People,

Whats the best means to judge your wife to be thinking ablity or test how she comes up with her own initiative to handle issues with out you telling her or getting support from elsewhere including her family people.

I would appreciate any honest reply.

Take her for an IQ test.

These gals are graduate,living in a family house and you should expect certain level of initiative from them to show that they have capacity of a wife.I may be wrong anyway.

Nairaland has officially jumped the shark.

I had to read the original post a few times before I could figure out what he meant

@outstrip,I apologize if you find it diffcult to understand my post.I,m still waiting to hear response from sisters.

are u saying ur WTB isn't too smart, . . . .or u just don't trust her judgment, . . .??

I'm a Lil confused

i don't think u want to marry her if u r already not trusting her judgments. End it b4 u make her life miserable in d future.

@ToyosI20,The point here is every man expects to see certain level of values or probably smartness in simple things ,like taking care of your home without reminding her to do so, or even to call your parents to ask how they are doing when you are overseas,or even come up with simple initiative as your WTB to help ur life.May be her judgement ability needs to be improved,but whats the suggestion or skill to do dat.

@Gbogboaye, /I love my gf and try my best to support her.

just try to study her very well or put her to the test

@Poster,You are yet not married,If you think her IQ is not enough for someone you want to call a wife,simply let her go and find ur levels.

oilfielden:

@ToyosI20,The point here is every man expects to see certain level of values or probably smartness in simple things ,like taking care of your home without reminding her to do so, or even to call your parents to ask how they are doing when you are overseas,or even come up with simple initiative as your WTB to help ur life.May be her judgement ability needs to be improved,but whats the suggestion or skill to do dat.

@Gbogboaye, /I love my gf and try my best to support her.

Some men don't give their women the chance to prove themselves,are u one of such men?Men that want to do everything themselves,they don't let in their wives/gfs into their life,biz,plans or project but yet expect such wives to turn to a witch to find out what they are doing.
Give her some projects and see how she would handle it while you secretly monitor.Let her into your life and ur projects,show her you believe in her,praise and encourage her and she wud be forced to buckle up.

ifyalways u ve said -Some men don't give their women the chance to prove themselves,are u one of such men?Men that want to do everything themselves,they don't let in their wives/gfs into their life,biz,plans or project but yet expect such wives to turn to a witch to find out what they are doing.
i dont know whether to call it insecurity. like most times people tell me to talk on behalf of them to my guy any time i do dat he just tells me to stay away from d issue dat i shouldnt interfere.

@candyshore;@ifyalways.

I,m not in any way diffcult to relate to my gal or even to other women!I try to get along with her and have even tried giving her project and see how she handles it while I watch from far.She cant do much and dont even have the wisdom to ask people around her for help.And shes Economics graduate from a top university in Nigeria.


Anyway,I have find out I need to tutor her to measure up and at least help her to thnk for herself.I dont have anything to hide in my life and hope she buckle up,before I kick her ass.

People tell me becos of her background,against my own backgroung and my travelling experience world wide.

The point is we are struggling to match up but really love her.I did know I will find myself in this kind of relationship at the end for a wife.

Thats the spirit,help her jare.Goodluck.

oilfielden:

@ToyosI20,The point here is every man expects to see certain level of values or probably smartness in simple things ,like taking care of your home without reminding her to do so, or even to call your parents to ask how they are doing when you are overseas,or even come up with simple initiative as your WTB to help ur life.May be her judgement ability needs to be improved,but whats the suggestion or skill to do dat.

U have a point there, but u should catch that instantly, I mean the moment I have a convo wid someone,

I'm usually able to size ‘em up, and instinctively read/tell his/her level of reasoning, . . .not  to talk of someone u seeing,

its no rocket science, . . . .and u cecertainly dont have to be a guru to determine how smart ur to be spouse is,

no matter how short the length of the courtship is, . . . . .and then again folks are different!!

@Toyo120,

Thats exactly what I,m doing at the moment trying to size her thinking ablility and the basic values anyone expect to see in his WTB attitude.

The other thing is I,m not sure someone can quit a relationship,if you try all these options and she still cant measure to what you expect from her,even when you have given some project and sit down to discuss where she have fail.

From my conversation with her,shes ready to learn as long as you are there to train her like school gal daily.I dont have dat time at the moment.

oilfielden:

@Toyo120,

Thats exactly what I,m doing at the moment trying to size her thinking ablility and the basic values anyone expect to see in his WTB attitude.

The other thing is I,m not sure someone can quit a relationship,if you try all these options and she still cant measure to what you expect from her,even when you have given some project and sit down to discuss where she have fail.

From my conversation with her,shes ready to learn as long as you are there to train her like school gal daily.I dont have dat time at the moment.

That aint a very smart comment to make.

Determining whether ur woman is smart and her ability to handle life situations as a wife and a mother shouldnt be too hard. Its not rocket science. Just observe her. The way she speaks, contents of her conversation with u, how she deals with her tantrums, her career dreams etc.

The whole reason of courtship and dating is to understand ur partner and spouse to be.

If u still av doubts as to her level of maturity, its best not to go into marriage with her, cos u gonna hate urself and end up hating her.

oilfielden:

@Toyo120,

Thats exactly what I,m doing at the moment trying to size her thinking ablility and the basic values anyone expect to see in his WTB attitude.

The other thing is I,m not sure someone can quit a relationship,if you try all these options and she still cant measure to what you expect from her,even when you have given some project and sit down to discuss where she have fail.

From my conversation with her,shes ready to learn as long as you are there to train her like school gal daily.I dont have dat time at the moment.

*Sighs*

Do u love her at all??

Have u been wid her for just a short period of time??

The bolded is a good step, . . .and i feel like when u truly love someone, u are in the relationship for the long haul. . . .

u saying u don't have the time and patience to see her through is very harsh and unfair, if u cant help her out, . . . .

why then do u stay being critical of her short commings?? , . . .I'll say it again, either u accept her for who she truly is . . . .

or u find someone else that suits u better, . . .and also, have u tried focusing on her better attributes??,

as u only seem to point out how shallow u think her thinking ability is, . . .

is too early my dear

@poster
She is a graduate, why don't you let her find a job where she can start learning? You cannot just coach her daily to your measures. But it is important to understand her limitation and appreciate what she is good at. Everyone has their own ability, please don't try to push her too much, that will only add more stress in this situation. Don't forget some people need a lot of encouragement in the beginning. I am sure you can help her to progress, but try not to patronise too much.

Poster, its "Thinking Ability" not to be think ability,

@Fiona007,

Thanks for your response.I have tried so many times to push her to search for job,but wrtitting good job application and preparing for interviews is another subject and I dont want to discuss that now.

I,m oilfield worker (Petroleum Engineer) and spend my time overseas more than I have time to know whats going on the local job market.Please if you have places she could try even for a volunteer job.I will really appreciate any response here (samsones2000@yahoo.com).

I,m still findind diffcult to understand what shes good at but I have seen alot of limitations.Many tmes she say I push her too much and that my expectations are many,I,m trying to stop that and see her grow if she CAN show by example on her own not talking,talking.

@oilfielden
Wish I could help. But I am not residing in Nigeria.  I am sure some poeple in NL might have better idea for job market. Even if there is no suitable job available right now, she can start from some volunteer work which definitely helps building her CV as well as her maturity. Just a thought, and good luck.

oilfielden:

@Fiona007,

Thanks for your response.I have tried so  many times to push her to search for job,but wrtitting good job application and preparing for interviews is another subject and I dont want to discuss that now.

I,m oilfield worker (Petroleum Engineer) and spend my time overseas more than I have time to know whats going on the local job market.Please if you have places she could try even for a volunteer job.I will really appreciate any response here (samsones2000@yahoo.com).

I,m still findind diffcult to understand what shes good at but I have seen alot of limitations.Many tmes she say I push her too much and that my expectations are many,I,m trying to stop that and see her grow if she CAN  show by example on her own not talking,talking.

After I read the first three posts from the OP, I knew he had to be an engineer! Always trying to reduce the human condition to potentially solvable problems! Crazy people!

This problem is a very serious one. It is ultimately a testament to the horrible standard of education in Nigeria.

My suggestions:
1. Register her for TOEFL exam and see how she scores
2. Register her for GRE and see how she scores.

These serve a dual purpose:
1. Gives you some insight into her reasoning abilities.
2. Good scores can pave the way to better education abroad.

I know some people may think this is a bad idea, and I agree that standardized tests are flawed. However, they give some insight into what is going on in someone's head. TOEFL is an easy exam, but many Nigerian graduates will score horribly in that exam. Preparing for those exams can greatly improve her ability to think independently.

My fifty cents!

Women are to be tutored for life, no matter of the level of her intellects. Same as all Human being need to refresh and update their knowledge till death. Things happen now,so dont think you have a serious issue at hand. Try any other lady you will see an issue too. Only God is perfect. Unless one seek to have a TV as a wife,you know that will be control through remote. Communication is the vital tools in every relationship

oilfielden:

@Fiona007,

Thanks for your response.I have tried so many times to push her to search for job,but wrtitting good job application and preparing for interviews is another subject and I dont want to discuss that now.

I,m oilfield worker (Petroleum Engineer) and spend my time overseas more than I have time to know whats going on the local job market.Please if you have places she could try even for a volunteer job.I will really appreciate any response here (samsones2000@yahoo.com).

I,m still findind diffcult to understand what shes good at but I have seen alot of limitations.Many tmes she say I push her too much and that my expectations are many,I,m trying to stop that and see her grow if she CAN show by example on her own not talking,talking.

she must be good at something or marry one of the NLDERS. i think TV and naija education has a lot to answer for

@Richyblack,

Many thanks for your recommendation and I,m going to try that option and look for TOEFL training for her.I live in Island and she stays in the mainland.Not sure if theres if theres any location for TOEFL training in the mainland,or may be Ikeja.I will need such information if you have one.

@ Omowunmimi.I dont have a probelm to help teach her few things but you need to see some improvement from time to time.Not when shes not able to cover or even handle some bascic things you expect someone whos going to be your wife to manage at her age and educational level.To me is really horrible when I see all these minor mistakes and not thinking for your actions or waiting on someone to fill you in everything you do,THEY CANT THINK OR WHAT!

@GEW,

Like I said in our previous discussion in this thread.I,m still finding it diffcult to find the things shes really good at.As you said I believe her education and home background matters here as well.

If you have one NL lady can try send me private email.

oilfielden:
@Richyblack,

Many thanks for your recommendation and I,m going to try that option and look for TOEFL training for her.I live in Island and she stays in the mainland.Not sure if theres if theres any location for TOEFL training in the mainland,or may be Ikeja.I will need such information if you have one.

@ Omowunmimi.I dont have a probelm to help teach her few things but you need to see some improvement from time to time.Not when shes not able to cover or even handle some bascic things you expect someone whos going to be your wife to manage at her age and educational level.To me is really horrible when I see all these minor mistakes and not thinking for your actions or waiting on someone to fill you in everything you do,THEY CANT THINK OR WHAT!

@GEW,

Like I said in our previous discussion in this thread.I,m still finding it diffcult to find the things shes really good at.As you said I believe her education and home background matters here as well.

If you have one NL lady can try send me private email.

@OP

11 years after:

Are you married to her? If no, what happened?

bukatyne:


@OP

11 years after:

Are you married to her? If no, what happened?

Nairalanders and gist, just passing by.

faithfull18:

Nairalanders and gist, just passing by.

I love updates jare.

Wawu! I thought guys love dull girls because they are easily to "control".... You could just have courted her, engaged her in a lot of meaningful discussions, actively seek her advice about important matter, ask pointed questions...get to know her.

Anyways, how far? Dang...11yrs just like that! How old is the whole of NLand sef. May God bless our time

You can give her a hypothetical case to solve or topic to discuss