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Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update - Family - Nairaland

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How Can I Continue To Love My Wife / She Has Invested So Much In Me. Now She Want Marriage And I Dont Love Her Anymore. / Please Help I Dont Love My Wife (2) (3) (4)

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Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by richard10: 7:06pm On Jul 28, 2009
please my fellow nairalanders i am back again,u guys really helped out the last time,i am sorry to report here that my marriage has broken up cryhonestly i tried everything as you all advised me to but painfully alas three days ago my wife called me up and told me she wanted out of the marriage in the presence of my parents and her parents,as i write this we now live aparti have decided to leave my apartment for her though she wanted otherwise,as for the kid we have concluded plans on how i would be providing funds for his upkeeping.
so the the thing i had always dreaded when i was a child has finally happened,i am now a divorcee with a child,i have tried begging her to reconsider but her mind is now made up,cant blame her though,we had been in a loveless marriage but i will still wait for her,she said she wants to keep the baby though my parents and i kicked against it but then i have decided to respect her wish
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Fhemmmy: 7:16pm On Jul 28, 2009
I am so sorry to read this.
I thought you said on the other update that things were getting better/
i guess, she has finally had enuf.
So sorry, if you can beg her, pls do, cos u offended her, however, if she has made up her mind, there is little or nothing you could to make her change her mind, and as per taking care of her and the kid, it is more than important to make sure they never suffer.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by rubi(f): 7:18pm On Jul 28, 2009
She has met a man who loves her. Men like and respect confident women you don't know the value of what you have until you loose it.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by richard10: 7:24pm On Jul 28, 2009
it is all over,idont know what lessons to draw from all these but i wish her in the best in her future marriage as for me i guess it is time to move on with my life
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Nobody: 7:30pm On Jul 28, 2009
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Busybody2(f): 7:54pm On Jul 28, 2009
richard10:

please my fellow nairalanders i am back again,u guys really helped out the last time,i am sorry to report here that my marriage has broken up cryhonestly i tried everything as you all advised me to but painfully alas three days ago my wife called me up and told me she wanted out of the marriage in the presence of my parents and her parents,as i write this we now live aparti have decided to leave my apartment for her though she wanted otherwise,as for the kid we have concluded plans on how i would be providing funds for his upkeeping.
so the the thing i had always dreaded when i was a child has finally happened,i am now a divorcee with a child,i have tried begging her to reconsider but her mind is now made up,cant blame her though,we had been in a loveless marriage but i will still wait for her,she said she wants to keep the baby though my parents and i kicked against  it but then i have decided to respect her wish



Yes, I was one of those who did not support you forcing yourself to love her, so pardon my cynicism and pardon me for changing track, but what if this latest move of hers is a trap for you to prove the depth of your love for her? A ruse to see how much you love her now and want to be with her?


How long have you tried begging her for, for you to now decide to throw in the towel?


Why did you jump into concluding on how you were gonna look after the baby, rather than put your foot down firmly, that you wanted her by your side to raise the baby together, and tell her that was non-negotiable?


Can you try and corner this girl somewhere and ram it into her brain that she was wrong for pushing her pregnancy on you, but now you have realised she is a good person and is someone you can and want to spend the rest of your life with, lash out at each other if yo have to, but don't give up easily dude at all.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by prittigrrr(f): 8:38pm On Jul 28, 2009
Have you ever told your wife that you cared enough to try to seek out advice here on Nairaland? Let her read your heart and I still say keep trying. Stop by daily and keep showing her love. Keep fasting and praying. The heart of the king is in the Lord's hands and he can turn it whatsoever way he will.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Nobody: 9:23pm On Jul 28, 2009
separation is different from divorce.

Unless one of you has served the other with a divorce notice, I still dont condone your attitude.

Is your wife a nairalander, and I hope you arent leading people on?

Divorce isnt something to be proud of to the extent you're announcing it everywhere. Especially since we're not talking of physical abuse. Or are we?
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Nobody: 9:26pm On Jul 28, 2009
i think secretly you're relieved this is over. That poor woman must have lived with so much pain and sorrow she couldnt take it anymore. Now you're trying to say its all her fault?

Funny guy.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Busybody2(f): 10:35pm On Jul 28, 2009
davidylan:

i think secretly you're relieved this is over. That poor woman must have lived with so much pain and sorrow she couldnt take it anymore. Now you're trying to say its all her fault?

Funny guy.


Lets be real here, whose fault was this if not hers undecided Why are people blaming the guy as if the girl was 10 years old undecided If I use pregnancy to trap you and get the Pastor of our Church to force you to marry me, despite the fact that I knew from the onset that you and I were just having a fling, would you be pleased with me undecided


Methinks this dude needs to be commended and given a pat on the back for coming here to plead for help to make his marriage work cheesy rather than start having concubines and turn into a monster like 95% of Naija men would have lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Nobody: 7:26am On Jul 29, 2009
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by sexyLeamon(f): 12:17pm On Jul 29, 2009
well both of u are free now to find love
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Fhemmmy: 3:04pm On Jul 29, 2009
Busy_body:


Lets be real here, whose fault was this if not hers undecided Why are people blaming the guy as if the girl was 10 years old undecided If I use pregnancy to trap you and get the Pastor of our Church to force you to marry me, despite the fact that I knew from the onset that you and I were just having a fling, would you be pleased with me undecided


Methinks this dude needs to be commended and given a pat on the back for coming here to plead for help to make his marriage work cheesy rather than start having concubines and turn into a monster like 95% of Naija men would have lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed

Has the guy ever mentioned anywhere in his post that they were just having a fling?
Even if they were just having a fling, cant the dude protect himself too, or lemme guess, the babe puts a gun to his head and tell him to take off the condom?
When the pregnancy happened, the guy could be a man and stand on his decision not to marry now.
So dont let us make the guy look like an hero, cos he surely has his own part of the blame and shdn't be off the hook that easy.

The lady has her own fault as well, and now i am sure they have both learnt something and can be a better partner in the future to either themselves or in their next relationship.
I still hope they can make it work.
Still hope this guy can start by dating the woman all over again and make her feel special and i am sure the woman will turn around and be a wife that she was, but the guy has to promise to be a husband and not just another "live-in dick"
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Confilass: 3:20pm On Jul 29, 2009
Hi Richard, am not trying to condemn u. Most time people don't realise what they've until d loose it, it's a common practice or principle.

U may be surprise dat God will bless her with a lovely and wonderful man that cherish her even with ur child. What I've noticed is that most men dat turns their 1st girl off with child do end up in wrong marriages.

It's still early for u to reconcile with her. All what u need is to make up for the wound u've given her and betraying her love for u.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by GEW: 3:29pm On Jul 29, 2009
eya, sorry to hear this at least you tried
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Nobody: 3:59pm On Jul 29, 2009
people who divorce for frivolous reasons, often still dont have good relationships afterwards, with other people.

what I've observed.

and they make others who actually do need divorce, look frivolous.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Divab(f): 4:29pm On Jul 29, 2009
Chaircover, I totally agree with you, That woman was willingly to go thru hell in life to make her marriage work, but she has realised that with life you cant win it all, She's gone for good, Richard, stop playing the bruised & wounded victim, Dont make her the guilty one here,

Remember both of you are 2 consenting adults that made love and produced that baby, Most of us here dont believe the crap of your parents forced you into marriage"" Parents gives their opinion, comments and advice but the Final Decision was made by you. If you have bluntly said no to the marriage and stick to it with appropriate actions, this "funny pity me" story would not be told today. As one make his bed, so must he lay on it,

Now that she's gone from your life, since you hve traded d known devil to yet to be seen angel, We wish you Good luck, Just be careful and separate the angels from the bitches, around, Women hve grown wiser, What your ex-wife tolerated, young babes will not not take it, shine your eye oh,

This second time chance will not be like first time,
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by kokoA(m): 4:45pm On Jul 29, 2009
Hey! so it has finally happened, I saw it coming and I knew it will end up like this. You were not giving "it" to her and you expected her to stay? Well, the did is done already, no need to cry over spilled milk, she is gone just move on with your life and get someone to be geving "it" too easy for ok? If not e no go easy for you o. Make sure your kids are well cared for. Sorry bro, shits do hapen!
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by oyinda3(f): 6:01pm On Jul 29, 2009
did u marry her for papers? i'm very confused reading from your previous posts.

and i thought you said u started doing things right. i guess u really did not love her then.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Nobody: 6:08pm On Jul 29, 2009
Busy_body:


Lets be real here, whose fault was this if not hers undecided Why are people blaming the guy as if the girl was 10 years old undecided If I use pregnancy to trap you and get the Pastor of our Church to force you to marry me, despite the fact that I knew from the onset that you and I were just having a fling, would you be pleased with me undecided


Methinks this dude needs to be commended and given a pat on the back for coming here to plead for help to make his marriage work cheesy rather than start having concubines and turn into a monster like 95% of Naija men would have lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed

wait, so the woman has to come here to report the marriage before we understand the pains she went through in the hands of a heartless and wicked husband?

Did Mr. Richie tell her it was just a fling?
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by dominique(f): 6:14pm On Jul 29, 2009
Awww, i hate sad endings cry i have to give it to the woman for making that decision to quit the marriage.
Most women prefer to stay trapped in a loveless than to endure the humiliation of being looked down on as a divorcee.
As for the child, lets hope he's not too affected by the turn of events, i've seen some children of divorce that diddnt turn out well sad
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by ThiefOfHearts(f): 6:16pm On Jul 29, 2009
Isnt this from your previous thread about this

Ever since we have been married i have been a good husband to her but our marriage has been a show ,cos at home we sleep in different rooms,for about 6 mths now i have not made love with her cos i cant just dont have any desire for her anymore.i thought with time i would come to love her but the reverse has been the case,in fairness to her she has been a good wife to me but i cant do romantic things with her cos i dont love her at all and i sometimes i see her crying bitterly 4 me to love her and tried as much as i can i still dont feel anything for her i only feel a sense of responsiblty 4 her so i dont joke with her wellfare,many couples outside look up to us,some even come to us for advise (if only they knew)i am dying inside slowly,i am trapped in a loveless marriage,

Why would you beg her to come back to this miserable marriage as highlighted above? You're the one that called it a "loveless marriage" yet didnt have the guts to leave her instead of making her cry nightly, now she ended up being the one with the strength to do so and yet you are whining

abeg comot from my face.

I pray she finds someone who will actually make her smile and not cry at night.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by dominique(f): 6:28pm On Jul 29, 2009
@Richard
From that quote, you say you're trapped
are you that is being shunned and ignored
What could she have done that would make you totally ignore her like that
What did you do to improve the situation

Seems to me like she was the trapped one not you. . . pls beg to differ.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Fhemmmy: 6:51pm On Jul 29, 2009
ThiefOfHearts:

Isnt this from your previous thread about this

Why would you beg her to come back to this miserable marriage as highlighted above? You're the one that called it a "loveless marriage" yet didnt have the guts to leave her instead of making her cry nightly, now she ended up being the one with the strength to do so and yet you are whining

abeg comot from my face.

I pray she finds someone who will actually make her smile and not cry at night.

haba.
The guy has realized what he did wrong and he is sorry.
So make we pray they reconcile jare
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by ThiefOfHearts(f): 6:57pm On Jul 29, 2009
No.

reconcile for what? Gos isnt evil. He can send her a better person. Not someone who had to post a thread on the internet before he realized that a crying wife isnt a happy marriage.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by spikedcylinder: 7:08pm On Jul 29, 2009
Poor kid, entangled in the middle of all this.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Fhemmmy: 8:03pm On Jul 29, 2009
ThiefOfHearts:

No.

reconcile for what? Gos isnt evil. He can send her a better person. Not someone who had to post a thread on the internet before he realized that a crying wife isnt a happy marriage.

i understand where you coming from, however, it can take anything to open the eyes of a wrong person, which he has admitted.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Busybody2(f): 1:50am On Jul 30, 2009
@ Chaircover and Fhemmy and Dafidi


Go and read his posts again, a mere 29 posts cannot be that hard to read and comprehend undecided that is if he has not deleted it, he had another girl he was seriously in love with and wanted to marry, the girl knew the score, and forced herself and her pregnancy on him, so pardon me if i don't feel any ounce of pity for her, she wasn't 8 years old and was not raped undecided If anything she should go and work on herself-esteem issues which she is clearly lacking in undecided


And that was why I later posted in that thread that all you Nigerians are now saying it is okay to use pregnancy to trap a man these days as long as you call on God later to come to your aid . . .
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Nobody: 1:55am On Jul 30, 2009
he had another girl he was seriously in love with and wanted to marry, the girl knew the score, and forced herself and her pregnancy on him

I seriously doubt that was the case.
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Busybody2(f): 2:01am On Jul 30, 2009
tpia.:

I seriously doubt that was the case.


Hold on, i will be back with more, infact i dey vex small sef say we have treated this case before with the dude in Spain saying he no longer loved his wife cos of Maria, his fiancee of 10/11/12years waiting for him back in the village in Nigeria, i think Dafidi was in that particular thread to sef feeling sorry for longsuffering Maria undecided



Meanwhilly, here's one for you to digest:
richard10:

@michelin89 the question u raised about our relationship b4 we married,yes i was sleeping with her i will not deny that ,but we both knew i wasnt ready for marriage yet cos i was always drumming this into her but then i should have known better . . .
Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Busybody2(f): 2:08am On Jul 30, 2009
richard10:

when i posted this issue of mine i never knew it would get so much responses,you guys are simply great,it shows that people still care,i cant say how greatfull i am to you all,u have all really given me hope ,i am so happy i posted my problem i would never have gotten the advises i got here in a million years for this i say thank u once again.
i have started applying some of the advises i got here,i am beginging to free my mind towards her i even bought a book somehere suggested and man that book is really helping me out,let me outline some of the steps i have taken so far
1 i have decided to pray harder to GOD over the issue
2 i have started encouraging her to further her education and to this extent i have bought her a lot of books and i noticed she is so happy over the idea
3 i bought her a pc and she has started learning it
4 for the first time since we married i forced myself to call her (my darling)she was so shocked it brought tears to my eyes even
5i am begining to introduce her to all my educated friends and
discouraging her association with her less educated friends cos as someone suggested i want to push her out of her comfort zone thereby challenging her to improve herself
[size=16pt]6 I have stop trying to compare her to my friends wives and most especially to the girl i had really wanted to marry[/size]
7 i have decided to let go of all deep resentments i had for her and even for my church,and most of all forgive myself and move on with life.
[size=16pt]8 I have stopped wishing for the wife i never i had and make do and improve the wife i have[/size]
9 for now we still sleep in seperate rooms though but i belive soon that will change
10 And above all though i still dont feel anything much towards her but i am ready to work at it and belive in it till it becomes real,this is my prayer for now.and please to all single men in the house lease dont make the mistake i made of sleeping with a woman skin tio skin like i did if u dont have intention of marrying u never can tell,once again THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL



Re: Re Pls Help I Dont Love My Wife,an Unfortunate Update by Nobody: 2:09am On Jul 30, 2009
Busy body, I'm sure you're too smart to fall for moonshine.

So if them toast you like that, you no go doublecheck the bobo's stories?

that's how people can end up being third wife while thinking they're #1 and only oh. I'm sure you wouldnt get caught like that ever.

Its much later that he knew there was a girl "he really wanted to marry"? Typical player talk. If he'd married the "other" girl, he still wouldnt be happy either.

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