|Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New|
Stats: 2,689,644 members, 6,336,369 topics. Date: Sunday, 13 June 2021 at 01:02 AM
|Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 11:33am On Jun 04, 2009|
A woman and a baby waited in the doctor's examining room, waiting for him to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and commented the baby wasn't gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast fed," the woman replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.
He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma , but I'm glad I came."
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 11:37am On Jun 04, 2009|
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozylittle restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,’This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.’ and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: ‘For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars
in the bank and 7 inches in your pants’.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it
to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
It read: ‘Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8,
Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.’
WOMEN COULD BE SO DUMB!!!!
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 11:41am On Jun 04, 2009|
A farmer bought a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. He put the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business.
The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "OK, old fellow, time to retire."
The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens. Look at what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike."
The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon. Just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."
The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?"
The young rooster says, "Sure, why not, you know I'll still beat you."
They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken go cluck "Go!" and the old rooster took off running.
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about five inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! He shoots the young rooster.
He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife,
"Son of a bitch , third gay rooster I bought this week!"[/size][/size]
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Ben13: 11:45am On Jun 04, 2009|
Lol the other man has 10 inches I like that
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 11:50am On Jun 04, 2009|
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his dick.
Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by sylve11: 11:55am On Jun 04, 2009|
V3, i loff the last one. keep dem pumping
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 11:59am On Jun 04, 2009|
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind?”
“Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.”
“OK,” he says, “How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.”
“Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea,” she answers.
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see this, two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so's there's no trouble."
So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like 18-year-olds. This goes on for about thirty minutes! She's yelling, “Ohhhh, God!” He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks, "that was truly amazing; he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is."
As the couple pass, he says to them, “That was something else, you must have been shagging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?”
“No, there's no secret,” the old man says,”except that fifty years ago that damn fence wasn't electric.”
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Ben13: 12:05pm On Jun 04, 2009|
Lol. the purpose is to heal the sick and not to raise the dead
gawd! that must be dickele
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 12:28pm On Jun 04, 2009|
A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sex. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus floozy. "Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course," he explained. "This girl really knows how to go from there." The roommate arranged the date as promised, and the freshman took the coed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing.
On the way home, he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out: "God, I sure would like to have a little pussy." "I would, too," the girl sighed. "Mine's the size of a bucket!"
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Ben13: 12:39pm On Jun 04, 2009|
Cheii. . bucket sized orifice
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 12:43pm On Jun 04, 2009|
@ben. . . Who we fit give "dat" title of "Bucket sized orifice?"
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 12:46pm On Jun 04, 2009|
A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear. The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.
The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by sweetliet: 1:01pm On Jun 04, 2009|
nice jokes, keep them coming
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 1:05pm On Jun 04, 2009|
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups. Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband "Hey, where's your ball?" "It's over here in the [b]pussy [/b]willows.
" The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Ben13: 1:06pm On Jun 04, 2009|
abeg keep the jokes coming o jare
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 1:10pm On Jun 04, 2009|
Romade? Lolabbey? spikedcylinder?. . . i no no o. . .abeg tell me, abi abiboy?
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Abbygyal(f): 1:29pm On Jun 04, 2009|
nice jokes venom!!! feelin u unlike haha
d 10 inches has got sum morals i fink. . .reli liked it nt coz of his dick ooo buh 4 somefin else
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Abbygyal(f): 1:32pm On Jun 04, 2009|
venom some of dis jokes r old na. . .no make me slap u oo
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Ben13: 1:44pm On Jun 04, 2009|
I knew it. . . nothing will stop her 4rm saying this
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Lolabbey: 2:06pm On Jun 04, 2009|
ben bellla. . . .u ehennnn ?
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 3:29pm On Jun 04, 2009|
@lolabbey. . .
Were u dey since maale??
@ben. . .we still have THAT title to give out o!!!
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Ben13: 3:37pm On Jun 04, 2009|
abeg no disturb my life. . haba! na me & u come world
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 3:43pm On Jun 04, 2009|
@ben. . .
Na u no d one wey dey do u. . .
Here na comedy zone so no make me kick ur butt
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Lolabbey: 4:14pm On Jun 04, 2009|
no mind d poor boi jare . . . . . .na frustration dey wory am
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 4:21pm On Jun 04, 2009|
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!!"
@ALL. . . Man fit hold him virginity up to 95 years old
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Lolabbey: 4:26pm On Jun 04, 2009|
hmmmm,d man must hav dealth wth d poor gal wth his old bla bla bla
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Abbygyal(f): 6:18pm On Jun 04, 2009|
bla wetin? seriously dere r some adults in d house oooo
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by StudioCFR(m): 9:23pm On Jun 04, 2009|
your best aint good enough.
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by iniguy(m): 7:51am On Jun 05, 2009|
@op, great jokes but tone down the sex thing okay?
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by v3: 9:19am On Jun 05, 2009|
@all. . .
I'll put u back in that "hut" where u came out from o o o
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by Ben13: 9:25am On Jun 05, 2009|
you mean he lived in a hut the hut must be very big to have contained his large head
|Re: Cum On In N Laff It Out! by showbobo(m): 10:27am On Jun 05, 2009|
Weldone You efficacious Photocopying machine
|Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health |
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket
Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2021 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 131