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How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? - Family - Nairaland

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How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 8:13am On Jul 13, 2016
It’s a common anxiety for many parents..

Many parents worry about the most appropriate way to react – whether they should take a proactive approach and speak to the bully’s parents or whether they should complain to the school.
Finding out your child is being bullied can be an emotional experience: you may feel anxiety, anger, sadness, hopelessness or even a degree of fear.

In my own case, not a parent though, i suffered a high level of bullying in the secondary school (boarding) due to being one of the youngest in class and i was scared to tell my parents about this b'cos i couldn't predict how the bullies would retaliate, this continued for a long time but dwindled when i was given a post in SS2.... Fast forward to when i got admission into the uni, i thought that bullying had ended forever in my life, unfortunately it wasn't so.. Then came the day i was bullied to an extreme extent, that was the last straw that broke the camels back angry I headed to the gym instantly cheesy and after about 6 to 7 months, bullying ceased b'cos the hunter had become the hunted smiley .... Recently, i suspect that my junior bro is being bullied though he denies it, but i think he's just as scared as i was then sad ... Initially, i planned on giving the bully some serious beating if i find out who he is, but i doubt if thats the best option and currently dont really know how to tackle the issue at hand....

So i'll like to hear your suggestions b'cos i'm quite sure that many other senior brothers/sisters and parents are suffering from this same issue....

Also share your experience if you've ever been bullied and how you tackled it...

Cc RoyalRoy
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 8:23am On Jul 13, 2016
what canai say... it toughened me up.... got me to know it aint a pretty world out there..... grin

i'll advice a parent not to help his kid fight back... but teach him to fight back wink.....................the right way.










dont ask me the right way cos ion know..... left for i'll kick the bully in nuts grin
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by general111(m): 8:23am On Jul 13, 2016
...,
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Cutehector(m): 8:27am On Jul 13, 2016
I bumped into one of my bullies weeks back.





We exchanged pleasantries.




Meeting your bullies makes u regret the kid u were back then. It just reminds u of ur past.

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Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Kenneth205(m): 8:29am On Jul 13, 2016
lipsrsealed
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 8:50am On Jul 13, 2016
slyIsaac:
what canai say... it toughened me up.... got me to know it aint a pretty world out there..... grin

i'll advice a parent not to help his kid fight back... but teach him to fight back wink.....................the right way.










dont ask me the right way cos ion know..... left for i'll kick the bully in nuts grin

My nigga cheesy ... Truth is, most kids cant fight back so they have to either speak up or live with it, thats why most of this foreign kids end up being depressed or worse, commit suicide sad .

Btw, whats the right way b'cos by kicking him in the nuts, you've officially signed your death certificate by yourself grin
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 8:51am On Jul 13, 2016
Kenneth205:
lipsrsealed
general111:
...,
Chai... see space bookers
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 8:58am On Jul 13, 2016
Cutehector:
I bumped into one of my bullies weeks back.





We exchanged pleasantries.




Meeting your bullies makes u regret the kid u were back then. It just reminds u of ur past.

Woah!, exchanged pleasantries ... My uncle once told me of his classmate who joined MOPOL in order to get back at one of his bullies, that should be 10-15 years from his sec. school days.... he later found the guy but the bully was already living a miserable life so he left him to continue in his misery....
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Cutehector(m): 9:11am On Jul 13, 2016
GloryIsaac:


Woah!, exchanged pleasantries ... My uncle once told me of his classmate who joined MOPOL in order to get back at one of his bullies, that should be 10-15 years from his sec. school days.... he later found the guy but the bully was already living a miserable life so he left him to continue in his misery....
dats how life turns out to be. God wasn't wrong when he said the meek shall inherit the earth wink
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 10:08am On Jul 13, 2016
1. Never speak to the bully's parents unless you know them very well and can predict their reaction. The conflict may quickly be taken to a new level, parental level and make life more difficult for everyone, including the teachers.

2. Talk to teachers first. If you feel that they are not caring, talk to the headmaster but first to the class teacher.

3. If your brother says that he is not being bullied, tell him your story and let him know that you are there if he needs you and that you know what to do if he needs help. Build trust.

4. Don't confront the alleged bullies without his consent. You may be projecting your fears and confront the wrong ones and thus create a problem that wasn't there in the first place. And you will make him trust you less if you do something behind his back.

5. Having in mind that your brother now knows that he can count on you, trust that he will find his way just like you did. It made you stronger. And he is better off than you were because you have reassured him of your support which you didn't have.

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Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 11:54am On Jul 13, 2016
Mindfulness:
1. Never speak to the bully's parents unless you know them very well and can predict their reaction. The conflict may quickly be taken to a new level, parental level and make life more difficult for everyone, including the teachers.

2. Talk to teachers first. If you feel that they are not caring, talk to the headmaster but first to the class teacher.

3. If your brother says that he is not being bullied, tell him your story and let him know that you are there if he needs you and that you know what to do if he needs help. Build trust.

4. Don't confront the alleged bullies without his consent. You may be projecting your fears and confront the wrong ones and thus create a problem that wasn't there in the first place. And you will make him trust you less if you do something behind his back.

5. Having in mind that your brother now knows that he can count on you, trust that he will find his way just like you did. It made you stronger. And he is better off than you were because you have reassured him of your support which you didn't have.

Thanks for this amazing contribution bro, but the problem is...The teachers keep saying they'll look into it, but I'm not seeing any assuring move being made by them.... To make things worse, my brother is a very soft person and that kind of pisses me off, he cries over matters that i dont think a guy should (he's still young though), i've tried talking him into saying if there's a bully disturbing him but he just says there's none and i keep seeing signs that he's being bullied...wtf.... i really dont know but if it continues like this, then he'll have to find a way out by himself just like i did.
But how do we tackle bullying in general so others dont suffer the same fate
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 11:59am On Jul 13, 2016
GloryIsaac:


Thanks for this amazing contribution bro, but the problem is...The teachers keep saying they'll look into it, but I'm not seeing any assuring move being made by them.... To make things worse, my brother is a very soft person and that kind of pisses me off, he cries over matters that i dont think a guy should (he's still young though), i've tried talking him into saying if there's a bully disturbing him but he just says there's none and i keep seeing signs that he's being bullied...wtf.... i really dont know but if it continues like this, then he'll have to find a way out by himself just like i did.
But how do we tackle bullying in general so others dont suffer the same fate

I am a sis.

You are in the best position to tell how. wink

I think talking to your brother is the best you can do. Don't be harsh on him. Make him trust you and let him know your story and that he can count on you. He will ask for help if the pressure becomes too much for him but don't force anything. Have some faith in him, it will make him confident. Don't be overprotective.

I remember the time when I was in primary school. There was this boy who was very violent and everyone was scared of him (he ended up in jail later). One day he threatened to beat me up. He came after me and I was faster than a super jet. I came home and told my father about it. My dad went after this boy. From this day on, the boy declared himself to protect me if needed. grin
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by mrwonlasewonie: 12:28pm On Jul 13, 2016
Was a victim I secondary school too just like you and so I had a school mother but she only protected me temporarily but as soon as she graduated the bullying became worse because I was in jss3.the protection was only from jss1-jss2.when I got to jss3 had another school father and also told him about the bullying then he introduced me into weed.the weed made me very high bold and happy. Everyone suddenly became ants.when the bullies came again to try me thinking I was still the same person I can't even explain the boldness I had that made me put knife inside my school bag because I knew I will face them

As soon as they started calling me names and taunting me my face became something else.they looked so tiny before me and then I brought out knife in class everyone ran because they saw another different person in me.one wanted to try me and of course i attacked her with the knife on her arm's,her screaming attracted the teachers attention .I was given suspension for a week and then called back. Mumsi dealt with me at home and was upset that I couldn't confide in her but as soon as I resumed school that was the end of bullying for me. My motto became bully the bully.violence ends violence, violence ends verbal assaults and that's why I am pro jungle justice
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 12:57pm On Jul 13, 2016
Mindfulness:


I am a sis.

You are in the best position to tell how. wink

I think talking to your brother is the best you can do. Don't be harsh on him. Make him trust you and let him know your story and that he can count on you. He will ask for help if the pressure becomes too much for him but don't force anything. Have some faith in him, it will make him confident. Don't be overprotective.

I remember the time when I was in primary school. There was this boy who was very violent and everyone was scared of him (he ended up in jail later). One day he threatened to beat me up. He came after me and I was faster than a super jet. I came home and told my father about it. My dad went after this boy. From this day on, the boy declared himself to protect me if needed. grin


Oops, My bad grin...

You see, exactly what i'm saying, your dad dealt with the boy by himself and not some 'teacher help me' stuff and it gave him the result he wanted.. this just makes me think beating the bully up will end this issue smiley ....

And you know why i ended my story with 'The hunter became the hunted'
B'cos the bullies didn't just run away at the sight of a built body and all that stuff, i had to beat sense into them to acknowlegde that there has been a change of power....... So does that now mean that violence is the only way out ... Besides, by the time you start encouraging victims to hit the gym, you start hearing all those '6 cars, 6 packs' bullsh!t ... and you dont expect a JS1 boy to hit the gym, right ?
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 1:07pm On Jul 13, 2016
mrwonlasewonie:
Was a victim I secondary school too just like you and so I had a school mother but she only protected me temporarily but as soon as she graduated the bullying became worse because I was in jss3.the protection was only from jss1-jss2.when I got to jss3 had another school father and also told him about the bullying then he introduced me into weed.the weed made me very high bold and happy. Everyone suddenly became ants.when the bullies came again to try me thinking I was still the same person I can't even explain the boldness I had that made me put knife inside my school bag because I knew I will face them

As soon as they started calling me names and taunting me my face became something else.they looked so tiny before me and then I brought out knife in class everyone ran because they saw another different person in me.one wanted to try me and of course i attacked her with the knife on her arm's,her screaming attracted the teachers attention .I was given suspension for a week and then called back. Mumsi dealt with me at home and was upset that I couldn't confide in her but as soon as I resumed school that was the end of bullying for me. My motto became bully the bully.violence ends violence, violence ends verbal assaults and that's why I am pro jungle justice


Introduced you into weed shocked , But this is exactly what i'm saying, why must violence be the only escape plan?, isn't there another way of ending it without violence , i dont support JJ though, just that NPF makes it look like the best option sad.
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by mrwonlasewonie: 2:08pm On Jul 13, 2016
GloryIsaac:


Introduced you into weed shocked , But this is exactly what i'm saying, why must violence be the only escape plan?, isn't there another way of ending it without violence , i dont support JJ though, just that NPF makes it look like the best option sad.
yes because he was in ss3 and iF he graduates who will protect me because I can't keep trusting in people or looking for protection in people all the time. So a once timid little girl became an aggressor.

Solution is confide in him share your own story and help him admit that he's a victim of bullying. He may be ashamed of admitting it.however I still stand on my words that violence for violence brings peace
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by mrwonlasewonie: 2:23pm On Jul 13, 2016
slyIsaac:
what canai say... it toughened me up.... got me to know it aint a pretty world out there..... grin

i'll advice a parent not to help his kid fight back... but teach him to fight back wink.....................the right way.










dont ask me the right way cos ion know..... left for i'll kick the bully in nuts grin
there's nothing good about bullying. Not everyone can cope or endure the traumatic effects of bullying. It affects the self esteem of a child and the grades.

When I was being bullied my grades reduced drastically. I became very depressed and isolated. Some people cannot handle depression and resort to suicide

The negative effects outweighs the positive because it's either you become a bully yourself OR you suffer depression, paranoia, suicidal tendencies or you take solace in alchol,excessive eating or raping or other deviant practices
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 8:06pm On Jul 13, 2016
mrwonlasewonie:
yes because he was in ss3 and iF he graduates who will protect me because I can't keep trusting in people or looking for protection in people all the time. So a once timid little girl became an aggressor.

Solution is confide in him share your own story and help him admit that he's a victim of bullying. He may be ashamed of admitting it.however I still stand on my words that violence for violence brings peace

You're female shocked.. cant believe you could bring knife to school cheesy Well, from the different experiences of people here, it seems violence is the only way out.. smh...
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Richy4(m): 8:56pm On Jul 13, 2016
OP The present parents u were talking about also did the same thing to their younger ones.

I was in dorm. from JS1-SS3, unfortunately for me, i was hated by my seniors...According to what i was told by one of my school father, his mates said that i was arrogant from birth....I did not know where that came from....Just because i hated it when they give me a note to go and deliver to a girl in female hostel...Some times the note could even be for a female class mate of mine...So l usually argue so that they can punish me instead of going to the female hostel...

When we entered SS1, The matter changed...the new slogan became "oh because u guys are putting on trousers now, u think we are now mates"

I love dormitory those days but i wish i did not have the kind of seniors that i had....i ran into one of the horrible ones at uni ones with my friends.. he smiled thinking i was gonna acknowledge him, I totally hit the ignore button...Though i felt bad after.....

I think bullying could be minimized but i do not think it can be stopped because no one knows the mind set of a potential bully...
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 9:03pm On Jul 13, 2016
GloryIsaac:


Oops, My bad grin...

You see, exactly what i'm saying, your dad dealt with the boy by himself and not some 'teacher help me' stuff and it gave him the result he wanted.. this just makes me think beating the bully up will end this issue smiley ....

And you know why i ended my story with 'The hunter became the hunted'
B'cos the bullies didn't just run away at the sight of a built body and all that stuff, i had to beat sense into them to acknowlegde that there has been a change of power....... So does that now mean that violence is the only way out ... Besides, by the time you start encouraging victims to hit the gym, you start hearing all those '6 cars, 6 packs' bullsh!t ... and you dont expect a JS1 boy to hit the gym, right ?

My father was asked to help and my father didn't beat up the boy but scared him. It was enough to stay away from me but it didn't stop him to bully others.
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 9:30pm On Jul 13, 2016
Mindfulness:


My father was asked to help and my father didn't beat up the boy but scared him. It was enough to stay away from me but it didn't stop him to bully others.

Hmm, i think i'll do same thing your dad did, only problem is junior bro doesn't want to open up ... smh..
Btw, Will love it if you vote Vizkiz in the upcoming Mr NL contest, Can you do that for me? smiley...
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by mrwonlasewonie: 9:45pm On Jul 13, 2016
GloryIsaac:


You're female shocked.. cant believe you could bring knife to school cheesy Well, from the different experiences of people here, it seems violence is the only way out.. smh...
yes o.because crying, sulking, cringing etc will not solve anything. Violence for violence will.there's Even an addage that says war brings peace. There are bullies every where not only in secondary schools. There are bullies in every stage and facet of your life.Even at work there are bullies so secondary school is the best training ground to devise you own defence mechanism from bullies and once you can get them off your back at that stage when you get to university work environment etc you'll know how to deal with them.

I don't believe in involving parents. They will just deal with it at the surface level and when they go the bullying will still continue. More so tjey cannot follow you to work or university so why involve them.

As per the knife yes o I brought it to school and hid it inside MY bag in between my note book

Even the bible said the violent taketh it by force
bullies don't care about how sad you feel,they only derive pleasure in seeing you miserable
tears don't move them and they have no mercy hence violence begeth violence. When violence meets violence trust me peace will reign

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Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 10:12pm On Jul 13, 2016
mrwonlasewonie:
yes o.because crying, sulking, cringing etc will not solve anything. Violence for violence will.there's Even an addage that says war brings peace. There are bullies every where not only in secondary schools. There are bullies in every stage and facet of your life.Even at work there are bullies so secondary school is the best training ground to devise you own defence mechanism from bullies and once you can get them off your back at that stage when you get to university work environment etc you'll know how to deal with them.

I don't believe in involving parents. They will just deal with it at the surface level and when they go the bullying will still continue. More so tjey cannot follow you to work or university so why involve them.

As per the knife yes o I brought it to school and hid it inside MY bag in between my note book

Even the bible said the violent taketh it by force
bullies don't care about how sad you feel,they only derive pleasure in seeing you miserable
tears don't move them and they have no mercy hence violence begeth violence. When violence meets violence trust me peace will reign

Woah!, you're not changing your stance on this cheesy i'm patiently gonn' wait until my bro opens up, then we'll tackle the issue since people here dont think i should act behind his back sad.... Dont forget to vote Vizkiz shaa wink
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by spawnx: 11:25pm On Jul 13, 2016
You can teach your ward some form of martial arts. Martial arts trains the body and mind.
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nyceguy92: 12:35am On Jul 14, 2016
Apart from name calling, taunting, and physical rough-handling, I regard deprivation also as bullying.
Or what do you think of some senior students or a few bad boys in the dormitory depending on junior students' beverages and other personal possessions.
Refusal to bring your tea, milk, sugar, etc attracts punishment, usually kneeling down in his/her corner, or get under the bed.

It is difficult to do, but if the child can ignore the name calling and taunting, that's best solution because the bullying stops if it does not produce the desired effect.
Seriously, the house masters, teachers, principals, headmasters , and the PTA all have a big role to play in stopping the bullying.
This is especially if they act on every reported case, investigate and punish accordingly, including expulsion.

After everything, the best thing to do to minimise the effect of bullying is to prepare the child's mind in a way that does not scare or raise fear.
Tell him or her what happens (not to every child, anyway) and when and who to report if it becomes persistent or aggravated.

Parents should also go to the school, if need be, to "chat" with the school authority.
Give a stern warning if you can against further molestation.
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Neverquit(f): 1:27am On Jul 14, 2016
GloryIsaac, if he does not confide in you, sign him up for martial arts or enroll him in a gym/boxing ring.

The above suggestions will help in building and boosting his self esteem and confidence.

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Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 5:43am On Jul 14, 2016
Neverquit:
GloryIsaac, if he does not confide in you, sign him up for martial arts or enroll him in a gym/boxing ring.

The above suggestions will help in building and boosting his self esteem and confidence.

Woah! shocked , you dont expect a JS1 start gyming at this stage, right?
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 5:47am On Jul 14, 2016
spawnx:
You can teach your ward some form of martial arts. Martial arts trains the body and mind.

He's my bro, and i dont even know Martial Arts not to mention teaching someone else, and he's in JS1 sad
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by Nobody: 5:52am On Jul 14, 2016
Nyceguy92:
Apart from name calling, taunting, and physical rough-handling, I regard deprivation also as bullying.
Or what do you think of some senior students or a few bad boys in the dormitory depending on junior students' beverages and other personal possessions.
Refusal to bring your tea, milk, sugar, etc attracts punishment, usually kneeling down in his/her corner, or get under the bed.

It is difficult to do, but if the child can ignore the name calling and taunting, that's best solution because the bullying stops if it does not produce the desired effect.
Seriously, the house masters, teachers, principals, headmasters , and the PTA all have a big role to play in stopping the bullying.
This is especially if they act on every reported case, investigate and punish accordingly, including expulsion.

After everything, the best thing to do to minimise the effect of bullying is to prepare the child's mind in a way that does not scare or raise fear.
Tell him or her what happens (not to every child, anyway) and when and who to report if it becomes persistent or aggravated.

Parents should also go to the school, if need be, to "chat" with the school authority.
Give a stern warning if you can against further molestation.

You speak like one who went through the boarding school, Kudos, not easy at all....
The problem is, those who are meant to tackle it are not doing so and it's worrisome, thats why most people bring up violence as the only option available

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Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by mrwonlasewonie: 6:06am On Jul 14, 2016
GloryIsaac:


Woah!, you're not changing your stance on this cheesy i'm patiently gonn' wait until my bro opens up, then we'll tackle the issue since people here dont think i should act behind his back sad.... Dont forget to vote Vizkiz shaa wink
o yes and my philosophy which I agree with Tyler on is that wink

Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by mrwonlasewonie: 6:12am On Jul 14, 2016
GloryIsaac:


You speak like one who went through the boarding school, Kudos, not easy at all....
The problem is, those who are meant to tackle it are not doing so and it's worrisome, thats why most people bring up violence as the only option available
your deliverance from bullying is in your fists and mouth wink

Many teachers, house mistress are unbothererd or lackadasical when it comes to protecting students from bullies.they don't care except if your parents give them money steadily

Moreso if you keep reporting bullying the headmistress Will only warn him casually. No stern enforcement will be made against bullying and it's not as if your headmistress is living with you
Re: How Do We Tackle Bullying In Our Secondary Schools? by mrwonlasewonie: 6:15am On Jul 14, 2016
GloryIsaac:


Woah! shocked , you dont expect a JS1 start gyming at this stage, right?
jss1 IS not too small. That's the best and perfect age to take him to the gym if you really want to help him so that you don't one day see a suicide note OR he abused drugs

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