small. As I no trust the network at all, I decided to dial their customer care line “111”. After all the jumbu mumbu press this press that……..griiinnnng!!! “Hello….. thank you for choosing Airtel…..blah blah blah”. I asked the guy if it is legit or if it is a robot sending me texts. He confirmed that it was legit that I should go ahead and subscribe, that it worked perfectly with android and so on. He said so much but failed to tell me the most important thing of all.
Thinking that nothing could go wrong, I confidently carried my hard earned N2000 to go and buy Airtel recharge card. Oh! Let me warn you. When coming to Ibadan just humble yourself and buy maximum of N500 worth of card at a time. If you want to prove that you are rich and instead order for N1000 and above, be ready to scratch like 10 pieces of N100 cards. It is so terrible that I had to buy two N1000 cards straight from a wholesale depot. Imagine.
Loro kan sha, I recharged my sim and dialed *440*161# - “invalid……something something something’. Haba, no cause for alarm. O ma n se le be. It is most likely a network problem. As I do sometimes with MTN, I called their customer care line again so that they can do the subscription on my behalf. Alas, it was a case of “…..the person I’m supposed to confirm if your account is eligible is not available….” Hollup, hollup! “What do you mean by eligible?” It became a story of “ehn…. It is not for everyone blah blah”. ‘Ah….these ones most be joking’, I thought to myself. Why did I receive a message telling me I’ve been selected then? “Ehn….. it was sent at random”. Ah! Robots at work again. Eyin eyan please, what is the difference between eligible and selected? Why did the agent I called initially not tell me that? See corporate scamming o. I asked the lady what I’m supposed to do. She told me to subscribe for another bundle. What? You are kidding right? What logically thinking person will leave MTN’s N2500 for 4.5GB to settle for Airtel’s N2000 for 2GB? Am I high? The lady started saying sorry this and that. Na sorry I go chop? I just cut the call angrily.
I called back after a minute still angry, this agent did not even let me land she just cut the call…..pmip! What?! Won o mo pe mo ra ye. I called back again. This time, ‘you are being transferred to an agent, please hold”….ring….ring…pick had suddenly change to “all our customer care representatives are currently busy, please hold”……back to previous menu……start all over again…..cut. Ha! So they decided to block me. No problem.
I began making plans to pay them a visit at their Ibadan headquarters the next day which would be today. Momma said, “make 3 cups of rice”. I said, “no o, let me make more. Na food flask and water bottle I go go use sidon for Secretariat Road tomorrow”. The woman just dey use me laugh. I was honestly vexed o. I called their Ibadan branch’s line +23480222247541 to ask for their opening time. I was told 9am. Ko si wahala. If only she knew why I called.
To God be the glory, I woke up around 4:00am this morning. My father’s prayers at the Redemption Camp I think must have started working wonders. I decided to call again. At least there shouldn’t be any excuse of being busy at this time of the day. Won ma gbe e. Another guy. Na so I tell I’m say na last chance I dey give them before I go cause trouble for their headquarters at Ibadan. I gave him details of my situation. He thought I was joking. He also suggested that I go for a blackberry bundle of 3GB for N1500. I made him understand that the money was not my problem. “Na the deceitfulness here dey make me vex. No be money or anything. Na the 4GB wey you talk say I go get, na im I want.” When I started talking online petition, he never experredit. He just said, “madam I subscribing your line to that service now”. Better. Now we can talk. “Tell your management or technicians to ask us to check our eligibity status first next time. As much as I have isshs with MTN, they always ask me to dial one number or the other to know if I’m eligible or not. It saves everyone unnecessary headache”. “Noted ma, thank you for choosing Airtel”. “Thank you too, bye bye” Cut.
This is not even half of what went down but I hope I’ve been able to capture my experience a little. Moral of the story is that we Nigerians should not allow mediocrity strive. Let’s stop letting the system rob us. I know we have more things to worry about like the price of fuel, hence, calling all these big organisations to order seems far-fetched. They know the average Nigerian wouldn’t want to go through the added stress and honestly who wants to take Airtel to court? Can I afford to pay lawyers on a matter that seems so trivial? They expected me to just take it and subscribe for another bundle but I’m not having any of that. I have a right as a customer and I will use it. We still have advertisement laws in this country and at least I didn’t see any terms and conditions apply in the texts I received. The other day it was Zenith Bank, at least those ones borrowed themselves brain fast. Wo mo pe I get time. I no be student any more. I get all of una time. Shior!
Anyway my people, na where the story end be this. Now I’m wondering why I left my MTN. Airtel’s network is woooooorseeee. Sigh.

What an epistle. Flash me when you divide it into chapters.

Right from the time of Abraham, 99 percent of nairalanders have been and are still on Airtel platform. I suggest you go back to MTN and leave us in peace.