Increasingly, and in greater numbers, Nigerian men are marrying non-Nigerian women. In droves, they are marrying Caribbean nationals,

White-Americans and African-Americans. They are marrying, not for the primarily purpose of acquiring “greencard,” but for other noble

reasons. They marry, not for the curiosity, but because they are bonded and are determined to make a success of the marriage institution;

they are bonded by love and faith and a commitment to one another to live their lives as one in a happy matrimony.

The more I notice this phenomenon, the more I wonder about some Nigerian men. I wonder. Culturally, Nigerian men are overbearing,

controlling, and paternalistic. They relate to their fathers and mothers differently. They believe it is “a man’s world” and so they have the

tendency to relegate women to subservient roles. True, things are changing. True globalization and modernity and westernization are

impacting the Nigerian culture. In cities across Nigeria, these changes are noticeable; but over all, the effects of these changes are minimal.

A Nigerian may be well read, well educated and well traveled, in the end though, he will succumb to the weight and influence of the Nigerian

culture.

We have a society where anthropological and sociological behaviors are still paramount. For instance, a great many Nigerians still practice

levirate and sororate marriage, and they also engage in polygyny, bridewealth, and matrilocal and patrilocal living arrangements. And in spite

of westernization, Nigerians are still not comfortable with public display of affection, i.e. kissing and verbal declaration of love; and neither are

they comfortable with open and public discussions of abortion, sex and exotic sex acts. That Nigerians are not comfortable with such public

declarations and have not completely embraced westernization is due, to a large extent, on the hold the traditional African culture has on the

vast majority of the populace. At the core of every Nigerian, and indeed every African, is the thumbprint, the umbilical cord of their ancestors.

This non-public declaration and display of love and affection is not unique to Nigerians living in Nigeria. No! The vast majority of Nigerians

living in the United States are loath to engage in such practices, too. Furthermore, most Nigerians do not engage in endearing practices like

candlelight dinners, flower giving, romantic walk by the lake or park, or even running the bath for their wives or lovers. It would surprise most

westerners to know that a typical Nigerian father or mother would rarely, if ever, utter affectionate or confidence-building words like “I love

you…” to their children; yet, the children have no doubt that their parents love them. Children are the crowing glory of any respectable

Nigerian family.

Haven digressed a bit, I return to the issue of Nigerian men and their foreign wives. I am stunned, perplexed, taken aback by the

transformation Nigerian men, married to non-Nigerian women, have gone through in the United States (and perhaps all over the Western

world). My goodness, here are a group of macho men, fiercely independent, with a burgeoning sense of entitlement who thinks the world

belongs to them; and that women are made to be at their beck-and-call. Here they are; they have suddenly or gradually gone soft and

sensitive and romantic and wide-eyed. How did these groups of men become “oh baby, oh baby” kind of guys? How did they become “yes

honey, yes sweetheart, yes darling” kind of fellas? What has happened to them? What got to their hearts and soul?

How were they able to adjust to living under a different set of rules and matrimonial conventions? How is it that a breed of men married to

their fellow countrywomen would behave in a given and predictable manner; but then adjust to a different matrimonial lifestyle when married

to foreigners? When they are with the Nigerian women, these men are all about control and power and they expect their wives to cook and

clean and raise babies and provide sex on demand; but with the foreign wives, their balls shrink! Such men live by schedule. They have daily

and weekly schedule of when to do the laundry and the dishes; of whose turn it is to empty the thrash; and of whose turn it is to sweep and

mop the floor; and of when to eat out and cook at home.

These men — especially if married to White women — feel lucky and grateful and mightily blessed. These men meet and exceed all

matrimonial expectations; but would rubbish and dominate their Nigerian women. What is it about a White woman that makes the Nigerian

male lose his senses? Could it be because of their skin color and their supposed sensuality and submissive attitude in bed? Could it be

because they engage in all kinds of mind-altering sexual acts that, understandably, the Nigerian woman would NOT engage in? Or perhaps it

has to do with the warped mentality of some Nigerian men who thinks everything white is good and desirable and so must be had!

Why are Nigerian men afraid to turn control over to their Nigerian wives? Why are they averse to showing their sensitive side? Why the need

to control and dominate? Why are Nigerian men reluctant to take their wives on a romantic walk to the parks and beaches, buy roses and

cards? Why the need to bottle up their romantic side? Why have they refused to do for their Nigerian wives what they would heartily do for

non-Nigerian women? After all, Nigerian women, unlike their foreign counterparts usually do not demand to be co-captains of the house.

They usually do not demand for more than is earthly possible. And way more than their foreign counterparts they understand what it means

to be a wife and a partner; they understand what it means to be part of the extended family.

When it comes to matters of life, love and death, Nigerian women have stood by their husbands. They are there during the passing of their

in-laws; they give succor in times of crisis. These women understand what the African family is all about. But not much can be said about

non-Nigerian wives who may not even find it necessary to visit or attend marriage or burial ceremonies in their husbands’ ancestral homes.

For non-Nigerian wives, life begins and ends in American. For these women, marriage is not about marrying into another family; it is about

“us and us alone.” And in fact, they would rather you not bother them with stories about your extended families and the need for the monthly

or quarterly remittances.

Yes, some of us can’t help with whom we fall in love; but to the extent that one can, I would rather a Nigerian. A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw

you out of your home; she is not likely to call the cops on you based on flimsy reasons; she is not likely to drag you through the judicial system; she is not

likely to throw the divorce papers at you at the slightest provocation; she is not likely to turn her backs at you in times of financial difficulties and other

crises. In order words: Nigerian women are likely to stay and be loving and generous and supportive for the long haul! Again and again and again, they

have proven that of all God’s creations, they are the very best. And indeed, they are!

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The craze for mixed kids naim cause am

If she ain't black send her back. I only want and need a black woman. My forefathers did it that way and I shall as well. I refuse to dilute the bloodline. Call me a bigot if you must but it is what it is.

Patrice Oneal had a section in his comedy routine about this very topic.

http://philosophyofpatriceoneal.tumblr.com/post/44185355802/patrices-observation-on-dating-black-and-white

They aint loyal!!!!

I detect minor racism with a little hint of xenophobia and a dash of afrocentricity permeating the thoughts of the o.p as well as his thread!




**quietly continues chewing ewedu flavoured chewing gum***