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Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. - Family - Nairaland

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Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by OEmiohe: 4:24pm On Feb 05, 2016
My Elder Sister has been engaged to this man for about 5 years now and then people have been complaining about their long term relationship. Even my mum at some point embrassrased the him when he comes looking for my sister, he promised her marriage but has not done anything about it since then.

when I asked my sister she said he is saving and planning towards their marriage but this same man has been living with his friend in a room since I knew him even though he has been working since I knew.
At some point becos of age (32) was no longer at my elder sisters side , my mum decided to give them one of her flats to leave in her 2 storey building house. my elder sister and my mum ultimately financed the wedding preparation even to the point of buying his own cloths for his own wedding and while her fiance's brother supported him with 250k for the wedding since he just lost his job last December.

Now what baffles me is that my sister appears to be the man while he is the woman in their relationship since I knew then, although I have always adviced my sister to be submissive to him and stop shouting and controlling her fiance. I noticed so many faults in him like not standing up to my sister to prove to her his the man in their relationship which is clear to everyone.

Now just three days to their traditional marriage I was discussing with him and he was bad mouthing my elder sister to me and he later told me "not to tell my elder sister ooo". I pretended to take what he was saying as a joke but deep in my heart, I feel my elder sister is about to marry a man she barely even knows.

pls whats your I opinion about this?

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by kingofchess(m): 4:25pm On Feb 05, 2016
after all this years of relationship and u said ur sister is about to marry sum1 she don't know. just leave them alone.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by HerexG(m): 4:27pm On Feb 05, 2016
Try mind ur business bro

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 4:36pm On Feb 05, 2016
Leave them in peace and concentrate on ur



my grandfather once told me that minding ur own business without intervening or pokenose in people's affair will prolong ur days on earth

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by cococandy(f): 4:54pm On Feb 05, 2016
The guy is not ready to marry her.
Why are your sister and mom railroading him into marriage?

Anyway, whatever works for them. There's nothing bad if your sister is the bread winner and he's the domestic partner as long as it works for them and they love each other.

But the question is do they love each other?
Is your sis not marrying him because she feels age is no longer on her side? And would this man (if he had millions to throw around) still pick your sister above every other woman he knows?

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 5:10pm On Feb 05, 2016
My solution is for you to get married. You've too much time on your hands.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Goldenboy007(m): 5:33pm On Feb 05, 2016
It seems you are confused , you said you don't like him cos he doesn't stand up to your sister when she shouts him down, now the first time he says his mind about your sister you are complaining he is bad mouthing your sister. Don't you think it's high time you minded your business and face your own life? Aproko !

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by freecocoa(f): 5:44pm On Feb 05, 2016
Na wa o, sounds like your sister go dey beat the man sha.undecided


On a more serious note though, your sister seems to be forcing the dude into marriage and often than not, it doesn't end well, I guess you can try talking to your sister, she needs to be sure and not just getting married because she's growing older.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Miami11: 5:59pm On Feb 05, 2016
Why would you sister sponsor her own marriage, wedding, provide for this man, then he has to live in your family estate,

Did you say he has a job,

I smell a con man from far, what does he do with his money lol

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by PresVA: 6:06pm On Feb 05, 2016
OEmiohe:

Now what baffles me is that my sister appears to be the man
It appears? Nna, your sister is the man.. she's financing her own wedding. . It's her family providing the housing. . She's the one planning the whole wedding herself. .. She's just desperate to have the wedding. . Hope she's willing to continue like this after marriage?

It's obvious the man isn't interested in the marriage to the extent of not caring to buy his wedding clothes. .. Ur sis and mum are just pushing him..

Also, how do they deal with financial expenses after marriage. .you said the man lost his job? Or they expect your mum and the husband's bro to continue taking care of them?

When he was talking ill of your sis, what did you tell him?

Anyway, nothing we say here can stop the wedding. .So I really wish them the best...

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by byvan03: 6:34pm On Feb 05, 2016
Your mum and sister practically forced him into this marriage. whatever is the outcome, take it as it comes.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 6:44pm On Feb 05, 2016
byvan03:
Your mum and sister practically forced him into this marriage. whatever is the outcome, take it as it comes.

Did they hold a gun to his head?

5 Likes

Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by byvan03: 6:47pm On Feb 05, 2016
Mindfulness:


Did they hold a gun to his head?


Well, they will soon reap the rewards of by fire by force marriage.

7 Likes

Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 6:50pm On Feb 05, 2016
OEmiohe:
My Elder Sister has been engaged to this man for about 5 years now and then people has been complaining about their long term relationship. Even my mum at some point embrassrased the him when he comes looking for my sister, he promised her marriage but has not done anything about it since then.
when I asked my sister she said he is saving and planning towards their marriage but this same man has been living with his friend in a room since I knew him even though he has been working since I knew.
At some point becos of age (32) was no longer at my elder sisters side , my mum decided to give them one of her flats to leave in her 2 storey building house. my elder sister and my mum ultimately financed the wedding preparation even to the point of buying his own cloths for his own wedding and while her fiance's brother supported him with 250k for the wedding since he just lost his job last December.
Now what baffles me is that my sister appears to be the man while he is the woman in their relationship since I knew then, although I have always adviced my sister to be submissive to him and stop shouting and controlling her fiance. I noticed so many faults in him like not standing up to my sister to prove to her his the man in their relationship which is clear to everyone.
Now just three days to their traditional marriage I was discussing with him and he was bad mouthing my elder sister to me and he later told me "not to tell my elder sister ooo". I pretended to take wat he was saying as a joke but deep in my heart I feel my elder sister is about to marry a man she barely even knows.

pls wits your I opinion abt this

Well, your sister has been together with this man for five years. What is wrong with her if he is as bad as you describe him?

2 Likes

Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 6:53pm On Feb 05, 2016
byvan03:

Well, they will soon reap the rewards of by fire by force marriage.

You are right on this one.

I just wonder why she has spent five years of her life with him if he is the way the OP describes him.
And I wonder why the mother is so eager to get her daughter married to someone who is so useless.

The OP is bias. She is unable to see the full picture. My guess.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by byvan03: 6:59pm On Feb 05, 2016
Mindfulness:


You are right on this one.

I just wonder why she has spent five years of her life with him if he is the way the OP describes him.
And I wonder why the mother is so eager to get her daughter married to someone who is so useless.

The OP is bias. She is unable to see the full picture. My guess.



Most women will settle for anyone when they are past their 30th birthday, a 32 years old unmarried lady is no spring chicken. The reason I feel that ladies that intend to get married should do so when they still have the choice of being selective. I also don't understand the eternal dating thing, some people have no sense of time .

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Fanirandele: 7:03pm On Feb 05, 2016
Don't mind those saying mind your business, all the signs are there that she's about to make a big mistake. When the problems start in the marriage you can be sure it will become a problem for your whole family. Your Mum and you will be the ones to deal with the fallout at the end of the day. in Most marriages that end up in divorce those close could already see the signs but no one talks till it's too late. This is the type of marriage where they will grow resentful of each other and domestic abus may even start.

Tell your sister what you've noticed and then it's up her if she decides to still go ahead , at least your conscience will be clear. Plus even if she goes ahead at least now she'll be more aware of certain issues and she can have a talk with him and they can try and fix those things. If God forbids I was about to make what could be the biggest mistake in my life I would appreciate my siblings telling me the truth.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 7:11pm On Feb 05, 2016
byvan03:


Most women will settle for anyone when they are past their 30th birthday, a 32 years old unmarried lady is no spring chicken.

In Nigeria.

The reason I feel that ladies that intend to get married should do so when they still have the choice of being selective.

I am married with kids and I can still be selective if I choose to. My value does not depend on a number.

I also don't understand the eternal dating thing, some people have no sense of time .

I have been dating for many years before I got married. I wasn't particularly eager to do so but did it for pragmatic reasons in the first place.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by blessedtwins: 7:18pm On Feb 05, 2016
Fanirandele:
Don't mind those saying mind your business, all the signs are there that she's about to make a big mistake. When the problems start in the marriage you can be sure it will become a problem for your whole family. Your Mum and you will be the ones to deal with the fallout at the end of the day. in Most marriages that end up in divorce those close could already see the signs but no one talks till it's too late. This is the type of marriage where they will grow resentful of each other and domestic abus may even start.

Tell your sister what you've noticed and then it's up her if she decides to still go ahead , at least your conscience will be clear. Plus even if she goes ahead at least now she'll be more aware of certain issues and she can have a talk with him and they can try and fix those things. If God forbids I was about to make what could be the biggest mistake in my life I would appreciate my siblings telling me the truth.

Op.this is d summary of the whole matter

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by byvan03: 7:37pm On Feb 05, 2016
Mindfulness:


In Nigeria.



I am married with kids and I can still be selective if I choose to. My value does not depend on a number.



I have been dating for many years before I got married. I wasn't particularly eager to do so but did it for pragmatic reasons in the first place.




I speak solely for the Nigerian contest, pretending to be selective at 32 here is self deceit. Maybe in other parts of the world, one might be selective even at 100. You only select when you have options to choose from at that age, 32 has entered fasting and prayer matter#in Nigerian reality #. One might pretend to be selective even when there is nothing to select from.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 7:44pm On Feb 05, 2016
byvan03:



I speak solely for the Nigerian contest, pretending to be selective at 32 here is self deceit. Maybe in other parts of the world, one might be selective even at 100. You only select when you have options to choose from at that age, 32 has entered fasting and prayer matter#in Nigerian reality #. One might pretend to be selective even when there is nothing to select from.

If women in other parts of the world can have more confidence, Nigerian ladies can have it too.
It is time to change the mindset too many Nigerian ladies have. It is unhealthy to think of oneself as someone whose worthiness depends on age.

And I will tell you one more thing, I can be even selective in the Nigerian context. In fact, easily. And trust me, there was a phase in my 20s when I was thinking that my desirability will diminish in my 30s. The opposite is the case. (Not braggin.)

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by johnson232: 7:53pm On Feb 05, 2016
HerexG:
Try mind ur business bro
u think the op is bro?

i think the op is she...
Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by byvan03: 8:07pm On Feb 05, 2016
Mindfulness:


If women in other parts of the world can have more confidence, Nigerian ladies can have it too.
It is time to change the mindset too many Nigerian ladies have. It is unhealthy to think of oneself as someone whose worthiness depends on age.

And I will tell you one more thing, I can be even selective in the Nigerian context. In fact, easily. And trust me, there was a phase in my 20s when I was thinking that my desirability will diminish in my 30s. The opposite is the case. (Not braggin.)


It isn't about confidence level, any woman can be desirable as long as the man isn't required to commit to her . I believe in reality check, the older a woman gets , the older the suitors that might be interested in committing. Sometimes the quality of men coming is defected due to her age, it happens. I still feel that a woman that wants to be selective should do so when time is hers to play with so she doesn't end up paying her own bride price.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 8:16pm On Feb 05, 2016
Does any sane lady start a relationship at 27 and allow it linger aimlessly for five years? Ridiculous, I would say. Embrace reality, there is little you can do about it. Your mum wants her out desperately in view of her age, your sister too seems to be blindly stuck with the dude for reasons she alone knows. Imperfection resides in every being but in some it resides colossally.

Let us reason together. If you separate both of them right now, what options do you have for her in cognizance of her age and thinning chances? Dude, some moves might be very right, however if such moves offer no alternative where one is necessary, then I would rather you managed what you have.

There is one fact you must appreciate... All spouses (including love partners), at some points in the relationship, will secretly bad-mouth their partner to a friend or relative. Why this looks strange to you is simply because the not-so-smart guy spoke into wrong ears. Fret not, worry less. It is well!

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by johnson232: 8:16pm On Feb 05, 2016
Mindfulness:


If women in other parts of the world can have more confidence, Nigerian ladies can have it too.
It is time to change the mindset too many Nigerian ladies have. It is unhealthy to think of oneself as someone whose worthiness depends on age.

And I will tell you one more thing, I can be even selective in the Nigerian context. In fact, easily. And trust me, there was a phase in my 20s when I was thinking that my desirability will diminish in my 30s. The opposite is the case. (Not braggin.)
it has nothing to do with confidence or mindset, it is more of nature from a realistic perspective.

the older a woman gets will certainly contribute to the kind of suitors that comes her way...

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 8:19pm On Feb 05, 2016
byvan03:



It isn't about confidence level, any woman can be desirable as long as the man isn't required to commit to her . I believe in reality check, the older a woman gets , the older the suitors that might be interested in committing. Sometimes the quality of men coming is defected due to her age, it happens. I still feel that a woman that wants to be selective should do so when time is hers to play with so she doesn't end up paying her own bride price.

There are millions of desirable 30 + and 40+ women out there. Many of them are more desirable than some girls in their 20s.

Beyonce is 30+ and she can have plenty of well-to-do men who even look much better than JayZ. grin
Genevieve Nnaji can select a different one every day. I am sure she could even found a harem. grin
Michelle Obama could get married to some other cool dude next year. cool
Oprah Winfrey has a good man by her side without being married to him.
Even KanwuliaExtra is enjoying herself even though she is slightly older than 20. cheesy Keep enjoying yourself! kiss


Women are much more powerful than they give themselves credit for. cool

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 8:22pm On Feb 05, 2016
johnson232:

it has nothing to do with confidence or mindset, it is more of nature from a realistic perspective.

the older a woman gets will certainly contribute to the kind of suitors that comes her way...

Bla bla bla .... Same old talk!

You are not talking to a little inexperienced girl here. I am a woman in my 30s and whatever was said to me about how my life would be when I turn 30+ was CRAP. And what they told me was what you are trying to sell here. wink

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by byvan03: 8:28pm On Feb 05, 2016
Mindfulness:


There are millions of desirable 30 + and 40+ women out there. Many of them are more desirable than some girls in their 20s.

Beyonce is 30+ and she can have plenty of well-to-do men who even look much better than JayZ. grin
Genevieve Nnaji can select a different one every day. I am sure she could even found a harem. grin
Michelle Obama could get married to some other cool dude next year. cool
Oprah Winfrey has a good man by her side without being married to him.
Even KanwuliaExtra is enjoying herself even though she is slightly older than 20. cheesy Keep enjoying yourself! kiss


Women are much more powerful than they give themselves credit for. cool



Genevieve said she desires to be married, if she has found a harem, what then is she waiting for to make a choice? Age is an undeniable factor in Nigeria and most of your examples doesn't apply here. Kanwulia whom you mentioned is married, so yes one can enjoy life till death. My point remains that one should settle when she still has the luxury of time to be selective . Desirability isn't the issue here, we are talking commitment.


My Ma is still desirable at 48, it doesn't mean a 35 years old Nigerian man will be interested in marrying her if she was single ,does it? So desirability it's a different kettle of fish from our discuss.

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by byvan03: 8:29pm On Feb 05, 2016
johnson232:

i

the older a woman gets will certainly contribute to the kind of suitors that comes her way...



Thank you! This is just my point

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Miami11: 8:32pm On Feb 05, 2016
byvan03:




Thank you! This is just my point
My sister married at 35 and she still attracted plenty of suitors,
Age is just a number

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by Nobody: 8:32pm On Feb 05, 2016
byvan03:




Genevieve said she desires to be married, if she has found a harem, what then is she waiting for to make a choice? Age is an undeniable factor in Nigeria and most of your examples doesn't apply here. Kanwulia whom you mentioned is married, so yes one can enjoy life till death. My point remains that one should settle when she still has the luxury of time to be selective . Desirability isn't the issue here, we are talking commitment.


My Ma is still desirable at 48, it doesn't mean a 35 years old Nigerian man will be interested in marrying her if she was single ,does it? So desirability it's a different kettle of fish from our discuss.


Didn't you say that forcing marriage will not end up well? So why are you saying now that one should get married young?

And one more time, I still have the luxury to be selective, in my 30s. How old are you to think that 30+ is old? grin

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Re: Help My Elder Sister Is About To Marry A Man That Bad Mouths Her In Her Absence. by byvan03: 8:32pm On Feb 05, 2016
Michelle Obama? You think she is still attractive cheesy? Well maybe for men her age and older, certainly won't get a marriage proposal from a young Nigerian man grin.

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