U have to pray and fast for your husband. I think he has lost his senses

tommychow:
This is why I beg women to build their career before marriage. Now, you can't leave because you'll have nothing to take care of you and your kids. You're his slave, not his wife and he's in total control over your life.

I am a man and I'm telling you men don't just change because of their wives, especially when their wives have nothing without them. Too much pride. You can only hope and pray, nothing else.

Good luck.

Couldn't have put it better.

You rock Sir!

Okemmuo:
.
But of course nobody prays for such. Just render ur advice dear

It's not a matter of rendering advice, it's a matter of heeding the advice

A lot of nairalanders have given advice as best as dey could in the first thread dat she opened, nd now dis second thread

Dminister:


A man that do not consult you before carrying out his plans, what do you call such a man?


The girl in question has authority over this woman's husband. She could be using voodoo voodoo on him any time to manipulate his behaviour.

The woman should take it as spiritual battle, not just sitting down folding her arms looking out for the next episode.

Just leave her let her sit down nd watch another woman take over her home

Let her not do anything about it

ronald4lif:
Are you working or just a sit-at-home mum? If yes, get the hell out of that marriage before it cost you your life.

The man is fully aware you'd never beg the mistress and it's just employing that as a means to torment and suppress you. No sane man would assume his wife will plead with his mistress. No one.

The man doesn't only cheat on you but have the cojones to flaunt it on your face? That's extreme and no woman should condone such.

You knew he was authoritarian but still went ahead to marry him? Why do you women always proceed to marrying someone who doesn't possess the demeanor that conforms and it's acceptable to you?

You must take responsibility for marrying him. He's never the fault but you who went ahead to settle with him despite his repulsive mien.

Exit that marriage before it takes your life.

Another sensible man.

All hope is not lost.

God bless you.

Woman wey im husband dey maltreat na she leave am.

Nkasiobi87:
Hi everyone, after what happened in my husband church on Sunday how he embarrassed me and his worker slapping me. I decided to consult his doctor friend to talk to him ,the only reason he gave the doctor is that the mistress saved his life when he wanted to kill him self because of a woman that died years ago in his church which left him confused then(I traveled with My last child when this incident happen) and the girl telling him not to kill him self is enough that the girl love him and that from that day he swear never to leave that girl nor let the girl feel bad in any situation.

He said that the girl is his life. so for me becoming pregnant is enough to make the girl feel bad so he now tries to defame me and make the girl happy.he suggested that the only solution that will bring peace to my family is me becoming friend with the said girl and serving her.and that I should beg the worker that I have forgiven him if I want him to accept me again.

Now the girl in question here is rude and proud. she insult me anyhow.she laughed at me now that am going through this with my hubby. today she saw me and started laughing that she must make me leave my home with my 5kids.

Now all am asking my self is how can I step so low to the extend of begging my husband mistress just for my husband to love me again. how can I befriend this witch of a girl. How can I worship this girl in my own house all to please my husband. A girl that saved my husband name with Baby m. Will that make me a peace seeker or a fool the more.will a reasonable woman do that?

slam7000:

Madam, only you can answer that question. What is your gut feeling telling you?
Btw, what stops you from leaving that place with your kids? Where are you relatives?
What's your contact details? Someone might be able to reach you and help. You have been posting same issue since last year and it seems the problem that brought you here is worsening.

you will even be a bigger fool to beg your husband's mistress, go on your kneels pray to your God and he will answer you. remind God of his words, search the scripture. lsa.25:5 ps.18:44-45, jer.3:33, lsa.54:15-17.

cococandy:
So you're the one forcing yourself to be in a marriage where you're not wanted?

Self esteem issues. Money issues.

It's real my sister.

It's well

Am sure @Op went into dis marriage coz all her frends were getting married .

My dear contact me so that we can pray. Meanwhile, pray my father my God, cause my enemies to make mistakes that will favour me. God arrest my husband as you arrested Saul. Once he is under God's control, whatever is used to tie his eyes will leave. For the woman to be laughing at you, you should know its not ordinary. Let's give them 2 weeks prayers and your story will change. God bless you.

My cheap advise is that do whatever your husband want and stay firm to God, Divorce is not a good idea with 5kids, with time, God will take full control of everything

rubbish!!

cococandy:

You've allowed more than an unreasonable woman will allow.

I don't know what to tell you.
I've read your other posts and to be mild it's appalling what you put up with.
To the point his mistress came to live in your house and you're still there.
I don't want to call you unreasonable but damn.
How many hints will he give you before you know he doesn't want you?

Granted he's a horrible husband but right now I can't blame him. He's shown you in all possible ways that you mean nothing to him.
Yet you cling on with the excuse of staying for your kids. How do you see yourself? As someone who doesn't deserve respect? As someone whose identity and sense of self revolves around being married no matter to whom it is?
Common, somewhere inside you've got to think higher of yourself. I hope.

It's not like I don't know letting go of someone you love is hard but it gets to a point where the need for self preservation (which all living things have BTW) should override your need for acceptance by him. If after everything he's done to you you still entertain the idea that somehow serving his mistress might make things better for you,
I can guarantee you're better left alone. No need advising you.

This woman is a joke, utter waste of time.

author=Nkasiobi87 post=42413521]

My Mum experienced some hard times in her marriage too. (though not as hard as this).



I salute U mar for enduring thus far. indeed, U are a mother.



But I think its time to draw the curtains.



Yes, I know U don't have much cash to sustain Ur kids, so brace for impact cos its gonna be painful.




U need to start gathering money now. Enough money to sustain Ur kids till at least two of them are independent.


Endure his B S.


Start preparing to step out

Nkasiobi87:
Hi everyone, after what happened in my husband church on Sunday how he embarrassed me and his worker slapping me. I decided to consult his doctor friend to talk to him ,the only reason he gave the doctor is that the mistress saved his life when he wanted to kill him self because of a woman that died years ago in his church which left him confused then(I traveled with My last child when this incident happen) and the girl telling him not to kill him self is enough that the girl love him and that from that day he swear never to leave that girl nor let the girl feel bad in any situation.

He said that the girl is his life. so for me becoming pregnant is enough to make the girl feel bad so he now tries to defame me and make the girl happy.he suggested that the only solution that will bring peace to my family is me becoming friend with the said girl and serving her.and that I should beg the worker that I have forgiven him if I want him to accept me again.

Now the girl in question here is rude and proud. she insult me anyhow.she laughed at me now that am going through this with my hubby. today she saw me and started laughing that she must make me leave my home with my 5kids.

Now all am asking my self is how can I step so low to the extend of begging my husband mistress just for my husband to love me again. how can I befriend this witch of a girl. How can I worship this girl in my own house all to please my husband. A girl that saved my husband name with Baby m. Will that make me a peace seeker or a fool the more.will a reasonable woman do that?

Hi ma, I'm not sorry to say this: please walk out of dt marriage!!! Ur husband is a pastor, so he should know better. But since he doesn't, biko do urself a favour, walk out and take ur kids along! #arrantnonsense #

ipledge10:
me I laughed when I saw it sha..

yea yea.
it was deliberate.

This story is similar to the fate of one Cele pastor whose husband keep abusing just to pls his mistress. During one of their relative burial ceremony, he handed over the cooking and feeding of their guest to the mistress and commanded the wife to meet the mistress for food for her guest. He has on many occasions battered the woman. She is now a living corpse. One thing that baffles me Is that people still attend the church. Madam God will fight for you, and He will not come down Himself to do so, you have to apply wisdom. I will advise you give them breeding space and as for the worker am very sure he will meet his Waterloo. Be strong for your kids..... That's why I can never date a man who will not respect my opinion

Onegai:


Me, married ke?? what do I know of marriage, there's one man whom I carry his lastname and one child that calls me mummy. It's not like I've even spent almost 4 decades on this earth sef. But you're right, all i know of marriage is Telemundo, a channel i have never watched. Infact, what is this marriage thing you speak of?

Laff is killing me here oh. Perfect response to foolishness. #Telemundomarriage. Didn't know there was such a thing

Strahovski1:


Ok she should die inside? Yes or No?

Nooooo,don't get me wrong,she can move out of the HOUSE but not Divorce the man ,that's my point.Thanks.

Forwetinnah:


Thank you!! The question most times one should ask some these women complaining about their marriages is "how did they get into the marriage?". Some of them use all kinds of tricks to get settled in and then when it backfires..they invade the cyber space with all kinds of sob stories. When a woman settles down with a man who never loved her..what should she expect?

She was 14 when her parents gave her out to a man 31 years older than her to settle a debt.

I have read all ur posts,to think ur hubby is a pastor is unbelievable. I dnt pray or wish for divorce but in this case u better stay far away from that devil pastor. Separation will do you good even if u dont want to divorce him. Try and do family planning too and i hope u took the job o, in anycase u can still hunt for a job just dat u are preggy now. I wonder y u neva did FP with all these drama goin on and after so many kids. No marriage is problem free or perfect but ur case is overboard..dat is nt marriage but hell on earth. Its time for u to act and not create threads on nairaland. Ur kids will understand u after u explain everytin to them,besides i am sure the grown up ones are aware of the hell u are facing in that house. But i wonder,how wil d pastor now advise couples in his church..hmmmm just SMH. I do feel ur pain cos as a married woman i picture ur situation kaii. Pls dear,u have to be strong and act before we hear stories that touch. I wish u well.

smartleo:


Nooooo,don't get me wrong,she can move out of the HOUSE but not Divorce the man ,that's my point.Thanks.

Of what benefit is the marriage? Why should she continue to answer the name of such a man? What is in it? Answer the question.

Ehhh,choi u no show d girl small craze wey u get? If u hv a job divorce him or u dont hv,u beta stand up for urself,this is not a prayer mater,its physical principality and u deal wid it physical.

Strahovski1:


Of what benefit is the marriage? Why should she continue to answer the name of such a man? What is in it? Answer the question.

For the future of those great kids,separation would be the best bet.

JESUS!!!your hubby is a pastor Abegi which church


besides wht r u still doing in such home are u jobless even if u r jobless abegi divorce him ASAP

smartleo:


For the future of those great kids,separation would be the best bet.

You did not answer my question... .. tell me of what benefit is keeping the man as husband wen she doesn't stay with him? Husband that has another mistress.. ah ah ah. . A pastor

What moral values does he want to impact on the children?

Monalisa185:
hahaha, this lady is dulling...
1st step- befriend the so called mistress
2nd step- draw her closer
3rd step- give her otapiapia(rat poison)
4th step- be happy
CASE CLOSED

I love you

To say there are still pple like this baffles me mehn, what!
Madam,let me tell u if u don't know,in the olden days when men bring their other women home they always strife for peace BTW them,that is the only way pple around the man respect him.
In your case I can see u don't mind another woman coming as long as she doesn't push u out. And your husband ain't striking for peace rather he wants u gone. You are not even wife nos 1,you are just some sort of servant as far as they are concerned.

Pls get seperated if you ain't sure about divorce yet. And use that time to talk to God.

sandland:
Madam, those children are your best weapon.if you have 6, then the 1st should be about 12 years. Use them well. Men are devils when it comes to the other woman who is younger. Do not blame yourself. Stop looking for his face because you wouldn't even have it. Use any other authorities that you may have. Your parents, his friends. His parents. The church even if he does not go to church. Forget about the woman. Like be on your own. Just know that woman Will be like you soon. Once she takes in, that will be it.do not let him lay his dirty hands on you sexually. Tell him that woman is enough for him for now. That you want to bear the pain of having those children. Make sure people who matters knows so that he will not be the first to cry lauder than the the person he beats. Op reply if you need more advice. Please do not pity yourself. You are a complete woman. Your primary job is to make sure you have children him and you already have have too many. He should go to Hell. Those children are your pride.

thank you.honestly he has tormented me a lot just because I refuse to acknowledge his relationship with the mistress. but I post this because I think this is the last abuse I will take from him. I have been participating in lifting up the church, all the books and activities the church can boots of today are all my deeds.it hurts that some are blaming me of becoming pregnant it happen because I don't want him to say that am not playing my role as a wife to him which is why he is thinking of another woman. I once belive in endurance that is why no matter what he did I endure but this is to much and is after my kids now.I have a meeting with the church members tomorrow regarding this issue I pray God guide my words. thank you all I really appreciate all the response.

queenfav:
God bless you.Because it seems like the husband is her oxygen provider!@op,If you had your financial independence as a woman,I doubt he would be spewing that rubbish.I can't waste time advising you o.When you have seen the light,that you are just a caretaker of children and not a wife,you'll do the right thing.That's assuming you are smart enough.No offense,you seem very dense and immature to even be having kids.How do you raise them when you cannot stand up for yourself?

As in, she's sounds too emotionally and mentally weak. I can see her man smacking this kinda woman around and getting away with it. SAD!

May God help over-submissive african women.

Nkasiobi87:
thank you.honestly he has tormented me a lot just because I refuse to acknowledge his relationship with the mistress. but I post this because I think this is the last abuse I will take from him. I have been participating in lifting up the church, all the books and activities the church can boots of today are all my deeds.it hurts that some are blaming me of becoming pregnant it happen because I don't want him to say that am not playing my role as a wife to him which is why he is thinking of another woman. I once belive in endurance that is why no matter what he did I endure but this is to much and is after my kids now.I have a meeting with the church members tomorrow regarding this issue I pray God guide my words. thank you all I really appreciate all the response.

Are your parents alive, what about his family. Now that you will have six kids and you have seen the treatment get family planning? Your kids and you are suffering.

This is just one of the problems with the way we get Married in Nigeria. Arranged marriages doesn't work in this era anymore. Parents please