I am a 34 year man and me and my wife has been seperated for the past 1 year.
Dont really want to go into the reason and everything, but lets just say its a situation that cants be remedied .But we have a son that is 1 year 5 month and 17 days.
When we seperated she took the child with her to her parents place and they have been there for the past 1 year and all efforts to settle the rift has been abortive. And right now I no longer love her anymore .
My problem is this. The child is with her and i was told to stop coming to the parents house to see the boy.
Before them she communicates with me grudingly about My son's needs and we are not on talking terms at all. I would have prefered that despite the fact that we hate each other guts we should act like decent human beings.

For a period of 3-4 weeks I did not send supplies partially because she did not communicate with me regarding his exact needs ,also I was so broke during that period and I was protesting the unreasonble demands made.
When eventually after 3 weeks I went there to see my son. I sent some things to him but my ex-wifes parents and she herself refused those things and sent for me.
On getting there I was told that I should stop bringing things for the boy and that henceforth I am banned from coming to the house again.It was a big scene and I exchanged words with parents for the first time in 12 months.

My problem now is the next step to take.
Most people advise that I leave the child with them and face my life and rebuild my failed buiness and carreer(hidden and real reason why the my ex-bitch left me)
But its not easy for my me cause I love my son to pieces and cant bear not being part of his childhood.
My ex-wife is asuch a nasty bitch that she will probably take the child away soon and disappear.

The second option is to go be a man's man and go and take my son from them.
Technically we are yet to divource and that means I still have the right to go and take my son. If I go to court , the court might grant her custody and I will lose out. But now that noone has gone to court yet.My lawyer says that I can exercise my natural right as the father and take him away using reasonable and mininal force.
Note that I dont love her any more and she does not love me.
But She and her stupid family is using the boy as a bait.
Majority ask me to leave her and the child and face my life.
But my heart is heavy and also they will tell the boy stupid stpries when he grows up.Remember that history is written by winners.

I particularly believe that with the situation on the ground, the best option is to let the boy go and face your life and business. However, dont hate your boy, and dont neglect him, shower him love by sending gift and money as soon as you can stand on your feet again. The truth is, no child can ever forget his dad so long as you love him, it is when you neglect a child or prove to be irresponsible that they dont also love a parent. The fact that the mum has the custody of the child, or that the parents of your ex-wife said you are banned from their house does not mean you cant still reach out or shower love on your child.
Having said this, the best thing out of this situation is to put your feet on the ground financially, if you do tomorrow, I bet your ex-wife will want to associate herself with your progress. It is from such scenarios that you will hear people telling her that, she is the mother of your child. (Eni bimo fun ni kuro lale eni).
Goodluck my pal.

just leave dem. the pikin go still ask for you.
by the way, where your wife from come? becos 9ja people no dey usually do like that. well, at least the ones wey I sabi

I think i feel ur pain a lil. Well, first things first, Pray real hard.

Then, try to get back on ur feet financially.

After which you would ask to take the boy out for outings once in a while. Make sure you spoil him with gifts and make him really happy within the little time that you are together.
I tell you, he would love you no matter what he has been told.

All the best.

This is a one-sided report and who knows what your wife would have to say but in general, wrong or right,  I understand your love for your son, its only natural for you to want to play your role as a father. Now please realise that you cant raise him by yourself without help. Single fatherhood is more difficult to play than any other so think - if he was with you how will you take care of him? Or is there another woman in the offing? Or are you thinking of passing the task to your parents?

When the heat is on in situations like this people say many things they regret later so worry not about your wife/in-laws utterances but I think theyre blessing you indirectly right now by keeping him cos you need all the time and effort you can muster to put your business and finances aright. Its a shame you have to be in this situation at all but bros, its a void youll have to live with for a while but not for too long.

Burdening yourself too much emotionally isnt good for you/your financial stability cos if youre too busy making efforts to secure custody and youre still broke, you could be giving them good grounds to defeat you in any event. They can ban you from visiting their house but they cant ban you from seeing your son. Show your good intention with persistence by visiting regularly despite their ban afterall they cant arrest you for trying to be a father (if you distance yourself too much you would be giving them a chance to tell the boy negative things about you as he grows). But please dont do anything stupid by applying 'reasonable force' (my opinion) cos theyre not going to sit back and watch you take him, theyre gonna fight back and the whole situation 'll escalate beyond this manageable stage which it is now.

Dont worry, youll still be a part of his childhood, maybe just not as much as youd want. And even though theres no love bw you two any longer, remember she (and her family?) loves him as much as you.

I dont agree with the people who say you should leave em and face your life.The boy is part of your life and if you dont stand up for you right now then the boy will grow up hating you cos you have a bad relationship with the mother now and God knows what she will tell him when he starts asking for you.She's gonna put so much hate inside of him .Best thing is to fight for custody now and you guys should come to an agreement giving you both access to the boy;that way the boy will know you are there and then nothing his mother tells him will apply.She's just trying to use the boy to punish you for whatever is it you have done.

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@ chaircover its one year and according to the guy the problem is escalating.I advise that you call the lawyers or older family members from both side let them solve this problem now.Sharing custody is the best idea.I beleive both parents are just using the child as a bait to anger one another.

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you should face reality and enforce that you see your kid on regular basis.

First you have to remember that the money/supplies you are giving is for YOUR CHILD NEEDS, so whatever hate you have for the mother shouldnt come in the picture. YOU HAVE TO PAY! if you fall on hard times then you may stop until you get better with your life but always remember who benefit the most from the money/supplies you give.

Second, there are many ways you can make sure that the money is only given IF you have access and visitation rights as the father. give the money to a lawyer who will in turn relay it to her ONLY IF you see your child and get your visitation right uphold.
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Third [/b]you have to resolve whatever issue you have with the mother of the kid and work amicably (as hard as it may be) FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILD. you have obviously moved on with your life and so has she but you will be involved with each other until that kid turns 18(at least) so bury the hatchet and start finding a common ground. hire a lawyer if necessary that will help with the family mediation to make sure that everything is on paper so nobody can change their mind after a few yrs.

Don't give up your child. You can share custody. You can have him on weekends. I am wondering though, is it the law in Nigeria that you can just go and take a child from a lawful parent because you are a man.

How can it be the law, sometimes illegal acts works, like her refusing to allow the man see his son.

Did you miss the part where he said his lawyer advised him that he can use his natural right as a father (whatever that means) and take the child

i dont think there is any law in 9ja that can stop this man from getting his kid if he wanted to but, like he said in the first post, there were times when he was broke so obviously he is not 100% fit to cater for the baby right now and therefore leaving the kid with his mother is for the best interest of the child BUT visitations/weekends should be allowed.