One thing about using the public transport system in Lagos is that
you get to truly experience the diverse citizenry of this state, in
close contact. Between waiting at bus stops and crossing
highways and sitting in traffic cooped up in mass transit buses,
you get to see a lot of people.
Just the other day, I was walking to the bus park and I noticed a
guy walking towards me, lips spread wide in a big smile. “You are
so beautiful!”, he shouted at me as I drew up alongside him. I
didn’t know when I burst out laughing. Not because of the
compliment, but I was just amused by the fact there are all sorts of
boys in this Lagos sha . The good, the bad and the, well, Ugly! I
looked back, waved a thank you and well…. that experience
inspired this article on Lagos Boys.

I am not sure I would be able to cover all of them though, this is
the list I was able to come up with, I will need you in the comment
box to help add other groups.


The Rushers: These guys are constantly in a hurry. Always walking
quickly somewhere and pushing past people or stepping on their
feet. They rarely remember to say sorry! I had an encounter with
one on my way the other day. I had decided to rock my nude
Atmosphere flats for the first time (the best flats I ever owned!)
and this man in his rush to God-Knows-Where stepped on my flats
and because it the outer shell was fabric and of a light color, the
stain his shoes left was quite obvious. When I looked up, he had
hurried away. I could not cry. I wore my shoe like that to the event
I had dressed up to go to. Now when I see those sort, I just make
way for them and wish them happy rushing!


The Thinkers: These ones are always lost in thought, They wear the
most serious faces, never smiling, always looking out of the bus
windows, never concentrating – they are sha always lost in
thought. One experience that would never leave my head was when
I saw one almost get knocked down. He appeared so
absentminded as he crossed the road and barely escaped getting
hit by the bus I was in. But I wouldn’t totally put the blame on him
because the bus driver too wasn’t looking. He had been busy
arguing with passengers and trying to collect bus money since he
had no conductor. Some Thinkers are good though, some hardly
get carried away.


The Lookers: Goodness! These ones can look for Africa! I do not
know if they do it deliberately, but what I know is that they hardly
ever look in the direction they are going. Always looking back or
around and most times they are looking at something that is
absolutely none of their business. Like one that I encountered
today; he was coming from opposite me, his neck was bent, and
he was just looking to the right. I traced his gaze and I met the
curvy girl whose body grabbed his attention. Shebi , you will look
small and remove your face or park somewhere, stand and stare.
No! Not this one, he was walking with his head turned to the right
and almost bumped into me. “Face your front joor !” I shouted. He
turned abruptly and the smile on his face faded almost
immediately. I didn’t even bother, I was not in the mood.

The Geeks: These ones are always serious, identifiable by their
geek glasses, looking ahead, just too serious-looking. There is one
that lives in my area. His shirt is forever tucked into his pants, and
you can spot him with his back-pack, everyday – Monday to
Sunday always serious! ( He kinda has a fine face though! Hehehe!)

The English Men: This group of guys and their ‘ phonee’. Chai! They
are always speaking big English. Whether it is to the men at the
newspaper stands or the woman selling gala and drinks or the bus
conductor, they just dish out English. And that’s okay, but the bad
part is when they now shell or mis-prounouce or attempt to ‘phonee’
with local accents. It is never funny.

The Big Boys: These ones are fresh! And fine, and wealthy, and
mostly educated. You rarely see them in buses or car parks or
sidewalks except they are exercising or jogging along the Lekki-
Ikoyi bridge. I should think we are all familiar with this group.
The Singers: These ones just always get on nerve as my brain
reacts in a certain way when I hear people sing or even clap off-
key. It is unbearable for me! So just imagine my pain when I am
stuck in a bus with a singer, I mean I know the song you are
listening to or claim to be singing and what I am hearing is a far
cry from it. The worst is when they sing in falsetto. I just can’t
deal.

The Area Boys: I need not explain this too, right? They are
everywhere and can be very mischievous and helpful when they
want to be. Always primed, ready for action, and an “Ole! Ole!”
away.

The Machos: You know these guys now – big arms, broad chest,
and maybe with 8-packs. I mean the really huge guys, the kind
they use for bouncers at parties and events. They are rarely on the
road and when they are, please my sister just stay on your lane. I
encountered one at an ATM stand last week, he came in right after
me, huge and extremely tall. We were on the queue; the lady
before me had just finished using the ATM and it did not pay out.
She turned around to maybe join the queue and wait to test
another machine when I felt someone push me from behind. Not
tap or hit, but push, “ Oya, go front na “. It was Mr. Macho. “It is not
working now Oga” I replied him. I was infuriated at his unnecessary
behaviour and wanted to lash out at him, but his size would not let
me. I stole a glance at the security men outside, but those ones
did not appear to be a match for him so I just kept quiet and jejely
behaved myself. Even when I finished using the ATM, he barely
allowed me come out of the stand area, pushing me with his body
again as he moved to use the ATM. I just shook my head. In those
sort of situations it’s totally wise and okay to be speechless.

The Noise Makers: Whether creating the noise themselves (like the
ones that would comment on everything and anything in the bus,
and would always find a way to link it all to the “bad Government”)
or propagating other people’s noise (Like the ones that
have their music/radio at the highest volume without using an
earpiece/earphones), these ones are just noisy!
Have I missed any?

ok

K