Hello dear Nlders,

Please I'm in need of some advice from d experienced married and unmarried folks here. This is my story.

I'm a single mom of a wonderful 8years old girl. I dated her dad way back in school while in the university. We were course mates, we were so much in love and had plans to settle down.

Just close to our graduation, I got pregnant with our daughter, he was there all thru the pregnancy period but had to go n serve in Maiduguri when I became due and had our baby.

When he came back from service, he only came to tell me he was getting married to another girl he pregnanted while at the nysc camp. It was devastating and heartbreaking for me. I had to raise my daughter alone with the help of my family.

All thru the years, I was pining, hurting and found it so difficult to move on.... few years back, he came back begging, but I told him there was nothing I could do since he was already married to the other girl and lives with her and their daughter, but deep down, I was still loving him.

Over the years we stopped talking, we both had each others contacts but decided not to getcontacts. This year, my daughter turned 8, I'm still single and working hard to raise my girl without any support whatsoever from her dad. She has never met him.

Just last month he contacted me and requested that he would like to meet his daughter, we arranged to meet and talk about it and he told me he not only wanted to meet his daughter, he wanted me back and that he wanted to start taking responsibility of his daughter.

I was somewhat happy to hear him say that, but when he added the stinker I became at a loss of whether I really want him in our lives! He told me he's got a baby boy of 1year 3momths from another girlfriend, meaning he has 3children now from 3 women!!! My daughter, his daughter from the lady he married and the baby boy from the new girlfriend. Yet he says he still loves me and wants me and my daughter back.

I'm totally at a loss, please good people, some words of advice please,...

Kindly go easy with me, I've really gone through lots!

tnx people!

Is the guy Tuface?

Be careful with that guy..I won't ask you not to get back with him but I know that if you had someone in your life, you won't be talking about him.

Work hard and raise your daughter. If he wants to get involved, let him get involved...

Do you want to go back to him as a second wife or third one?

He is a bit irresponsible though...dem no get him size for Condom?

My dear! I share in your pain. First; I appreciate your stiffening decision to take responsibility of the baby, and your parents for showing you love and comfort all this while. Sh*t happens... But realising our mistake to move on makes us more stronger.

The father of your child is not responsible at all (pardon me). Promiscuity will never end in his career.

1. He impregnated you without seeing your parents at least to show sign he wants you.

2. After knowing the mess he has submerge you to. He went to service and did likewise and was proud to even tell you his getting married cos of another mistake he did.

N/b: if he truly loves you, you'd have been the first for him to get married to. After all you both got pregnate and he prefer the corps member to you.

3. Knowing full well he's married, still went ahead to impregnate another lady and was bold to say it.

My dear, if you go back to that guy; the wonderful peace of mind you're gladly enjoying will be deflated. Emotional turbulence will ever be a state to mince with.


If you deem him fit, put conditions in seeing his daughter, but not to go back to him.

Thunder don't strike twice. Run sweetie, run.

op, the guy doesn't appear to be serious, imagine within the short period of service. but eight years is a long time, you ought to have settled down, too. the fact that you still love that guy is to me somehow. be free, Interact wt ppu, Go out and mix.. but if he wants to be responsible for his daughter, don't stop him.

I'm very grateful to u guys!

reading thru all dis advice have just decided me!........ I'll do just as you've advised, especially the part of placing conditions on seeing my daughter but NOT to go back to him.

I've come a long way been where I am today and I seriously cherish my peace of mind!

Indeed "thunder doesn't strike in a place twice!

I really appreciate u all!

thank u

mamawin:
op, the guy doesn't appear to be serious, imagine within the short period of service. but eight years is a long time, you ought to have settled down, too. the fact that you still love that guy is to me somehow. be free, Interact wt ppu, Go out and mix.. but if he wants to be responsible for his daughter, don't stop him.

thank u dear, but seriously it's not been easy, I've done all that,.....mixing and mingling, yet no 1 seriously that could have taken my heart,, most men these days are just time wasters unfortunately.

But please guys tell me how i'll allow him to get involved with my daughter without letting him into my life, my home, my world! it's just so confusing

Sounds like a serial reproducer to me...

Do you by any chance feeling attached to him cos you don't wanna be breeding kids for different men
Or are you scared next man will do same?

Well we all want that security of not wanting to jump around


Dude just wants to use you like he did
I know them like that
They are everywhere
My ex is same
We never stable
Always breaking up like a broken record and each time he came back, I forgive thinking he's changed
The last he did was a shocker and had to let go finally

My point is
He will always cheat
Forget him and move on

You sound like a woman with a beautiful heart
Don't worry
That man is close to sweep you off your feet
Just open your heart
There are men that still loves single mums even with our societal attitude

Maybe I am wrong
But I can fit into your shoes cos I have been there

As for meeting his daughter
Pls do
Doesn't mean he will still take responsibilities
Either way
Let her meet her father
Spend time over the phone
I bet he wouldnt ever ask to go with her
If he does
Abeg oo
No gree

Dyt:
Do you by any chance feeling attached to him cos you don't wanna be breeding kids for different men
Or are you scared next man will do same?

Well we all want that security of not wanting to jump around


Dude just wants to use you like he did
I know them like that
They are everywhere
My ex is same
We never stable
Always breaking up like a broken record and each time he came back, I forgive thinking he's changed
The last he did was a shocker and had to let go finally

My point is
He will always cheat
Forget him and move on

You sound like a woman with a beautiful heart
Don't worry
That man is close to sweep you off your feet
Just open your heart
There are men that still loves single mums even with our societal attitude

Maybe I am wrong
But I can fit into your shoes cos I have been there

As for meeting his daughter
Pls do
Doesn't mean he will still take responsibilities
Either way
Let her meet her father
Spend time over the phone
I bet he wouldnt ever ask to go with her
If he does
Abeg oo
No gree

tnx! are you saying they should meet via phone? as in put a call thru for both of them to talk?

Go with my daughter? he'll kill me first!!!
I'm toying with the idea of saying NO to both of his requests, meeting his daughter and getting back to him!

Reason is, I don't know how he'll be in my daughter's life without been in mine and obviously one thing will always lead to the other and the hurts and pain cycle will start all over again....
my daughter is still very young, may be some more years to come, they'll eventually meet

soldierpikin35:





tnx! are you saying they should meet via phone? as in put a call thru for both of them to talk?

Go with my daughter? he'll kill me first!!!
I'm toying with the idea of saying NO to both of his requests, meeting his daughter and getting back to him!

Reason is, I don't know how he'll be in my daughter's life without been in mine and obviously one thing will always lead to the other and the hurts and pain cycle will start all over again....
my daughter is still very young, may be some more years to come, they'll eventually meet

Don't deprive a child of her father pls
Has she never asked about her dad?

Yes we single mums think we can all be both dad and mum but they need their father
A father figure
He has to meet her
You draw s line
There's a huge diff btw baby father and lover
My son sees his father almost every weekend
He calls and they talk almost every night
He's always so excited to see his dad
At least he knows he has a father even if they don't see everyday

He can be in her life without being part of your own world
Mt son even calls my bf dad even when he knows his real dad

Dunno if you get my point
Maybe that's how I built mine sha

I hope you can control the love
How sure are you he's not saying same thing he says to you to others
Pls don't make another mistake cos this time
You won't even be able get up

Good luck

In other words:

I love someone I CANNOT trust and I don't know what to do about it.

Let him take care of his daughter and if he wants to be with you - let him work VERY HARD to earn your trust before you even THINK of giving him another chance. It is obvious you feel irresistibly attracted to him. You need Jesus now.

Dyt:


Don't deprive a child of her father pls
Has she never asked about her dad?

Yes we single mums think we can all be both dad and mum but they need their father
A father figure
He has to meet her
You draw s line
There's a huge diff btw baby father and lover
My son sees his father almost every weekend
He calls and they talk almost every night
He's always so excited to see his dad
At least he knows he has a father even if they don't see everyday

He can be in her life without being part of your own world
Mt son even calls my bf dad even when he knows his real dad

Dunno if you get my point
Maybe that's how I built mine sha

I hope you can control the love
How sure are you he's not saying same thing he says to you to others
Pls don't make another mistake cos this time
You won't even be able get up

Good luck

Hmmmmm, tnx so much Dyt, I will try to work it out,
Yes she's asked for her dad severally especially since she got older!
I'll find a way to make him a baby daddy other than my lover,
I pray I'm able to handle this, it's just so painful for me but i'll try.

Thanks once again evvery1

soldierpikin35:




Hmmmmm, tnx so much Dyt, I will try to work it out,
Yes she's asked for her dad severally especially since she got older!
I'll find a way to make him a baby daddy other than my lover,
I pray I'm able to handle this, it's just so painful for me but i'll try.

Thanks once again evvery1

In my mind

Once debe always debe abi?
These heart matters sometimes sef

..

soldierpikin35:



thank u dear, but seriously it's not been easy, I've done all that,.....mixing and mingling, yet no 1 seriously that could have taken my heart,, most men these days are just time wasters unfortunately.

But please guys tell me how i'll allow him to get involved with my daughter without letting him into my life, my home, my world! it's just so confusing

I really undstand yr situation. just pray and believe that d right guy will come at the right time. about yr daughter, do you allow him to spend on her? if not b4, ds is d time. let him know hw much u pay in sch fees, allow him get gifts for her, and if possible you can allow him take her out. good luck