Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? - Family - Nairaland
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| Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by iyaegbe(f): 3:15pm On Aug 11, 2009 |
She is my good friend, she is happily married (at least in my own thinking). She just left my place. She said her marriage is hell that she has always been in pains for the past five years she's married. I asked her what happened because to me she's been having the fun of her life. She said her husband is truly the kool type, easy going and relatively wealthy. Neither drink nor smoke and surely not into womanizing which is what most women want. His only problem is that he has a lady friend whom she doesn't want around him and he has refused to cut off from the lady (because they have been friends for a long time). Asked if the husband is dating the lady in question, she said no that she is at least 95% sure he is not dating her. Her words, "he is not dating her, that I am very sure of but they are talk over the phone too often. I am sure they don't meet cos my husband hardly goes out without me". Asked if her husbands loves her as a wife, she said yes very much. He gives what she asks for, all but to cut off this lady. Her worry and cause of pain is how to make her husband to totally forget about this lady. Please what advise can I give my friend? |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by cooljade(f): 3:42pm On Aug 11, 2009 |
THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE, that woman in her husband's life is smoke and tpassion , the fire. there's something going on btw them, i'm very sure the lady friend in question is single or if married, a very unhappy person. Let the case of prince Charles and camilla the chameleon e a lesson to all. the midnight calls to the palace, secret letters even when both were married. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Fhemmmy: 4:03pm On Aug 11, 2009 |
There is nothing wrong for the woman to request the husband cut off a certain woman. The man is married to the woman, as long as the woman is not being problematic about it, he shd be able to cut her off. Married couple ought to have same friends anyways, if the woman is not willing to be a friend to the wife, then, she shdn't be a friend to the husband. and same goes for the couple 1 Like |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Reptyle(m): 4:51pm On Aug 12, 2009 |
iyaegbe:Abeg my sister, tell your friend to leave her husband's friend alone for her own good. If her husband has been friends with this lady for five years and she is still 95% per cent sure that her husband is not cheating with his "friend" then maybe its time she makes this "friend" her friend as well and allow sleeping dogs lie. Looked at from another perspective, I think its a way of keeping her "perceived enemy" close enough to be monitored. Seems to me like it is your friend that is creating unnecessary heat in her homestead by her petty suspicions. From your explanation of what she told you, there seems to me like there is no basis for it. She needs to apply wisdom. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by rubi(f): 6:20pm On Aug 12, 2009 |
iyaegbe: Tell your friend to go and find her old male friend and do the same thing her husband has been doing to her. Let her do two can play the game nonsense 1 Like |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Reptyle(m): 9:16pm On Aug 12, 2009 |
@ Rubi Not a very wise move my dear. A wise woman builds her home. Like I said earlier, if the lady has been able to tolerate her husband's female friend for five years without suspecting foul play, its best not to rock the boat now. Simply befriend the friend too and let things roll |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Nobody: 9:29pm On Aug 12, 2009 |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Nobody: 1:22am On Aug 13, 2009 |
. 1 Like |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by tpiah2: 1:26am On Aug 13, 2009 |
if the lady is refusing to marry, maybe the wife can look around to see if she can hook her up with some eligible bachelors somewhere? The problem is even if she succeeds in her quest to wean her husband off the woman, he may eventually get himself into a deeper problem with another female who comes in to fill the gap left behind by the other one. Seriously, men na wahala- na only God fit intervene in their matter. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Nobody: 7:08am On Aug 13, 2009 |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by whassup: 11:59am On Aug 13, 2009 |
its not always easy to change a man's way i will prefer u it if ur friend too can pick one of her male folks and always talk to the person too.always the man will be jealous he wont tolerate that then his head will come down for them to solve the issue at hand |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Nobody: 12:03pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by GEW: 12:12pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
whass up:is that what u will do if you were this lady? you will just be pouring petrol into fire. iyaegbe, your freind is looking for trouble. if she has trouble with the lady she should go ahead and sort it out cos the man may just call her bluff. tell her she will need this lady more than she know. chaircover:you are right. she could definately loose the marriage if she continue pressing it. i am all for making the wife happy and have admitted here before withdrawing from a freind the mrs was not happy with but asking me to pull back from people i have known more than 30yrs is like asking for my teeth. can i ask why the nigerian woman like fighting other women? |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by AWELEWA02: 12:33pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
From all indication,I believe there is nothing between both of them.All what she needs to do is to make friend with the lady.If she continues like this,she might end up scattering her home and in order to avoid this,she should let the sleeping dog lies. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by thejonny09(m): 1:14pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
@A few of our family friends are men & women I met at work over the years and my husband has a few female friends he still is in contact with from uni. We dont see them as his friends or my friends. They are family friends Ok most of them are married, however a friend is a friend & if there is trust then it shouldnt matter what sex the friend is. This is correct. @POSTER, Friends are part of our life, there are some friends (male or female) that know us more than our spouse, has been there and assisted us in life so much so that we cannot do a way with them. I have some like that, am sure that is what the man is experiencing, he may understand his wife's fear but she just need an assurance that her husband is hers alone. She should not allow suspicion to drive her to start calling things name when there are actually not true. Make that woman her friend and understand why her husband is close to her that will help. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by MUZBO(m): 1:33pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
cooljade:So in your opinion, Camilla was complicit in the death of Princess Di? The lesson here if any is that your husband can have any friend but he won't replace you with that person if you don't give him any reason to or if you don't die. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by otukpo(f): 1:57pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
@ poster Ur friend said she is sure the husband is not dating the lady in question, then she is making herself unhappy for nothing. Let her ignore the relationship the husband has with the lady, her trying to push the husband to cut off from the woman, amy make the husband to start having secret illicit affairs with the lady. even if she doesn't want to be friends with the lady, she shld allow her husband freedom. Naija men dont like to be dictated to. she is very lucky her husband is very kind to her as she said. she shldnt use her own hands to put sand inside her garri |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by MrWaters: 2:00pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
I can't understand your Lingo! |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by flounder: 2:27pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
if d oda woman bothers her too much she shuld b blunt wit her husbby dat she's not okay wit there closeness exspecialy if d lady in question is single,if he loves her and want her peace of mind he will let go. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Nija4Life(m): 2:55pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
@Poster There is nothing wrong for a married man or woman to have friends of the opposite sex but there should be well drawn boundaries which should never be crossed. I and my wife do have and speak to friends of the opposite sex but it is something we do once in a while. Your friend mentioned she is 95% sure her husband isn't having an affair with her female friend but is concerned about their frequent communication. That to me should set the alarm bells ringing and she has got every right to be worried. If he is spending more and more time speaking to another woman, that's an indication there isn't much communication going on between you both, which is something that you need to work on. 1 Like |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by ifyalways(f): 3:23pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
Let her try to know this female friend,she can start by asking the hubby to pass her the phone so she can talk to the woman.Then she can on her own,call up the woman,gist with her and make her a friend too.That way she becomes a family friend. Digging deep or asking the hubby might lead to something else  Calling up an old male friend might not be in her favour,the marriage might crumble |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by MrCrackles(m): 3:24pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
Dem never born the woman well!  |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by iyaegbe(f): 3:30pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
Thank you all for your various contributions. I have tried to suggest making friend with the lady in question earlier but she said she can't. That she expects her to naturally interact with her the way she interacts with her husband but she isn't doing that (I think she needs to be the one to initiate this abi?). They talk and greet only not as best friends, its not that they are strangers. Why she is very sure there is nothing between them according to her is that her parents' inlaw told her the lady in question is a distant family (cousin's cousin, cousin kind off) when she tried to report the case to them. The lady is a about the same age with the husband's family kid sister (early twenties) who happens to be very free with all the husbands family. I told her to do what she thinks best but also be careful. Personally I find it hard to see any problem here (I can't tell her this though). They have a wedding program tomorrow, she's inviting me so I can see the lady in question. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by fourseven(m): 3:47pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
well i am just visiting this article for the first time and i want to express my opinion on this issue becuase it affects me also . What i have to say is that the man should allow peace to reign in the family by cutting off this woman friend.secondly if the man wants to continue in the relationship based on the fact that the relationship in question here is a long started one so asking to keep off his friend is like telling him to leave his past to the past , that husband in question has a past life , i believe we all have a past life not so [color=#550000][/color] |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Nezan(m): 4:09pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
fourseven: |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by otukpo(f): 4:24pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
the girl is a distant relation and an extended family friend to the husband, so why is she being jealous of her. she is sure the husband is not having affair with the girl the husband feels relaxed discussing with the girl on phone, not the they see often or privately the husband even discusses openly with the girl in her presence now she wants the husband to cut the girl off just to make her happy Has she asked herslf, if the husband cuts this girl off, who else is he going to replace her with, at least she is sure this one is not harmful. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by otukpo(f): 4:30pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
flounder: Easier said, the man picks another lady friend 2moro and she also tell him she is not comfortable with it, that he shld cut it off. How many of our men wld do that easily? the best the man will do is to pretend that the r/ship no longer exists but keeps it secretly. that one can be more harful to the wife. 1 Like |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by olutise(f): 4:34pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
tell your friend not to make a big deal out this cos i think your friend is jus feeling insecure wit her marriage because of her husband status. let her be confident enough to invite the lady in question for some of their holiday events and be wise enough to question her in a way she wont feel embarrassed. let her create an atmosphere of respect & regard for herself anytime she is wit her husband. words like oh hw is ur studies i av a female sister that will like to be admitted in your school can u hep me find out about her course requirement where do you work? ur hair is very beautiful, i realy want to know u as a person do you av a boyfriend at all i wish im still in your age let her av a time to discuss about her own life with the lady in question when she was in her age tink wit this she can create an atmosphere for friendship Note: she must free her mind of any evil thought to make this pos A HEART FULL OF SUSPICION CONTINUALLY BREEDS INSECURITY & HATRED BUT A FREE HEART BREEDS STABLE LOVE NOT CONDITIONAL WITH SINCERITY OF MIND |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by sweetcoint(f): 4:41pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
@topic: offcourse is right |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by Fhemmmy: 4:51pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
sweetcoint: tell them jare. Nothing wrong with it, as long as she doesnt have a motive. |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by olutise(f): 5:00pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
 to me i beliv everyone av d right to choose his or her friend. its left 4 u 2 prayerfully choose urs & ur husbandsoff course you dont av to point people for him. but with friendship & prayer some men do not care about the feelings of their wife and then go as far to do wat they feel like doing. now its takes a genius as a wife to live hapily wit this kind of people and make them realize their bad attitude and show them the good ones without having to quarrel wit them. study ur husband and be patient before you approach any situation & ask 4 God's guidance.wit God & his HolySpirit in you only, can you give answers to situation when nobody is there a wise woman builds her house |
| Re: Ladies, Is It Right To Choose Friends For Your Husband? by mrperfect(m): 5:31pm On Aug 13, 2009 |
why fix what isn't broken? |
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