For most of my adolescence and young adulthood. I fantasized about being a sport star - a football star, in particular - after seeing a football match, I would always close my eyes and envision myself wearing the green colours of the super eagles playing to the cheers of spectators, people loosing their minds to my defensive abilities, strengths and tactfulness. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued through my secondary school, even after i stopped playing for three years due to a knee injury i had. But even then, it was never a question of if i would ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when. I was bidding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then i needed to find time. Then ....and then nothing.

Despite fantasizing about this over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why: I didn't actually want it

I was in love with the result, - the image of me on the stage, people cheering but I wasn't in love with all process . And because of that I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn't even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.

The daily pains of finding a club, the right training facilities, the rage of my parents and the battered boots, the transport fares to and fro from my training pitch, the injuries, the times i sat on the bench when i thought i should out there playing. It's a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn't like to climb much. I just like to imagine the top.

Our culture would tell me that I've somehow failed myself, that i am a quitter or loser. Self-help would say that i wasn't courageous enough, determined enough or I didn't believe in myself enough. Some would say i chickened out of my dreams and gave in to my conditional social conditioning.

But the truth is far less interesting than that, I thought i wanted something, but it turns out I didn't. END OF STORY.

I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only in the victory. And life doesn't work that way.

Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of "GYM" the are the ones who stay in shape. People who enjoy long work weeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stress and uncertainty of a starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it .

This is not a call for willpower or "grit". This is not another admonishment of "no pain, no gain"

This is the most simple and basic component of life: Our struggles determine our successes.

I have chosen what i want to struggle and suffer for. And this time around, I am giving it my best shot. I have made that decision and taking a massive action. So choose your struggle wisely my Friend.
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