I have been married for 8 years - my husband has not had sex with me for 2 and a half years now.
When I talk to him about it he has said he has a problem, however, he has not told me which problem.
He has also cautioned me against cheating on him.

Now here is my dilema I am 20 years younger than him, we have two beautiful boys who he cares about.
I am currently focused on my business which I am trying to build up (we live in the US) and in graduate school.
However, i feel a part of me is missing with no sex in the marriage, I have stopped bringing up the issue because it would cause arguments.

He has moved out of the marital bedroom about 2 years ago when the sex stopped he said this was because he snored a lot and did not want to disturb me (and yes he does snore a lot).

What should I do after 2 and a half years of no sex and someone not wanting to discuss it.
Please I have tried all the fasting praying wishing begging crying pleading so don't tell me to do that here.
Just give me advice on the way forward.

I have gotten to a point where i am not romantically interested in him any more. It is more like I am living in the same house as a friend.
I feel like I want to finish school and just leave him - am I being selfish. Should I stay on in this marriage or what should I do.

Thank you for your kind responses which I hope will be thought through - what would you do in a similar position?

are you both Christians or Muslims?

@poster
you have to be realistic about the issue and as he seems like a ¨normal¨person you should have a sit down and explain the matter to him.
you have to explain to him that he is not fulfilling his duties as a husband and therefore there would be no option but for you to get satisfied elsewhere. also it is safe to let him know that you will try as much as you can to not let him see you with your lover but that after 2yrs, you are a woman and has needs.
the age difference is a big problem and i can imagine that if you are 30 and he is 50(for example) then your libido and sex drive is much higher than his.
these are the problems that do arise from couple with big age difference and being a nun is definitely NOT the way to go.
let him understand how you feel and try to make him understand that , because HE has no sex appeal, it shouldnt be a reason for YOU to be left out.
i am also sure that within tese 2 yrs you might have used all the possible sex aids that there is and a real man is needed in your life (which is fully understandable)

he is either having an affair or he is no longer in love with you

He might not be having an affair but rather may be impotent and ashamed. You can't know what his 'problem' is if he refuses to communicate. Depriving you of your marital right is cruel. I would try to talk once more and if he refused, I would consider divorce because I wouldn't want an adulterous affair. I hope you can reconcile and get counseling though. I hate to see families split up.

Please I have tried all the fasting praying wishing begging crying pleading so don't tell me to do that here.
Just give me advice on the way forward.

It's really a serious case. _{short of words**}

He might not be cheating.
Are u sure, he hasn't used the Lingo for money rituals?
Anyhow, you need to talk to the dude and if nothing changed, i am not sure it is healthy to stay in a marriage from hell.
I am sure you know what to do

Does impotence come overnight? He is much older so erectile dysfunction might be the problem but then you would have seen signs yourself abi? It just does not stop working overnight. Is it possible that he contracted a disease and he is trying to protect you from it. You have to let him know that he needs to talk about it because right now it seems that you are toying with the idea of leaving him. 2 and a half years of no sex? Body no be wood o.

He travels a lot - so yes I do not know what he is doing out there - although I have not seen any emails / calls / etc that suggest he is having an affair.
At one point we were having many disagreements - and that is when the sex stopped.

I have tried so many times to broach the subject but he does not want to discuss it at all.
At this point I have no romantic feelings towards him nor am I in love with him
I care about him as the father to my children (he is a very good father) and that is about it

Again he does not want to discuss the matter

Then he is not ready to be a husband. He cannot just up and decide that he will not have sex or that he will not discuss why you have had to go without any kind of intimacy for years. What the hell. Why don't you give him the impression that if he is not willing to talk then it would mean a divorce. I mean you guys are actually not even married if you are sleeping in different rooms and having absolutely no sex.

chaircover:

Could be any of these reasons;

He is impotent & too embarrassed to ask for help or discuss it with you

Thinks you are having an affair

He has s STD

Joined a secret cult and has been asked not to sleep with a woman

Lovemaking without a doubt strenghtens the bond between husband and wife; you need to find out one way or another on what the matter is; you cant go on like this

I agree with you jare.

@poster
trying to figure out WHY he is doing this is not the issue as he clearly do not care about your needs. whether it be sickness, cheating or whatever. you aint getting none from him
if your husband is not willing to discuss the matter with you ¨like an adult should¨ then there is no option than doing what you feel is the right thing to do.

do not waste your life/sexuality away because someone has decided that he was not attracted to you sexually/not able to satisfy you sexually or not man enough to tell you what is REALLY going on.
check your marriage vows and you will see that it is his bloody duties to satisfy your every needs.
so, unless he is ready to service that toto, then go and get yours wherever YOU feel is right.

if you want to end up and old woman with cob web down under then so be it.
2and half years without some form of love making from his part!? [b]OH LAWD!!!!!!!![/b]6months should have been the day you went and look for a lover

Mehn, sweetheart, let me make like a good christian _{that I am supposed to be} and say hold on and keep praying, something's gotta give soon.

Now, let me get real and tell you that you need to get out of that relationship at once!!!! There are different kinds and forms of spousal abuse and what your husband is doing to you is ABUSING YOU. And what the eff is that crap about "he has warned me not to cheat on him?!!!" It sounds to me like he is saying, if you cheat on me, you'll die or something. Which seems to point towards the fact that he may be in some shady cult or something, like someone here suggested earlier.

For the sake of your kids, ask some questions and demand some straight answers. But if you don't get none, get some outside sweetheart. Your marriage ended 2 and a half years ago.

Marriage from hell indeed.

im down wit dose who say hes got some kinda disease he doesnt wana infect u wit.
i guess he loves u and doesnt wana lose u by teln u he cheated on u

see a marriage counsellor both of u

For me I would masturbathe infront of him and suck his d*ick good and see whether he wants sex or not!!! SOME GUYS ARE SERIOUSLY MAKING MAMA NGOZI PISS FOR HIA! HMM!

Communication, and counselling might help, . ,