Igbo versus Yoruba versus Hausa-Fulani Small League Haters

By Pius Adesanmi.

I was stunned.

I couldn't possibly have heard right.

Setting: a well-attended talk on the South Sudan Crisis we organized at the Institute yesterday evening. Two speakers, one the Secretary-General of Amnesty International Canada, the other an Ottawa based South Sudanese intellectual.

Lively evening, lively audience - the usual mixture of scholars and Africa enthusiasts and practitioners from town. And citizens of South Sudan.

Everybody is taking pictures during the talk.

No incident - until the Speaker from South Sudan objects to his picture being taken by one of his compatriots.

And Africa happens to the event.

"Why are you saying I cannot take pictures like everyone else? Is it because I am Dinka? We know you to be anti-Dinka."

Dinka is one of the ethnic groups in the maze of ethnic hatred and hostilities in South Sudan. Something as mundane as taking pictures during a talk suddenly becomes complicated, a function of Africa's terrible ethnic roforofo.

Now, the speaker never admits that his objection to this individual taking pics at the event is motivated by ethnicity but it is telling that the camera wielder feels that ethnicity is the only allowable basis for the speaker's objection.

Subsequently, everything the speaker says about the crisis in South Sudan - corruption, nepotism, killings, rape - is dismissed by the Camera wielder on the basis of ethnicity. All those things are not true because of the ethnicity of the speaker.

Interestingly, the second speaker, the White Canadian Secretary-General of Amnesty International Canada, also paints the same gory picture of the crisis in South Sudan and the Camera wielder does not object to it. Those statements just cannot come from a fellow South Sudanese of a different ethnicity.

As I left the room yesterday evening, I thought of the hordes of ethnic warlords that Nigeria vomits onto the internet everyday, especially from the three major ethnic groups. I thought of boys scouts ethnic haters thinking themselves major league haters, butterflies thinking themselves birds.

You are a lunatic Igbo ethnic irridentist, you have never objected to your picture being taken by a Yoruba man on the basis of ethnicity and you think you are at the forefront of ethnic hatred in Africa?

You are a mad Yoruba ethnic jingoist, you have never accused an Igbo man of excluding you from photography on the basis of ethnicity and you think you are at the forefront of ethnic hatred in Africa?

You are a Hausa-Fulani superiorist lunatic, you have never turned photography into a basis of hatred of your perceived infidel enemies in the south of Nigeria and you think you are a sophisticated hater?

Nigerian ethnic warlords are small league haters who know nothing about the world of major league ethnic haters in so many parts of Africa.

All these small boys exchanging Igbo-Yoruba-Hausa-Fulani insults daily on social media, thinking Nigeria is the capital of ethnic bitterness and puerility in Africa, need to be exposed to the superiority of the rest of the continent on the field of ethnic violence.

We need to train Nigerian ethnic haters. We need to start sending them for seminars and fellowships in South Sudan and other parts of Africa where they will be exposed to cutting edge pedagogy in ethnic hatred and animosity.

Luckily, we now have enough Chinese Yuan to fund the fellowship.

Now, this is the real shizznit right here, not the child play we engage in here.

Kola buys cosmetics for his girlfriend from Kene who will spend part of his profit at Kadiri's, his favourite Abok1 suya guy!!!

Alhaji Audu Mai dollar doesn't mind that Azu the importer customer of his won't be able to pay him in full at the present time because Akin, a top bank AGM who also doubles as both's account officer has assured him that funds will soon be available in his account!

Hajia Fatima, are you not done with my Aso Ebi ni? Abeg do quick ooo, Chiwendu weds Femi next weekend!!

hmmmm

modath:
Now, this is the real shizznit right here, not the child play we engage in here.

Kola buys cosmetics for his girlfriend from Kene who will spend part of his profit at Kadiri's, his favourite Abok1 suya guy!!!

Alhaji Audu Mai dollar doesn't mind that Azu the importer customer of his won't be able to pay him in full at the present time because Akin, a top bank AGM who also doubles as both's account officer has assured him that funds will soon be available in his account!

Hajia Fatima, are you not done with my Aso Ebi ni? Abeg do quick ooo, Chiwendu weds Femi next weekend!!

and this make me feel like the real Nigerian that I am,biko. walahi, I know so n hope we can allow love sail the ship of our national engagements nitori olohun. God bless Nigeria!