The Voices for Change (V4C), an NGO, says the organisation’s evaluation report on “Being a Man in Nigeria’’ indicated that 70 per cent of Nigerian men were depressed due to societal perception.

Mrs Patience Ekeoba, Research and Evidence Leader of the organisation, said this at the evaluation land mark research report entitled: “Being a Man in Nigeria: Its perception and realities’’ in Abuja on Thursday.

Quoting the report, she said that Nigerian men were perceived in the society to be bold, leaders, bread winners, fearless, intelligent and tough among others.

Ekeoba said the men also had a self-expectation of being educated, rich, well paid, respected, married, and having authority in the house and community.

The report, she added showed that in reality the impact on the man’s physical and mental health in some states showed that about 70 per cent of men experienced stress and depression.

She said about 50 per cent had low self-esteem; about 70 per cent involved in drugs, drinking and women, among others.

According to the report, she said that some men were unable to provide for their family due to unemployment.

Ekeoba added that some were unable to enforce authority, and were often frustrated and angry because they could not live up to societal perception and expectation.

Dyt:
You inclusive?

Ruq:
I'm inclined to agree, but majority aren't aware and this is because those affected seldom know what depression is. And depressed persons always need hope which religious institutions offer through some deity, these institutions are the reason why se still have many sane people around.

Project400:


No, ma. Societal perceptions have no direct or indirect impact on me.

Project400:


You're absolutely correct.

The idea of the society on who a man should be (wealthy, a bread winner), and how he should act (tough, avoid tears even if he's dying) is killing the morale of MEN.

Without the help of religious institutions, these expectations would have left many in chains. Those who cannot cope with religious services, help themselves out with drugs, alcohol, brothel services, etc.

Stillfire:
[s]So I should pity Naija men now or what?
When you deviate from the set gendered roles and reduce expectations on the male to provide, be a leader, etc, it automatically infers that we reduce expectations on the female when it comes to taking care of the home, the kids, cooking etc. But since Nigerian men are not ready to take up these 'feminine' roles, but consider them anathema to their reasoning, well, let these strong, set in stone patriarchal standards continue. But know that if you cannot meet up (which most of you will end up doing like Teebillz) and dare to take out your frustrations on your wife, we feminists will joyfully deal with you appropriately[/s]

Stillfire:
So I should pity Naija men now or what?
When you deviate from the set gendered roles and reduce expectations on the male to provide, be a leader, etc, it automatically infers that we reduce expectations on the female when it comes to taking care of the home, the kids, cooking etc. But since Nigerian men are not ready to take up these 'feminine' roles, but consider them anathema to their reasoning, well, let these strong, set in stone patriarchal standards continue. But know that if you cannot meet up (which most of you will end up doing like Teebillz) and dare to take out your frustrations on your wife, we feminists will joyfully deal with you appropriately.

Acidosis:

Project400:


You're absolutely correct.

The idea of the society on who a man should be (wealthy, a bread winner), and how he should act (tough, avoid tears even if he's dying) is killing the morale of MEN.

Without the help of religious institutions, these expectations would have left many in chains. Those who cannot cope with religious services, help themselves out with drugs, alcohol, brothel services, etc.

Stillfire:


Acidosis what problems do you have with my statement?

Acidosis:


Feminists like you expects that as soon as a woman earns more than her husband, the man (who y'all consider as weakling) should immediately pick up the culinary, washing, dishing and sweeping roles. This cannot be considered as societal pressure. It is evil based on a lustful and uncontrollable desire and love of MONEY. It is a breach of marital contract. Why switch roles when you're in already?

Acidosis:


First, the thread is not about feminism or women.

Whether feminists like it or not, men would not give birth through the pen*s. In as much as you feminists would want to switch that role, nature has divinely dedicated that aspect to women. So it's not a factor of the society, but nature. Like any other mammal, a woman is expected to breastfeed and cater for her children (men don't breastfeed).

The society on the other hand expects lots from men. A less wealthy man is often considered as UNMANly enough. The society also condemns men who cry. I've seen women who vowed never to date a man who sheds tears as they're mostly considered as weaklings.

The accumulation of these unexpressed emotions in the aim of fulfilling the expectations of the society builds up into outbursts, frustration, alcohol, etc. (e.g. Teebillz case).

I'm not refuting the fact that we don't have depressed women. Many single women in their late 20s and 30s are actually facing these problems as the society (not men) mounts pressure on them.

It is not always about Men Vs. Women, but Men/Women Vs. the Society. If we continue to view this as men against women, we can never get it right.

When a woman (who's contended with little) marries a man of same perception about life, they will jointly confront, and defeat societal pressures.
Feminists like you expects that as soon as a woman earns more than her husband, the man (who y'all consider as weakling) should immediately pick up the culinary, washing, dishing and sweeping roles. This cannot be considered as societal pressure. It is evil based on a lustful and uncontrollable desire and love of MONEY. It is a breach of marital contract. While switch roles when you're in already?

Onegai:


Eh, you messed it up right here. Why shouldn't she expect it? If a man's traditional role is to provide and a woman's role is to nurture, why are women suddenly carrying the burden of providing? There is no escaping a woman's role but why do women have to also assume the men's role and play her traditional part? You can't eat your cake and have it. Either she's a nurturer or she's a provider but to expect her to be both whilst you get a break and play "Da Man", dude that's just selfishness.

The sad thing is that most of the females you guys get your pants in a bunch, are actually not feminists. They usually just want people to be treated right, be they male or female. But when you take the above stance and then expect some sympathy, no-one cares.

Why is it that a nurturing role is seen as subordination, when did Nurturing become a shameful and degrading thing that guys now use it to look down upon people?

If you knew how much easier life was when you say "get lost" to societal pressure is, you'd let go. I won't mind a man who cries, sadness let's me know that you need me because all is not well.

If you meet your spouse or a girl and say "I'm worried and tired. It's hard to be a superman and sometimes I'm scared I will fail and not impress you", if she's a good person, she will support you. But you have to support her. Let go of all these daft notions about how you, as a man, are supposed to act and be you: if you're gentle be firm and gentle, if you're strong be kind and strong. Be you because God didn't give you the personality you have, just so you could deny thyself and act like an Bullying Arse.

I posit it that it's because you're constantly fighting your natural self that you're depressed and unhappy. In your quest to keep up appearances, your misery shines through.

I've never met a man who died from assuming some feminine roles. In fact, to fight desperately against is a sign of a man who is unsure of himself. I know a man who the first day he went to his gf's house, he vacuumed. He does dishes and she sits (after cooking). He's one of the most secure men I've ever met and very educated too. He's masculine (dude is a heavyweight and fights mixed martial arts) and successful. He's content in himself because he gave up worrying about what the world defines for him at every stage in his life (he's black, not physically attractive as a young man, started from the bottom).

Onegai:


Eh, you messed it up right here. Why shouldn't she expect it? If a man's traditional role is to provide and a woman's role is to nurture, why are women suddenly carrying the burden of providing? There is no escaping a woman's role but why do women have to also assume the men's role and play her traditional part? You can't eat your cake and have it. Either she's a nurturer or she's a provider but to expect her to be both whilst you get a break and play "Da Man", dude that's just selfishness.

The sad thing is that most of the females you guys get your pants in a bunch, are actually not feminists. They usually just want people to be treated right, be they male or female. But when you take the above stance and then expect some sympathy, no-one cares.

Why is it that a nurturing role is seen as subordination, when did Nurturing become a shameful and degrading thing that guys now use it to look down upon people?

If you knew how much easier life was when you say "get lost" to societal pressure is, you'd let go. I won't mind a man who cries, sadness let's me know that you need me because all is not well.

If you meet your spouse or a girl and say "I'm worried and tired. It's hard to be a superman and sometimes I'm scared I will fail and not impress you", if she's a good person, she will support you. But you have to support her. Let go of all these daft notions about how you, as a man, are supposed to act and be you: if you're gentle be firm and gentle, if you're strong be kind and strong. Be you because God didn't give you the personality you have, just so you could deny thyself and act like an Bullying Arse.

I posit it that it's because you're constantly fighting your natural self that you're depressed and unhappy. In your quest to keep up appearances, your misery shines through.

I've never met a man who died from assuming some feminine roles. In fact, to fight desperately against is a sign of a man who is unsure of himself. I know a man who the first day he went to his gf's house, he vacuumed. He does dishes and she sits (after cooking). He's one of the most secure men I've ever met and very educated too. He's masculine (dude is a heavyweight and fights mixed martial arts) and successful. He's content in himself because he gave up worrying about what the world defines for him at every stage in his life (he's black, not physically attractive as a young man, started from the bottom).

Stillfire:

We don't see anything wrong in paying the bills and giving men money to chop However a lady in a strict gendered society is justified not to provide for the family. If you don't want the parity of roles, make sure you adhere strictly to your own side and fulfill the demands placed on your gender. Anything outside of this is hypocritical or trying to eat your cake and have it.

pcguru1:


What do mean by feminine roles am curious ?

Acidosis:


I still maintain my stance that MONEY is not enough reason to switch roles. I'd gladly shift roles for better reasons like ILLNESS, PREGNANCY, etc. I can be anything, I could cook and even knee to beg a 10 year old girl, but what I won't do is to become a slave to MONEY.

The heavy weight dude you described may be lost in love. As you rightly said, he's successful, so all he did wasn't based on the fact that his girlfriend his wealthy and 'too big' to clean or cook for herself.

We shouldn't allow temporary circumstances dictate stuffs like ROLES. What if the said man bounces back tomorrow? To the extent that he gets too busy to even spend a day in 1 full month with his family? Should he be a slave to his job/money, or put his family FIRST?

Btw, I've never addressed idle men in any of my posts. I only talked about men who earn less. Some people are actually ALWAYS busy, but they earn little. I could name 3 notable companies in Nigeria, especially in the insurance sector, who have not paid any salary since January, 2016. These firms have married men working day and night, yet without pay. I don't think it is right to treat such men the way y'all suggested.

Some work-at-home folks earn more than the corporate guys. So it shouldn't be a factor of MONEY. The one who has more spare time can help out with tedious tasks in the home. I don't like it when we place too much emphasis on money.

Onegai:


It's not only about money. Those family guys who haven't been paid in 5 months, will be treated as how they earned it: those who were kind in the time of plenty should expect kindness (and I as a woman will fight their wives on their behalf if I hear she's not supporting him). Those who treated their wives like chattel in their time of plenty, please, you made your bed, now take your pillow and lie on it. Earning less is not a crime, earning less and acting like a Dunghill Co.ck, well you deserve whatever humble-pie-eating faceplant you get.

tpiah01:


Why exactly is teebiils getting no empathy here but is being dumped on by all and sundry?
What exactly is his offence, is it being on drugs, having children with multiple women and baby mamas, marrying/dating rich women, being with women richer than him, being depressed, being broke, being irresponsible (not contributing financially to his kids' upbringing even though their mothers are richer than him), etc etc.
A situation which almost every other black male can identify with (not to mention Nigerian celebrities and the baby mama culture), not even counting the black males in jail who cant physically be present to do whatever is required of them as fathers.
Not holding brief for teebiils in any way, but this is my point about someone needing assistance with mental health issues among other things and all most nlers/Nigerians can do is attack him further.
Tiwa is still on top of her game and even doing a video as we speak, is it all the world loves a winner or what.
Lord have mercy, imbalance everywhere.
But I dont think it's right to hold teebiil accountable for every male who has ever had issues with or disappointed a female, particularly in the black or Nigerian community.
Try to hate the behaviour, not the person per se.

cococandy:
Lmao at this thread and the comments.

Tpiah wetin? Are you for or against
Most black men are what?

bukatyne:
@Acidosis:

Temporary circumstances cannot make a man 'switch' roles but it can make a woman switch.

If you are running a strict role division in your hone, it is either you ensure the money is rolling in or be prepared to switch the roles...

And as we know on the average; earning doe = power to be rude/ rash/ sole decision maker & cheating.

@earning lesser pay: has it always being like that? If yes, then they already have their rythym... If no, how was their relationship before he started earning lower?

Y'all can't eat your cake & have it.

You want the power that comes with money, earn it.