Your ex-boyfriend might not be the leader of the most populous black nation in the solar system, neither has he ever had to select ministers, or go to war with the dollar, but these limitations still do not mean he’s that different from Muhammadu Buhari.

How is this even possible? you may ask. Sit back and let us count the ways.

1. Bae was unrepentant.
Bae is a good person and all, and good people make mistakes too. But this guy? Fucking unrepentant. Even the times he had to blame you for his own mistakes. And whenever you caught him in a tight corner, he’d be like, “you can’t judge me based on my past.”



Well done, Mr past tense.

2. He wasn’t loyal.
Your boyfriend was supposed to have your back every time, every single time, at least in public to save face. So those few times you slipped up in public and he was supposed to cover your yansh, Oga didn’t even send you. Ask Buhari’s day one nigga, Jafaru Isa. How much did he even collect that Buhari couldn’t cover his yansh? Ordinary 150 million naira.



As if Jonathan that was granting presidential pardon to convicted looters has two heads.

3. He doesn’t return your calls.
Sigh. How much is airtime again that your baby angel was forming busy not to call back? Saying things like “its not important I reply every call na.” Calm down.




Your ex is certainly not the first to have a communication problem. Where were you when Buhari was silent regarding attacks in the Northeast and the genocide on minorities in the North? Does your ex boyfriend have two heads that he’ll be returning all your calls? Abeg shift.

Warped juxtaposition