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When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) - Poems For Review - Nairaland

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When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by AlPeter: 9:31pm On Jan 09, 2016
When the Heart bleeds,,,, and there is no one there,,,,,, when silent cries are made,,,,,, in the depth of the night,,,,, when the soul's desires,,,,,, echoes in the chambers of despair,,,,, then hope arises,,,,, and faith encourages,,,,, but in your eyes only will i see comfort.

5 Likes

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by AlPeter: 9:39pm On Jan 09, 2016
Joseph1832, theagba,afroxyz, amberacious, flow1759, ayonbobo, ginaz, emulate99, eureka123, Nubian113, scholarincharge...... How do you guys see this it's my first time of putting it in the open
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by joseph1832(m): 10:24pm On Jan 09, 2016
You did well. Next time, try and arrange your poem in stanzas and lines...

1 Like

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by emaculate99: 11:52pm On Jan 09, 2016
First of all, I'm Emaculate99.

Nice poem. I think Joseph has already said my mind. But let me ask, are you trying to achieve anyhing with that arrangement?

1 Like

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by Nobody: 1:09am On Jan 10, 2016
Love the words but your arrangement is a distraction. Use one coma and it will look more presentable. I'm a newbie and that's poetry 101 for you kiss well done otherwise grin

1 Like

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by joseph1832(m): 9:40am On Jan 10, 2016
Nubian113:
Love the words but your arrangement is a distraction. Use one coma and it will look more presentable. I'm a newbie and that's poetry 101 for you kiss well done otherwise grin
LMFAO!.
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by Qaisar1: 12:57pm On Jan 10, 2016
emaculate99:
First of all, I'm Emaculate99.

Nice poem. I think Joseph has already said my mind. But let me ask, are you trying to achieve anyhing with that arrangement?
Emulate

1 Like

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by Nobody: 2:51pm On Jan 10, 2016
joseph1832:
LMFAO!.


grin grin grin grin

Warisdis

He is mocking us right tongue

1 Like

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by Ginaz(f): 3:12pm On Jan 10, 2016
AlPeter:
When the Heart bleeds,,,, and there is no one there,,,,,, when silent cries are made,,,,,, in the depth of the night,,,,, when the soul's desires,,,,,, echoes in the chambers of despair,,,,, then hope arises,,,,, and faith encourages,,,,, but in your eyes only will i see comfort.

Its nice dear, thump up kiss

1 Like

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by emaculate99: 5:10pm On Jan 10, 2016
Qaisar1:
Emulate
gay-sir

1 Like

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by Qaisar1: 5:27pm On Jan 10, 2016
emaculate99:
gay-sir
lol.. Ema
E-mad

1 Like

Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by emaculate99: 6:16pm On Jan 10, 2016
Qaisar1:

lol.. Ema

E-mad
.... See this boy ooo! it didn't go well sha! Ema doesn't end with D...
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by AlPeter: 6:25pm On Jan 10, 2016
Sorry everyone i posted it using my phone which usually doesn't give room for paragraphs, that's why I use the commas. Thanks for your time
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by joseph1832(m): 12:06am On Jan 11, 2016
AlPeter:
Sorry everyone i posted it using my phone which usually doesn't give room for paragraphs, that's why I use the commas. Thanks for your time
How about I show you how to structure this poem?
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by AlPeter: 3:57am On Jan 11, 2016
joseph1832:
How about I show you how to structure this poem?
yea i will really love that
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by joseph1832(m): 7:17am On Jan 13, 2016
AlPeter:

When the Heart bleeds and there is no one there.
When silent cries are made in the depth of the night.
When the soul's desires echoes in the chambers of despair Then hope arises and faith encourages,
But in your eyes only will I see comfort.
This is it, now the poem is structured in quintain form, that is, five line poetry with a single stanza.

NOTE: In the 3rd line I didn't put a full stop because it will make the line run into the 4th line.
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by AlPeter: 6:48am On Jan 15, 2016
joseph1832:

This is it, now the poem is structured in quintain form, that is, five line poetry with a single stanza.

NOTE: In the 3rd line I didn't put a full stop because it will make the line run into the 4th line.
thanks a bunch
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by joseph1832(m): 7:33am On Jan 15, 2016
AlPeter:
thanks a bunch
You're very much welcome.
Re: When The Heart Bleeds (my First Poem Ever) by AmaUwana(f): 11:09pm On Jul 20
Wow.... dis is very nice

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