[size=28pt]When can a divorcee remarry?[/size]


divorceeDivorce has become a common issue, even in the Christendom. It is even more worrisome that some of the victims of divorce are still too young to stay out of wedlock. BIODUN MUHAMMED and MODUPE OKUSANYA, in this piece, look at the church and the future of divorcees, asking whether it is biblically right for any of the partners to remarry.

IF what the Bible says about marriage and divorce and this analysis and interpretation of men of God's view about the subject matter are taken into consideration, no sane Christian would opt for divorce. Some situations however make divorce the best option for that soul that desires not to die untimely.

Sister Solape found herself between life and death in her bid to keep her marriage intact to avoid the stigma of being called a divorcee as well as be faithful to her decision to follow Christ unconditionally.

It was a glorious day when Sister Solape was joined in marriage with her husband. The marriage enjoyed the peace, love and harmony that is typical of agape love until the mother-in-law scuttled the peace when she took the place of Solape in her son’s heart.

The said mother-in-law saw nothing good in everything the she did, she did not hide her animosity towards her daughter-in-law as she physically and spiritually attacked her.

At the beginning of the mother-in-law's diabolical acts, her son, was very angry with her as he saw his mother as an intruder that was ready to destroy the family. According to the sister, her mother-in-law must have employed fetish means to force his son to dance to her tune. The man later became wild turning the sister to a worthless object that could be treated without the simplest form of respect. She was beaten on many occasions and even outsiders could see the trouble in her home boldly written on her face. The trouble got to a climax when the man almost killed the sister and their two weeks old baby. The only reason the man advanced for his action was that he was fed up with everything that had to do with the lady. He later left the house to go and cleave to a strange woman.

Sister Solape did all she could to ward divorce but then, the devil forced it on her. The Bible say God does not like divorce and the sister’s church says no divorcee would be accorded any special place and so, the humiliated sister got confused, she is still faithfully waiting for her husband, whose return can only be determined by divine intervention.

However, in a similar development, tongues wagged in condemnation of Mr. Joel, who abandoned his wife as he ran away only to get married to another lady about two years later. Not until Mr. Joel had chance to express what he went through in the hands of his wife was he accorded the deserving pity. Here is the story from the horse’s mouth. “Look, I don’t need to convince you that I am a born again child of God because that is between me and my God. If I knew I was going to marry a mad dog, I would never have gone close to that devil called my wife. The problem started the very day we got married, she said she was observing fasting and prayer so we could not meet. Her fasting and prayer transformed from days to weeks and after about two months, we finally met and it was like I received baptism of pains for a week just because I met with my so called wife."

“In six months, I met with my wife three times and after each encounter, I had to visit the hospital to get treatment for general body pain. I was suffering in silence for the three years that we were married before I decided to run for my dear life.”

He said he ran for his dear life but one wondered what could have put the man on the run “I don’t pray any young man that is yet to marry comes across a woman like the one I married. I wouldn’t have fled if not that she wanted to kill me. She said my demand for sex was a stain on her holy life and she was going to stab me with her kitchen knife. She did not know I was not deep asleep as she tiptoed with the knife held up to kill me. I got up and struggled with her. "When I got out of the house, I resolved not to go back as I was too afraid."

“On why I got married to another lady, I want us to leave that to God to judge. I know I will never go running after one woman after the other and as a vibrant young man, I need to get a stable woman so that I don’t get myself into trouble. Call me any name that you want, I don’t care. You are not God and you cannot judge me.”

That was Mr. Joel as he wrote his book of lamentation just as some church leaders keep hammering on the need for couples to live together or risk staying without having sexual relationship with any other person for life.

It is no more news that divorce is one of the most common situations around. Divorcees are now getting increasingly used to the issue of stigmatisation in other words, they now have shock absorber that makes them lead a careless life style.

Marriage is holy estate instituted by God who created man and woman. The man and the woman are meant to complement each other. Love should be the first principle of marriage, where the husband sacrifices himself for his wife and the wife submits herself to her husband. In holy matrimony, the two become one flesh with God’s approval. Marriage is meant to be for life and nothing but death should separate the married coupled. Jesus said in Matt. 19 vs 6: therefore they are no more two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man put asunder. This takes us to the issue of divorce in marriage.

Today, divorce is almost as common as marriage, God made it pretty clear what He thinks of divorce in Malachia 2:13-16: And this have done again, covering the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with crying out, because he regard not the offering or receives it with good will at your hand. Yet you say, why? Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet is she your companion and the wife of your covenant. And did not he make them one? Yet had he the remnant of the spirit. And why one? That he might seek a godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel says that, he hates putting away (divorce) for one covers violence with his garment, says the Lord of hosts: Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you deal not treacherously.

When Jesus was asked further in Matt 19; why Moses gave them (the Israelites) the order to put away their wives by a writing of divorce—Jesus answered them by saying:, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts allowed you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except, it be for fornication and shall marry another, commits adultery; and who ever marries her who is put away does commit adultery.

Only the death of one partner should dissolve a marriage and free the other to remarry. The widow or widower can, of course, remarry whenever he or she feels ready, because death has dissolved the marriage. I Cor. 7:39 says: The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives. But if her husband is dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. It is not the will of God that marriage is dissolved by anything but death.

Moreover, according to the word of God in Matt. 19:9; when a person gets divorced and then remarries, the consummation of such marriage is an act of adultery, except if adultery was the cause of the divorce. Adultery is the only bases the Bible recognises for divorce.

No doubt, the issue of divorce, polygamy, promiscuity and so on were also in vogue in the days of Jesus, however, Jesus made His stand known on these things. The story of Jesus and the woman at the well illustrates his attitude towards them—John 4:5—18. No matter how common the practice of divorce is, the fact remains that God hates it.

There are so many factors that lead to divorce apart from adultery, such factors include, barrenness, insecurity, unbroken curses, ineffective communication or misunderstanding, external influences from in-laws, intellectual differences, orientational differences (bias beliefs, background) to mention a few.

Divorce is worst than death because you will keep seeing your partner either at close or far range because you only separated and not dead. Every divorcee lives in fear, and insecurity as far as the other partners is alive because there is no more secret between the duo.

In order to prevent your marriage from divorce, let your marriage be according to the law of God, never allow the devil to plant a negative seed in your heart against your children, never think negatively against your wife and you must always learn to soak your marriage in prayer.

With the difficult situations like that of sister Solape and Mr. Joel in view, Sunday Tribune went out to meet church leaders and other christians for their comment on the situation that seems to be getting every sensitive individual worried.

Dr. Babatunde Fatoki, who is the pastor of the Oluyole Metropolitan Baptist Church said “divorce is not in the Bible. From the Biblical point of view, God does not like divorce. The language is God hates divorce. The most important thing is that couples should imbibe the ability to forgive and forget. Malachi chapter 3, clearly stated that God hates divorce so, what He hates, we cannot love. Talking about adultery as the only ground under which divorce is allowed needs be carefully explained, as God does not feel happy with separation under any guise. Anybody could fall into temptation irrespective of sex, so, what is of importance is the ability to forgive and forget as stated earlier. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed but when couples get it wrong at the entry point and the marriage goes turbulent, they should endure.”

On whether any partner in a failed marriage could remarry, Pastor Fatoki said “Any good Christian will consider God first and not any other earthly desire before going into marriage. I mean your salvation and Godly comfort must be well considered. If for example, the man pulls out of marriage and goes out of his way to marry another person and his legal wife could not wait again, she may remarry if she sees someone that is ready to marry her. It must be pointed out, however, that such a second marriage cannot be conducted in the church again and such a sister cannot hold any serious position in the church. While the church satisfies her desire to remarry to avoid her turning a prostitute, the church must however refrain from a situation that looks like her action to remarry has the strong backing of the church.

The church cannot afford to still humiliate a sister that is already humiliated by a fake brother. We give her chance to grow in the Lord again and live a better life while we maintain our stand that she cannot hold a serious position in the church. Anyone who partakes or encourages divorce will pay grievous penalty for it. The stand of the Baptist Church is that divorcees can not hold church leadership positions.”

Very Reverend Samuel Adeyemi of the Methodist Church Nigeria, Odo-Ona, said “in the Bible book of Matthew 19 vs 5–6, Jesus Christ told the pharises that what God had joined together should not be put asunder by anybody. We emphasise caution before marriage is contracted because if you see a snake and think you saw a lady and you are joined together in marriage, believe me, that is your wife. We always advise our people to allow adequate investigation to be made about the person they are going to marry just as we enjoin them to pray as we also pray for them.

“If the divorce happens despite the necessary endurance on the part of one of the parties, well, the only thing such a person can do is to keep praying for the gone partner to return while he/she keeps his/her stand in the Lord by not sleeping around. It is not proper for such a person to rush into another marriage because her own partner has just played away. Everybody has his or her partner and no one has more than one. Adam and Eve had only one. Going to remarry is going to displace another person. Even if you feel that person is not married, he/she has a person divinely attached.”

On whether someone who is still young could remarry if the partner abandons him or her to go and marry someone else, Reverend Adeyemi said “according to Paul, such a person could remarry but I don’t see such marriage as proper. Wisdom could be applied to handle such a situation to prevent the affected person from immoral acts. It must however be pointed out that such a person loses the chance to be a leader in the church. If such a person is made an officer in the church, it becomes a point of reference.”

Dr. Akinbola Tolulope, a minister of the Redeemed Christian Church of God said “Divorce is not of God. The only condition that could compel divorcee is adultery and anybody that marries someone already joined to another person commits sin. A divorcee should stay unmarried, no other interpretation. Such a person should pray for grace to hold the body while waiting to meet Jesus Christ.

http://www.tribune.com.ng/sun/28062009/church_news.html