I'm really fighting this hatred thoughts right now and i need maybe advice/counsel on how to overcome it.

I come from a broken family. From the time my memory can recall back, i have always known my home to be at war for the most part of my childhood. If it's not my dad's sisters fighting my mom to the extent of tearing off her clothes, it will be my dad and mom shouting at each other. The cord finally broke when my mom took in for our last born and my dad denied the pregnancy because she had just put to bed and 3months later she was pregnant again. He sent her back to her mother in the village and that was where my mom had our last girl and died 3months after.This happened when i was 8years old and till date, father and daughter have not seen eye to eye as hatred brews in my youngest sister heart towards my dad.

After my mom's death, my dad's finances dived. He traveled out in 2000 abandoning my 2 "legit" siblings and i to the care of his family. The family shared us and used us as maids for other people. Luckily for me, i was quite bright that even for two years that i didn't go to school, when i eventually did, i took 1st position and i was given double promotion and my Wassce fees were paid as well as Jamb. I got the admission first hand. As God would have it, my father started communicating with me and helped paid my fees till graduation.

During my wedding, for the first time in 15years, i saw my dad. I thought he came to give his daughter's hand in marriage, to my bewilderment, he came to marry another wife. Without consulting us his children, my dad took a wife chosen for him by his same sister that battered my mom.

He is planning to take this new wife abroad without any plan for his children atleast my younger ones. I feel so sad right now. Just when i thought i could put the past behind me, my dad hasnt stopped hurting me emotionally.

Please anyone been in my position should advice how i can handle my dad to take care of his responsibilities and communicate things to his children.

Hmmmmmmmh pls try to take care of your younger ones if you are capable. I have not been in your situation before, so don't know what to advice.

Can you please just focus on your own marriage ad that of your siblings?
Leave dad alone for now
You have great responsibilities ahead of you
Make yours work and be the best you can be to your siblings

U were even lucky dat your father saw u thru your university education. Think about dose who were not given d opportunity by their father's. Your dad is old enof to make any decision that suits him without considering u pples opinion. Ur priority shld be ur family and help your little ones d way u can. Ur father may later regret his actions toward u pple & seek for ur forgiveness.

You live your life...
You live your life....
You live....

Dont let ANYONE take away your joy, your peace, your happiness...

You live your life...

@ OP: This is such a sad story. The only advice I can give to you is to try and help your siblings in whatever way you can. Don't let the actions of your father and his family to affect you. You children should stick together and help each other. Also there is nothing like legit siblings. You have three siblings. You have no proof that your mother cheated and even if she did, her last-born is still your flesh and blood.

I understands how you feel. You are probably waiting patiently for the time he will make reparations and acknowledged his wrongdoing to his children which may or may not come.

My advice may sound too mean but you have to erase your father from your mind/ memory, if it helps, see him as a stranger/visitor whom you have no obligations to.
You are lucky he is going to be someone else's burden as he gets older.

You cannot do any mending at this point, neither can you change your Dad. These are not even your responsibilities but his. What you can do is prevent him from causing you heartache by moving on with your own life and doing the best you can to take care of your younger siblings.

@op

Citing all you have said, sentiment aside, I don't see any intentional monumental evil your father has committed so far instead I see you wishing you're in charge of his opinion in particular and conscience in general. At this juncture, the most your father owes you and your siblings (since you're almost all grown up) is direct financial care and indirect emotional support at least until he finds his feet properly with his new wife and then decide whether to facilitate your younger siblings move to join him abroad or not.

Have you made out time to wonder why it took him 15 solid years abroad before his first home coming- you sighting him? Believe you me, your father must have passed through a whole lot of difficulties counting from his separation from your mother to the collapse of his financial resources and down to his sojourn abroad etc. Kindly take it easy on him and try to see reason with him. Understanding does it all especially in a matter like this.

God is the only one who take up responsibilities to the fullness.Trust in him,pray nd focus on your marriage.He will sort out the rest.Good luck

Why do you want to mend it? The only thing that should concern you is your own life and your siblings

Your dad can choose as he wishes

You have only seen him once in 15yrs and you may not see him more than 5 times till he dies

raumdeuter:
Why do you want to mend it? The only thing that should concern you is your own life and your siblings

Your dad can choose as he wishes

You have only seen him once in 15yrs and you may not see him more than 5 times till he dies

Exactly. There is nothing left to mend and the father can do whatever he wants and so it goes.

@bold

This is what you should do. Leave your father alone and take care of yourself FIRST, only then you will also be able to help your siblings.

The best advice I can give you, is to make peace with things that are beyond your control and to focus on what YOU can do.

@op the deed has been done
Your priority should be making you and your siblings the envy of your Dad and his family by making sure you all suceed and become independent in life.

Take away every sentiment. Your dad might not come around. The earlier that settles in your head the better for all of you.

May God make everything easy for you all.

Live your life, and let your father live his.

People can only hurt you when you give them the power to.

The truth is that ur dad does not deserve u and ur siblins since he does not think and he is controlled by his sister.how can a grown man watch his sister batter his wife and still gets to b a puppet by the same bitchy sister. If na ny sis try such i swear she don sign death warrant be dat..as for ur dad cumin to marry its none of ur business let him do wat he feels is right but the fact remains wat u sow u reap.. such man will now b abandoned by d children nd idiots will come out a say d children are ungrateful. Focus on ur siblins brcause u have great future ahead and God's grace will be wit u till the end

Live like you don't have a dad, no hatred, no expectations just pure indifference. Trust me you'll fare better.