Modified

Can any one here tell me the issues involved in dating or marrying a single mom? What are the pros and cons? The lady in question has a 7 year old daughter.

tivta:
Any one else with issues like this? What are the pros and cons? The lady in question has a 7 year old daughter.

GUY I BOW FOR U O, U DIDNT DESCRIBE ANY ISSUE, AND YOU ARE ASKING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE FACING THE SAME ISH............. abeg do well

tripplephi:



GUY I BOW FOR U O, U DIDNT DESCRIBE ANY ISSUE, AND YOU ARE ASKING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE FACING THE SAME ISH............. abeg do well

I modified it for people like you who didn't read the topic.

Nothing wrong love conquers

tivta:
Modified

Can any one here tell me the issues involved in dating or marrying a single mom? What are the pros and cons? The lady in question has a 7 year old daughter.

just follow ur mind and treat her daughter like yours. Lobatan.

adeememman:
just follow ur mind and treat her daughter like yours. Lobatan.

What if my family doesn't support it?

When it comes to having partner with kids..... It is right to understand what one is getting into. Firstly you must be ready to love that child he/she is bringing. Love conquers all but you must be ready to lovingly explain to your family about the child. If they know you are matured enough and you know exactly what you want and getting into, I bet they will come to support you eventually even if you started it rough however since you know your family better than anyone else.... If they won't or will never accept it is honorable to allow the lady be because she could go bad psychologically.

Swissheart:
When it comes to having partner with kids..... It is right to understand what one is getting into. Firstly you must be ready to love that child he/she is bringing. Love conquers all but you must be ready to lovingly explain to your family about the child. If they know you are matured enough and you know exactly what you want and getting into, I bet they will come to support you eventually even if you started it rough however since you know your family better than anyone else.... If they won't or will never accept it is honorable to allow the lady be because she could go bad psychologically.

Nicely written. But how about families start minding their fvcking damn business and either accept whoever one chooses to marry or best still distance themselves than antagonizing it. Na person tell them who to marry.

ronald4lif:


Nicely written. But how about families start minding their fvcking damn business and either accept whoever one chooses to marry or best still distance themselves than antagonizing it. Na person tell them who to marry.

.... It is widely believed especially in our part of the world that we marry the in-laws along with the spouse. So, they feel they should have a say.....instead of advising, counseling and dashing out a handful of their best wishes they influence. God help us

Swissheart:
.... It is widely believed especially in our part of the world that we marry the in-laws along with the spouse. So, they feel they should have a say.....instead of advising, counseling and dashing out a handful of their best wishes they influence. God help us

I understand but for as long as the men/women involve allow them to have their way they will continue to interfere. Had they rejected any unsolicited interference no one can influence them. I think more men/women are increasingly becoming autonomous when it comes to making decisions on who to settle down with and with time this external influence will lose their grip control on relationship/marriage matters.

Anyway, he who fetch woods must be ready to accomodate ants, only those who permits or solicit for opinion usually get dosage of it.

tivta:
Modified

Can any one here tell me the issues involved in dating or marrying a single mom? What are the pros and cons? The lady in question has a 7 year old daughter.

If your family is still deciding stuff for you, then marriage is not for you

single mum doesn't make her loose or bad.... if u love her n she's "marriable".... investigate how she got the child n d father's being. She could be victim of anything. she is better than those who terminate pregnancies not to be a single mother.

Miami11:

If your family is still deciding stuff for you, then marriage is not for you

My dear, this is Africa, weather we like it or not we need the blessings of our parents before marriage, even the Bible says "honor your mother and father so your days might be long"...

Swissheart:
When it comes to having partner with kids..... It is right to understand what one is getting into. Firstly you must be ready to love that child he/she is bringing. Love conquers all but you must be ready to lovingly explain to your family about the child. If they know you are matured enough and you know exactly what you want and getting into, I bet they will come to support you eventually even if you started it rough however since you know your family better than anyone else.... If they won't or will never accept it is honorable to allow the lady be because she could go bad psychologically.

Thanks so much, you understand my dilemma, kindly explain to Miami the importance of family when getting married.

ronald4lif:


I understand but for as long as the men/women involve allow them to have their way they will continue to interfere. Had they rejected any unsolicited interference no one can influence them. I think more men/women are increasingly becoming autonomous when it comes to making decisions on who to settle down with and with time this external influence will lose their grip control on relationship/marriage matters.

Anyway, he who fetch woods must be ready to accomodate ants, only those who permits or solicit for opinion usually get dosage of it.

... Yes you are right especially on the norm of influencing decision going into extinction

tivta:


What if my family doesn't support it?

Are you planning on marrying your family members or the woman you are dating? Was the child ever a burden when you started dating?

Richy4:
If you starts a new relationship with a single mum, their kids must come first... If you are not the patient type, you will just disappear before the second date..

If they do not want to see you most times, they always lie with their kids.. .....

I took him to the hospital, he has a dentist appointment........
My daughter has to go for piano lesson and I will take her there by 5pm.....
I cannot stay too long because the kid is all alone in the house..................
I have to go and cook for my son, he doesn't eat out.......................................
I have to go help my daughter do her school home work, if I am not there, she will not do it etc..

Most of this excuses are genuine.. if the man is a reasonable person and have a heart. but how many got the patience for that ......

If you can pass all this phase with no problem, then you are good to go

Thanks

1) That child is the number one thing in her life

2) That marriage is naturally a second thing her life

3) Anytime she needs time, the child will be used for an excuse so much u will feel like a kaged Bachellor

4) The father of the baby will sure come to pester her either by wanting to take or see his child.

When you make such decision, u will hardly reverse it so search your heart for the amount of love you've got for her.

5) If you dare cause her another heartbreak, you will be the one to bear the pain of the first failure and that might cause her to react badly.

Just search your hearth and be careful. Remember, I have not even brought your family in but these are the thing they see that love might not let u see.

smarthG:
1) That child is the number one thing in her life

2) That marriage is naturally a second thing her life

3) Anytime she needs time, the child will be used for an excuse so much u will feel like a kaged Bachellor

4) The father of the baby will sure come to pester her either by wanting to take or see his child.

When you make such decision, u will hardly reverse it so search your heart for the amount of love you've got for her.

5) If you dare cause her another heartbreak, you will be the one to bear the pain of the first failure and that might cause her to react badly.

Just search your hearth and be careful. Remember, I have not even brought your family in but these are the thing they see that love might not let u see.

Thanks

tivta:


My dear, this is Africa, weather we like it or not we need the blessings of our parents before marriage, even the Bible says "honor your mother and father so your days might be long"...

This is Africa but I make my own decisions, no family involved

Miami11:

This is Africa but I make my own decisions, no family involved

Who do you now run to in times of trouble?

tivta:

Who do you now run to in times of trouble?

Same family.

In addition to what some of the posters above have said...

If it was a case of use & dump - by the guy, then she'd still be longing for this guy...and you know what.

Additionally, this guy will always be in your relationship because they have a baby together.

The child might never accept you as his/her dad, even if you give both arms.

And finally, the biggest one: being used for your finances. Raising children is resource intensive. There's nothing smarter than finding a sucker to help her raise him/her.

If you can tolerate these; goodluck.

If you are a young man who has never been married or never fathered any child, please start on a new slate. I won't consider a single dad for any reason, can't deal with unnecessary baggage. I am being honest with my answer here, except you are a single dad, please start on a new slate.

Being married to a single mom isn't going to be easy, but OP if you are resilient you can go ahead.

From experiences of my peeps...
PROS:
Mostly friendly
Mostly honest
Most are good cooks
Most are good in bed
Most are matured

CONS:
Most have psychological issues. Many still have feelings for the baby daddy.
You have this feeling you're in a stranger's baby's life.
The baby father is in the shadow. He calls her at will.
Most decisions she takes evolves around the child and the baby father.
The child may not like you especially if the dad is responsible e.g always available, buys gifts, calls for birthday wishes etc


Three of my friends dated single mothers, none of them married them. Too much baggage. All the best.

tivta:
Modified

Can any one here tell me the issues involved in dating or marrying a single mom? What are the pros and cons? The lady in question has a 7 year old daughter.

If you truely love her & she loves you too.bros go on & date her,even marry her sef. I dated one who was 4years older than with me her baby boy around 3years or also...mhen i can say that was one of the best relationship have ever been in...they are very mature.she was never part of the "Can you take care of me crew" if i was ready enough to marry i wouldn't hesitate to marry her then...we brk up which was actually my fault..till today we still talk on phone.

If your family isnt going to accept then better leave her. Becuz if you continue your family will malltreat her, making sure she eventually go react aswell and put a strain on your marriage.

As for single mom's using a man for their resources? Most single mom's make a living already to feed their kid(s).

Feelings for their baby daddy's? Some may, but definately dont assume that. Yes the "dad" may show up every now and then. As long as things are kept transparent that shouldnt be an issue.

Single mom's have a lot going on. So when they tell you they were busy with the kids, they usually are.

If you expect her to run helter scelter to satisfy your booty call...and she goes ahead that means her kids are not nr 1. And then yes, you should ask yourself if she is wifey material.

Just my 2 cents.

Wontunde ooo

Ok I didn't type anything
Bye

U need patience,love tolerence,money cos som are golddiggers.

Be transparent&honest in ur dealings wt her. Gudluck 2 u

People with kids should ideally marry people with kids. Don't go and burden a single person with your baggage and responsibility. I don't advise it. Except the single person does not mind, which is mostly a hard thing to find. Expecting or trying to force singles to accept your baggage is selfish.
Singles also have the right to desire a drama free life without baggage. My 2 cents. Not saying single parents don't deserve love, but I have seen cases where singles are made to feel bad for not accepting their baggage. Don't have kids if you are looking to force someone to accept your reality.

Op, if you are up for the challenge that comes with single parent hood and you don't mind, go for it. But if you do, don't approach a single parent. If they lie about kids before entering a relationship, don't feel bad dumping the person when you find out. If such situations is not the plan you have for your life.